My brother (he's 20) has been dating this girl (she's 22) for about 2 years on and off. The only reason they got together was because my brother found out he was the father of their now 3-year-old. They can never seem to stay together for more than 3 months at a time. But each and every single time they break up, they end up getting back together. They are together now and I found out today that he's going to ask her to marry him. The problem is this girl has caused nothing but problems for me & my family. I have an aunt who won’t even come to family gatherings if my brother's girlfriend will be there. She likes to cause problems and not a whole lot of people in my family even remotely like her. She's also had my brother thrown in jail for no reason at all when they were separated. How he can take her back after that is beyond me. I don't think she's good for him at all. I know he can do a lot better than her. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to see him marry this girl but I also want him to do what he thinks will make him happy. What do you guys think I should do? Sorry this was so long...
Additional info, added Saturday August 14 2004, 11:52 pm: While it may seem as though this all revolves around their child (which it partly does), he claims he's not just marrying her for the sake of the child. He says they have a history together and he can't see himself marrying anyone else. But I don't know if he's lying about that because I know that even though he has joint custody of the child, whenever they are spilt up she never lets him see her.... Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Families? HugsNdKissesCutie answered Sunday August 15 2004, 2:20 pm: I have a VERY similar situation. I have a brother who is 27 and he got married to a girl that i didn't like at all. But things worked out.
If i were you i would let them get married. If there relationship is the way you say it is, they might get divorced after a while(thats y u should try it out) If they do stay married then all you can do is just b happy 4 ur bro. if things get too out of line, trust me, ur bro will know what 2 do out of his common sence.
I hope that i help!
~ HugsNdKissesCutie [ HugsNdKissesCutie's advice column | Ask HugsNdKissesCutie A Question ]
L0stiNaDreAm017 answered Sunday August 15 2004, 1:41 pm: Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do, it's your brother's life, not yours. When two people have a baby together it changes A LOT of things, no matter how much they hate each other they have a bond because of that child.
Perhaps your brother is also marrying her for the child's sake, so the child grows up with a mom and dad, and you said about how "she never lets him see her" He might want to be sure he sees his child. Sometimes...it's hard to understand, but the people you break up with again and again are the people you can't see yourself without, as much as you fight you love each other
I wish I could think of something you could do...It does sound like your brother could do better, but unfortunatley it's his life, not yours. Try talking to him about how most of the family doesn't like his g/f and ask him if he can do anything about that like see if she can get help or something...
l3fty14 answered Sunday August 15 2004, 12:48 am: wow this is some situation...
ok well your brother is the father of this baby. so therefore he is partly responsible for it. but he shouldnt marry her if shes not right and he could do better. especially when she just causes problems. i know your brother is trying to do the right thing and be a responsible father, but if they dont love each other, then why would he want to spend the rest of his life with her. they might end up getting a divorce anyways. i think if they lived together and always argued then the kid would probably become really upset becuase his parents only stayed together for him and they dont love each other. (whether they admit it or not) its true.
so* in my opinion i think your brother shouldnt marry her, but he NEEDS to help take care of the baby- and stay friends with the mother. but if her becoming a part of the family is just gonna cause stress, why bother? however he has to take care of teh kid. as for you, theres nothing u can do but tell your brother what you think...
shockren-b12 answered Saturday August 14 2004, 11:34 pm: ok i think that you should have a huge talk with your brother about her and tell him EXACTLY what you think. If you already didmake your family back you up, also remind him of all the things that she did to him that were bad of course. if this doesn't work then its his life and he will learn from his mistakes. keep me informed. [ shockren-b12's advice column | Ask shockren-b12 A Question ]
dotdotdot32 answered Saturday August 14 2004, 11:33 pm: wow, well i think its more important for your brother to be happy than your family to like his wife. so i don't think you have to like her but you shouldnt pick fights with her or him about the situation. imagine how hard it is for them already. and even if the woman may need to change, you wouldnt be able to do that yourself. so, you should respect your brothers decision, and let him kno it. [ dotdotdot32's advice column | Ask dotdotdot32 A Question ]
storageanddisposal answered Saturday August 14 2004, 11:32 pm: It seems clear that your brother is marrying her for the child. What he doesn't realize is how traumatizing it can be for a child to live in such an unstable enviroment. But who knows, people change. Maybe she'll change for the child. It's my personal opinion that the best thing for the child is to grow up with its parents separated. My point is, and I hate to say this, but there's probably not much you can do. Try not to tell him what he should do, or that he's making a mistake. Instead, try to help him make the right choice himself, with examples, etc. Your brother probably won't respond to people telling him that he's making a mistake, he probably needs to see this himself to be convinced. [ storageanddisposal's advice column | Ask storageanddisposal A Question ]
OrangeLuverr answered Saturday August 14 2004, 11:31 pm: I know it seems like a tough thing to watch because ur probably worried about him and his future, but since he's an adult now and has a kid, im sure he put some thought into his desision and theres realy not much you can do about it. I hope everything works out for the best =) <333 [ OrangeLuverr's advice column | Ask OrangeLuverr A Question ]
k_l_v_g answered Saturday August 14 2004, 11:28 pm: hey! well, maybe you personally should talk to your brother one on one about it...and tell him everything that you just said. ask him if he really even loves the girl or are they just getting married cuz they have a kid. i kno you might not want to but i mean remind him that she has gotten him put in jail and that she does create problems with the family. and if he still wants to marry her...then let him...its totally his decision..and if he loves this girl SOO much then no one can change that... [ k_l_v_g's advice column | Ask k_l_v_g A Question ]
Lena answered Saturday August 14 2004, 11:23 pm: Its okay.. i think hes marrying her cuz he has a kid wit her.. if i was the guy, i guess i would to.. its a man thing =P haha idk.. i hope everything works out.. it'll go better hopfully if they get married.. x3 [ Lena's advice column | Ask Lena A Question ]
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