sunshine's advice column | sunshine's Advice About Friendship

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Q: Hi, I am 17 F and last year I had a massive fall out with the girl I had been best friends with for 10 years. I was properly horrid to her and she was horrid to me as well. The argument went on for months and she started to turn the whole school against me until I had no friends. Over the summer vacation we all got over it and came back to school better but we never really talked again. Any way I started to notice that she was getting thinner and thinner and suddenly she wasn't in school any more. I asked the teachers where she had gone and it turns out she had been batteling with anorexia nuvosa. It started to get really bad and she went downhill majorly. She is now in hospital and has been given 3 months to live because she is so thin. I feel terrible because I didn't support her when she clearly needed help instead I was angry with her. It's my fault she is going to die because I ignored her and was mean and I don't know what to do. I am not allowed to go see her because she has been sectioned. Please help

Let's be clear about one thing- This is absolutely NOT your fault. I am absolutely sure that she would tell you that herself if she could. She would not want you to be burdened with this guilt over something that even she could not control. Write her a letter to let her know how much you valued her friendship and let her know that you are thinking of her. Send her things to remind her of the good times you've had together. Little things like this will mean a lot to her, just knowing that someone is thinking of her.

Q: I`m going to start out by saying this will be long, but thanks so much to anyone who reads this all and helps me out.
I have this best friend, Casey. Words cannot descibe how much of a bff she is to me. She knows everything about me, and always knows what I`m about to say. Were with each other 24/7 and we hardly fight. She`s practicly my sister, we do everything together.

A week ago, she got this new boyfriend, this guy that I didn't like before she started dating him. His name is Nick, he`s 12, shes 13. Casey is a virgin, he isn`t. They`ve already done sexual stuff together and its their first stupid week together.

Last night I was hanging out with both of them and Nick lit up a ciggarrette, and exchanged some pot with another older guy. He offered us both some, Casey would have taken some, but didn't when she saw how mad I got. We were way back on the golf cart paths somewhere, and it was raining, I didn`t want to be in the situation so I started crying and ran away. I was lost along the paths cause I had no clue where I was. Casey didn`t follow me, even though she promised me earlier if I wanted to leave she would come with me. Nick chased after me, blew smoke all over me, and burned me with his ciggarette to make fun of me. I ended up calling Jordan, my other best guy friend, he and his mom drove 45 minutes back into the woods to pick me up only to find I was stained with the smell of ciggarrets, and crying all alone, cause I knew my best friend was slipping away. I don`t know what to do, she used to be a good girl, she never would have done any of this. Now she won`t listen to me, at all, she said she`ll never accept any of the drugs, but I know she will, she almost took them last night and she told me "they were no big deal" She got mad at me when I left cause I was being "immature and embarrassing her" When my dad picked me up, after Jordan dropped me off at her house, he smelt me and now he thinks I`m a smoker, and won`t belive that it wasn`t me. What should I do? PLEASE PLEASE guys, I`m really upset, I`m losing her, please.

I'm sorry to say, but you two are growing apart. You should write her a letter and let her know how you feel. Even though it'll be hard, you should give her some space. Make sure you let her know that you'll always be there for her, and hopefully when she comes to her senses, she'll realize what a good friend you are.

Q: Is god real im confused

Yes, I believe that God is real, because I wouldn't be here if he wasn't. I don't mean that just in the creation sense. You see I was born 2 monthe premature with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. The doctors didn't think that I would survive 24 hours. My grandmother started a prayer chain that spanned across the country. Obviously I survived. When I was a year old I still couldn't walk. The doctors told my parents that I would never walk and that due to the lack of oxygen to my brain during birth, I would be mentally and physically handicapped. When I was 18 months old, I took my first steps. Then the doctors said that by the time I was 12, I'd be in a wheel chair. Well, I'm 26 years old and I've never spent a single day in a wheelchair. I took honors classes in highschool and graduated and went on to college. I guess what I'm trying to say is I know that God is real, and it's proven to me with every step I take. My life and achievements have defied medical science. The only explanation that satisfies me is God heard my grandmother's prayers and thanks to her I'm here today.

Q: ok well i was looking at ppls xangas and i come to this one xanga and these two guys were like we are looking for two girls to fuck and eat out. they were saying how they want stuff. well i thought it would be funny to leave a comment so i did, but then i relized that they could look at my xanga when they click my comment!!! and my pic is in there!!! im afraid they might look at my xanga and talk to me about that shit, im really scared, i dont wanna talk to them idk what to do HELP I WILL RATE SOOOOOO HIGH

All you have to do is block them from your site.

Q: my boyfriend cheated on me & my best guy friend gave me a shoulder to cry on. while i was venting to him, he just kissed me. why he did this i dont know, but Im just really confused. did he do it to make me feel better or because he likes me or what? i'm really confused.

I think your friend wants to be more than friends. Follow your heart and everything else will fall into place.

Q: heyy, omg i am really gud frends with my frend...and well she has everything i have ever wanted..like shes so hot, has no pimples, darklong thinck eyelashes...and well nice hair...all the guys i like fall 4 her, she says she likes them after i do FIRST! then wen they ask her out, she says NO!! and i have told her 2 stop flirting with my crush but she does it even more...how do i stop the crazyness?!!

She doesn't sound like much of a friend if she continues to do something that hurts your feelings. Tell her how you feel and if she doesn't stop, then she obviously doesn't really care about you. Maybe you should find a new friend.

Q: (I asked this question to everyone before, but I have certain favorite columnists so I'll just ask them now)
Okay, well, there's a guy I know from MSN who I've been talking to for about a year now, friend of a friend, never met him in person. Last year we mentioned that it might be interesting to actually meet, though he did think that it might be a little awkward, but twice our plans got screwed up one way or another so we just dropped the subject. I didn't speak to him all summer because his computer broke down, and when he came back on I thought maybe I'd mention our idea again. He said he thought it might still be weird, but I said we should give it a try anyway because there was nothing to lose. He agreed and even suggested a place we could meet. A few weeks later, on a Friday, I said how about Sunday and he said yes, but we didn't decide on a time or anything, and come Sunday I didn't see him online until the late afternoon and he didn't even bring up our half-made plans. Anyway, the point of all this is that I really don't know what to do, whether I should keep trying or not. I really want to meet him because I like his personality but for all I know he finds me annoying. I don't know whether to let it go for another while so as not to seem desperate, or if I should just confront him and ask him to just tell me whether he wants to meet me or not so I can go from there. I really don't want to sound pushy. Sorry this was so long, but any advice would help. Thanks.
P.S.:Before I got answers about being careful because i don't know him. This is true, but I'm just telling you now that there's no need to worry about him being some old perv, I know 2 of his friends and random people who went to school with him, he ain't armed or dangerous, folks. :)

I think you are definitey more interested in meeting one on one than he is. He might just be scared that you won't like him in person. Maybe you should just keep being on-line friends and once you get to know each other better he might come around. I think on-line friendships are awesome because you can get to know people without physical appearance getting in the way.

Q: Ok, I just started becoming closer friends with this girl this year, and now she WON'T STOP CALLING ME!! Like, every single day, twice a day! I don't wanna talk on the phone with her every day. How do I get her to stop calling without hurting her feelings?

Blame it on your parents. Tell her that your parents don't like for you to talk on the phone much, so she shouldn't call to often.

Q: OK here's the deal. I smoke cigarettes .. yes I know all the bad stuff about it already and I know I shouldn't do it, blah blah blah. My best friend doesn't know tho. Shes my best friend in the entire world and I hate keeping this from her. A couple of people who she doesnt like know I smoke. She doesnt even know i talk to them. I hate keeping it from her. I dont want to quit. She thinks smoking is really stupid. How can I tell her about it ?

She probably already knows and she's just waiting for you to be honest with her. Since she's a non-smoker she can smell the cigarettes on you, even if you can't smell it on yourself. So just come clean with her.

Q: Hi my name is Jess i have this really really close guy friend who has been my friend since 1st grade now he has a g/f and i dont like him but for some reason i feel jealous. Could anyone tell me y im jealous?

I think the reason you feel jealous, is until now you were the only woman in his life. Now there's competition for his attention. If you are lucky, she's a good person and you will become friends. Don't think of it as losing your friend, but gaining another friend.

Q: Okay, this might sound stupid but here it goes: My friend is obsessed with the fact that I have a lot in common with her boyfriend. Whenever she brings up the subject, she'll call him and ask both of us what things we like, and if we say the same thing she'll scream and say that we're going to fall "madly in love." I've told her hundreds of times that he's going out with HER, and he obviously LIKES her! I've spoken to her b/f once, and I don't like him that way, but she's obsessing that he's going to break up with her for me.. whom he's never even met. She's mad that she has NOTHING in common with this guy, and that I do, and I don't want to lose her as a friend.. and she won't listen to anything I say!

Sorry for the long post, but any ideas on what I should do?

Her concerns come from her own insecurities and really have nothing to do with you. You may want to point out to her that if she keeps obsessing over this, then she's not investing the time in her relationship like she should. Her boyfriend may get tired of it, and end the relationship. Maybe she should spend more time trying to find the things that they have in common, rather than obsessing over the things that you have in common with him.

Q: Ok heres the problem.. my friend got her peroid in 5th grade.. so she gets it normally now.. but when she was supposed to get it this month she didnt.. She never had sex.. what could be the problem?

It's normal for your period to be irregular for the first few years. Don't worry about it.

Q: Ok theres this girl who I've been friends with for 12 years, and our moms even longer. I'm so sick of her because shes really mean to me one minute and nice the next. If I tell her about it she'll like scream at me and then i'll get in trouble with my mom. Also, she doesn't get along with anyone because she's really weird and stuff and she follows me around and its SO ANNOYING! PLEASE HELP!

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Talk to your mom first and tell her how you feel (that way you won't get in trouble). Then just be honest with the girl and tell her that you don't want to be her friend anymore.

Q: Well...I met this girl name Jenni and we started talking and then my brother was single so I started to get them to talk since she's one of m oldest friends and I thought they'd hit it off... suprisingly they did...well a few months later...after they started going out...Jenni told me that she cheated on my brother...with one of her friends Roxie's brother Chad...and I know them too...Jenni swore up and down that they only made out...and I trust her...but I also promised I wouldn't tell my brother...well one night my sister was saying how my brother and Jenni made a pact that they could do whatever whenever with whoever and I was like Wut the heck...so me and my sister confronted my brother and told him about her cheating on my brother...the pact was made after she cheated on him...turned out my sister heard wrong...and they never made a pact...like that...should I have told my brother...or should I have not told my brother to keep Jenni's trust with me?

You did the right thing by telling your brother. He's your blood and he should be more important to you than any friend. Just look at it this way, if he found out that your boyfriend was cheating on you, wouldn't you want him to tell you?

My brother's ex-wife cheated on him while they were married, but I didn't know until after he found out. But if I had known, I definitely would have told him, even though I was close to her.

Q: see my friend she always flirts w/ this boy i like and it gets me sooooo mad am i just jealous and should i tell my friend to stop i know she does it on accident but she does it everyday! so help plz

If she does it on accident then you should point it out to her, and let her know that it bothers you. If she's a true friend, then she won't do it anymore. (At least not in front of you.)

Q: hey i am 14/f i reli need sum help with dis i hav dis friend n she tells me everything n we ben thro quite a bit i was always therre for her wen shtuff happened n i always helped her out tha problem is dat weneva i hav shtuff goin on dat i need 2 tlk bout she never listens lyk i start sayin sumthin n she'll cut me off n start tlkn bout herself or i want 2 tell her a funni stori but she interupts me in mai first sentence n starts sayin sumthin bout melissa(one of her reli good friends) i dunt wana confront her bout it cuz i kno dat she will get reli mad cuz she always tells me dat she is therre for me but in reality she isnt PLEASE HELP thank u sooooo much

* aLiCiA *

She isn't much of a friend if she's not willing to listen to you. You really should confront her. Tell her how you feel, though the truth may hurt, if she's a real friend, she'll be be glad that you brought it to her attention. If not, then she was never really your friend to begin with.

Q: i recently moved to a new town and dont know any kids here im going to a new highschool starting 9th grade in 2 weeks but im scared i wont make any friends...is it easy to make friends and meet people there???thanks

Chances are there will be other kids that are in the same situation as you. So just look for anyone who looks as lost as you feel and go up to them and start a conversation.

Q: ok.. one of my best friends uncle died last nite we were all really close with him but they were like really close n shes talkin about killing herself wut do i say to her to help her try n stop trying to kill herself? help i rate high

The best thing I can think of to tell her is that her uncle wouldn't want her to die. That he would want her to go on living and enjoy life, even though he's gone. And if she can't do it for herself, then she should do it for him.

Q: Last question today i swear ..
Well whenever my best friend is around her boyfriend she id relly mean to me and starts like changing what do i do?

Maybe your friend thinks you are being a third wheel, and just wants to alone with her boyfriend. But if she were a true friend, she would just be honest with you instead of treating you badly. I think you should talk to her and tell her how you feel.

Q: well the thing is that most of my friends live far away and until i get my cell phone soon then i have no1 to tlk to at all except my fiancee whos away on business all the time..sumtimes i need sum1 to tlk to but there is no1 here to tlk to me cuz if i tlk to one of my sisters they all run their mouths and stuff and im jus confused cuz my sisters give good advice but sumtimes i jus need to tlk sum1 and not get all my business spread around..im jus sayin what do i do?..i mean sumtimes i really really need sum advice or sumthin but i have no1 to tlk to at all and it makes it hard for me..

Just do what you are doing now--If you need advice, just post your questions on advicenators!

You can also try to make friends that live closer to you.

bio

I can give advice to anyone of any age, because I'm still young enough to be able to relate to the problems that teens face, but I'm not so young that I haven't had to deal with adult issues. So if you have any questions, just drop them in my inbox, and I'll answer them as soon as I can.