Sorry for the length, but thanks in advance to anyone who answers.
Here's some background info: This year, they spilt up the districts for the school that I go to. They sent half of them, which includes three of my best frineds since first grade, to the new school & the other half, which includes me & my other best friend (Nicole) since fifth grade. & at the new school, my best friend since fifth grade's boyfriend, Kyle, is also there. They've been going out for a year & for some reason think they're going to get married. & this whole week, Nicole's been acting sad & refused to tell me why.
So, I came home yesterday & Nicole called me saying that she needed to talk to me. I was all prepared for her to say her & Kyle broke up, & I was ready to go drive over to her house to comfort her. But then she says, "My parents transferred me." I started crying as soon as I realized what she was talking about. The thing is, when one of my friends asked her if it was her decision, she said yes. Then she told me it was all her parents decision. I haven't yelled at her or anything that most people would do. I've just cried. First of all, I don't enjoy knowing that my best friend doesn't give a crap about me & just flat out ditched me without caring. She keeps bragging about how much fun the other school's going to be also. Second, she lied to me for a whole entire week & won't take the responsibility for anything. Third, she went & complained to one of my other "best friends" that she thought I was mad at her. Then, to make a long story short, the girl who she complained to calls me & yells at me for no reason. I guess it's cause she thought I was mad? Anyways, everytime I'd try to stick up for myself, she told me to shut up. So eventually, I just stopped talking. That's what shut up means, right? So then she starts telling me what a horrible friend I am for being upset & that Nicole is the only one who has the right to be upset. THEN, she tells me that I'm stupid for not talking. & that was after she had just told me to shut up. I'm pretty sure it's just because she wants another friend at her school & doesn't care if I get ditched. I have't stuck up for myself at all while the two of my friends have been telling me all of this crap & how horrible I am. On the other hand, one of my best friends is actually on my side, & trying to help me through everything. I just keep telling Nicole I'm not mad because I don't want to upset her, but I've been crying for about two days now.
My question is, well, what in the world is wrong with my "best friends?" Am I handling this the right way? Do I have a right to be upset?
Uhmm, sweetie, you aren't the one being a bad friend here, she is. A true friend doesn't do that to someone they care about, including a "best friend", you do have a right to be upset. But seeing as you had tried to talk to her, my advice is to just stop hanging out with her, and be the the best friend that has helped you and has taken your side. Of course, that doesn't mean just hang out with her, hang out with all the girls, just not Nicole.
If she comes up to you, or lies again, just explain calmly that she has been a bad friend, and if she tells you to shut up, don't take it. Sometimes you can't do anything about someone when they are hurting you that bad and they don't seem to care. I've been having similar happen to my best friend.
What Nicole is doing, it may hurt, but just keep telling yourself this. It isn't your fault, and you aren't being a bad friend. She is the one being a bad friend. I don't know what is wrong with her, except that maybe she is upset about moving. You could ask her this, but just don't let her push you around, that is just wrong of her.
I wish you the best of luck, and if you need anymore help, just tell me your email in the comment thing, and I'll be glad to help you some more. I hoped I helped! =D
~Vera
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I can't believe this.. I feel like I'm losing most of my friends. Like there are these girls I've known since i was in 1st grade. we had fun and stuff and were friends who had their ups and downs years through out. now we are in 8th grade. me and one of the girls are moving to texas (different towns). I used to have problems with that girl sometimes when we disagreed we had fights and didnt talk to each other for a while. but we got over that and im just accepting her the way she is. but some of the other girls.. like 3 of them. like today im like "i wonder what you guys would do when me and ___ are gone." and that girl said they could survive without me but they really need ___. and that really got to me.. im like what kind of friends are this? i dont want friends who just think.. ok shes just this girl i hang out with but i dont really wanna be friends with her. like they did this secret santa thing this year.. we'd done it together 2 years before but its like this time they didnt let me in. i didnt say anything though about it. and when they have like private talks with one person like its usually never me. and im wondering why i cant know when im supposed to be their friend and they know how good of a friend i can be. so i feel like.. hurt.. like i cant believe its like this. it makes me excited for next year when i move to lose a lot of the crap friends i have here. and we're all in the same neighborhood so we've stuck together and hung out a lot more than i have with other friends cause its hard to drive up to their own neighborhoods since we dont live where the majority of the people in my school live. and these other 2 girls.. like it suprises me how people can change. one of them i was bestfriends from 4th grade to 6th. then after that.. its like we just dont have a lot in common and i barely see her so we just say hi in the hallway and stuff. and the other we've been bestfriends since like first grade! and this year shes inviting me already to her bday party in june but i hear from some girls in school about some xmas party she has.. and im not sure cause the party is on friday and she hasnt told me anything about it yet. well she hasnt been on the bus this week.. but it makes me anxious. im wondering whether to ask her or just not say anything and play dumb so she doesnt have to like embarass me on the bus by saying i wasnt invited. like.. i cant believe it cause i know we werent the best of friends anymore but i've been her good friend for a while, and now she's been getting more friends, but i stayed with her through thick and thin in the past. maybe im just too good of a friend. i hate that sometimes. like last year it suprised me when a lot of girls at my lunch table were going to this girl's bday party. i was in 7th grade at the time and i'd been good friends with the girl since like.. 4th grade. but apparently not since i wasnt invited. and then that summer i made a myspace and added her, and i asked like why she was acting weird around me and i cant remember exactly but she said something like she thought i was a bitch and weird.. and it really shocked me. i mean.. what makes people think that? are they just jealous or something? i feel like... ive never really had a good best friend. i'm always looking for new people, that could possibly be but i havent had one yet. like im not sure what im even doing wrong. i'd love to have a bestfriend like me. and then at school there are people you just talk to and its nothing after that. i dont want friends like that. thats practically not even a friend. like theres this girl and when shes around her other friends sometimes shes like "i hate you" and she says shes kidding afterwards when we are in a class with other people and we're all friends. and then shes like "Ily" and shes all nice and stuff. she used to be more annoying to me before but now shes changed and she thinks im cool now. and i dont get it. i wish i could seriously read minds you know? and after she says im cool and stuff she doesnt even think to invite me to her bday party and like everyone at my lunch table went.. i didnt even know she had a party. cause on her real bday i actually with my own money bought her jellybeans and a card as a present. she had her party later.. and im like wtf thats messed up. its just.. like im almost crying now and sorry that its pathetic. i mean im usually confident and stuff.. i cant seem to talk about some things like this with some people. i'll listen to them and try to help them and they wont really care or whatever to listen to my problems. or they act all sarcastic and stuff.. and im like why do you have to be like that? and my family they're good.. but some things i feel like i cant say cause i dont want to seem too pathetic or seem like i have no friends.. cause some people that arent like that.. and stick with me, like i dunno maybe im shallow or whatever but i dont really like their personalities and they're just being nice and friendly.. and ugh. i hope im not like that.. i mean i have fun with these people and then at the end of the day its like.. do they really consider me to be as good a friend as i think they are? im gonna take a risk and ask the girl if i was invited to her party tomorrow.. though im kinda nervous. i'll say that i heard it from this girl at my table cause i asked her and she said it was on friday (holiday party) but yea i havent heard anything from the girl. another thing, i got pics of our winter wonderland dance off our school computer, cause people took pics of people. i picked the best pics of my so called "friends" on myspace (dont freak, I know them IRL) and gave them to them, saying that i got it off the school comp for them. some girls deleted the pics even tho they were good, and one of the girls.. the one with the party put it as her top picture.. and i havent heard a thankyou from her yet, and when i gave her the pic im like "props to [insert teacher's name here] for taking the pics and [my name] for getting the pics from the school comp." but she never said that anywhere in the pic description. im not even gonna comment it now.. its like she was just like "oh cool a picture" when i got it off the comp for her. its so fricken annoying. i'd rather have 1 best friend i love to death than 100 friends who dont even care about me much. its just.. ugh. things like that shouldnt happen to me. even worse, we have a big field trip in spring where we have to pick who we'll sleep with at the hotel. 4 people per room. my parents already paid 200 bucks for the trip but i havent picked the people to go with yet! unfortunately they have to be within our team.. which sucks since people are already pretty much divided in their groups. i dont wanna be wedged into this random group i dont wanna be in and i dont want to like ask to be in someones group when they dont want me there and stuff.. it should be fun.. the best time of 8th grade, really. but now im just hoping maybe we get a new student or i make a new friend that can just be as good to me as i would to them. but its not that easy to find, unfortunately. please find a way to help me.. im sorry this was long. but i felt i really needed to say it before it like exploded or something.. cause its just messed up. you dont even know much i thank you if you can take the time to read this and help me. 13/f.
Wow...long...o.o but sounds like something that happened to me...^^; next time you have one that long, maybe make new paragraphs...they help...anyway
So, the friend with the myspace, one, she isn't a friend...no friend would do that (Unless she is joking, cause sometimes my friends and I joke like that, but we know we are just kidding)So...either lose her, or talk to her about it...
The other friends who said they could survive without you, again, talk to the one you know will listen to you. Tell her how you feel...that you want to still be friends, but her saying that and all that other stuff with the Secret Santa really hurts you...and you don't know what you did to deserve that kind of treatment. Sometimes (sadly) with us girl, we think maybe someone close said something, then instead of talking about it to see if it is true, we hurt back...it is really pathetic...but hey, only you can control your actions, not others.
And I would like to say...they will wake up one day. Middle school sucks because when you are in 8th grade, you think you are the coolest thing since sliced bread, and you are the top dogs in the middle school. So they could be going through something and think they are all that...it happens, trust me *remembers her middle school years well* they'll wake up soon...hopefully...
But if they end up just being evil, just remember all the good times you guys had, and keep what they did in the back of your mind when you get new friends. You know how you felt when they did all that, so you would know how to treat a friend.
Which makes you a better person, and they (the old friends) would made you a better friend and they would've made you who you are today...^^ remember that
I hoped I helped, and I wish you the best of luck! All and all, it's the girls loss if they don't want a good friend like you as a friend ^^
~Vera
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this school year, i've been moving from one clique to another cause i didn't fit in. until finally, i think my friends now are the ones.:) i love that they've accepted me and all but i can't help but get insecure because they're all pretty and fit. i know i shouldn't feel this way cuz there's more than just physical appearance but i can't help but feel it. especially when we go out and they could wear dresses or shorts with it looking good on them. please help meee.:(
13/f
Uhmm...sweetie, I don't think we can help you if you don't give us more info...like your weight and everything...you know? ^^; but you really shouldn't matter how much you weigh and stuff...cause you are beautiful inside and out...
But if you want to make yourself stronger and stuff, just excerise more, and eat healthy...like drink more water, drink milk (Believe it or not, milk helps you loose weight and makes you get strong bones =D) and try to dance a lot ^^ Get Cosmo girl cause it has something in it to help you get stronger
Hoped I helped girl! Good luck!
~Vera
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Im in love with my best friend Danny. But the thing is...hes gay and he obviously doesnt like me, but hes so sweet and I really love him with all my heart. And i asked my friend Dylana to talk about it with him. he said he is uncomfortable with the fact that hes gay, and im his best BEST friend and we have known each other for years.But i cant help it. he knows i like him and hes avoiding me latly. Hes home schooled but i will call him and he says hes too busy to talk, but when dylana talks to him, he is never busy. please help me. I want danny to talk to me again!
*sigh* You're going to have to burry(sp) your feelings for him, and tell him you don't love him anymore...or maybe just say you were in love, like love as a brother...or something. Or just tell him everything...and just spill your guts, and then say you're better because you needed to say all that, and say 'I hope this doesn't affect our friendship...I love you too much, as a brother, for us to start acting weird.' Or call him and if he says he is busy, ask 'Why is it you're busy when I call, but when Dylana calls you, you're not busy?' Good luck chica...
Hoped I helped!
~Vera
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alright i hav a distant relationship with this girl. she is 10 years old and im 15/m. ok first thing i kno what your thinking, the age difference. well i really dont care, age doesnt matter to me its the the person you found true love with. well anyways we are just distant bf and gf but someday we hope to meet eachother. when we were talking on the phone she said that she's gonna might be in some sort of trouble for making out with a guy who is like 15 years old. her friends knew and are going to tell her dad because they think it counts as child molesting. first of all does that even count as child molesting? the guy is only like 5 years older than her and i dont think there was no forcing they just kissed. oh and the girl may be 10 but she is more developed, she has the body and mind of a teen and i know her friends were just protecting her. so does it even count as child molesting? she said she might get some sort of counseling and i dont wanna lose her if they do anything to keep her away from older guys. i'm not like the bad kind of guy. it's just something about her makes me feel all warm inside..
Unless the guy forced her to make out with him and all that, no it isn't child molesting. And to me, the guy should let the 10 year old go, like some other people will say, she's just a kid! Doesn't matter how she thinks or looks, it matters on the age. And plus distant relationships sometimes never work out (sadly, I've learned this and so have my friends b/c we started dating guys who didn't go to our school). I wish you the best of luck, and I hoped I helped
~Vera
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I have been best friends with lisa ever since third grade. We were inseperable until this year (freshamn H.S). She got her first boyfriend in the beginning on the year and its been downhill from there. ahhg. She's now very arrogant and acting as if she's SO "experienced" and can get any guy that walks in her path which is untrue. She will not sit next to me in after school activities or social places like in the lunch room, but she'll sit with her friend natalie who is friends with the crowd her boyfriend is in. It's really hurtful that she is now a totally different person wanting to dress differently, acts like a cocky witch, shoves her new "friendships" in my face, acts like i don't exist if i'm around her in social situations, and expects me to be there for her through and through. She makes me feel like CRAP plain and simple. I have other friends, but is it worth it to keep with one?
thanks =/
Your friend isn't being a very good friend. If you are a friend to her, and she isn't one back, then really she shouldn't be worth your time. Sadly, friendships like this happen. Everyone changes time and again, when girls get their first boy-friend, they act different because they feel different...(XD Or atleast I did, but I was still kind to my friends and was still friends with them) To me, I would still be "friendly" to her, but I wouldn't be friends. I wish you the best of luck and I hope I helped!
~Vera
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I'm 14/f [And you thought a guy would be asking this question =P]. I don't have many friends and I'm fine with that and also the fact that I only have one true girl friend [let's call her Jane]. I'm not exactly a tomboy but I get along with the guys much better because...I don't know. We just click better than I do with girls. I have about 9 guy friends and Jane is my only girl friend. She has another friend [let's call her Jessy] and I'm okay with her but we don't see each other often...MAYBE once every two weeks? In the hallways? Plus, she's moving away this summer so it's kind of bleh. Anywhos, you're probably wondering what my problem is by now. Well, I know that I only like one of my guy friends. The others, I see them as my friends. The thing is that my parents think I'm going "gay" [I'm bi actually] because I have so many guy friends [my parents are homophobes] and they [my mom mostly] thinks that I have a crush on every one of them. Then there is the whole school deal. Most of the people that go to my school are like "OMG! He's a guy! I can't be friends with him because I'm a girl." And stuff like that. So if a girl has many guy friends and vice versa, you're basically screwed-- especially if you're a girl [that's me] that has many guy friends [that would be, well, my guy friends]. Last year, my friend who is a total tomboy got called a wh*re/sl*t/ and whatnot because she had so many guy friends and like one girl friend [like me. Woopdee doo.] So I'm afraid that's going to happen to me and have people thinki I like all my guy friends or something...
So is there any way that I can attempt to get more girl friends or just get over the fact that I get along with guys more easily? Ahh! I don't know. Just tell me what to do, please =)
Ah, I hate it when problems are like that. I get what you're saying cause when I was younger I used to be with guys all the time, but I was also friends with girls who hung out with guys as well. Really, if someone calls you a wh*** or something, they might be jealous that you have tons of guys friends and they wish they were you(XD Trust me on that one, well, atleast it was that way when I was 11) Just try to hang out with girls some, and see if you can drag some of your guy friends over there so that just in case you feel awarked you have one of your guy friends to help out! And hang out with Jane and her friends some days, you don't have to always be in a conversation when hanging out with people, just say something every now and then and laugh when you should and sooner or later you'll be able to talk to them! I wish you the best of luck!
~Vera
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Well im best friends with this girl.. lets call her Lily, well me and lily are best friends and im also really good friends, with this girl we can call Wendy
Well me and Wendy have been friends since like 3 grade
Well me and Lily been best friends since 6
Well Lily sometimes bothers me and trys to act cool but like doesnt try to, idkk its weird
well me and Lily are always laughing at her for stuff.
But do you think its mean? bcuz when we are we these certain people she will make me feel like a retard and stuff
but me and Wendy will make fun of her but then she ends up getting really made sometimes but gets over it.. like soon
its so stupid and confusing
i dont know whats going on
shoud i stop with the jokes??
Stop makin the jokes, I'm tellin you now. Look, joking with one another is ok, but if she gets mad about it, that should be a flag sayin 'Dude...stop.' look teasing is ok, me and my friends tease each other all the time, but we don't make each other the butt of the joke. Again, stop the jokes. Hoped I helped
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What's a good way of overcoming 'shyness'?
I mean, I have trouble talking to new people, especially ones I don't know. I would really like to be more confident, or what ever will help me with approaching someone. Any ideas or relations to this?
Hey, I'm in the same spot, but I have become a tad more outgoing. See, just hang out with people who you ain't (excuse me bad grammer...XD I'm a southern) shy around. and go to lots of parties...it helps, trust me, dancing with your friends and such will help you. Also, everytime you see yourself in the mirror, tell yourself that you look smokin hot, not matter how you look. And go up to people and just say hi and just ask them 'Did you have history already?' or something, just to be able to talk to them and also, you can see what classes they like. and most times just askin what's up can help as well. And just, hang out with people, and you don't have to talk, just bein there and sayin stuff everynow and then helps, and alot more people will talk to you if you do that. And look, a lot of people tell me this and it works, if you have no confidence in you when you need it, fake it. Walk down places like you are the greatest thing in the world. It helps, hoped I helped ya!
~Vera
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if ever i am talking to a guy, my friend always butts into teh conversation and will start to talk. even if the conversation has absolutly nothing to do with her. and sometimes these guys she isn't even freinds with! or i will talk to a guy then she will be like Bobbbbb!!!!! Bobbbb!!!! And it gets so annoying. How can I get her to stop?
the best way is to talk to her about it, but be really nice about it...and you know what else the prblem can be is that she is jealous of you that you talk to more guys and she doesn't, and since your there she can talk to them! honestly, the best way to handle this is to talk to her! Hoped I helped, and I wish you luck!
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I have this friend.She is a really great person to be around but sometimes she hits me for no reason.She pulls my hair and i yell at her and tell her to stop but she keeps on doing it anyways.What should i do?I already talked to her about it.
have you told your mom or dad? Tell them...NOW! If you told her to stop, and she doesn't, that's kinda bullying. Tell your parents(as I said) and tell your principal at your school, Your friend will get in trouble, but atleast you won't have to suffer getting hit and getting your hair pulled. If your friend gets mad, tell her you told her to stop and she didn't, and you didn't want to get hurt anymore. Hoped I helped, and good luck!
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I have been having issues with a friend and shes bene doing the same stuff to me for a long time since I met her. Everytime she gets ticked off for no reason, she blames it on a friend and I and we havent done anything to tick her off, etc. She doenst seem to realize though that all she cares is about herself and not us and how we feel, etc. She will not give up that her boyfriend is not good for her. He controls her, etc and she doenst realize he isnt good for her since hes making her uncorforable, etc nad wont give up on him and date other guys sicne hes not really a good boyfriend for her and that she wont get over her ex friend as she keeps sending her unwanted emails, etc and her ex friends has basically told her to leave her alone and stop contacting her. all we kept giving was this friend advice and she doest seem to want to leave her ex friend alone and she dont think that her exfriend will call the cops, etc because she is harassing her ex friend with the unwanted emails, etc and her exfriend doesnt wnat her to email her or have any kind of contact with her anymore for the things she done to her ex friend like tell people to prank call her ex friend, give out her number online for people to prank call her. I was one of the people she told to prank call her ex, but thank good that I didnt plus I cant make long distance phone cals and I dislike talking on the phone and I would never prank call anyone as thats just lame and stupid and her ex best friend has bascially has moved on and she wants nothing to do with my friend but she wont move on! so when ever we give her advice or if we arent doing a thing wrong, she will take her anger out on us which we done nothign wrong to upset her as she has these monthly tantrums where she thinks she can get her own way but she cant and I am really tried of it. I ma begi nning to think I shouldnt be friends with her and want nothign to do with her either like her ex friend becuase I am tired of her and her excuses and she doesnt really care how I feel, etc. So She will stay mad at me for a day or tow then the next day she comes back saying "I miss talking to you, etc" excuse and I am tired of it. I have known her for almost two years and I am sick and tired of her lame excuses, etc. So what should I do? I have tried time and time to try and tell her how I feel but she wont bother to listen to me or a friend or care but only for herself and all she ever talks about is her ex best friend and her boyfriend, etc and she dont bother or care what we say, etc. I know she will come crawling back to me begging for me to talk to her, etc. But I have told her numerous times how I felt along with a good friend of mine and she dont bother to care about us and how we feel, etc but only herself. Thanks. :) anyone ever been in a simular sitsuation or delt with this before? Thanks. :)
I guess the only thing you can do is really just stop hanging out with the girl. I know it sounds harsh and everything but something kinda like this happened to me but just say a friendly hello every now and then and if she truely needs you be there for her. If your friend doesn't care about you or your good friend...is she really a friend? And if your worried about her with the bad boy-friend...try to tell her and if she doesn't listen ask your mom! Really...asking your mom could help, if your mom can't think of anything...let the girl go and learn her own lessons. And the girl's ex-friend, tell her to block her e-mails. I hoped I helped
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