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The Love Game

Question Posted Saturday April 9 2005, 12:27 am

15 F

I have a question about dating/love.
I mean, whats the point? You date, you "fall in love", you break up, your heart is broken. I don't believe that love exists among teens. They all go around saying I love you to the first person they meet without ever actaully knowing what it feels like. I've done it, I admit and when I said "I love you" I knew I didn't mean it. I only said so because he said it first. I always told myself that I would never say those 3 words unless I really thought I was "In Love". I broke the promise that I had with myself and i'm starting to think that love is just a word that everyone throws around. I mean IS there really true love? Everyone is so wrapped up in having a boy/girl friend do they ever see the pattern they make? All the tears and confusion. Is it worth it when your only 15? Why can't all the hormones be turned off until were considered a adult? Seriously.


Feedback is all I desire but do try to sound just bit intelligent in your answers. Don't make me wonder if the schooling system is failing too.


[ Answer this question ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?

mylinhthan answered Wednesday April 20 2005, 1:49 pm:
AG -

It's funny because I thought exactly the same way you did when I was in high school. I saw my friends go through "assembly line dating" like you mentioned. Fall for a guy, date him, break up, mourn, move on.

But yes there is true love. There really isn't a definite way to explain it, hell, there isn't even a definite meaning to it, but I'll give my relationship as an example.

I never looked into getting a boyfriend, ever. Seeing the heartbreak that surrounded me constantly, if anything, I feared love! I wanted to save myself up until college to date, where people are mature and begin to know what they want in a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I was only 16 at the time when I met my current boyfriend. Like I said, I was not looking for a relationship, and we started out as friends. The day he asked me out, I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I really liked him, but even so, I was keeping myself rom getting hurt. However, he said that he'd wait all those years just to be with me. I put his word to the test and it was a good two months until I agreed to date him. Why, because he was committed to being with me to wait two months for a definite answer. He was also committed to opening me up (I was a REALLY shy girl) and being with me that he didn't speak to any other girl during those two months. He is able to accept me for who I am, flaws and all, and is committed to loving me and being with me.

We've been together almost three years now, and yes I can say that I do love him (he is also my first boyfriend). The reason why we've been together so long is because we fulfill what we want out of our ideal boyfriend and girlfriend. Every relationship has it's trials and tribulations, but the fact that we are able to stick it out because we mean so much to each other to make it work, is love...even at 16.

The "I love you" phrase is sometimes underrated like you said where people misuse it and toss it around casually. It really varies from person to person on whether love is really worth it. If you meet the right person, and you yourself know what you want out of a relationship and are committed to it, true love CAN exist, regardless of age.

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Asc answered Saturday April 9 2005, 4:35 am:

Love. True love, to be specific. Horay.
It seems possible to me that there is no such thing and that it's merely a concept created by stories; "they were boinking like bunnies" has less narrative power than "theirs was a love deep and true". I believe that I have never seen or felt it. I can imagine such a feeling, but I feel doubt that it exists in practice.

Now, my perspective on this is weighted. I don't /like/ people. I feel best when I'm alone, and I am never lonely or bored when alone. I've had two girlfriends, one of which was a great girl. Could hardly have been better, in fact. They both cause/d me unparralelled misery; they "fall in love" and I don't, and I can't stand to be around them after a while, and I'm to wussy to hurt them by breaking up. And sex sucks. Not only does it waste time, but they want to cuddle and talk and **** after. Ugh. I've sworn off permanently. Unless someone panders to one of my many fetishes and there's an understanding that it's a one time thing, but the chances of that ever happening are negligible. :p

[/rant] Been needing to say that for a long time.

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HyperactiveMiss answered Saturday April 9 2005, 3:03 am:
I answered a question somewhat like this before, and I'm going to say it again for you.

When I was fourteen, which was just a few months ago, I really thought relationships before college were stupid and I found myself always annoyed when I heard students saying "I love you" to their boyfriend/girlfriend. There's no point if you're going to break up anyway and move on right?

Hmm...well...since then my views have changed. I do believe I am in love. My boyfriend took me out of my own depression and emptiness, and I did the same for him. He makes me feel beautiful and everything the opposite of what I used to think about myself. I never feel lonely. And even if this isn't real love, it's still the best thing I've had. I'm glad to experience it. You know what's funny? I also made that promise a long time never say "I love you" to a boy until I was "old". But then I realized...I DO love my boyfriend. Even if he wasn't my boyfriend I would still love him as my bestfriend. So boyfriend or not, I'm crazy about him. This world is so full of hatred and all of that junk. I think it's worth the risk of telling someone you love them, appreciated them, and admire them, rather than always wondering for the rest of your life if you should have told them how you felt.

Even if your relationship doesn't work out, think of it this way, at least you gained experience and you are one step closer to finding your soul mate. You never would have experienced these things without your boyfriend would you? Even if you are not together forever, at least you helped each other out through the hard times. If no one ever dated until we were in our 30's I think we'd all be clueless about dating and clueless about what we want. Plus, life is short. Maybe not, but reality is, you never really know if there is a tomorrow.

I DO think it is POSSIBLE to fall in love at a young age. That does NOT mean it will last forever though and it does NOT mean you WILL find true love. It is only a possiblity. Love is definitely an overused word that has lost a lot of meaning to many people, but that doesn't mean it is impossible for anyone young to be in love.

Dating is about experience and bonding with someone and finding out what you need and want. You won't always find love at first, but it is better to have gained the experience than to not have at all.

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freun989 answered Saturday April 9 2005, 2:04 am:
I've had a girlfriend for a little over a week and a half, not long I know, but I don't plan on those three words appearing in our relationship for a long long time... if ever. I always tell her how much I like her because I KNOW true love is not incorporated in high school relationships. True love in my eyes, is a relationship where you feel totally open, honest, and respectful of each other. Along with many other things. Sometimes married couples are not truly in love. They have this false sense in them thinking they are, but it all falls apart. Now that I think about it, I don't think true love is really alive in society today. "Friends with benefits" and "hook-ups" make acts like sex among things, not a timeless bond between two people. I am sure as heck not a religious person by all means, but I do feel losing your virginity under the age of 22 is morally wrong. With all the alcohol and parties in high school and college, love just cannot exist. Once you and your partner actually live with each other and experience life outside of a school campus, most couples will find themselves at each other's throats. The level at which sexual activity and "relationship hopping" (as I call it) exist in teenagers and America's youth in general, I believe true love cannot evolve between two people.

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karenR answered Saturday April 9 2005, 1:45 am:
I've been married for thirty years so of course I think there is such a thing! But among teens, I know what you mean. They say they are in love with guy's they've never even been out with yet.
All those hormones do make being a teen rough. Emotions are all over the place most of the time.
You seem to be more mature than some. You'll get through it okay. Love is a word that is thrown around way to much and for all the wrong reasons. Probably most of the time to justify behavior. Have fun but keep your head on straight! :)

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kevin1986 answered Saturday April 9 2005, 1:31 am:
To practice for later life so you can have good sex and overpopulate the world. Everybody sucks at sex at some point in their life. Might as well be now. There is no point to dating;when you're 14 or 15, God knows who'll you'll marry. People do it to have sex. God's natural instinct is to reproduce. Hell, let's do it. The hormones cant be turned off b/c this is God's big joke. Why is chocolate ice cream fatteing but brocholi is great for you. Ice cream tastes better so it's easy to get fat. The moral: crack kills.

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CheRRy_CoCoNuT89 answered Saturday April 9 2005, 12:46 am:
OMG thank god ur not the only one who tinks like that! seriously there is juss absolutely NO such thing a love at this age...i am come on probably like 5% find love in high school and 1% actually stay together forever! i think u mite have some really strong feelings for a guy but not "love" yeah i once said it buh eh felt soo wrong at the end i told him i juss really liked him...come on guys we're only 15!, take your time to fine Mr. right! for now juss have fun wit guys!


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