Gender: Male
Occupation: Homeland Security
Age: 38
Member Since: July 7, 2010
Answers: 16
Last Update: April 28, 2011
Visitors: 2744
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19/f
hi. so this is a really long story but i'm gonna try to make it short. i dated my boyfriend for 7 months. we hooked up during the first week of college and we were together the whole year. we hung out all the time, i slept in his room every night, we woke up every morning together, we live in the same dorm building, basically it felt like we lived together. anyways, 2 weeks ago i had a date event for my sorority and he was texting his friend the whole time making fun of girls in my sorority that he thought were fat/ugly and telling his friend he didnt wanna be there. of course this created a huge fight between us and i broke up with him because i was so mad. he apologized and said he didnt mean to hurt me and his texts had nothing to do with me and he was drunk when he sent them. we got back together the next day and then were fine until the weekend (even though i was still mad at him). on friday he broke up with me for no reason when he was blacked out and was being a huge dick. i got so mad at him and was so drunk that i went and hooked up with some other guy. let me make this clear: the guy kissed me. i just let him kiss me and then i freaked out because it felt so wrong and went to go find my boyfriend.. well we weren't actually together at that point but whatever. so anyways the day after we were fine and he didnt even remember what happened but i had to tell him that i hooked up with that other guy. he was angry of course but he broke up with me a day later telling me that he couldnt stop thinking about it and couldnt believe i would do that to him. i thought he was just trying to push me away so i would beg for his forgiveness.. so thats what i did. for 3 days i tried to get him back but he kept pushing me away and crying and telling me it felt like i cheated on him. (we do occasionally break up when were drunk and both know that were gonna get back together in the morning, so i know what i did was wrong). he asked me for space so eventually i stopped trying to show him i cared about him and left him alone. we havent talked in like a week but ive seen him around because we live in the same building. he has a dance on friday and hes taking another girl (theyre just friends, but still). ive just been so miserable the past week, literally i cant function. i just dont know if i should just not talk to him and wait and see if he wants me back or if i should go talk to him. because when we were fighting during those 3 days, the second i told him he was right and we should break up he freaked out and wanted to get back together. its like he wants me when he cant have me. usually im good with this stuff but i love him so much that its clouding my judgement. i dont know if i should just try to get over him because usually how i do it is by hooking up with other guys and i know that would completely ruin any chance i have with him but i cant stay in this state of confusion anymore. help? (link)
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He is in it for the "thrill of the chase. " You said yourself whenn you wrote, "its like he wants me when he cant have me.". This is not the type of relationship that you want to have. When you really do meet the right one, none of these games will happen. Move on, love yourself, build you self esteem, and you will know when it's right.
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I am a freshman in college and there's this amazing girl that lives down the hall. She is gorgeous and funny and so many guys text her and want her. At the beginning of the semester, we started becoming friends and we liked each other and hooked up at a party (drunkenly). We ended up sleeping in the same bed that night and from there, we started hooking up and it turned into something special. we slept in the same bed for weeks (but did not have sex). I really liked her and asked her out. She said no, but didn't really give a reason. A few weeks later she ended up telling me that she lost interest in me and didn't like me anymore. I was super depressed for a few days and she ended up talking to me about it. She said that she doesn't want a boyfriend and her feelings changed. After that, she was really mean and cold to me and embarrassed me in front of all our friends and there was a lot of tension. We started arguing a lot and it was almost like she didn't even want to be my friend. She would roll her eyes every time I entered the room, etc. I got really mad at her and bitched her out calling her mean names (drunkenly). There was a lot of tension, but then we made up. She all of the sudden started being nice again and it was just like it used to be. Now we have become friends again and I feel the same dynamic from when we were "together". I really want to date her, but I don't know if she likes me again. I think she still thinks I think she is a bitch and that I lost interest, but I really think she's the sweetest girl I know and I want to date her. I am not some sort of pig. I have never had sex, and I only hook up with girls that I like a lot. I want to know what I should do. (Tell her how I feel, or let her come to me). Everyday when I get a text message, I hope it's her asking me to hang out and watch TV like we used to. (link)
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Be careful of this girl. Her completely inappropriate response to you yelling at her, is huge red flag in her emotional stability. Just, be careful.
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I'm really just not into this guy at all any more... we've been dating for like six months or something and I can't stand him. He likes me way more than I like him. But he recently moved like an hour and a half away and we're still dating i guess and I have a car but I really don't want to drive an hour and a half there just to break up with him and then drive back so is it completely cruel if i just text him? I'm just so done with him UGH (link)
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If you break up by text, you may end up making it worse for yourself. The reason being, he will be calling and calling to find out "what he did wrong. " Eventhough it isn't pleasant, you would be doing. both of you a favor by at least calling him to break up.
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16/f
Is it wrong to genuinely hate my mother?
I was adopted from birth and feel as if I've always felt neglected by my mother ever since I was little. From what I can remember, there's always been something kind of quarrel or discrepancy, and it's frustrating, because I used to try really hard to, as much as I hate her, acquire some approbative pride in me from her...
She's a bigot, self-righteous, narrow-minded, intensely judgmental, and has always more or less acted officiously toward everyone else besides my dad that yells at her, and once he yells at her, she'll start throwing things and slamming doors, cupboards, etc.
I know I'm not a five year old anymore, but it really bothers me, and whenever I visit home (I begged my parents to allow me to attend a boarding school), I just want to get away. She screams, and has fits. I go to therapy, and although I know I'd never act out so rashly, I find myself always at ends with this feeling of conflicting emotions. When she screams at me, I want to bash her face in, but act with a calm and understanding demeanor, which just makes her look like the child, and so, she just get's even more worked up...
I'm not sure what else I have to ask, but if anyone has any advice as to how I should deal with this, I'd greatly appreciate it. I don't want to grow up to become one of those resentful women who despise their mothers. My mother's an educated woman, but for some reason she just--she acts like a bitch.
Thanks
(link)
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First, I really and truly believe that you will not grow up to be a woman such as what you don't like about your mom. My father always held back on showing affection and was very intolerant of anything that wasn't his way and it was always extremely difficult to do anything right. Well I am a father of twin boys now, and I could not be more different than my father was as far as giving my boys all the love and validation that they can take. What I am saying is that we are not predestined to "become our parents ". Especially when the experiences of our childhood teach us what NOT to do. I have a strong feeling that you will grow into a wonderful woman and fantastic mom when the time comes. One last thought, from the very small snippet you gave, I would hazard to guess that your mother's problem is with your father and not so much you. It's not uncommon for a parent who can't resolve their anger with a spouse to take it out on others. It's not right, but it happens. Sometime, just sit down with her casually and ask her what's up (in general). Then just let her talk and ask questions that can be redirected to issues that you two are having. Don't press, just let it flow naturally. Most importantly, just listen. Most people just wanted to be heard and feel that their problems matter. Perhaps you can be that person for her. It may not work right away, but don't give up after just a few attempts. She may suprise you and open up. And by the way, when was the last time you gave her a hug and/or kiss on the cheek?
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i went to a restaurant n sat on d toilet seat .,, it was a bit wet so i really sccared will i get preganant? (link)
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Lucy is absolutely right. Rest your fears. There is no way a sperm could make it from a toilet seat to one of your eggs just by sitting on it. No way....if someone told you this, go back and tell them to do a little research before they give you nonsense like that.
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He told me he's not keen on girls with nerves of steel.
what does that mean? (link)
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Sorry this answer is short but its all that is needed. Skip this guy! Find someone who IS keen on it! What you have are awesome traits and when the right guy comes along he is going to LOVE this about you!
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Hello I am a 13 year old girl I like this boy and his brother told me that he likes me and I want to go out with him, should I give a hint, or ask him myself or wait and see if he would ask me? (link)
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I am always very careful of advice that I give to anyone when I know they are under 18 years of age. In your case, if your parents are ok with you dating then.....definitely ask him out! Do not wait for him. Boys at that age are WAY too afraid of getting rejected to ask you out. PLUS the added bonus is that you will give his self esteem a boost by asking him out. A win win solution. Have fun and keep things uncomplicated by not having any "getting serious" issues. At your age, you have an incredible amount of life and experiences left. Just go out and have good clean fun!
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can i have sex with 2 men at the same time? (link)
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If you are talking about 2 other people you know...ESPECIALLY if you are in a relationship with one of them....be very careful! What seems like a good idea now can turn into a LOT of resentment down the road. Think it out carefully. If this equation contains any type of commitment level on any of the 3 players parts, it could ultimately end in disaster. If there is no emotional link with anyone involved and you know you will not have issues with self devaluation, then I say go for it! Got your feedback. If you don't even know what an answer means then why would you follow the advice. My answer is quite clear in indicating that this activity could end in DISASTER! AND BY THE WAY, nobody said "no" except for me. You should immediately seek counseling if what you say is true. However if you are just making things up to seek attention, you should definitely seek counseling!
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18/m my best friend is 17/f
Ok, so basically...I have a crush on my best friend. I don't know what to do. But there's more. She has a boyfriend that she really likes...I'm leaving for college soon...we've been over this before and she said no....AAHHHH!!!! I have no idea how to deal with this anymore. I've tried just playing nice and ignoring how I feel about her, but I can't control it. It really bothers me anytime she talks about him and how much I need to meet him and stuff. I don't know. Any advice is welcome, and if anyone has any questions, just ask me, I'm not too sure what else needs to be put. Thanks guys and gals (link)
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As much as it hurts, this is actually an easy question to answer. Note that I did not say that the answer would be easy to DO. You are going away to college. The distance and lack of proximity to her is most certainly going to take it's toll. You have to approach it like any loss and allow yourself to grieve. Whatever that means to you and whatever that entails, do it. Do not hold it in. Any one who says real men don't cry is an idiot and they have no clue as to what a REAL man is. Allow yourself to submerge yourself into grieving. Eventually, minute by minute, day by day,month by month the pain WILL go away. At this point you are ready to make yourself emotionally available to other women without carrying the "baggage" into a new relationship and having it sabotage the new relationship. Do NOT bother looking for a girl during this phase. Sincerely....don't look for another girl at all. I do not know why it is....some people say it is the confidence you exude when you do not appear needy to women....but it really is true and works like a charm. Don't even think about looking for another girl. Women DO NOT want a man that is needy and clingy. They want a man that is confident in himself and can provide the feeling of safety and security for them all while being their equal. (I never said it would be easy, lol)You are going to make it past this I promise. And you are going to find someone that is going to be emotionally available and whom you believe is the most wonderful woman in the world. You have a lot of living to do my friend. Don't tie yourself down needlessly by self pity and the heartache of "what could have been". Your whole life is out in front of you. Grab it and hold on with both hands! It is going to be a wild and awesome ride! Take good care of yourself.
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16/f
I have a gay friend which claims it's not against the laws of nature while I think it is.He said animals can be homosexual.Has he lost his mind?! (link)
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Sorry. I have to disagree with noname. People are the only species that copulate for pleasure. Animals do it from a pure instinct to make more of themselves. In other words, animals only have sex to procreate. It is an instinct they go on...not "thinking".
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I'm a 15 year old guy and, as I write this question, I have a pacifier in my mouth.
I was wondering, what do you think of a teenager secretly sucking on a pacifier?
Do you think I am normal? What should I do?
Thanks (link)
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You are absolutely normal. What you describe is linked back to something in your early childhood and your "oral phase". For what ever reason, your brain has chosen not to let go of that as a self comforting method. I would recommend that if you want specific answers that you see a licensed professional counselor of some type. Most of them are awesome people and can really help you get to the root of your questions. Do not worry about people finding out. Counselors are bound by law to keep your privacy and can face very serious consequences if they don't. No one will ever know. Are you able to talk to one or both of your parents to see if they could set up an appointment. You don't even have to tell them what's going on if you don't want to. Just assure them everything is ok and nothing bad or harmful is or has happened to you. Just that you want to talk some things out with a professional. I hope it all works out for you. If it doesn't there is always Google. Just make sure the information on the websites are from reputable sources! Again...there is absolutely positively NOTHING wrong with you!!!
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So im turning 20 tomorrow, and my mom asked me to come over to have dinner with the family. I asked my boyfriend if he'd like to go to dinner with me and he responded that he had plans already and he wouldnt be able to. Hes having a party at his new apartment.
Well, ive just noticed that he probably forgot my birthday is tomorrow. Should i just let it go and not remind him??? I dont care about presents or anything, but hes been a bit of a dick lately, and if he honestly has forgotton im probably going to be pretty upset.
What should i do? (link)
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You are on the right track already! Trust your gut and be true to yourself first! A party can be rescheduled. A birthday cannot. Don't let any guy make you cheat yourself out of anything! This is more than forgetfulness. HE has chosen a party over you. Let that sink in. Take care.
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hey so im 15 f
~well me and this guy in my classs during school would always flirt and like touch and constantly just flirt.... well...recently we started texting ALOT like all day! and he has recently started to talk sexually.... like he wants us to do stuff.... so now he wants us to hang out and you know ... do stuff.... well i have never done anything before.... like not even kissed.... welll not like actuallly..... so like i reallly wanna have fun with him ! but like i wouldnt go past oral .... well maybey not even that I DONT KNOW YET! like idk what to do ..... do it ... or not do it... so like basically what i am asking is..... what are the positives and negatives to taking him up on his offer? and please dont give negatives i want positives to! :) THANKS :) (link)
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I absolutely agree with max. No positives. Not one. The problem is whereas we have experience behind us that tells us what we did right and wrong in high school, you don't. So when we tell you there are no positives 1) Because of your age and 2) Because even YOU are questioning yourself! Listen to that little voice that when it tells you is the right thing to do....you don't want to listen. THAT voice is the one that is right. I promise you that this will mean so much more than even what you can imagine now, when you are older and truly ready. Never allow someone to talk you into something that you are still questioning yourself about! Take care of yourself first and do not worry about what the boy is going to think if you say no thank you, I want to wait! You will so thank me a few short years from now.
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Ok so I have never like reall kissed a guy before and I don know how to. And please don't say you will figure it out it comes naturaly or something please!? Thanks alot! :)
~Kaiya (link)
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Assuming that you are old enough to be engaging in this type of activity.... :) The most important thing is if it is truly right, you will not even care that you "don't know how to kiss." The love and emotion of the situation will overcome your fears and all you will think about is the fireworks that are going off! And if it is right, your guy will be experiencing the exact same thing. It is an awesome thing! Just don't rush it. When it is right....you will BOTH know :) Take Care!
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Ok imma young girl who is in love with an older guy and he says he loves me to what do I do? (link)
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Most young women as they grow up are absolutely crazy about older men. They generally go for older men due to issues they had with their father or other adult male family member in their younger life. Be careful that you are not just looking for an older man to fulfill what you unknowingly perceive as a lack of love and stability in your life. You probably feel all safe and secure with him. And that is the feeling that you are longing for. There are better ways to deal with this issue than being with an older man. And by saying all this, I am going on the assumption that the age gap is significant and probably illegal. Get out now. This will only lead to heartbreak. Find someone you know you can trust and is not interested in you for a relationship. Such as a counselor. Just the fact that you are asking for advice on this with the information you have given.....is setting off red flags and alarms and tells me that it is NOT right or ok. And deep down, you know it too!!!
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22/f
Okay, due to my past, my heart has literally turned black. I don't trust guys and it find it very hard to even maintain a conversation with them. Like they'll ask to meet with me (because honestly the guys that try to talk to me are from like Mocospace and chatlines or whatever and yes I know they are bad places or whatever), but then I shut down and never talk to them again.
I will not lie, I am a BBW (or in layman terms, "Obese") and on the account of my low-self esteem, I have been talken to and used for sex numerous times, to the point where I don't even want to have sex anymore. I get turned off by the idea of having sex with a man and kinda would rather want to do it with a female... that's how severe it has been.
Why is it that I shut down when it comes to guys now? I tell them the truth about myself as far as my looks are concerned but I still stop talking to them....
There is another guy that I have known for a year who adores me, and I admit that I have slept with him before and then I shut down on him to. After it happened I stopped talking to him. Then he found me again and is trying so hard for me to date him, but to be honest, I am not really attracted to him and he is a little cocky for me...
I don't know what to do. I am at a complete loss. What can I do? Where can I meet guys? I am in college but attend a large college so talking to guys is scary especially if your are new to campus.
I know have a lot of good qualities about me... but I think guys can't get past my exterior... so Idk... any advice will be greatly appreciated...
How can I stop shutting down on guys and where can I meet decent guys that will likely accept me for me? (link)
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I think NinjaNeer's answer is very close to perfect. I just want to stress a point. You can not love someone if you have no respect for yourself first. Loving who you are first, gives you the strength you need to give of yourself to another in a relationship. You said it yourself, "I know I have a lot of good qualities about me." Go and RUN with that. Find yourself, love yourself, and as Ninja said...don't look. Because as you are making yourself happy....others WILL notice and there is nothing more sexy than a happy self confident woman.
You take good care of yourself. --Todd
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