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This should not really be under *friendships*
Once upon a time... I thought I had a really great friend. She and I really spent lots of time together after we graduated from university, we majored in the same programs. One night we went together to a bar, not to pick up guys but just to have a girls night out. During our girls night out she left me at the bar to dance with a guy she met (yes so much for girls night out). I had a drink with me but kept looking at the dance floor over my shoulder to make sure my friend was doing okay since the guy she was dancing with had had quite a bit to drink. I suppose that while I frequently turned to look over my shoulder a man that had been next to me (whose face I cannot remember or recall)had slipped the Date Rape drug into my drink. Now do not get me wrong I'm not a dumb woman, I would never get up and leave my drink and then come back to it, but it must have happened so quickly, just as I glanced behind me. I woke up the next day alone on the couch of a house I had never been to before. I was loosely dressed and can remember only having been at the bar and then waking up. I remember nothing of what had happened that night. I immediately ran out of the house and asked someone what street I was on. When I found that I was only a 20 minute walk from my apartment I snuck quietly back inside the house and tried to find my purse and cell phone. I managed to find my purse but all my money, credit card (luckily maxed right out) and cell phone were gone. I left without them because I was very frightened being where I was. I went home. I went to the hospital later after having discovered differences in myself. I feared the worst and I was correct. I was given a rape test and they found traces of the drug in my body.
I had been raped and knew nothing and remembered nothing. It was almost better that way. The only problem was that I could not remember the man who had been sitting next to me at the bar. I called my friend hoping she could help to identify the man. She immediately told me that she didn't value our friendship anymore because I had deliberately left her at the bar, and as she claims 'and being an embarassment since I was acting so slutty'. I told her about not remembering anything and she called me a liar. I told her that her opinion of me didn't matter, all I needed was to know the name or a description of the man I left with and then I would leave her alone forever if I had to. SHe told me she would have no part in my lies, claiming that she didn't want to be responsible for an innocent man being prosecuted just because "I wanted the attention".
I guarantee you, with the hospital results to support me, that I was in fact raped without remembering.
She continued to spread the rumour that I was a liar and when I had the police contact her she claimed to have never been there with me at all.
All that I wanted was for this man to be brought to justice and that he be unable to destroy someone else's life the way he destroyed mine.
I was never able to positively identify the man and my case remains considered unsolved. Those others in the club told the police that they saw nothing, I'm not really sure if they did or not and the only other person I knew in the bar was my friend.
This incident happened 3 years ago and since I have been able to recover and return to a somewhat normalcy. However, recently (within the past few months) this girl has been leaving messages at my house and work for me to call her. Finally I called hoping she had wished to tell me something she knew or reconcile things between us.
Our conversation over the phone consisted of her telling me that she knew the name and address of the man who raped me, but she still refused to tell me. Saying that she wants me to pay her money or else she will tell me nothing. I'm almost ready to pay her, I want to punish this man so badly. The poeple I have consulted about this told me that she could be prosecuted if I were to tell the police. But I know that if I have her charged or arrested that I will lose all hope of knowing this mans identity, she would never tell me anything if I am responsible for damaging her record.
My question to you is what do I do now? Should I press charges and hope that she will give up the information she knows? Or perhaps should I pay her what she wants and finally get closure?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
What should you do? First, you don't have to "guarantee me" or anyone else that it really happened. I've seen more than my fair share of such occurences and my heart goes out to you.
Now, as for your "friend". I think she's found herself on hard times and deperately in need of money. I really want to ask if she is doing drugs. Usually, someone in that position will capitalize on ANYTHING that will afford them the money needed to get what they need. At any rate, she has now hosen to play upon your desires to know the truth * covers mouth and coughs "bitch" * I'm sorry, did I say that out loud? Anyway, I think the best thing to do would be to just walk away. I know it may seem tempting to file a complaint against her, but in our fervor, we sometimes have the tendency to forget the basics. In this case it's simple. You call the police, file a complaint and they go to her. What's her response..., " I didn't say I knew who it was" and it's dropped as quickly as it was started. Not to mention that adds even more to your frustration. IF you can get her on tape ( NOT over the phone, that's against the law ) or a witness that she said she knew, THEN go to the police. In a major crime like rape, I'm sure they would charge her with obstruction of justice should she fail to tell them what she knows. But once again, if you can't get evidence, I'd leave it AND HER alone.
Good luck. God be with you.
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I would press charges against her. She's protecting the man that raped you, for stupid, petty reasons. In my book, she's just as guilty as the man. She deserves any punishment she can get. I would talk to the police and have them bug your phone or something, and call her and her get to say all of the things she said before. Bring that bitch to justice along with the man that raped you.
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Perhaps threaten to press charges for blackmail. OR tell the police and have them set up a 'sting' of sorts. Call her and tell her you will pay her whatever she wants and then meet her in a public place like a park. Give her the money she wants and then she will tell you the information you want, and then when she tries to leave she will be arrested and you will get the money back.
Your story was really heart breaking, its amazing how brave some women are.
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press charges. I'd also stop considering her a friend but then again, you probably already have. If she doesn't believe you about the rape that's no friend. Rape is serious stuff.
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I am so sorry for what had happened to you. It's good to hear that you've somewhat recovered from that very awfull incident. Press charges against her if you CAN PROVE HER GUILTY otherwise do you really want to go through all those trouble again? I know that it frustrates you not knowing who did it and that guy is still on the loose but you need to move on and face the fact the you may never know who did it. If this is still bothering you big time I suggest you go to counseling. Please don't be ashamed to go. If this is what it takes for you to move on then you'll have to do it. As for your former friend, please stay very very far away from her. She's bad news and will bring you nothing but trouble.
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Definatley press charges. You should not have to pay for information that you need. Tell this person you will meet her somewere. Have someone with you (a person involving your rape crisis) Then take her to the station and make her tell everything she knows. Otherwise go to her house with someone either way works. Or if this person is offering the fee of a small amount say 40$ its definetley worth the pay. Hope you catch this horrible man! Good luck!
-shay :-)
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