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shes dating a jerk
ok to understand my question here is what happened before...Sorry it is long!!!
my friend kristina is dating this guy named richard. Well they dated for about 1 year before breaking up because he is constantly a jerk to her. He was possesive and always jealous. When she would talk to her friends while talking to him he would flip out and he would flip out if she talked to other guys. Well, many times before she wanted to break up with him but he would always say he loved her so much and that he would change but he never did. Even her parents hated himZ Well, right before school started he wanted to get back together with her. (**Me and Kristina talked every day**)She wasnt sure if she should because of how he used to treat her. I kept telling her not to because she would only get hurt again. Well, she is dating him now and she totally changed. SHe never talks to me or her best friend Kayliee anymore. We both said that if she keeps this up that when she needs we might not be there anymore. What can I do to make her see what is going on and that he is a jerk without hurting her feelings or anything.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
i know what your going thru, well actually i know how kristina is dealing with everything, and she should really talk to her bf about her friends that she needs to hang out with every once in a while and still keep in contact with you and kayliee. in the end she will realize how she was being a jerk to both of you girls. call her up one night with kayliee and just talk to her about things, or in classes or after school, just try to sit her down and talk things with her. x0
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if you've ever seen the movie Saving Silverman, you'll understand my advice more...
In the movie, the guy's fiance Judith is making him not hang out with his friends. So his friends try to show him what Judith is doing. They make a chart, labeled "Fun Meter". One bar show "Fun Before Judith", which is very high. And the other bar shows "Fun With Judith" which is very low, practically not there at all.
You could try this and show her that she is in fact not spending as much time with you as she did before she got back together with this guy. Show her that he is keeping her from her friends. Just saying "Kristina, he's a jerk" is not gonna work. You have to SHOW her. If you have to tie her to a chair and give her examples, so be it. Tell her how many times she has ditched you and the other friend in the past week or something. Be like "Friday, you turned us down for the movies, Saturday, you didnt want to go to the mall with us, Sunday, blah blah blah blah blah and all that jazz. You get my drift.. or at least you should by now lol.
Well, hope i helped you. And good luck~ ~*stefanie
oh, and if that doesnt work, then you could try my tried and true method: Open a can of whoopass.
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i think it might be necessary to hurt her feelings to get her to understand.
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Kristina is probably very confused on what to do now. Richard is saying how much he loves her, but is also keeping her away from her friends. She is accepting what this guy is doing to her, which is not a good thing. Kristina may not accept what you need to say to her, but it's dire she hears it from you. Tell her you really think he's a jerk and he's hurt her too much. Let her know that she shouldn't let him control her like this. Kristina is so caught up in his tangled web of lies she will likely be upset and confused. If she doesn't believe you, don't think your words were useless. I bet right after you have the conversation she will think to herself about what you're saying. Kristina will realize inside how he really makes her feel. She's going to figure out everything on her own. Kristina is not hanging out with her friends anymore because he's such a jealous person. She's trying to steer clear from all the things about him that hurt her and go for the better things. He says he loves her, but if he really loved her he wouldn't be so controlling of her and her own life. Give it time. Sooner or later her sensitivity will drop and they will go their own way. You're a good friend for caring about Kristina's feelings, but I think she's going to learn this lesson in life by herself. =)
//laura
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-the same thing happened to me-i had a b/f-i couldnt talk to another guy with out him flipping out on me-and for a year while i was dating him-i changed too-but when i saw how bad my life was getting i finaly put it to an end-but then when i went to go back to my friends-sum of them werent there-and it took my a while to find out y that had left my side-it rlly hurt-so rlly all i can say-is you dont have to hangout with her-but every1 makes mistakes-and you have to let people learn from their own mistakes-so you need to be there for her when she needs you--
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Kristina is probably in a state of confusion. This guy she is dating says he loves her so much, but at that same time he is the one who is making her change and isolating her from everyone, right? Some guys take the relationship too far. You and I both understand that if Kristina has changed dramatically and only talks to her boyfriend she needs to get out of this relationship right away.
There is no way to break the news easily to her, it will hurt her feelings and might even offend her if you talk badly about this guy. But you should, because she needs to hear it from you since you are a good friend to her. She probably already knows that she is being pushed around, so that probably will not be new to her. The reason she is staying with him? She's scared. That is most likely why she is with him and not leaving. Tell her how she changed..before and afters. Example: How she talked to you everyday and now she questions if she should even talk to you because she might get in trouble. I think that you both should still remain there for her. Simply because she is your friend but she is going through a hard time right now. Be there when she needs you. If she keeps dating him she will lose her friends, and if she finally got over him and moved on, could you imagine what it would be like without any friends to come back to? I know this might be hard for you to understand, but put yourself in her position. She will be so thankful you have stayed by her side through the rought times. That is, afterall, what friends are for.
I have been through what she has. So, I do know how hard it is to break away from someone so demanding as he is. It really takes a lot of work, and you have to be strong. I knew that it was wrong of me to stay with the guy I was with who was abusive. I still stayed out of fear. It took me a year to realize that you need to make yourself happy and put yourself first in times like these. Maybe if you let her know that she needs to do this for herself. She wouldn't want to live in fear for the rest of her life or be pushed down by somebody else telling her what she can and can not do. She will come through though, I did and I know that she can too if she really understands how much pain he causes her. He is saying he loves her and that he will change, but some guys never do change. He is very demanding and he should not confuse her by saying he loves her when he won't change for her. It is all a bunch of lies. If she wants to she can stay single and if he does change he can prove it to her at a later time.
You are a very good friend, and I'm sure she will be so lucky to have you there for her. You are doing the right thing by talking to her about it. But she might not listen, and you need to understand that she needs time to figure things out for herself. Sometimes the only way of getting through this is by experincing it for yourself, and that's what helped me. So let her go for a little, if it comes down to that. If she is a smart girl she will get herself out of this. If time passes and she still does not get the message you need to contact somebody who will help her. If you're still in highschool, teachers can help you, they learn how to get students help. So that mgiht be an idea. It's not safe...so please do whatever you can. You know she needs help and you're making an effort. That is really nice! Keep trying and stay sweet!
Love,
Mandee
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Well, you have to say what you have to say. Don't worry about hurting her feelings because later on she will understand and thank you. Just say what you feel and she might listen if she doesn't she will learn from the mistake or just live with it. But eventually she should come around and thank you. Good luck with that though.
Shannon
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