|
i write poem and i want to know if they r good!K.L.D
__Takes my breath away__
Sitting next to him,
I like to say,
that he takes my breath away,
To the Lord,
I pray,
because he takes my breath away,
In my mind,
over and over I play,
"He takes my breath away",
his name is no use,
for all I say,
Is that he takes my breath away,
He's taken, I know,
but be it as it may,
he still takes my breath away.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
Pretty good. -trixie
]
-100. Worst poem ive ever heard.
]
I actually like this, and I'm usually not a fan of repetition, but it works really well in this poem. This is one of those poems that sounds really good out loud. If you ever do a poetry reading, I'd advise you to use this one.
The second line ("I like to say") seems somewhat weak. If you revise the poem, I'd find something better than that.
Other than that, I love it!
]
Pretty horrid, repetitive and cliche. It's been done so many times it's leaking at the seams. Don't put a comma at the end of every line. Don't write the same line over and over just because you can't think of anything to say. Don't waste my eyesight and my time writing this stuff. Please.
]
HI. I am a really good singer and I was so blown away that I am going to make a song out of it. Rember me at Jessica Hendricks, I will be famouse some day and your poem, wich is going to be a song, will be the 1st song that you will hear. Thank you for reading this!
]
It was alright. A little too repetative. Pretty good, though.
]
THAT POEM IS GREAT I KNOW WE JUST MEET BUT CAN YOU WRITE A POEM FOR ME
]
i think it is very good!!!!!
your friend,
skatingmonkey500
]
It looks more like a song to me but i could say it's pretty good. You could use more practice but it's not bad.
Sitting next to him
i'd like to say
he takes my breath away
to the lord
I pray
he takes my breath away
in my mind
he's so kind
over and over plays
he takes my breath away away away
his name is no use for all i say
he takes my breath away
he is taken, i know that
but be it as it may
he takes my breath away.
If you wanna extend it then
Sitting next to him
i'd like to say
he takes my breath away
to the lord
I pray
he takes my breath away
in my mind
he's so kind
over and over plays
he takes my breath away away away
his name is no use for all i say
he takes my breath away
he is taken, i know that
but be it as it may
he takes my breath away away away
takes my breath away away away
I sit by the window
on a rainy day
thinkin of him
with all my mind It's just safe to say
I love him today
he takes my breath away.
see it's mor of a song.
]
Crap clique and lame. They repition is boring, the rhyming shows no thought, and the subjet matter has been done buy everyone who has a pen and can write.
Try going for somthing a little more induvidual and imaganitve next time, and I point you [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) to read some better works and maybe learn how to write better.
]
It's sweet, and passionate, but sounds too much like several song lyrics I've heard. But don't give up. I used to write poems like this too. Repetative lyrics are part of poetry, and that person that said it sucked or whatever was very rude and knows nothing about poetry. I thought is was sing-songy and pretty. Song lyrics are poems set to music, and I have a feeling you would be a good songwriter. But not this particular poem, because as I've said, It's already been done. Look in the back of magazines for those adds about needing song lyrics, and send some in. Also go to poetry.com where you can post your poems for free and maybe win a prize and get published. Good luck! Also, good advice from Advicegirl. She is sweet and a good poet, don't you think? ;-)
]
"he takes my breath away" is horribly repetitive, and, as was stated previously, someone else's. It's short and doesn't tell me a whole lot. The lines are all very short and awkward. The commas add nothing to the actual piece. Drop them. The rhyming sucks. None of it is very natural.
]
Its a nice poem but if you want my opinion, you are going to want to write a poem that doesn't have a famous lyric in it. "take my breath away" is a song and one that was recently resang by Jessica Simpson. Its good I will admit that but try to be a little bit more creative.
Cspinoza1
]
Youi write poems and you write good! trust me! keep up ths good writing! I wish I could write as good as you. *tear rolls down chee* you must really like this guy. I hope you 2 get togather. (smiles)
Crazy
A lonely girl wonders why she feels so broken hearted.
He doesn't feel the same and her heart is split in two.
She feels like a fool.
She holds her head as high as she can.
She crys and crys. Wonders why?
"Am I too ugly? am I too loud? Or is he just crazy?"
She crys and crys. Wonders why?
with tears in her eyes she smiles and says, "HE IS JUST CRAZY!"
I am not the one in the wrong, HE IS JUST CRAZY
What A Wonderful Life
As a young girl lays in bed one night.
She thinks of her life happenings.
She thinks of the smiles.
She thinks of the frowns.
She thinks of the tears that have been shed.
She thinks of the feelings of having her heart broken.
She thinks of the feelings of having her heart mended.
She thinks of all the people she knows and smiles.
What a Wonderful Life!
~K.J.B~
sincerely
advice~gurl
kat
]
More Questions: |