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"Best friend" driving me crazy
Hey everyone, Siren here...I'm lost on this. Here's my shpiel:
This girl has been my best friend for around 13 years. Last year, I got a boyfriend and she got really clingy; called me every day wanting to hang out. It drove me nuts, but I think she stopped calling once she realized I wouldn't abandon her.
That was the start. Now, I never wanna hang with her anymore...Being around her bothers me, and I can't figure out why.
She sits with me and my choir friends at lunch, but she doesn't speak to them, only me, and when she does, it's off topic. She'll interrupt a convo I'm having with another friend to talk to me about something else and it's...grr. I feel like I wanna talk to her sometimes, but I almost don't want her to sit with us...
I know sometimes friendships die, but I really don't want to lose her, and I hate feeling like I don't wanna be around her. I used to tell her EVERYTHING, all my secrets...she used to know the most about me of any of my friends, but I stopped telling her because she doesn't seem to...care?
It might be that I grew up a lot, and she hasn't quite, but I'm not sure that's the only thing that's screwing up our friendship. I'm sixteen and a girl, she's seventeen, if that makes any sort of a difference.
What should I do about this? I asked my dad (he's a psychiatrist) and he didn't know what to do; neither did my mom...so I turn to y'all.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Well, since you and this girl have been friends for 13 years I think you should be able to talk to her about pretty much anything.so tell her how you feel, say you don't want to hurt her but you really think aren't ment to be friends anymore. Explain to her that you two are growing apart and becoming different. good luck!!!
*chels*
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Well, if a psychiatrist can't help, I guess there's not much of a chance that I can, but I'll give it a shot. This is a tough one, I'll have to think about it and get back to you when I'm thinking straight and not so tired... Oh well, I'll answer now. If I don't make sense it's because it's late.
Anyway, if the constant interuptions is all that annoys you, then I would tell her about it. I wouldn't seem too annoyed, just help her see it your way. If it's just her presence that annoys you, there's nothing you can do. You already know that there's often no escaping the death of a friendship, so you may just have to find a way to cope with not being her best friend anymore.
The increasing maturity gap you mentioned, I think, has a lot to do with this. Things that may still interest her, you may have already grown tired with. And her clinginess last year may have started a weirdness that still subconsciously exists between you two. I could go on and on about theories of why you two are growing distant, but that's not really important now is it? What's important is figuring out what to do now that the distance is here.
You may just have to accept that she has now become one of the annoying people you have to face. You could just wait for her to catch up to your maturity level, that is if she ever does. Whenever one of my friends or I am in a similar situation, we just bare through it. Since you don't see her as often, I don't think it would be much of a problem. Since your worried about losing her friendship, like LilMia811 said, there's always going to be a time when you may need her, or she you. I'm sure you'll never lose that. You can still tell her about something that's bothering you (well, maybe other than this) and I'm sure she'll at least listen. I doubt you'd ever lose that. And if you feel like you have, just talk to her about something that's bothering you. You might find that nothing's changed in that she's still someone you can tell things too.
Well, hopefully some of what I just said makes sense. I'm tired and off to bed. If you want to go more into detail with this situation with me you always can. I might make more sense later on, who knows.
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u need to confront her about these issues and tell her how u really feel about ur friendship truthfully and where its going!! tell her that u guys need to hangout with other people!! tell her u need space!!
*BeSs*
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well i had the same problem with my friend except i hadnt known her nearly as long as you have known your friend...but i had to cut my friendship i ended it because it wasnt healthy for me she stressed me otu soooo much and it just was not a good relationship...she cared only about herself and not me...but now i have a really close best friend that i never had a chance to hang out with cuz i was with my other friend...so i think you should just tell her that you cant be friends with her anymore...and you have otehr friends that you can hang out with so it wont be bad for you and hopefully it will reduce some of the stress or pain your having
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I've been through the same thing. And you're right, sometimes friends do grow up and seperate. maybe you are a little more mature than her and she just hasn't reached your level yet. If you really wanan keep her as a friend, you will give her some time to grow up and catch up with you. Eventually you will be able to understand eachother again. I know its hard right now though, dealing with her annoyingness and all, but it will all turn out good in the end, just give it some time. You guys have been friends for a long time, and theres gonna be a time when one of you are gonna need eachother so don't ruin your friendship.
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