|
Sharing a bill
Hi, my name is Faith. Not my real name because I'm wary of that on the web. However I need some advice on how to bring a subject up to my brothers without causing anyone to be mad at me and my husband. My husband and I own our own home and for years have been sharing our water tap with my brothers who live next to us. We would now like them to have their own water taps because none of us should be paying a penny more than our own usage. We all have several children, we have a pool and one brother has a smaller pool for his children (not a kiddie pool). Our feeling is the only way to be fair is for everyone to have their own. My husband has delegated me to talk with them about this and find out when they might be able to get their own tap. This makes me extremely nervous. I know this costs money and they don't have extra piles of it lying around. I need a fresh perspective and some really good advice. I love them and don't want them to get upset with us. Please think about this and advise.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
They should understand tell them to put themselves in your shoes and let them know that you dont have piles of money lying around either.-trix
]
You already have a precedent of allowing your brothers to use your tap. Changing the rules on them is going to be an unpleasant surprise for them, and most people resent having the rules changed. So if you cut off their access to your water, it's realistic for you to expect impacts in other areas of your relationship. So consider it carefully before you talk to them about changing the water rules. There will be impacts in other parts of the relationship.
If your brothers do things for you like wash your car, look after your kids, or fix your computer, it's possible that they see access to your water as being part of a tit-for-tat exchange. If you start counting pennies now, it's reasonable to expect them to do the same and to question whether what they do for you is worth what they get from you in exchange. This doesn't mean they're upset with you: it means the dynamic of the relationship is changing.
Suppose there's no tit-for-tat going on and you simply feel used or taken advantage of. There's a way to get around it and still keep the good relationship with both brothers. All you have to do is ask for (and expect) a little bit more from them.
The nicest way to suggest that they get their own taps is to offer to pay to have those taps installed. Even then they may think you're patronizing them. The only way they'll like the idea of getting their own taps is if they think it's their idea.
Here's how you give them the idea of getting their own tap. Increase what you ask for a little bit at a time, and use "But we're on such good terms, I let you use my water all the time" as an explanation for imposing. Don't be really blatant about it; just use them for babysitting on short notice, etc. When/if the brothers get tired of it they'll put in their own taps. Yes, that's sneaky and underhanded, and it will take a while. But it gets you what you want while making it look like your brothers' idea. You then go back to being a nice, sweet sister like you are now, and they'll think they are very smart for getting their own taps. <grin>
]
I think you are justified in wanting to have your water bill separate, so you shouldn't feel nervous about that. I guess the fact that the cost of putting in another tap is going to be completely theirs is what is worrying you.
I mention to them separate water bills would be a good idea, because your family may be using more of the water than you thought and there is no way to know without separate taps. Ask them if they agree if that is a good idea. Then ask them if they would be willing to put one in in the future, that way there is no pressure.
]
Wow, that's a hard one. You guys can't pay it anymore, right? And they can pay their part. If this is the case, simply apologize, then tell them you guys can't afford sharing a tap. Tell, them they can take as long as they need if they don't have the money. If they take too long, then you might want to acknowledge that. If this isn't the case, then you'll just have to tell them it is only fair that they get their own. That still sounds a little too much though, make your husband do it.
]
More Questions: |