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My brother has a job but wanted a better job.
He went on an interview and told them that if he gets the job, "he" wanted to tell his boss he's leaving and give 2 weeks notice. He found out he got the job when his boss said he got a call asking for references because he starts in 2 weeks! The boss is angry and dosen't want to give him anymore work.
What should my brother do? Should he start to work at the new place sooner and let them know why? (link)
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Your brother should absolutely not leave his job early unless he is asked to go or has his hours cut to zero to make it a moot point. He can offer to take vacation time if his presence is causing real tension in the office, but walking out early is very bad form. If his boss chooses to let him go early without pay, so be it. This is one of the risks a person takes when changing jobs.
Most prospective employers will respect a request to not call the current employer until after an offer has been made. The fact that your brother's new boss didn't do this suggests that the new boss is inexperienced or careless. Is this someone your brother really wants to work for?
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Hi, my name is Faith. Not my real name because I'm wary of that on the web. However I need some advice on how to bring a subject up to my brothers without causing anyone to be mad at me and my husband. My husband and I own our own home and for years have been sharing our water tap with my brothers who live next to us. We would now like them to have their own water taps because none of us should be paying a penny more than our own usage. We all have several children, we have a pool and one brother has a smaller pool for his children (not a kiddie pool). Our feeling is the only way to be fair is for everyone to have their own. My husband has delegated me to talk with them about this and find out when they might be able to get their own tap. This makes me extremely nervous. I know this costs money and they don't have extra piles of it lying around. I need a fresh perspective and some really good advice. I love them and don't want them to get upset with us. Please think about this and advise. (link)
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You already have a precedent of allowing your brothers to use your tap. Changing the rules on them is going to be an unpleasant surprise for them, and most people resent having the rules changed. So if you cut off their access to your water, it's realistic for you to expect impacts in other areas of your relationship. So consider it carefully before you talk to them about changing the water rules. There will be impacts in other parts of the relationship.
If your brothers do things for you like wash your car, look after your kids, or fix your computer, it's possible that they see access to your water as being part of a tit-for-tat exchange. If you start counting pennies now, it's reasonable to expect them to do the same and to question whether what they do for you is worth what they get from you in exchange. This doesn't mean they're upset with you: it means the dynamic of the relationship is changing.
Suppose there's no tit-for-tat going on and you simply feel used or taken advantage of. There's a way to get around it and still keep the good relationship with both brothers. All you have to do is ask for (and expect) a little bit more from them.
The nicest way to suggest that they get their own taps is to offer to pay to have those taps installed. Even then they may think you're patronizing them. The only way they'll like the idea of getting their own taps is if they think it's their idea.
Here's how you give them the idea of getting their own tap. Increase what you ask for a little bit at a time, and use "But we're on such good terms, I let you use my water all the time" as an explanation for imposing. Don't be really blatant about it; just use them for babysitting on short notice, etc. When/if the brothers get tired of it they'll put in their own taps. Yes, that's sneaky and underhanded, and it will take a while. But it gets you what you want while making it look like your brothers' idea. You then go back to being a nice, sweet sister like you are now, and they'll think they are very smart for getting their own taps.
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I rent in california, and was looking to buy some property in Nevada to rent out. I spend quite a bit of time there through out the year. Can I claim residence in Nevada for tax purposes? (link)
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You can only claim residence in one state at a time, and most states have minimum time periods that must pass before a person can be considered a resident. Factors such as where you earn your money are relevant, especially if you become unemployed and need to seek compensation. There's been at least one case in California where a telecommuter actually lived out of state and was downsized. There was a question as to whether he or she was eligible for unemployment benefits under the California system or the other state's system-- if he or she was eligible at all. You do not want to be employed and earning an income in one state while claiming residency in another. If you're considering going for a Nevada residency to avoid California taxes, you might lose more than you gain.
You do have the option of registering a LLC (limited liability company) in one state or the other and purchasing the property under the LLC. You can retain ownership that way even if you move out of state. It does change the way you have to do your income tax; you must file taxes for the business separately and split off your profits and losses.
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Where do you get your ideas about gigolos? I'm not sure thay are based on any facts. (link)
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OK, hold on to your hat because this is going to be wild. My ideas are based on personal experience with gigolos.
I never married and am not rich, but am doing well enough in my career to attract male attention. Some guys want an easy life; I can't blame them for it because there are women who act the same way. Not every guy I go out with is solely interested in money, of course, but two different men I've dated have both been explicit about wanting to me to pay them for their time in addition to picking up the tab for dinner/movie/vacation etc.
One guy, at the peak of his gigolo career, happened to be between clients and realized I was very attracted to him. He liked me enough to name a dollar figure and terms for being with me. He wanted either $100k over a two to three year period or $10k plus a hot car and all his living expenses paid. He had a small business to provide him with pocket money and the appearance of income. The offer came as a shock because I'd known him for a few years and hadn't realized he was a gigolo. He'd had girlfriends during that time, and I thought he'd just had bad financial luck and bad luck with the ladies since he kept living with one after another (while still casually dating on the side) and never kept a place of his own. I thought his girlfriends just bought him cars and clothing to be nice; I genuinely didn't see the pattern until it was pointed out to me. OK, I was young and stupid. So sue me.
Of course I was tempted. But the guy was out of my price range so years passed and we stayed intermittently in touch as friends. Then he called me up one day to suggest that we get together and talk, maybe to get back into our old relationship and possibly become more than friends. He said at first that it was because he missed me. In reality, he knew I was doing way better financially than I'd been doing before. By this time he was in his 40's. His hair was starting to gray and there were lines on his face, so he could not attract the caliber of clients he'd had before even though he was still in great physical shape and fairly attractive. He was still very intelligent and articulate even though his standard of living had slipped. I was in a position to pay more, and he was prepared to settle for less. At this point I was wondering what diseases he was carrying. I didn't think he was carrying anything, but read up on STDs so I could protect myself while still having fun, just in case he was giving out freebies. He wasn't. As it worked out, there were too many deal-breakers. We live in different cities at this point, he wasn't really willing to relocate because his small business couldn't be easily moved, and I wasn't willing to relocate either. Nor was I interested in paying for a long-distance relationship. I still see the guy once in a while when I'm in town. Yes, I do pay for dinner. Last time I saw him, he was driving a new car and insisted on meeting me very discreetly, so he's not doing too badly.
Out of curiosity I surfed around the Net checking out other male escorts and found out that the serious professionals are very expensive and very up front about what they will and won't do. The male escorts with the biggest Web sites also tended to cater more to gay men than to women.
I also started discreetly asking around, and you'd be surprised how many professional women pay men for their time in the form of "loans", gifts, etc. You'd also be surprised at how many women support a stay-at-home boyfriend, which is where the line between a kept man and a serious romantic relationship starts to blur. Sometimes these guys get tagged with the "gigolo" label although I don't think they really earn it, any more than a stay-at-home girlfriend deserves the "prostitute" label.
As far as the tax implications of prostitution go, I went to school with a young woman who later became a prostitute. Since I wasn't judging her or trying to force her to change, she was more than willing to talk about herself and give me information about all aspects of prostitution. She's the one who told me how advertisement via adult personal ads works. While it's not something I plan to do myself it was interesting.
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Well I guess it was bound to happen.
I have been served with a Summonds to appear in court to explain why I haven't finnished paying My Child Support, I have tryed It was 59.000.00
I got it down to 14.597.00.
A lot has happen and I wont bore you with the details or make you cry.
Everything has just piled up.
Unpaid Taxes (unknown amount)
Cable 600.00
Phone 300.00 etc.
I just don't know how to start or where to turn.
Any suggestions I need advice.!! (link)
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First, see a lawyer. If this is a civil suit, you may be able to find a lawyer who does pro bono work. If it's coming from the state or the province and you cannot afford an attorney're in debt that badly, the court may appoint one for you.
1) Get some paper. On the first sheet, write down the total amount of everything you owe, to everybody. This includes the outstanding balance on a car loan if you have one, credit card debt, the child support, and especially the unpaid taxes. It is very scary but you have to know where you stand before you talk to the judge. Add up the total debt at the bottom.
2) On the second sheet of paper, write down the regular payments you're committed to that must (ideally) be paid every month. This includes utilities, rent or mortgage, food, child support payments, vehicle payments if you have them, and the minimum payment on your credit cards. Add up the total monthly expenses at the bottom. This is your outbound cash flow.
3) On the third sheet of paper, list your income every month from all different sources: wages, overtime, extra cash for helping a buddy move, that sort of thing. Add all this up. This is your inbound cash flow.
4) Manage your cash flow. If the amount on sheet #2 is bigger than what's on sheet #3, you need to cut your expenses. Get rid of all the regular payments you don't need: lose the cable, give back the cellular phone, quit smoking if you smoke, and buy food from the grocery store instead of getting take-out (if you usually eat at restaurants. Increase your inbound cash flow by signing up for extra overtime or get an extra part-time job, start your own business on weekends cleaning windows, painting fences, walking dogs, or mowing lawns if that's what it takes. Get your income up over your expenses, or bring your expenses down underneath your income. Write down all the things you do to make this possible: canceling your gym membership, taking the bus to work, etc. Do this before you go talk to the judge.
5) Manage your debt. The first step is to stop generating any more. Cut up the credit cards and don't get any new ones. If you've just bought something you don't need, take it back. Have a yard sale or garage sale and sell off old clothes, old CDs, old books, and things you no longer need or want. You may not get full market value for them but you may be able to make enough to pay off your phone bill. If your car's a junker and it's physically possible to get to work on the bus, sell your car so you don't have to pay for insurance or gas any more. You can always get another car later. Write down everything you sell or get rid of and show how you put the money toward paying off debts. Keep this paper.
6) If you followed step #4 properly you will have a little bit left over after your monthly bills are paid to put toward such debt as you have. It is right and proper to put some of this toward child support although some of the rest has to go to your other bills too. Write down a plan for how to split this money out among your different debts. Start actually doing this so that you can show how the debt is going down.
7) Take papers 1 through 6 to the judge and explain what you're doing to solve the problem. The judge will be impressed and may offer you a few tips.
If none of this works or if your debt and interest payments are so high that you're unable to complete step #4, you may have to consider filing for bankruptcy protection because you're sinking deeper in debt no matter what you do. But try steps 1 through 4 first before talking to a bankruptcy lawyer because it's always best to fix it yourself if you can.
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Hello, I am a female who has a very international background. I having been living abroad for half of my life though I still go back home once a year.
This February I made my annual trip back home and I met a guy who I instantly found attractive and we connected. But he has no experience of living abroad and his life could not be far more different from mine. He pretty much grew up in one place and is just used to one culture, so not internationally minded. We have so much chemistry and I still do like him a lot. But am I right in thinking that in a long run we would drift apart because we're just too different? I know I can only try and find out by developing a relationship with him, but I do not want to invest my time in something which will not go anywhere. (link)
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First, being alone isn't the worst thing in the world.
Second, if what you really want is a serious long-term relationship (as opposed to a friendship or a fling), then you need to select guys who have the potential of getting into one. Chemistry is a good start but it's not everything.
Third, opposites can and do attract, but there has to be mutual respect for the other person's perspective and an honest effort to share it. Inviting the man for a short visit to your new hometown (not entirely at your expense, of course) should help you find out whether he's interested at all in other cultures. If he's got the curiosity, great. If all he does is find fault and complain about how much better it would be at home, you don't have a future travel partner. In fact, if you pursue a relationship with him anyway, he will eventually put pressure on you to drop everything that's important to you and move back home. At that point, his parochial attitude will annoy you almost as much as your international (i.e. anti-) attitude will annoy him.
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Thanks you for reply, first of all I don't think "good luck" is a common denominator in any of this scenario. Let's move on, to clarify a few points:
1."The children don't have the power, and anyway you've already encouraged them to betray their mother by talking about her "laziness" behind her back. The girls have learned that they can get extra love and attention from you by gossiping about their own mother. I hope that wasn't the lesson you intended to teach them; they won't be much fun to deal with when they're older if you encourage them."
A. The children were asking me, I did not tell or volunteer any of my opinions out of the shame I felt for myself and for them. At first I made excuses, my daughters are too smart and aware for that. I can't lie to my children.
2. "Life is too short to spend with the wrong person. You therefore need to work on making yourself the right person: the right husband for the wife you chose and the right father for your girls."
A. Just from the past four points that I have addressed, it should be quite clear that I have been trying to make this work. She is not the wife that I walked down the aisle with, not even close. And if I am to apply your logic to this situation, what does she bring to my table? What do I need her for? It’s a buyer's market out there; in that case, I can be "liberated" from this marital tyranny!
3."If you do decide to divorce your wife and keep your daughters, you will have to either step in to all the maternal duties yourself… The vast majority of women out there will be too "feminist" for you since they're accustomed to earning their own way."
A. This I am puzzled over, are you saying to throw in the towel? Bear in mind I have been trying to make this work for over 15 years.
I have no problem with anyone with a measure of self-respect or self-esteem, male or female, respect runs both ways. After 15+ years of this wonderful journey, I can do anything I want and be successful at it. "That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."
There are other points which I could cover, but I feel it would be a waste of time. I feel that you already have a pre-conceived opinion, which I feel affects your objectivity to logically and rationally evaluate. This in turn hinders your ability to advise or counsel in a proper fashion.
Like I tell my charming wife, "I'm not the one trying to be your enemy, that's something you need to change."
Best friend I never had...
(link)
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I'm having trouble with the response feature of this Web page; it's timing out so I apologize if I respond twice.
Re: my style of advice
I'm more of a Devil's Advocate than a Dear Abby. I don't offer pat decisions to people because I believe that adults should make their own decisions. Most people have no problem doing that once they've looked at all the facts and thought them through. So I try to help people clarify exactly what they feel, what they want, and what the plan to do about it. I do this by asking questions and by pointing out possible consequences to different decisions. I spin things around to make sure people look at their situations from as many angles as possible, which often means coming at things from a radically different point of view. The last thing I will do is insult your intelligence with a simplistic answer like "dump her" or "stay the course". If this isn't advising or counseling "in a proper fashion", so be it. My approach is very different and I understand if it makes you uncomfortable.
Re: My preconceived opinions
It's true I have a couple preconceived opinions, and they're big. The first is that no person can change another adult. People can change themselves when and if they have the desire to do so. You can cultivate that desire in others up to a point, but you can't cause it to exist if it isn't there. There's no magic button you can press to change another person, and the only person you can reliably change is yourself. All the advice I give is based on that principle; it's something I take for granted.
My second preconceived opinion is that even though married partners are equal under the law, there's usually one alpha partner in every married relationship: someone who generally takes the lead role and who therefore has more control and responsibility. I've assumed that you're the alpha partner in your marriage, or that you at least started out that way. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
Now, in response to your questions 1 through 3:
1) I'm not suggesting that you lie to your children; my intention was to point out a very probable consequence of taking sides with them against your wife. I've never seen children benefit when their parents fail to present a united front, although in my experience it's usually the woman who sides with her kids against her husband.
2) I'm not advising you to just throw in the towel. From where you stand, it's possible to make a rational, informed decision to stay as well as to leave. There are arguments in favor of both, which is why I made points supporting both in my original response.
I see that you've been trying hard to make your marriage work, and I commend you for that. However based on your letter you've stuck with one strategy for 15 years, and it hasn't worked yet. Are you truly interested in new strategies? You make many hateful and sarcastic statements about your wife that suggest a lack of basic respect for her. That's a big problem, because without basic respect on both sides, no negotiation or marriage survival strategy will work. It's true that respect has to be a two-way street, however the alpha partner has to be the one taking the initiative to ensure that happens. If you don't have a sincere desire to do this, then any attempt you make to stabilize your marriage will be a waste of time because they will come across as manipulation. It could be that your sarcasm is simply an expression of pain; it's hard to tell through a letter.
I read somewhere that men marry women hoping they'll never change, and that women marry men hoping to change them. It's clear your wife is not the woman you married (or thought you married; people sometimes misrepresent themselves in order to get a spouse and kids). Just out of curiosity, are you still the same man you were when you walked down the aisle with your wife?
3) OK, even though that's one of the few things Nietzche said that's worth repeating, I don't think it applies here, otherwise you'd be signing up for another 15-16 years with your wife in order to become stronger still. (That's a joke, by the way).
If you could truly "do anything (you) want and be successful at it", then you have the power to rebuild your marriage in some form or another if that's what you choose to do. Or you have the power to go it alone. This means that you don't feel forced into one decision or the other, so that the decision you make will be based on what you want to do, rather than what you think you have to do.
For your daughters' sake, I hope that when you talk about the "buyer's market" you're referring to real estate and not prospective spouses. Making that kind of comment in front of a girl really reinforces the idea that they, as females, are also commodities of some sort.
Best regards,
(since you seem to prefer making your own luck, good or bad)
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i am 19. i am in a 5 year relationship and we have a one year old son together. i am going to college to be a nurse. lately there have been a lot of problems between my b/f and i. well i was going to move out, until i found out that i am pregnant. now i have cancelled my new apartment and am staying here for now. i know that we will not be together forever and i do not want to raise two kids alone. i am considering abortion and have an appointment scheduled for next friday. my b/f wants the baby and is excited. everyone in our family already knows that we are expecting again. i am too young to give up my life completely. i do not know what to do. if anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it. by the way, i am 8 weeks pregnant and due on christmas. PLEASE HELP (link)
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Not everybody regrets having had an abortion.
http://www.imnotsorry.net/whythis.htm
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Dear spacefem,
I have been married for 16 years with 2 wonderful daughters. During our marriage my wife started to become slack with her duties and obligations as a wife and mother. These were all of her agreement, and some due to her own choices proir to and during the marriage. I have tried to approach the subject with concern and respect, usually ending in conflict. Lately she has decided to do whatever she wants when she wants, even it means neglect to myself or our children. I try to understand her feelings and viewpoints, for myself and for my daughters.(They are well aware of her laziness and ask often.) I would have NEVER married her if I knew she was this way. I feel that life is too short to spend with the wrong person. We are growing apart each day, I personally never expected much from this world as far as romance, I've never been the ladies' man. But I would like to provide a better life for my children, I don't think this is a good example of relationships/ marriage for them to observe. If it was just her and I, I would drop her like a bad habit and never speak to her again. Any advice or suggestions?
Best friend I never had...
(link)
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I'm not Spacefem, but I'll give this a go.
I'm going to assume that you laid the deal on the table before getting married, and that you and your wife talked over in detail and both consented to it. There are plenty of reasons your wife could be having trouble keeping up her end. She could be suffering from depression, anxiety, burnout, or plenty of other conditions that can make a person feel miserable. Before calling her "lazy", it's important to make sure her changed behavior doesn't have a medical cause. Chronic fatigue system, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, and some forms of cancer can take away a person's physical energy, but in reality they're not lazy-- they're very sick.
Now let's suppose your wife is in perfectly good physical health. It could be that she no longer gets the things she needs psychologically and emotionally out of being a 1950's style wife and mother. I don't use the word "traditional" to describe a woman whose life focuses exclusively on home, husband, children, and possibly church. This particular style of living has only been viable for middle-class people for about a century. Child care and house cleaning can be very boring, thankless tasks. That's why the nobility of old delegated the work to servants. It's also why a lot of women see the homemaker role as something they want to avoid, especially after they've had a taste of it.
If your wife has come to see her life with you and the children as one big "duty" or "obligation" as opposed to something that helps and strengthens her as well, then you are the only person who can convince her otherwise. The children don't have the power, and anyway you've already encouraged them to betray their mother by talking about her "laziness" behind her back. The girls have learned that they can get extra love and attention from you by gossiping about their own mother. I hope that wasn't the lesson you intended to teach them; they won't be much fun to deal with when they're older if you encourage them. Fact is, if they're old enough to criticize their mother behind her back, they're old enough to cook their own meals or pick up a broom to help with the housework.
Even though you don't consider yourself a ladies' man, you need to romance you wife a bit and remind her that she's still a human being. Treating her as a child-raising, house-cleaning, and husband-helping machine (and a broken one, at that) just isn't going to inspire her to think highly of you.
Life is too short to spend with the wrong person. You therefore need to work on making yourself the right person: the right husband for the wife you chose, and the right father for your girls. If your wife does something that pleases you, would it kill you to give her a kiss or tell her how great she is-- and to encourage your daughters to do the same? If you do this, then such work as your wife does won't be thankless any more, and she may show more interest in doing it.
No matter how politely and respectfully you criticize your wife's shortcomings-- and no matter how gently you do it, it will still hurt her-- she will never try to please you if she sees you as someone who's always finding fault. The fact that you've perhaps succeeded better than she has at keeping up your end of the bargain might make your attempts to help her come across as criticism even if you don't intend it that way. May I suggest Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"?
The one other thing that puzzles me about your letter is the way you described your wife as a "latent feminist". If she's showing interest in things outside the home, it could be because the girls have grown up to a point where they no longer need as much of her time as before, and she feels useless. She may also be wondering what she's missing, and perhaps a job or some classes at school might be good for her. A few extra dollars of income could pay someone else to handle the cleaning or other work. Failing that, getting badly chewed up by a competitive job market and an unpleasant, low-paying job might help her realize just how good she's got it.
If you do decide to divorce your wife and keep your daughters, you will have to either step in to all the maternal duties yourself, or you'll have to find a single woman willing to step into the role and be a mother to your children. Women like that are very hard to find. The vast majority of women out there will be too "feminist" for you since they're accustomed to earning their own way. The idea of being 100% dependent on another human being for financial support is very scary for most women, simply because many men who claim to want a 1950's style marriage have a reputation for being unreliable or excessively demanding-- or both.
Good luck.
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I fear the summer. I have a tendency to become depressed during this time. I sit at home, with nothing to work on accept my music, my low-budget movie, and my artwork, and that only takes up so much time. I live in a small town with nothing for entertainment, so I just sit at home thinking, and when I think to much, I'll probably get sad over my loneliness, bordem, mother's financial situation, health issues, etc, leading to depression. I hang out with friends, but not as much as I would like. Some of my friends lead more depressing lives than mine. Please don't advise me to make new ones, remember I live in a small town. My car is constantly dying, so I can't safely go outside of town. There's no job that I know of that's not depressing near here. What should I do? (link)
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If you believe you may be clinically depressed, the best thing to do would be to talk to a psychologist or counselor. If you believe your depression is due to your circumstances such as loneliness and boredom, then the only way to get rid of the bad feelings is to change your circumstances.
I recommend starting a small business. Get a lawnmower and weed eater and hire yourself out as a landscaping contractor. Or get yourself a good Squeegee and hire yourself out as an outdoor window cleaner. Small towns have plenty of elderly people who can't keep their homes looking as nice as they'd like because they just aren't physically up to it any more. Summertime is the #1 time for home and yard cleanup, and if you're a young guy in reasonable health you could do this kind of work and really make a difference in these people's lives. They don't have access to as many services as are available in a big city so you could probably find a nice niche market.
Other small business activities include dog walking, doggie cleanup (messy but profitable), and exterior house painting. This would also give you a bit of money; after you pay taxes you could get enough to fix up your car and possibly even help your mom out financially. I know one young man who started a landscape business at age 18, used it to put himself through college, and later sold it for a sizable profit. He really worked hard advertising and getting flyers out to drum up new business. Before he did this, he hired my kid brother and a couple other people because he had more work than he could do himself.
See an accountant first to figure out what your tax and paperwork responsibilities would be. Then go take charge of your life.
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If you as a student in college in north carolina are awarded a scholarship and you end up dropping out of school do you have to pay the scholarship back to the organization (link)
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North Carolina has a lot of scholarship-loans. If you applied for one of these, then your signed application (and the fact you cashed the check they sent you) can be taken as accepting the terms of the scholarship-loan. A scholarship-loan does have to be repaid under certain circumstances. So get out all the documentation related to the scholarship and read the fine print. Then if you're still unsure, call the organization that gave you the scholarship and ask for details.
A regular scholarship, bursary, or award doesn't have to be repaid; if your GPA drops too low, if you stop doing the thing for which you are given the scholarship (such as a sport), or if you have to quit school, then all the granting organization does is turn off the money and you go your separate ways.
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I placed my parents in a highly recommended nursing home in Ohio. The care they got was excellent. The billing and financial affairs were not. Over the course of their stay (they are both now dead) the nursing home forged my fathers signature on his social security funds removing them from his bank account and depositing them in the home. Questions about the billing never made sense and all inquiries went unanswered. After mother died they sent me a bill for almost $22,000 with no detail and then went into court in Ohio (I live in Colorado) and got a judgement against me for same. When my father died, they sent me a form asking my permission to be administrator of dads estate which I refused. They did it anyway. Then sent me a demand for $42,000 on "behalf of my fathers estate," and demanded payment. Subsequently got a judgement against me in Ohio courts for the $42,000. They have now hired an attorney here in Colorado to collect these monies. In all, they have been unrelenting and vicious. It never ends. I have said repeatedly that if I owed them money I would pay it, but all requests for explanation have gone unanswered. The judge out here says that it does appear a bit strange but that he is bound by Colorado law to enforce the judgements. I am told that legal expenses to fight this would run as high as $60-80,000. I am at wits end. They have tormented us, embarrassed us and stopped at nothing to collect without giving any reasons. I am at wits end as to what to do. (link)
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You have two problems. The first is possible fraudulent activity on the nursing home's part due to the forged signatures... that should have been taken up at the time it was occurring, not after your father's death, because it will be very difficult to prove. If you have reasonable proof that your father's signature was in fact forged, then you should take the matter directly to the police regardless of what you choose to do about the $22,000 bill and the $42,000 bill. The same goes for the administration of your father's estate. If your father died without a will, the legal circumstances are different than if he died with a will. If your father left no will, then you might not have much say in the administration of his affairs, especially if he died owing money to the nursing home. A good attorney can fill you in on the details. It's imaginably possible that someone at the nursing home is engaging in fraud at your expense.
Your other option is to hire a pit bull of an attorney who's willing to work for a piece of the action a can counterattack by filing a suit for defamation of character. If you truly did not have a contract with the nursing home, then it would explain the nursing home's lack of desire to communicate with you about fees and charges, but at the same time it lets you off the hook for any of your father's expenses.
Not all lawyers require payment up front. Some are willing to work on contingency, which means that they get a slice of any judgment in your favor. If you can prove that the harassment damaged your credit rating or caused you to lose work, you might have such a case. Or, if you can prove that the problem was due to someone else's fraudulent conduct at the nursing home, it may be possible to get your lawyer's fees taken out of the nursing home's hide.
You don't say whether the person who gave you the cost estimate was a lawyer. You might be better advised to shop around for another one.
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I have been with my job for almost a year now. It is a small company, so I don't think there are any annual reviews. What would be the best way to go about asking for a raise? (link)
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If you were promised a raise at the end of a trial period when you signed up, then there's nothing wrong with asking your boss for a frank assessment of your performance and to identify things you might be able to do better. However, if you weren't promised a raise or bonus in writing, then unless your job has grown beyond the scope of the deal you originally negotiated, you're at a disadvantage. If you were hired to answer the phones and later wound up balancing the books and doing computer repair or technical support, a reclassification might be in order. But if you were hired to answer the phones and are still answering the same phones, the scope of your job is the same so it's not realistic to expect your pay to increase much beyond the inflation rate.
In a small company, it's very unrealistic to expect an increase in pay unless you've first created an increase in productivity. If you're sewing garments, for example, and you can sew better and faster than anyone else, then it's realistic for you to ask to be paid by the piece rather than a flat wage. If you're in sales, you can ask about the possibility of going to a straight commission instead of being paid a flat wage. This means that, on a bad day, you could earn less than you do now. If you're extremely good, though, you will earn more. In the process, you'll be making more for your employers so this is a win-win situation.
Another option is to ask for extra time or more responsibilities. If there's an opening in a higher-responsibility job, it's OK to ask to be considered for it. But coming right out and asking for a raise is usually not successful.
The only time a person can realistically expect a meaningful increase in pay without an associated increase in productivity is in a very few unionized jobs that reward seniority withouth emphasis on achievement or competence. Most unions do consider seniority but it's not the only criterion for raises or advancement.
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ok room i have a question i have this idea ,that i know is going to be really big for the hair care business,dealing with african american woemen,well all woemen if you wear big hair or extensions how do i find a backer to back me on this business venture or where do i start to get it off the ground. this is only for people who are business minded... ty (link)
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If you have an idea that you think will revolutionize hair care, then you need to patent it. You can patent processes, techniques, inventions, and even the process used to create special chemical combinations. It costs on the order of $1,000 to file a patent, but once you do, you have the right to turn around and find someone *else* to develop and market the idea. You can sell temporary rights for the use of the idea, and if someone else rips off your idea, the law protects you.
Patenting a process, technique, or product doesn't mean you can't develop and market the idea yourself. But if the idea really is big and it catches on, you're going to have way more demand than you can easily fill unless you have access to mass production. If what you've got is a new hair extension technique, that's great if you live in NC but you won't be able to satisfy eager customers in CA or TX if what you're selling is more of a service than a product, because it requires you to be there. The smartest thing to do would be to patent the idea and then pitch it to a national chain or to someone who already produces and distributes products for your target customers. This is called "assigning" a patent: you get people to pay you money in exchange for using your idea.
Copy this into your browser to check out the US Patent and Trademark Office, which will give you more information:
http://www.uspto.gov/
Get the patent process started while you figure out how to market your idea. If you want to set up your own shop or your own business instead of letting your idea do the work for you, then the first thing you need is a business plan. Find out what kind of materials, accommodations, and labor you need to produce your product, and figure out how high (or how low) you can price your product and still make money. You will need to incorporate as a limited liability company at first, because this protects you as an owner in case things don't go as well as you'd like. Start-up business can be risky.
If what you're marketing is a service, then once you get a local business up and running, you can open two or three more locations and possibly start to sell franchises. Your business plan should include your cost estimate and your estimated revenue for the first 3 to 5 years. Your start-up investment should be enough to cover all operating expenses for at least the first year plus anything special you have to buy. Don't make the common mistake of assuming your business is going to be profitable right away just because your product and people are good... your customers have to get the message too.
Only after you have your business plan should you consider looking for backers. Try banks, credit unions, and independent mortgage brokers and financiers. Some people refinance their homes to use their equity toward a start-up business. Others rely on family and friends. Without having any idea as to the scale of the business you want or even the kind of product or service you're interested in providing, I can't give you much more advice.
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My husband and I live in Southern California and it's so expensive to live here. I don't want to move to another state because I would miss my family. We live in a small noisy city that is not so great but not terrible either. We would like to move to a better neighborhood. Our 2-bedroom is fine for us and our daughter who is almost 5 but we are thinking about having another child, and would like our kids to have separate rooms. Also, this street is very noisy. We went last night to look at a mobile home. It was nice and it even came with beautiful furniture. It wasn't as small as my husband thought it would be, but the bedrooms were kind of small. But after talking to the realtor, he found out that the rent on the space plus the loan payments would be too much for us. He is a mail carrier and I work part-time at a restauraunt. We were really dissapointed and depressed. I was kind of mad at him too, because he acted all enthusiastic to the realtor and then told me it was too much. I didn't hear what was said about the space fee, so I had no idea until we got back in the car to leave. Do you have any suggestions? Would a forclosure be better? My husband says we can't afford that either but I think he is just being negative. (link)
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You might be able to qualify for a HUD loan with a low down payment. Check out the HUD Web site: http://www.hud.gov/buying/insured.cfm
Generally speaking, the bigger your down payment is the smaller the rest of your payments will be. Given that there's an upper limit to both your incomes, it's probably the monthly payments that are presenting a problem. If that's the case, save for an extra year or so and put the extra money into a down payment. It doesn't mean you can't buy a home, it means there are a few more ducks you have to get into a row first.
Your biggest savings come when you put 20% or more down on a home, because then there's no mortgage interest. If you put less than 20% down on a home, expect to pay an extra 1% or so in interest for "mortgage insurance", which helps protect the lender in case you default. Once you have 20% of the home paid for, that expense can be taken off. On a 30-year mortgage that point often doesn't come until several years have passed, unless you put the 20% down in which case you don't have to pay extra. A really good program that lets you plug in values, interest rates, and what you can afford can be found here:
http://www.interestratecalculator.com/mortgage/index.html
This shows you how different levels of property tax and different interest rates can affect how much you pay and how quickly your loan is paid off.
Your Realtor needs to know what kind of monthly budget you have and what kind of loan you can qualify for, otherwise he or she will be wasting time and depressing you by showing you properties that are outside your price range. He or she may also have some suggestions for you as to where to look for a home.
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I have a very screwed up family. But my problem is that my oldest brother is in the Army and has been in Iraq since November. Well, he came back for 2 weeks and I only got to talk to him once while he was here. He was to busy with his wife and 3 adopted daughters. Then I find out on the day he left that he called the rest of my family ie my twin brother, my sister, and a couple other relatives and NOT me! I am the youngest girl in the family and my brother sticks up for me but why would he not call me when he left? (link)
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He might not think of you as an individual; he might be thinking of you as still being a baby and a sort of furniture in one of his parents' homes. He might have thought that he had you covered when he talked to other family members. OK, so he didn't have you covered, but he might not know that yet.
Did you call him and talk to him while he was on leave? If not, it's unrealistic to expect him to be the one to take the initiative. There's also a chance, if you left messages, that he didn't get the message. Answering machines break and people don't always write messages down.
So write to your brother and mention that you didn't have a chance to say goodbye. Tell him that you love him. If you've got something nice or positive that you'd like to say to him, then say it. It doesn't have to be done over the phone. Mail call is still a very important Army tradition, and I'm sure your brother would love to receive a letter from you. Just make sure you don't load up on the guilt, OK? Assuming that calling you was something he realized he needed to do, there's a chance that calling you may just have slipped his mind, so give him a chance to correct before you jump to conclusions.
Now, if he blows you off, or if he's still ignoring you a year from now, there might be a deeper problem you'll have to address.
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Is using a condom totally necessary if you are giving a guy head? If you don't swallow the semen and rinse out your mouth afterward what are the risks? (link)
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Unless you've both tested negative for STDs after having been in a long-term monogamous relationship for about a year, you need to use a condom while giving head. If you don't, then the risks are the same whether you spit or swallow, so you might as well swallow and make the guy really happy. Also, it doesn't matter whether you rinse your mouth out afterwards in terms of disease prevention.
If you have gingivitis (bleeding gums) or simply haven't been to the dentist in the past year and your gums are tender, or if you have a canker sore, or if you got a cut lip in karate practice, then you've got an open wound in your mouth. That means that anything in your mouth comes into direct contact with your bloodstream. Semen contact + open wound = HIV exposure if the guy you're with has been exposed. There's no cure for HIV, and most people who contract HIV later get AIDS. There are drugs that can help manage the disease so people who contract it can live 10 years or longer, but the drugs are very expensive and not everyone has access to them.
If you don't believe me, check out this AIDS Web site: http://aids.about.com/cs/hivaidsfaq/f/oraltrans.htm
Another disease you might be able to pick up (or transmit) by performing head without a condom is herpes. It's not always easy to tell when a herpes sufferer is in a contagious state. There's no cure although herpes can be managed to limit or prevent outbreaks. The virus that causes oral herpes is very similar to the one that causes genital herpes and some of the literature I've read suggests that cross-contamination is possible.
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IS a gigolo the same thing as a prostitute but it's a guy? (link)
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Yes, if you compare a gigolo to a very high-priced courtesan who has only a few select clients. Regular prostitutes who work for pimps or in brothels seldom get more than a fraction of what they earn, and they usually have to take whatever customers come along. Courtesans and high-end callgirls can be more selective; so can gigolos. A gigolo is more of a kept man than a male street prostitute.
Gigolos typically have their expenses paid by their "girlfriends" and also receive money for their time and for sexual services. If the gigolo is working for a wealthy woman, sometimes the "relationship" is dressed up as a form of employment where the gigolo has some trivial task like cleaning the pool. This is for tax purposes and to help keep the lady's reputation intact, because while it's socially acceptable for men to frequent prostitutes or courtesans, it's less acceptable for a woman to do so.
If the gigolo serves the lower end of the market and serves working class women, he usually receives free room and board whenever he's in action (or whenever he's in the area). He sleeps over, generally because he doesn't have a place to stay otherwise. He usually feels free to borrow a lady's car or to help himself to whatever is in the refrigerator. The woman (or women) he's with typically pay him an allowance of sorts. It isn't big money. Sometimes, if both the lady and the guy are into the drug scene, she might provide him with illegal drugs.
Life for a gigolo is not always easy. He has to disappear when the boyfriend or husband comes by, he seldom gets taken to parties, and he can be dumped suddenly if the lady develops a serious love interest. Even if he falls for the lady he's with, part of the arrangement is that he has to step aside if she finds someone "better". This could happen at any time, so there's no such thing as job security. He's got to be scrupulous about birth control, because he doesn't want to end up paying for child support. He's also got to work on his body by spending time at the gym, just the way the high-end prostitutes do in Saint Pauli. This, plus the fact that he has to be available on short notice, means that the gigolo lifestyle really interferes with finding a paying job in a good field, with something that might lead to retirement benefits. A gigolo might have clients in every zip code (like the guy in the song) but he has to pay for his own transportation and expenses between liaisons. Life also goes on without him.
If a gigolo starts losing his hair or his looks, his career is usually over and he starts sliding down the scale in terms of the allowances he can expect and the number of ladies who are interested in him. If he develops erectile dysfunction, it's all over. A woman can fake arousal and satisfaction; a man finds it much more difficult. The other major risk for a gigolo is substance addiction. A person in the sex trades can make a lot of money while they're young, but if they develop a substance addiction all that money goes away fast. Most of the payment is in kind and under the table, so gigolos don't receive pensions and are seldom eligible for Social Security unless they work out some kind of pool-boy arrangement for tax and Social Security purposes.
One thing gigolos don't have is a pimp or madam leeching off of them, providing them with "dates", providing security services, or otherwise controlling their interaction with the public. If they advertise, they typically do it through escort services or personal ads. More often it is done by word of mouth. Or by accident-- a lot of kept men fall into the gigolo lifestyle without even knowing it. He goes out with a rich woman for a while and even moves into her apartment, they break up, and he moves on to one of her friends. It used to happen to kept women a lot, but now that more women are financially independent men are being drawn into the kept lifestyle too.
One thing you should be aware of if you're thinking of hiring a gigolo is that you're probably going to catch Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) even if you use condoms religiously. After all, you're having sex with a very promiscuous man for whom the door probably swings both ways. Since there aren't a lot of women who hire high-end gigolos, there's a very good chance that the high-end gigolo has serviced guys from time to time just to make ends meet. Unless you're paying extra for exclusive access to the man, he reserves the right to take a contract on the side once in a while, and he can pick up HPV at any time. A condom won't protect you because HPV can be spread even if a condom is used. HPV is the primary cause of cervical cancer. There is no cure for HPV; you merely have to have invasive checkups at least once a year to ensure no precancerous cells are forming.
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Let's say you are in a store or some other public place and you see a kid running around, maybe doing something dangerous, like climbing on something unstable. Is it ok to say something to the kid if you happen to be nearby? I would tell the kid "That is dangerous. Don't do that." And then, ask the child, "Where is your mommy or daddy?" Then find them, and tell them what their child was doing. Some parents get really pissed off and might tell me to mind my own business, but I can't in all good conciousness stand by and do nothing when there is a child at risk. My husband was in a situation like this when we were in a thrift store and he saw a bunch of kids running around unsupervised, taking all the toys out of some bins, and climbing on things. He said one child almost fell. I said he should have said something to her. He said that there was also a baby in a stroller sleeping that the mom was not watching. The baby was in a corner while the mom shopped in the middle of the store. That is so stupid. It makes me so angry to see this kind of thing. If my child was running around and doing something dangerous, I would not be in the least offended if another adult helped to make me aware of the situation as long as they were polite. But then again, I keep a good eye on my daughter because she is precious to me. I remember panicing when I couldn't find her for a few minutes at a park. A parent found her playing with another child. Does anyone have any insight on this, or have been involved in a situation like this? What would you do? (link)
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It is absolutely OK to point out a risky situation to a parent who is distracted (or even neglectful).
When parents snap at you even when you're careful to keep your tone kind and non-judgmental, chances are that they *do* know they're in the wrong. They simply see what you're doing as a very public correction of their bad parenting decisions. No matter how nice your tone of voice is or how politely you intervene, they're going to get mad anyway. This reaction is very common, it's a kind of misplaced defensiveness. Instead of getting mad at themselves for being distracted, they take it out on you.
The child's safety clearly takes priority over the parent's self-esteem in this case, so I recommend that you continue what you're doing, always making sure to phrase your statements out of a concern for the child. The statement "Your child is acting like a chimpanzee on crack" doesn't sound as good as "Your child will hurt himself or get haulded off by store security if he keeps swinging from that chandelier."
Do not press the point if you feel as though you're in physical danger. If a parent uses foul language, threatens you, or becomes aggressive, do not confront the parent further without backup from store security or from the police. Aside from that, don't worry about a little verbal abuse.
It hurts to be the target of misplaced hostility, but think of it this way: if a negligent parent vents some anger by taking it out on you, then he or she is *not* taking it out on the child. It's not fair to you to be the target, but you are a much more resilient target than the child would be if the parent chose to take out the hostility later by overcompensating with physical punishment. If the parent casts you as an "enemy" then at least he or she is siding with the child to a certain extent, as opposed to punishing the child for his or her own lack of oversight.
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hi i have a teacher whos nice 85% of the time and i have a temper and i wanna be a patroll so i am trying to like cool it but she jus pisses me off she can be such a @$$ h--e what do i do (link)
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There is just one thing you need to keep in mind. Your teacher is human too. This means she has bad days, family trouble, PMS, and other problems that might keep her from being in a bad mood. If she seems to be taking it out on you, it's because she somehow thinks you're stronger, more mature, smarter, or otherwise better able to take it, compared to the other kids. She might also rag on you a bit because she thinks you're capable of higher performance. You'll have to live with that, unless you want to do something to convince her you're *not* as mature as she thinks you are.
Try to keep a smile on your face no matter what you'd rather be saying or doing. She's only there for a short time; next year you will probably have another teacher.
Good luck.
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