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Relationship Crisis
I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with my boyfriend lately. I've been with him almost 6 years and we have 1 child together, our 1 year old son. My boyfriend is usually an all around nice guy who is family oriented and fun to be with. He is a dedicated worker and family man. But lately he seems self-destructive. Keep in mind he works two jobs so he is working 17 hours 5 days a week which he's been doing over a year now. He gets NO sleep, maybe 2 hours a night. That could be what's getting to him. But he is unwilling to make a change. I told him he either needs depression medication or a job change or both. So he's been extremely mean to me lately, turning everything I say upside down and picking fights with me in front of our son. He seems to not be caring about anything and he's so cold and hard inside. I prefer not to say exactly what, but he's been getting into something substance related, he's having like a relapse of our old party days or something, he's got the wrong friends. He actually took something out in front of our child and I had to pull him from his high chair and take him in the other room. He's like, "what, he doesn't know what's going on." and I'm like, "it' doesn't matter it's the act." Also, he smokes cigarettes and I hate cigarettes and we have an agreement not to smoke in the house. But he's been smoking in here anyway after I go to bed. I don't believe me and my child should have to suffer for his bad habit, he should take it outside. He knows my wishes but goes behind my back anyways. He would normally never do this. I'm not a mean girlfriend, just a good mother. So this is totally not normally him and I don't understand what is happening here. All he does is bitch about life and say how he's going to die early and stuff and I'm so sick of it now. He never wants to do anything anymore with us as family. I don't want our son growing up in this environment, but also, I really love and care about my boyfriend and know that something deep inside him is really wrong and I would hate to turn my back on him, but am tempted to kick him the fuck out, he's really pressing my buttons, it's like he's seeing how far I will go with this. Also, our sex life is nothing to complain about, just so you know. Is this something we may be able to get passed or is this an ending he has created and he's going to lose everything that's good in his life? I know it's up to him to make a change, but how much should I take? Once it's over with us, that's it, it's over, that's why I am putting off the end until whatever sets me off, sets me off. Please help.
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I think your boyfriend has to realise how much you and your son mean to him. Because he is so tired and exhausted he is getting low and perhaps seems an easy target for his old friends to reappear and give him something to 'help take all his problems away'. This obviously is not what he really wants but he's still sticking with it for now. I bet you cook and clean for him? If he doesn't talk to you then you have to take drastic action. Don't end it yet or kick him out. Have you got a friend or family you could go and stay with for a week or maybe two? By doing this you will give him time on his own to, not only realise what a mistake he's making by getting into the drugs but also how much he depends on you without realising it. He will be lonely and he will want you back and its only then that he will realise what an asshole he is being. I don't think he can realise this with you around. Obviously talk to him about it first or if he doesn't listen, write him a letter. You can meet up during the week for lunch or dinner and talk about things, without the baby, and see if its helping and to see if he is coming to his senses. After the week/2 weeks he will realise how upset he's made you and you will be able to make up your mind about how you feel in the relationship.
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I have had problems with insomnia in the past (I work as a night porter in a restaurant, and i think i might actually be nocturnal) and 2 hours of sleep is NOT ENOUGH. Experts think that one night of sleep deprivation (less than six hours)can mess up your body clock for upto a week. 2 hours a night makes you edgy and paranoid, and inexplicably self- destructive and melancholy. You cant think straight- heck, you cant think at all. He needs a long period of R and R, and you need to tell him so. Otherwise he'll just get worse, and the situation could get ugly.
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He sounds like the responsiblity of keeping his family is really stressing him out. Both of you need counseling now. If he won't go, you go anyway. If you can afford to go to work and help it out that might help; but he is doing everything to get you to get rid of him, and it's working. Have you tried talking to him to see if you can do anything to make him feel better? Losing sleep, doing drugs, and working all the time are definitely not good. It's like he is trying to be gone as much as is possible.
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Sounds like everything jsut seems to be building up on him and he's dealing with it he best he can. Like said somewhere below he really needs to go and take a holiday- a break from real life to relax and forget his problems for a while. He's really stressed so its nothing you have done but a combination of things. Stress is your killer. Get him to talk some more and find ways of releasing his stress there are a number of ways but the best would be a holiday an escape from life. Just be careful that if he keeps acting like this he might start getting depression which isn't any good at all. Just make him talk to you about his problems, try to help him with stress and make him take a break from it all jsut for a few days. With any luck he will come back rejuenevaed and the same old man ready to deal with life with a fresh outlook
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I really want you to stay with him. He sounded like such a great guy until this working got to him. When he comes home from work, take him aside so you can have a deep conversation. Tell him you love him very much and you only want what's best. Ask him to go to the doctor for treatment. Suggest for him to find a different job with less hours. Tell him how he's behavior has effected your family. You need to connect with the man inside that you fell in love with. If he agrees after your discussion, make arrangements. If he still pushes you away, this may be the signal to kick him out. I really hope it doesn't end like that, though. Without him you'd be a single parent and you would have to work or find some other way to get money. Please, try your hardest at getting him to go out and receive help. It's the best thing for him, you, and your child. Good luck =)
..laura..
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I hope I help,
Yea sometimes Guys Don't like to talk bout there problems and want advices. Maybe its lot of stress over work and helping takeing care son. there lot of Resonblties (sorry bad spelling) I know I don't know what your going through but I do see it. maybe you to take your son to babysitter or somethin and go somewhere where have brake times and he do need sleep. my step dad had sleep dicorders where you don't get enought sleep or can't sleep can couse lot of things. maybe talking to him rest more and maybe could get job sheadul change make it work better for both of you.
I try my best give advice this is my frist time.
Hope I help. oh yea it not good fight from of your son. maybe go somewhere have a talk...
If I didn't give right advice pls dont be mad becouse i hope this what ur asking for..
have nice hoilday
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E-Mail me At tim990hcm@aol.com please and tell me the sudstance and i can tell u what is wrong and do it by 8:00 to night
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I respect this guy for working extremely hard hours. You were right when you told him he needs depression meds and/or a job change. He should go in to see a doctor. If hes willing to see a doctor or a counselor or anything, i think things could clear up. This IS something you can overcome, but it will take yours and his efforts to do so. I really think your bf wants help so the family can be happy again and your child can grow up in the right enviroment.If your bf didnt care, he wouldnt be working those long hard hours. Have a long talk with him..maybe fix a candlelit dinner for when he comes home one night. Give him some good back rubs..and soothe him. Then talk about how stressed he is and how your concerned etc. and that he should see a doc. or a counselor about meds.
To answer your question about how long you should put up with this for...well, try what I advised to you and if your really getting nowhere after weeks and weeks, then think about leaving him. But if he begins to make progress, stick by him.
best of luck to you,him, and your child
-melissa
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Whoa, what a change he has made, first off him workin 17 hour work days, then only sleeping for 2 hours and then still supposed to be a "family man" and physically be there with you and yall's child is alot on him. {im not saying he shouldnt be expected to be there with yall as much as possible, but simply that this is alot on any one} Try and help him find another job with lesser hours and maybe even you working to help loosen his work load if that's possible. Also, yea I would see about gettin him some help, like first off, someone for him to talk to...You may not realize exactly how much pressure there is on him to support his family and still be there with you all. A little depression medicine might do him some good. Talk to him but not in a way that he feel's backed in a corner. let him know how much you love him and that you want him to get some help and that no matter how much you love a person, there's only so much that you can take. maybe that will get him to get the help he needs. My advice? He don't change and soon, show him the door.
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