Dear Readers,
I am new to this site, so I will update my profile a little further into it, once I get acquainted with the atmosphere, and caught up with all my other work.
Although this is a FREE site, and therefore, the atmosphere, users and columnists are quite casual, I take this very seriously, and therefore, I expect my readers and my participants to do the same.
If you ask me nonsensical, rediculous, humorous or casual questions, you will not get an answer, so please, respect those users who sincerely needs some help, and don't waste their time or mine by submitting a question in the first place. There are plenty of other columnists and users who are willing to answer questions like that, and therefore, I ask that you go to them.
Although my FAVORITE categories are exactly that, questions that you may submit are not limited to those categories only. In fact, you may ask me ANYTHING you wish, on ANY topic you like, as long as they are truly serious questions, and you truly seek help and I promise to do my very best to answer them for you.
I have asked to be notified in the event that I have a question waiting, and therefore, if I am at my computer when the notice arrives, I will do my best to answer you within the hour. However, in all other cases, questions will be answered within 24 hours.
Please, no PERSONAL questions about my PERSONAL OR PRIVATE life. If I want you to know, I'll offer to tell you. No, I'm not a mean person, I'm a very busy, very goal oriented, very serious, very private person, and I don't have time for games.
Respect is earned. You show me the respect that I deserve by adhearing to these guidlines, and you will most certainly get respect in return.
That said, I hope to be conversing with many of you very soon.
Bring on the questions!
Sincerely,
Samantha
Gender: Female
Location: Santa Monica, CA
Occupation: Writer, Artist, Animal Rescue & Rehabilitation
Age: 36
Member Since: January 18, 2004
Answers: 11
Last Update: January 19, 2004
Visitors: 3945
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OK, yesterday, I was in my bedroom and I was getting my journal out to write in it and i couldn't find my pencil, then i saw it on the table and it was too far for me to reach it and when I was stretching my arm to get it, it moved into my hand. My window wasn't open so that rules out wind. Am I telekenisis? (link)
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Ah, yes, I would say so. Definitely yes.
Samantha
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I'm not incredibly popular at school but I do have a best friend who I've known all my life even though she just moved to my school. Now she's making new friends and she even has a boyfriend. I was supposed to go to a pizza place with her and some of the kids in my class but my mom wanted me to come over to her house for the weekend so I didn't go with them. Now I'm worried that since she's made so many new friends, she'll just drop me. Do you think that'll happen?,
CMS (link)
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Dear CMS,
If you've known this girl your whole life, and she's really your best friend, it's unlikely that she would ever DROP you simply because she's making new friends. If she DOES in fact DROP you, then she wasn't your best friend to begin with.
Don't worry so much. So you missed ONE outing with her. Your FIRST priority has to be to YOURSELF, and you chose to be with your Mom. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that, and if this girl is truly your best friend, she'll understand that.
Best Wishes!
Samantha
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I have a lot of debt (long story) including some that are now on my credit report. I am near bankruptcy, although I am not seriously considering it at this time.
I was wondering, if I had extra money to pay off debts, which should come first?
Current credit card debts - because the average interest is about 20%
Student loans - although the interest is low (around 5%) this can never be included in bankruptcy.
Car loans - although the interest is lower than credit cards, your car can be reposessed and a car is essential if you want to be employed.
Bad debts on the credit report - they have given up trying to get me to pay. If I pay these, my credit rating will improve, but at this point there is probably not much advantage.
Save money instead of paying debets - I can see saving for an emergency, but I think there is not much point in this situation.
(link)
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If you have the extra money and the opportunity to pay some things off, the CREDIT CARDS should come first. This way, you STILL have your credit and therefore, you won't NEED cash in case of EMERGENCY.
Next, you should pay off the debts that are on your credit report. Once you pay them off your credit will improve greatly, which will enable you to BORROW more money at a lower interest rate to handle paying off your other debts if need be.
Sincerely,
Samantha
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I'M MOVING BUT THE GUY I LUV STILL LIVES HERE AND I AM MOVING TO CANADA BUT I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO? (link)
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The most important peice of information that must be considered here is missing. DOES HE LOVE YOU BACK? If he loves you too, and you're both at an appropriate age to be out on your own, then sit down and talk to him about his feelings on the subject, and try to make a decision together.
In all OTHER cases, GO TO CANADA WITH YOUR MOM. There will be other guys, and if THIS guy is the one your meant to be with, then it will happen anyway, regardless of whether or not you move.
Sincerely,
Samantha
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hey its brownie* i have a question.. yes i wonder about stuff 2 even though i help some people in my spare time! please someone help me! GUYS.. I REALLY WANT YOUR OPINION ON THIS.. even if it is just a sentence long!! girl i want to know what you would do please! i really dont want this to go wrong because of my friends ship with this person:
Yes it it me again.. the one who liked her bestfriend that was a year younger.. well i cant stop thinking about him... when im trying to go to sleep, he is there in my mind! and this morning in church i couldnt hardly focus on what our preacher was talking about because i kept thinking about him! this isnt good.. i have decided that i am going to tell him how i feel.. but i havent talked to him in 2 days.. i have no clue where he has been, maybe that is y he has been on my mind soo much! do u think that it is wrong for girls to make the move? i asked him about this a while back, and he said that he thinks guys should make the first move... but i dont think i can wait that long.. because knowing him, he likes to be shy about his feelings and not let anyone know how he feels. i am soo scared of how he will react to what i will tell him next time i talk to him, what if he freaks out and doesnt talk to me for a while? i wont know what to do, because then i will be thinking about him even more! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!! PLEASE!! shay*shay-you gave me some good advice last time... can you help me agian? please! i have never felt like this about a guy before.. ive always been the one guys come to and just tell me that they like me.. i dont know how to make the frist move either.. even if i did!
brownie* (link)
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Your best bet here, is to RESPECT his feelings and let HIM make the first move. Leastwise, you risk offending him or putting him off because he already TOLD YOU that he thinks THE MAN should make the first move. You also risk hurting your own feelings, because if he feels that way and yet he HASN'T made a move on you, chances are that he doesn't have romantic feelings for you.
He's already your best friend, so if there ever is to be anything between you, you're already in the best position possible to allow this happen. I wouldn't risk losing that simply because I'm having trouble controlling my own wants and desires. If you TRULY care for him that much, AND you value your friendship with him, you'll keep quite about your deeper feelings until you're sure he's ready to hear about it.
Sincerely,
Samantha
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I am caught in a love triangle I like 2 guys that go to my school they are both my friends but I don't know what to do Who should I choose. THe person my age or the 8th grader?Plese help (link)
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First, it's unclear by your question how old YOU are, or whether or not you are already involved with ONE of these guys, which makes giving sound advice a little difficult, but I'll give it a try.
First, is usually ALWAYS better to choose a partner who is either your same age, or close to it.
Secondly, if there truly is a choice to make, then you owe it to yourself to choose the one who will treat you with the most love and respect. Many women make the mistake of choosing the one that makes them "quiver," rather than the one that makes them happy. Now, if you can find a guy that give you BOTH, that's great, but if NOT, happiness has to come FIRST. Choose the one that is going to be best for your overall happiness, not just your happiness for the moment.
Sincerely,
Samantha
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I'm not very popular at school and kids pick on me. I don't really know why they do it, it's been that way since 1st grade. I'm in 8th grade now and I'm sick of it. I don't know what I did to deserve this. They hurt me emotionally and physically, should I stand up to them?
Respond please, I'm desperate,
Hurt and confused (link)
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This is a BIG one, and it's CRITICALLY important that this be handled in the right way.
First, it's really important for you to know that this is NOT your fault. Children can be really cruel sometimes, and that's just all that there is to it. Sometimes this is a result of inappropriate parenting, and sometimes it is simply the result of human nature. You see, right or wrong, people tend to criticize that which they do not completely understand, or that which scares them somehow. Therefore, it's very IMPORTANT that you understand that their critism has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU PERSONALLY. Now, in your case, I don't know what it is about you, specifically that makes them feel the need to pick on you, but it's obviously something that makes you SEEM different from them in THEIR perception, and as a consequence, they're focusing on that rather than WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
In ANY event, NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HURT YOU PHYSICALLY! PHYSICAL ABUSE IS WRONG, AND YOU COULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE IT!
Therefore, my FIRST advice to you, is to tell your parents that you are being physically hurt at school IMMEDIATELY. If they don't do anything about it, or you simply don't feel comfortable talking with them, then go to your school's guidance counselor or Principal, or even an Aunt or an Uncle, but PLEASE TELL SOMEONE! An adult needs to be made aware of the fact that you are being hurt, and an ADULT needs to handle it.
Secondly, my advice for handling the ones who DO NOT hurt you physically, but rather only emotionally, rather than "STAND UP" to them, why don't you try a more "emotional" approach? When they pick on you the next time, ask them, "Why do you say these hurtful things to me, (or about me)? OR "Why do you pick on me all the time?" And then wait for their answer. Then, simply try to tell them that you are no different on the INSIDE than they are, and that it hurts your feelings when they pick on you, because you would rather try to be friends with them. People, especially children, aren't used to this type of honest response because they EXPECT you to DEFEND yourself instead. However, in essence, you ARE defending yourself, and the mere SHOCK to their little brains might just be enough to diffuse the situation and spark a real conversation.
If that doesn't work, don't sweat it. You can't change people overnight. The important thing, is that you like YOURSELF. Whether or not someone ELSE likes you is really unimportant in the long run. People that DESERVE YOUR FRIENDSHIP will like you no matter what, PEOPLE WHO DO NOT DESERVE YOUR FRIENSHIP will not, and that's THEIR problem, and THEIR LOSS, not yours.
Still, I think it's best for ALL of you if you do in fact try to resolve this, and if you can't do that by being perfectly honest with them, then ask your parents to sit down with you and your school's guidance counselor or Principal and try to come up with a way to resolve the problem. Sometimes it takes an adult to get things done, and you should NEVER be ashamed or afraid to ask your parents or your school authorities to help you.
The main thing, is NOT to give up OR give in. No one deserves to be treated badly, and you deserve to have this resolved as quickly as possible.
If you would like to talk to me about this further, please feel free to respond to me, and I will respond in kind. I am more than willing to help you in anyway that I can, and I want you to feel free to talk to me about this at anytime. I'm sure that if we work on this, we can come up with a solution that is acceptable to everyone.
Sincerely,
Samantha
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i am really good friends with this guy. i never really thought about it, but he comes up to me one day and tells me that he likes me. now, dont get me wrong, but hes a really nice guy and i will feel really bad about saying no when he asks me out. worst of all, my neighbors are his aunt, uncle, and cousins. im basically in a loose-loose situation. what do i do?
(link)
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Okay. I'm guessing that you don't have any romantic feelings for this guy, correct?
Situations like this are always uncomfortable, but with a little finesse, they can be handled.
My first advice to you, is don't worry about things that haven't happened yet. But, if you're really sure that he'll ask you out eventually, then try this.
Tell him that you are sincerely flattered and that you appreciate the invite. However, you already have feelings for someone, and therefore, you feel it wouldn't be fair for you to say yes to going out with him, because you couldn't possibly return his feelings.
Yes, I KNOW it's a little white lie, but sometime we need to tell these benign little fibs in order to spare someone's feelings, and telling him that you are already interested in someone else is going to much more comfortable for both of you when you deal with eachother in the future, than if you were tell him that your simply not interested in him.
However, if you feel the need to be completely honest, then do so, but let him down EASY. Whatever you do, DON'T lead him on in order to save his feelings, because you'll only hurt the both of you in the future.
Sincerely,
Samantha
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i really like this guy. he's been really weird lately and says that he wont go out with anyone until hes in tenth grade. he did like me for a week, but he wont answer any of my friends about me. i want to stop liking him, but i just cant! i really like him! what should i do? (link)
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Well, it would help to know what grade you are both in now. However, judging by the information given, I'm assuming that your both not yet Sophmores in highschool. Therefore, my advice to you is this:
You don't have to stop liking him, and you certainly can't force yourself to, so don't even try. What you CAN do though, is simply be this guy's FRIEND, for now. Respect his wishes and GROW UP WITH HIM. The very best relationships in the world have their foundations in FRIENDSHIP. Therefore, if you truly like this guy, stick by him as his friend and WAIT.
If you do this, one of two things will happen: One, you'll get to know this guy REALLY, REALLY well and you'll like him even more, and hopefully, he'll feel the same way about you ... OR TWO, you get to know him really, really well and you'll find out that there isn't much to like, and therefore, you won't care whether he likes you or not. WIN-WIN.
I know that it's easier said than done, but give it a try.
Sincerely,
Samantha
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I like this girl, but i dont know if she likes me. People say that we would be a great couple, and people also say that she does liek me. But if i ask her out and she says no, then i would be so embarressed. Mainly because we have been friends for a while and she might not see me the same way.. What do i do?
(link)
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Well, situations such as this one can be very touchy, and therefore, I understand your hesitation and concern.
In this situation, I think it really depends on how long you have been friends, how close you are to each other as friends, and how much you value that friendship. You're going to have to gauge that for yourself, and then do your best to use common sense and caution when applying my advice.
That said, you could do a couple of things. First, you could invite her along with a "group" of friends that you both like to go out and do something, and then just try to spend a lot of the time talking and having fun with her as a FRIEND. This way, you have the opportunity to "go out" with her and get closer to her, without turning it into a "date". If all goes well, you could do this more often, and just see where it goes. You'll know whether or not she's interested in having you for more than a friend before too long I would think, and then when you're more sure, you can feel comfortable asking her out on a "date."
The other thing you could do, is schedule study time together, or just find a way to TALK to her without anyone else around. Then, bring up what OTHER people tell you all the time, kind of laugh about it, and then ask her if that ever happens to her. If she says YES, then ask her what she thinks about that. If she says NO, it doesn't happen to her, then ask her why she thinks it keeps happening to you, and what she thinks you should say to these people about it. I would suspect that if your careful in your wording, and you're not TOO serious about it, you'll find out how she feels about you, and you can just take it from there.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Samantha
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Hi, Jollylollipop! I LOVE your name! Anyways, I need some help: I really want to earn money, but I am not 12 yet to babysit. What should I do? I REALLY want money!
Signed,
Money Hungry (link)
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Well, hello MONEY HUNGRY!
I should first tell you that my name is Samantha. I am a new columnist here at Advicenators, and I am answering your question because I volunteered to answer some RANDOM questions to get me started. That said, on to your question.
First, just let me say that you have a GREAT ATTITUDE! To be so goal oriented and financially consciencious at your age is very rare, and having the smarts to seek guidance for it is almost unheard of! Therefore, I believe that you will undoubtedly go far no matter what it is that you choose to do in life. Now, to help you get started.
First, you do not specify whether you are male or female, so I can't yet suggest anything real specific, but I'll do my best to give you a general idea of things that you can do.
First and foremost, take out a pen and a peice of paper and write down your interests, starting with your favorite things to, and continuing on to things of lessor interest, but that you still like. List as many as you can, and then think hard! Is there some way that you can do ANY of those things now and make some money at them?
For instance, if you like to mow lawn or garden, you could talk to your parents, and if it's okay with them, put an add in the paper offering to mow lawns or help people with their garden work for either a per hour fee, or a set fee, whichever you like.
If you like to craft or bake, you could make some items, and then ask your parents to help you arrange a bake sale or a craft sale in your community.
Find out what people in your community need help with and then charge them money to help them with it. Wash cars, rake lawns, paint houses, clean houses, feed chickens or groom horses, organize a dog bathing party, or start your own dog walking service, or a dog or cat sitting service. Many people work very long hours and cannot be with their pets when they want to be. Offer to watch their pets at your house for them while they're at work. Start thinking in these directions, and I'm sure you'll find something you can do that you will enjoy.
I know that you are not yet old enough to babysit, but you may be old enough to attend some daycare classes. Have your Mom or Dad look into it for you. This way, you could get your babysitting certificate or daycare license now, so that when your old enough to babysit, you're that further ahead of the game.
And lastly, if you can't figure anything else out for now, go through your belongings. Figure out what you don't want anymore, or what you can do without, and then sell those things.
There are endless possibilities, but the main thing is to keep that great attitude and NEVER give up! Pay attention to your talents and your interests and share them with your parents. Ask them to support you and help you to shape these talents and interests into a career for yourself. The sooner you get started, the better chance you have for a really wonderful future.
Keep up the good work!
Samantha
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