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Is it ok to confront a neglectful parent?
Let's say you are in a store or some other public place and you see a kid running around, maybe doing something dangerous, like climbing on something unstable. Is it ok to say something to the kid if you happen to be nearby? I would tell the kid "That is dangerous. Don't do that." And then, ask the child, "Where is your mommy or daddy?" Then find them, and tell them what their child was doing. Some parents get really pissed off and might tell me to mind my own business, but I can't in all good conciousness stand by and do nothing when there is a child at risk. My husband was in a situation like this when we were in a thrift store and he saw a bunch of kids running around unsupervised, taking all the toys out of some bins, and climbing on things. He said one child almost fell. I said he should have said something to her. He said that there was also a baby in a stroller sleeping that the mom was not watching. The baby was in a corner while the mom shopped in the middle of the store. That is so stupid. It makes me so angry to see this kind of thing. If my child was running around and doing something dangerous, I would not be in the least offended if another adult helped to make me aware of the situation as long as they were polite. But then again, I keep a good eye on my daughter because she is precious to me. I remember panicing when I couldn't find her for a few minutes at a park. A parent found her playing with another child. Does anyone have any insight on this, or have been involved in a situation like this? What would you do?
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I totally know where you are coming from. Heck im 13 and i often see kids running around doing things the shouldnt while parents pretend they dont know the child is even alive.Personally, it makes me sick and mad. Cuz the kid is gonna get into trouble and then the parents are going to be upset and not know what happened.
My Aunt was talking to my mother about the countless times she said she would loss her 7 year old son in the malls in CA. She'd have to go to secrity to find him.She expects him to stay with her at all times, no matter what she is doing, getting her nails done,hair,shopping,talking,etc. But he is 7. He doesnt know to do that. Kids that young have a short attention span. Parents are really oblivious to a lot of things their kids do.
My point is, whenever you see a kid doing something they shouldnt and their parental guardian isnt watching them, confront the parent first. Say "excuse me Ms./Mr. but i believe your child is unsafe running around these cans, they might fall over and hurt your child, im just looking out for your child is all.Not to be rude or anything."
Something nice,but not controling, you dont want the parent to feel like your telling they cant raise their own child right and they need a strangers help.
If the parent isnt there, or doesnt look to friendly... go up to the child and say "sweetie you shouldnt do that, you might fall" or something like that. Dont touch the child, or bend down to their level making it seem like to other people around that your going to take the child, you could get slaped or the child could cause a sence by screaming.
i dont think you want that to happen..
Hope that helped, rate me
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hey i work at a grocery store and i know just what you mean. i wish so much that i could just smack those little f*ckers. but i can't because i will be sewed. so to answer that i just say do what my mom would do you tell then to get the hell off of it of to calm down. my mom would thank anybody who said that to me.
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You are doing the right thing by telling a child not to do something that is dangerous or asking the whereabouts of their parents. Take it a step further and tell the manager about the circumstances. They do not want to be sued and will usually take care of the problem....immediately!. As for people leaving an unsupervised baby in a stroller, these people are tempting the many evil minded people in our world today. Casually stroll up to them and ask, "Do you know where the parent is that belongs to the baby waaaay over there? I've seen some people lurking about the stroller and I'm sure they would want to know." That way, you aren't addressing them as the parent directly and they can see that the situation is serious.
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By all means, tell the parents! Yes, some people may get angry, but that's their problem. You were just trying to keep their children out of harm's way, which is very good of you.
Just remember to keep you tone cool and calm. Don't sound like you are accusing the parents. You might not know the situation, like the child had wandered off and the parents were actually trying to find the child.
I'm just like you; I can't stand it when a parent just totally neglects their children. Good job for standing up and helping out! :)
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It is absolutely OK to point out a risky situation to a parent who is distracted (or even neglectful).
When parents snap at you even when you're careful to keep your tone kind and non-judgmental, chances are that they *do* know they're in the wrong. They simply see what you're doing as a very public correction of their bad parenting decisions. No matter how nice your tone of voice is or how politely you intervene, they're going to get mad anyway. This reaction is very common, it's a kind of misplaced defensiveness. Instead of getting mad at themselves for being distracted, they take it out on you.
The child's safety clearly takes priority over the parent's self-esteem in this case, so I recommend that you continue what you're doing, always making sure to phrase your statements out of a concern for the child. The statement "Your child is acting like a chimpanzee on crack" doesn't sound as good as "Your child will hurt himself or get haulded off by store security if he keeps swinging from that chandelier."
Do not press the point if you feel as though you're in physical danger. If a parent uses foul language, threatens you, or becomes aggressive, do not confront the parent further without backup from store security or from the police. Aside from that, don't worry about a little verbal abuse.
It hurts to be the target of misplaced hostility, but think of it this way: if a negligent parent vents some anger by taking it out on you, then he or she is *not* taking it out on the child. It's not fair to you to be the target, but you are a much more resilient target than the child would be if the parent chose to take out the hostility later by overcompensating with physical punishment. If the parent casts you as an "enemy" then at least he or she is siding with the child to a certain extent, as opposed to punishing the child for his or her own lack of oversight.
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This is a tough judgement call I'd say. The problem is that you don't *really* know the parents normal behaviour and they of course could have just lost sight of the kids and this was maybe a one time thing. However, the chance is still there that it isn't a one time thing, that maybe these kids are ignored.
The reality is that each kid you see wandering a store on its own could be a child of neglect, and has about the same chance of being a lost child or a child who ran off from their parents. There is really little way to tell the difference. I would say do whatever you think is right at the time, scold the kids if you have to for doing something wrong or tell a store manager that the kids are endangering themselves and causing havoc about the store. Even if you do this, the kids may just turn around and do it again because after all they are just kids right. The next option is to find their parents. You never ever want to scold a parent or tell them that they're not doing their job as a parent well. That won't solve anything. Just let them know extremely politely that you found someone they might want back galavanting around the store and gauge their reaction to what you have said. If they are grateful for your effort then you will know that the kids are fine. If the parents tell you its rude for you to act that way - well then you should just remind yourself that they are clearly rude and that you shouldnt be turned away from helping by a few rude parents. If they react in a way that shows they couldnt care less well then - this is a problem. However, the most you could do is find out their name and if you can manage to find out their name AND think that the situation is very bad for the children - then call children's services. There isn't much more you can do. The parents are certainly not going to change their attitude or parenting style just because one person tells them to but you certainly cant allow a child to live in danger. So dont just let that one go.
I dont see how, if done in a polite tasteful way, that this wouldnt be a good idea. If you get snapped at by some grumpy parents - remind yourself that eventually it is going to make a difference, especially to parents who dont want to deal with a stranger again - they might keep the kids closer.
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I think confronting them is the right thing to do. If something terrible did happen to their kid, and you knew you could have prevented it, would'nt you feel bad? The worst their going to say is "mind your business" and you will have peace of mind knowing you did the right thing.
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