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Woe is Me--what do I do?
out of the kindness of our hearts my husband and I opened the door of our home to my son and his wife. (Just til they get back on their feet) its been 2 years and they are still here!!! My son won't keep a job and is lazy!! He will cook every now and then. Both my husband and I work. my problem is HOW DO I GET THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE?? they have nowhere to go. ITs been 2 years and the daughter-in-law has her first time to wash a dish or sweep a floor. She does not cook or clean.Does only their laundry(I usually have to put it in the dryer-so I can use machine) they pay no rent, nothing on electric(they use a personal electric heater in winter and air conditioner in summer) or water (I pay for city water by the gallon)they eat out a lot and go to the movies all the time...I can't because I can't afford it. so what do I do? how can I tackfully get them to leave? any advise will be appreciated.
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ok..do they have any kis..for if not cut the cord.
As long as you do for them they will never be independent.
Now you did what every parent would do. you wanted to help them Helping is for a certain time.
As he is not working then...if something happened to you..they would be homeless.
As for them not helping around the house..that is just plain wrong...
Give them a tie limit..stick to it..in the long run..it willbe better for them
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tell him that is about time to get a job and move from your home. now that he's married and should get his own place. or at least if he doesn't leave tell him tell him to help u out with the rent and other bills that money doesn't grow on tree. and the lazy of his wife should get a job or do all the house job is only fair. tell him is time to move out and get a job and support himself. tell him to stop being
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Dear mother,
Yes you are kind and generous, but you need to set limits. You also need to be vocal about these limits.
You are getting old and I'm sure you want to have some alone time with your husband after spending years and years of taking care of your son and now his wife.
He is married. It is no longer your responsibility to aid him financially. A few times is okay, but he has been taking advantage of your generous nature and you are letting him walk all over you.
I'm sorry, Mom, but there is no way you can do this tactfully.
I'm going to tell you what to do now, but it will be for your own good: You tell him that him and his wife have ONE [or TWO if you want to be that generous] month(s) to get a job and move out, or else they will have to pay rent for the room they are staying in, as well as their share of the bills, and groceries. Not to mention doing chores around the house.
If they don't comply with these wishes, then they will have to leave any way after ONE [or TWO] month(s) with or without a job. (You would be surprised at how motivated someone can get once they realize they'll be homeless.)
If you really want to make them understand, point out the fact that you and your husband deserve a rest and are not responsible for anyone but themselves anymore and that you are not a mat.
My apologies kind and generous mom, but if you try to do it 'tactfully', you'll just be feeding his laziness and his stomach. It will be a never-ending lesson.
He needs to learn to be responsible and tactful himself, so you have nothing to worry about.
It's life. We all learn such lessons at some point. He has a wife he needs to learn to take care of and vice-versa. You're no one's maid.
I know it may sound cruel, but it's for the better. (I emphasize on the 'It's for the better'.)
If he doesn't learn now, when will he ever learn? I'd certainly hope he isn't planning to stay with you and his dad until you both pass away. That's not such a great goal.
But really, when will he learn? Never, unless you take the proper action. Don't let your son and his wife take advantage of your kindness just because his your son and that's his wife. You've done a splendid job raising him and now it's his turn to raise himself.
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kick them out tell your son to get get his lazy ass of the sofa his has 1 week to get a job and keep no job boot him
if he gets a job 2months to get an apparment at the end of those 2 months boot him
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do they have jobs? maybe u should twll ur son that u love him very much but u cant pull all of the weight around the house, if they want to live in ur house then they need to get jobs and help out around the house, they are being disreaspectful to you and they are not greatful for what you do for them (well at least that is wht is seams like) you need to tell them to get jobs because u cant do everything for them you can only do so much and its getting out of hand now.
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MAKE THEM PAY! it's insane and you need to put your foot down. my dad told me that he had to pay rent to live with his parents ever since he was 18. its nice of you to let them live with you, but if its getting out of control, you DO have the right to kick them out! i would. im sure its easier said than done, but i wouldnt want 2 lazy people living in my house!
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Time for tough love. Tell them you love them, but that they need to start living their own lives, and it's time for them to move out. You may want to give them a deadline. Tell your son that he has so many months to get a job and then after that they'll have 6 months to arrange to move out. I'm sure they'll be able to find an apartment they can afford if they're both working. Good luck.
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hey..i would sit your son down..and tell his trifulling ass to get up and get a job and get on his feet....i know it sounds harsh but its been 2 years..and sometimes force is something you use to make things happen..am i wrong? thats way too long to be somewhere and trying ti get on your feet...im mean fo real..or do it the gentle way..talk to him about the situation and make sure he understands wut your saying..and tell him that he needs to be a man and move on..live his own life with his girlfriend..they way its supposed to be..and also that hes to old to be spoon feed by his parents..well theres ma insight on that one...good luck wit it..you naw mean?..peace!
--PinoyBoi
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we lived with my parants for a short time to get on our feet as well. My Mom and Dad did a great thing , we could not go out to anywhere , to quote my mom " If you have money to go out you have money to MOVE out Good luck!
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Unless you put your foot down they will continue to take advatntage of you. They may not even realize what a toll they are taking on you. Give them a deadline of how long they are welcome, and explaine that you can no longer afford to support them. Unless your son has a goal, he will not be motivated to find a job. Right now he has no reason to find a job. Why work if you have a free place to live? Continue to remind them as the deadline gets closer that they will be leaving and offer the help look for appartments. It's time to stop being so nice. Don't be afraid to hurt their feelings, because they are obviously not worried about your feelings. It's time for them to grow up.
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