about

HEYYY :D i'm in college and i'm a psychology major. i've had many experiences with boyfriends, crushes, friends and family. i know quite alot about sex and sex related issues, so feel free to ask me anything about that! i will be completely honest because i would want the same in return.

if you drop one in my inbox, please try to be as detailed as possible (like your age & gender) so i can be as helpful as possible :D

advice

are you being fake if your being too nice to a person you dont like? lets say you dont want to talk to them but when the person starts talking to them you end up talking to the person you dont like because you are too nice to say "i dont want to talk to you" so you talk behind that person's back?

I don't necessarily think that's fake. You can control what other people do, and if the person you like comes up to talk to you. Just be straightforward, blunt, and don't egg on the conversation. I do the same thing when someone comes to me I don't like, I just don't sit there and say "Don't talk to me" or "I don't like you", I answer there question or I say very little so they get the idea. I wouldn't talk behind there back though, but if someone asks you about the person you can honestly respond "I don't like him/her" or "I don't even want to talk about him/her" and leave it at that. There's nothing wrong with being polite, but don't be over the top nice.

[view]

Okay, im in sixth grade and i have an AMAZING best friend, let's call her hailey. I also have another friend, her name is hannah. now hannah has this group of friends, that i also used to hang out with and they were really popular last year but not really anymore. What they do is accept me into their group, but then they dont talk to me. at all. they ignore me, they never laugh at things i say. When they do talk to me, it's to make fun of how well im doing in school or what im wearing. I try to ignore them because they aren't real friends, they're all bitches but then they all get pissed at me and talk trash about me behind my back like "She had been so crabby lately". And it's like I wonder why! If they want me to hang out with them and sit by them at lunch, maybe they should actually treat me in a respectable way. am i right? what should i say to them?

These girls sound.. bored.. and jealous. Basically that's it, and it's simple. They see someone "new" in their group, and to make things more exciting, they try to pick on you and try and get other people to laugh. It's pretty pathetic. I don't know why you're hanging out with them actually..? Have you tried talking to Hannah about it? Since she is your friend, maybe she can tell you why they're doing it or to get them to stop. If that doesn't work, I'd either not sit with them, or just play along and laugh like it doesn't bother you.. they'll start to get the point.

[view]

so basicllyyy i keep having these problems with every trip and idk what to do. i have friends but just everytime we go on a schoo ltrip of something we have to take a bus and i always worry about who to sit with. to the point where i dont go becuase im too scared about the bus ride. please help me. what do i do?

Well...are you worried about sitting with one friend which would leave another out? or you just can't decide who to sit with?

I used to have the problem of deciding which friend to sit with, since all of my friends used to fight over who we would sit with and either people were left out or were angry!

You should ask one of your friends the day before the trip if they'd want to sit with you. Decide who'd be the most fun to sit with or who you're the closest to. Basically say "Hey, let's sit together on the bus tomorrow and keep eachother unbored!" or something along those lines. Don't keep worrying so much and then losing out on fun trips ! The bus ride is only so long, and then the actual trip/destination is the main event. If you don't want to actually ask a friend the day before, play it by ear. As everyone's getting ready to get on the bus, grab a friend and ask then so it doesn't seem like you have been worrying.

[view]

ok so i have this friend and we have been BFFs for 6 years. We have had some of the best times and were always honest with eachother. but all of a sudden shes been lying to me. and i can even prove it. she goes and tells me something about her family ( cause her parents are getting a divorce, and she might move to florida) and then her mom will tell my mom something totally different. Shes even been lying to me about who she hangs out with. like the other day i got a text from her saying dont tell taylor were hanging out (BTW im taylor), and i was like WTF? and she was like that was supposed to go to someone else. Idk what to do, i mean i give up everything for her.... any advice?

It doesn't seem like something seriously to get worried about. To break it down, 1) the lying about her family & their issues, she might be getting different info or maybe she overheard her parents talking and exaggerated or got the wrong idea. Her parents could have told her they were moving and then changed their minds, so don't blame her for that. She's probably really confused and doesn't know what's going on. And 2) about that text, she might have meant to send that to you to get a reaction.. or she may have been hanging out with someone you didn't like or something along those lines. Talk to her and see if everything's okay. Ask her if she has any problems with you or if something is going on and that she can talk to you about anything.

[view]

Hi my name is Abby. I am a senior in high school at age 17 yrs. and my best buddy is one age older than me and at the same grade level. I have known her for about 3 years and during time we have become close friends,even with each other's family.When she needs help I am there just like any good friend and I know it's the same for her, but lately she has been acting weird. She asked my little cousins if they can record by camera, what we were about to do?And out of nowhere she kissed me, but I remember that she's been wanting to do that but just for "fun"in front of people. I really got freaked out, because she has a boyfriend,I'm a girl, and I'm into guys.Then she grabs me and then laughs about it like if I enjoy "playing" like that. Then after a week later we hang out again and we went to the park with my cousin's. I imagine she likes kids,because she's always playing around with them. I see her coming towards me and sits on top of me,when I was sitting on the grass. She begans to slap me,bitting my neck, and than when my cousins were pushing her to get off. She suddenly kissed me a couple of times and then she puts her tongue on my mouth and that was disturbing. One of our friends came by and did it the same thing again and this time I bite her tongue as a sign to "quite it"!Then later that day she turn on the water hose and it was on my side,so I got wet.When I was just sitting on the grass.I got so mad, but I didn't do anything,so I kept it all inside.Then,her brother made it worse he got a bucket and wet me on purpose calling me a "whore"! I got so angry and I started beating him up!She pushed me and slapped me.I didn't want to hit her, because I care for her alot and we always treat each other like if we were sisters, and I ended up crying.She is very exposing to our friends of her body and she enjoys torturing me by touching me,kissing me,and then getting mad about the dumbest things.I know I don't have the blame for her actions and it's not the first time, either! I always feel bad when,we get in a fight,because of her and I end up apologizing. Once I got really mad and she asked me for forgiveness, but the thing is that it's always the same thing! I don't understand her actions and one day she asked me about "us"and I need to wait for the right time for her to tell me, but then she said she was jocking! I don't really get her? Sometimes I think that she might be Bi sexual or she just has "to much" fun, or maybe it might be the Bi polar thing...yeah I think I should of put that on the beginning, but I don't thing that's the reason though,I mean she takes medication or is it?I really don't know what to do at this stage? I'm a bit confuse and I really need advise from someone that can help me? If this is a bit to long I apologize!

Hmm... so she does take medication? I don't know if it's a mental illness.. because at 17 or 18 years old, being wild and "playing" around is normal and what you do. If she is physically or emotionally HURTING you, that's when the friendship needs to be put into check and is in trouble. She could be bi-sexual or a lesbian, because she is kissing you alot and the biting and hitting is alot of aggression she has built inside. She could be really angry at herself for being attracted to girls, and she might be taking it out on you. The bottom line is that she needs you. You seem like a very good friend to her and you're stable. She needs someone stable to be there for her no matter what! Remind her that she can always talk to you about anything. If she hurts you and makes you cry, make sure she knows that you don't do that to a best friend. I doubt she's bi polar though, she's just a bit wild and crazy.

[view]

There's this new foreign-exchange student in my Spanish class. He's from Argentina (haha ironic, I know) and is living here with his cousin for three months. When he first came, all the girls flipped out because he's really cute, and the guys talked to him, too. However, now that everyone's used to him, not many kids talk to him. My teacher asked me to strike up some conversations with him because she know I'd be friendly. I also want to be friends with him. I've talked to him almost everyday that he's been here, but it's hard to do. I want to speak to him in Spanish so I can get better, but I don't know what to say! When I talk to him in English though, I feel bad because it's so much harder for him to talk to me in English, and he doesn't know some of the slang. What questions can I ask him without having him feel like I'm prying into his life?

I would definitely seem interested in his spanish heritage. Ask him about Argentina and if it was nice there and he liked it better than here. Tell him you've always wanted to go there (even if you haven't lol). Ask him to help you wish spanish! Ask him to translate some words from english to spanish. Just try not to use slang around him, and be sweet. You don't have to force a friendship or feel like you're being forced to talk to him. I think he would feel more comfortable if you seemed interested in where he came from and his language.

[view]

18 f.
my 2 best friends and I are going to the caribbean over spring break. We planned this trip few months back and were really excited. But over the past months my 2 best friends haven't been talking. One is putting in effort while the other one is not. Now mind you its 3 GIRLS we're talking about, and if we cant all hang out I dont know what we will do. I've been friends with one of them for about 3 years, and the other one about 1 and a half. My friends cant give me advice on it because its such a rare and horrible dilemma. So what do i do? Just try and live through the awkwardness? Try and get them to talk? It seems like its going to end up being a cruddy trip anyway. Oh, and by the way, there's no way one of us could just not go, we all want to go really badly. This is what we get for being so stubborn I guess.

thank you,
scaredredhead

Hmmm.. was there an argument between them recently? Or did they just stop talking out of nowhere? I would talk to them seperately. Ask them what's going on and what happened. You definitely need to get both sides of the story and see how each of them feels. If they don't want to tell you, tell them you're their best friend and you've got to figure this out and fix out. Try that first and if they both seem to want to fix it, get them together to talk. You guys are all best friends! You need to get through it together and remind them of the amazing vacation coming up. :)

[view]

Male, mid 20's.

I don't need advice on how to get my ex to be my friend again, I've already asked and researched and everything. I'm ready to be friends again.
I just don't know how to get her to talk to me so I can do all that. I mean, is there like a perfect email/blog comment/phone call that will make her actually take notice enough to let me say what I have to say?

It seriously depends on WHO ended the relationship and HOW it ended. Did you break up with her? She might not want to be friends then, because girls tend to be more emotionally involved and need a clean break to really move on. Trying to be her friend might backfire and cause her to get all confused and upset. Did she break up with you? If that turns out to be the case, I would approach it carefully. She might not want you in her life or she might think you hate her, so casually send her a text/email that says "heyy whats up with you nowadays?" and see how she responds back. If she doesn't respond at all, being friends probably isn't the best idea. Lastly! If it ended badly, chances are she's probably still pissed and it'll take alot more than a nice text/e-mail to be friends with her. Bad, messy break-ups never equal a good friendship, no matter how much time has gone by. Anger and frustration always prevails there.

[view]

I have recently started talking to a friend I met in 7th grade we are both now in 11th. We dated in juinor high and were friends after the fact. We have always had a love hate relationship. I knew she had just gotten a boyfriend and I hadnt talked to her in a while because my girlfriend is insicure about her talking to me. So I havent spoken to this person in a while. The other day I was quite bored and out of the blue my friend called me. She told me that a movie that we saw when we were dating when we, was on tv. I was surprised at this because that date was very significant in our relationship. I was even more surprised she would bring this up because I knew she is dating this other guy. She was nice in the begining of the conversation and then our usual her calling me and idiot jokeingly and such started to happen. I then thought to my self when we hung up was she flirting with me or something. Dose anyone this event could mean anything or am I just being paronoid.

In love-hate relationships, they never seem to end or go away. When a girl comes out like that, actually making a phone call to an ex, it means something. Usually girls won't make a drastic move like that, unless they're serious. In my opinion, if I wasn't over an ex and after some time passed and we were still friends, I'd call if I missed him terribly.

[view]

so im making a sn and im in 9th grade and i have NO idea what it should bee!

heres a little about mee:

i go by sam, sammy anything of the sort

im a girlyish girl

my fave. color is pink.

[im not really big on things like princess, queen, ect.]

XxXx's are good

same w/ xo xo

I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVERRR IF YOU COULD HELP ME OUTT!!

sammy xxo
girly girl 2o1o
samanthaaa x0
piink is hawt
sam i am x0x
pretty in piink
ssssammy 2o1o

i put the 2o1o since thats ur graduation year :]

[view]

okay well i have this 'friend' who was always nice to me to my face but always said stuff about me behind my back . we got into a fight that lasted about 2 months then she said she wants to be friends agian . my mom told me not to be friends with her becaause of waht she does because shes a back stabber! anways.. im sick of her doing that because she is only mean to me when shes with her friend and she will start fights with me . today [ like 10 minutes ago ] i gave her a piece of my mind and told her that she hurt me and what she does . ik what i did was right. idk what im relaly asking just i needed to tell that to someone . sorry♥

I'm not sure what question your asking or even if you are asking a question BUT good for you for telling her how you feel. She isn't a real friend and I hope you don't talk to her anymore. You deserve true people in your life, who won't talk about you behind your back no matter what.

[view]

I have this really good friend and I've known her for about 3 years. We're really close and all but i feel like I like her a little more then a best friend. I know im not a lesbian because i've had boyfriends and been completely comfortable with them. it's just that my friend is always there for me and always makes me feel better about myself. has anyone ever felt this way about their best friend? Or could i be bi? what do you guys think? (I'm 14/f.)

That's great that you feel so close to your best friend! You are very lucky to have someone so close for 3 years. If you think of her as more though, maybe you feel a romantic way towards her, that is totally OKAY. There's nothing wrong with being bi or lesbian. Sometimes girls just fantasize about another girl who is really close to them, and soon after that feeling just fades away naturally. Don't read too much into it! Just go along with your friendship like it is.

[view]

My friend is doing drugs a lot. She smokes weed every day and does ecstacy a few times a week. I have talked to her about it a lot, and she's not going to change. I don't know if I should tell her mom or do something else. So what should I do?

First off, talk to her AGAIN. Believe me, ecstasy is way more dangerous than weed. She could take it a million times, but then one time it could kill her. Let her know this is serious and if she does not change, you will tell her. If your friend argues and yells, resist the temptation to just let it go. Tell her she needs to stop for her own benefit and make sure she knows you love her and care about her. She will be angry at you for awhile, but later on she'll thank you for her life.

[view]

my friend ran away from home because her dad hits her and no one would help her and now the cops are out looking for her but she's afraid of going back to her house because her dad hurts her a lot he's put her in the hospital a couple times. she asked me not tell anyone where she is but now she's been staying with a druggie so she's been doing drugs and i don't want to see her get caught up in that again. how can i help her?

She definitely needs help right now and you definitely need to tell an adult right away about your friend. You have to explain to this adult or the police that her dad has repeatedly hit her and that she is getting involved in dangerous things because of it. If you know where she is staying, you have to tell someone you trust. If you're asking for advice about this friend, you must care alot about her & thats really good but you have to get her help as soon as possible. She might be mad and feel betrayed by you but she'll thank you in the end, because you'll save her life. hope it all works out hun xo

[view]

I have this one friend...we've been friends for 2 years. Well, this past year we've gotten closer, but now I think we're getting TOO close. She says I'm HER best friend, but I already have a best friend. And she always makes me hang out with her in the morning at school, and gets mad at me if I want to go with MY best friend even though we just sit in her crushes homeroom. She always tries to make plans with me on the weekend even though I always do things with my best friend. She makes me do her science homework for her, and she borrow my science book every day even though I don't WANT too! It's getting out of control and I'm starting to be very extremely annoyed of her. I miss hanging out with my best friend!! It's like she thinks WE'RE best friends, even though its clear we aren't. I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm afraid if I just keep letting things go on like this I'll end up really despising her. What should I do?

I've definitely been in the same situation when I was younger. Some girls tend to become clingy with someone they have alot in common with and are scared to lose someone. You have to tell her, nicely, that sometimes you want to hang out with your other friend. Explain to her that you cant do her homework because you have your own work to do. If she's a true friend, she won't get all mad but she might be a little hurt. Let her know she is your friend and that you are always there for her. xo

[view]

Ok i have this friend that is like a big drinker and i try to get her to stop but it is just not working what should i do. if you can help write. M.Lee

If she is under 21, you definitely need to get her help. If she drinks atleast once a day, there is a serious problem. Alcohol is a drug that can be easily abused, so she might already be an alcoholic. Tell your parents/her parents about it or write a letter to her or talk to her privately. Don't let this go on, because it's better to stop this problem now than let it go any further & get worse. good luck xo

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker