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my mother is awful to me
I'm 24 and I recently got married. The problem is that my mother is horrible to me. She has always been. She refused to be involved with the wedding in anyway, she refuses to have contact with my kids because she says they are bad(how bad can a 4and 2 year old and a 10 month old be?), she hates my husband and says its his fault she won't come around. She does not "allow" me to talk to my 17 year old brother unless she is there. And she won't allow me to see my daughter that she conned me into letting her adopt. That's not how mothers are supposed to treat their children. She recently told me she doesn't want to see me anymore. Should I just cut her out of my life and let it be?
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mayb a law suit would help u get joint custidy of your daughter
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Your mother has been controlling your life for far to long. You are a married woman, and she has no right to treat you, your husband, and your children with such disrespect. If she doesn't want to be a part of your life, thats fine, let her have it that way. You don't need such a negitive person in your life. But she has no right to keep your child from you, or even your brother. If she is not willing to let you see your own child, it may be time to think about getting your daughter back from her. You do have parental rights! I would be talking to a lawyer if I were you. You don't want this women rasing your daughter, she'll treat her the same as she did you. And your brother will be 18 soon, so he can visit anytime he wants, even if your mother disaproves. I do hope you can find a solution.
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Do you love your husband? Is you marriage stable? Do you want a relationship with the daughter you allowed your mother to adopt? If you answered yes to all those questions, cutting your mother totally out of your life isn't an option. There are measures you can take to regain custody of your daughter as long as you can provide a stable and health environment for her to be raised. You mother doesn't have to like you or your choices as she's not the one who has to live with them. Her tactics are for control. Once you take that control away and let her know that you're a functioning capable adult that doesn't need her approval, she calm down a little. I can't promise you this will work but it's your life. It's up to you on how you want to live it. With or without her!
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If you really want your biological daughter back, then there are some legalities that will help you. However, the court would have to find that it is in the best interest of your daughter to be with you and not your mother. In most cases, if the family is stable enough, the courts are pleased that a biological parent wants to take responsibility for their child so they might be in favour of you.
If you are only interested in seeing your daughter on a more casual basis, that may be up to your daughter (depending on her age) and a social worker who finds that it wont be too confusing to visit with you occasionally.
Your mother cannot run your life. She doesnt sound like a good person so I say - why do you want her around a lot? You may be better off if you let your mother have whatever space she desires and live your life as happily as possible without that horrible woman coming in and shaking things up for the sake of some attention.
Tell her that it has been a long time since you have needed her and if she doesnt want to be a real family then she has her own family that deserves your time and caring.
As for your brother - trying to meet with him or having your mother know that you are meeting with him behind her back may result in a negative outcome for your brother since he lives with her. Soon he will probably be out on his own or in college and thats when you will get to visit him as much as you two agree upon. As for now, this is something very difficult - you dont want to put your brothers well being in danger from your mother and you need to have contact with your brother. If its possible - try to work something out with your mother where she can be present and you can still get to see your brother, it may suck but at least you get to see him and talk to him. Your mother might be afraid that you are going to turn her son against her or something crazy like that.
You need to focus on your own family now, especially in the beginning of your new family. If your mother doesnt want to be part of it - then you cant really force her. Good luck!
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It sounds like you need to put your foot down and be firm: 'Mother, this is my life and I will *not* allow you to ruin it. If you do not wish to be a part of my life then so bet it, but I would rather you were. If you do want to be then *you* have to start treating me and my family better.'
If she is really sure that she doesn't want to be part of your life then from the horribl things you've said she has done I would let be.
I'm curious how she conned you into letting her adopt your daughter, and I'm sure there is some legal proceeding you could try to get her back.
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I think that you should try to work it out, but if she keeps on doing that, then don't let her reck your life. Those are some awful things she is doing to you, so just try to work things out with her. Sit her down and have a talk. It's your life, not hers, and you can decide who you get to marry, but if she says she doesn't like the person ask her why and is there anything he can do to change her mind about him. I really hope this helped!!!! ~*~Amy~*~
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