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falling apart. :(
I can't believe this.. I feel like I'm losing most of my friends. Like there are these girls I've known since i was in 1st grade. we had fun and stuff and were friends who had their ups and downs years through out. now we are in 8th grade. me and one of the girls are moving to texas (different towns). I used to have problems with that girl sometimes when we disagreed we had fights and didnt talk to each other for a while. but we got over that and im just accepting her the way she is. but some of the other girls.. like 3 of them. like today im like "i wonder what you guys would do when me and ___ are gone." and that girl said they could survive without me but they really need ___. and that really got to me.. im like what kind of friends are this? i dont want friends who just think.. ok shes just this girl i hang out with but i dont really wanna be friends with her. like they did this secret santa thing this year.. we'd done it together 2 years before but its like this time they didnt let me in. i didnt say anything though about it. and when they have like private talks with one person like its usually never me. and im wondering why i cant know when im supposed to be their friend and they know how good of a friend i can be. so i feel like.. hurt.. like i cant believe its like this. it makes me excited for next year when i move to lose a lot of the crap friends i have here. and we're all in the same neighborhood so we've stuck together and hung out a lot more than i have with other friends cause its hard to drive up to their own neighborhoods since we dont live where the majority of the people in my school live. and these other 2 girls.. like it suprises me how people can change. one of them i was bestfriends from 4th grade to 6th. then after that.. its like we just dont have a lot in common and i barely see her so we just say hi in the hallway and stuff. and the other we've been bestfriends since like first grade! and this year shes inviting me already to her bday party in june but i hear from some girls in school about some xmas party she has.. and im not sure cause the party is on friday and she hasnt told me anything about it yet. well she hasnt been on the bus this week.. but it makes me anxious. im wondering whether to ask her or just not say anything and play dumb so she doesnt have to like embarass me on the bus by saying i wasnt invited. like.. i cant believe it cause i know we werent the best of friends anymore but i've been her good friend for a while, and now she's been getting more friends, but i stayed with her through thick and thin in the past. maybe im just too good of a friend. i hate that sometimes. like last year it suprised me when a lot of girls at my lunch table were going to this girl's bday party. i was in 7th grade at the time and i'd been good friends with the girl since like.. 4th grade. but apparently not since i wasnt invited. and then that summer i made a myspace and added her, and i asked like why she was acting weird around me and i cant remember exactly but she said something like she thought i was a bitch and weird.. and it really shocked me. i mean.. what makes people think that? are they just jealous or something? i feel like... ive never really had a good best friend. i'm always looking for new people, that could possibly be but i havent had one yet. like im not sure what im even doing wrong. i'd love to have a bestfriend like me. and then at school there are people you just talk to and its nothing after that. i dont want friends like that. thats practically not even a friend. like theres this girl and when shes around her other friends sometimes shes like "i hate you" and she says shes kidding afterwards when we are in a class with other people and we're all friends. and then shes like "Ily" and shes all nice and stuff. she used to be more annoying to me before but now shes changed and she thinks im cool now. and i dont get it. i wish i could seriously read minds you know? and after she says im cool and stuff she doesnt even think to invite me to her bday party and like everyone at my lunch table went.. i didnt even know she had a party. cause on her real bday i actually with my own money bought her jellybeans and a card as a present. she had her party later.. and im like wtf thats messed up. its just.. like im almost crying now and sorry that its pathetic. i mean im usually confident and stuff.. i cant seem to talk about some things like this with some people. i'll listen to them and try to help them and they wont really care or whatever to listen to my problems. or they act all sarcastic and stuff.. and im like why do you have to be like that? and my family they're good.. but some things i feel like i cant say cause i dont want to seem too pathetic or seem like i have no friends.. cause some people that arent like that.. and stick with me, like i dunno maybe im shallow or whatever but i dont really like their personalities and they're just being nice and friendly.. and ugh. i hope im not like that.. i mean i have fun with these people and then at the end of the day its like.. do they really consider me to be as good a friend as i think they are? im gonna take a risk and ask the girl if i was invited to her party tomorrow.. though im kinda nervous. i'll say that i heard it from this girl at my table cause i asked her and she said it was on friday (holiday party) but yea i havent heard anything from the girl. another thing, i got pics of our winter wonderland dance off our school computer, cause people took pics of people. i picked the best pics of my so called "friends" on myspace (dont freak, I know them IRL) and gave them to them, saying that i got it off the school comp for them. some girls deleted the pics even tho they were good, and one of the girls.. the one with the party put it as her top picture.. and i havent heard a thankyou from her yet, and when i gave her the pic im like "props to [insert teacher's name here] for taking the pics and [my name] for getting the pics from the school comp." but she never said that anywhere in the pic description. im not even gonna comment it now.. its like she was just like "oh cool a picture" when i got it off the comp for her. its so fricken annoying. i'd rather have 1 best friend i love to death than 100 friends who dont even care about me much. its just.. ugh. things like that shouldnt happen to me. even worse, we have a big field trip in spring where we have to pick who we'll sleep with at the hotel. 4 people per room. my parents already paid 200 bucks for the trip but i havent picked the people to go with yet! unfortunately they have to be within our team.. which sucks since people are already pretty much divided in their groups. i dont wanna be wedged into this random group i dont wanna be in and i dont want to like ask to be in someones group when they dont want me there and stuff.. it should be fun.. the best time of 8th grade, really. but now im just hoping maybe we get a new student or i make a new friend that can just be as good to me as i would to them. but its not that easy to find, unfortunately. please find a way to help me.. im sorry this was long. but i felt i really needed to say it before it like exploded or something.. cause its just messed up. you dont even know much i thank you if you can take the time to read this and help me. 13/f.
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Wow...long...o.o but sounds like something that happened to me...^^; next time you have one that long, maybe make new paragraphs...they help...anyway
So, the friend with the myspace, one, she isn't a friend...no friend would do that (Unless she is joking, cause sometimes my friends and I joke like that, but we know we are just kidding)So...either lose her, or talk to her about it...
The other friends who said they could survive without you, again, talk to the one you know will listen to you. Tell her how you feel...that you want to still be friends, but her saying that and all that other stuff with the Secret Santa really hurts you...and you don't know what you did to deserve that kind of treatment. Sometimes (sadly) with us girl, we think maybe someone close said something, then instead of talking about it to see if it is true, we hurt back...it is really pathetic...but hey, only you can control your actions, not others.
And I would like to say...they will wake up one day. Middle school sucks because when you are in 8th grade, you think you are the coolest thing since sliced bread, and you are the top dogs in the middle school. So they could be going through something and think they are all that...it happens, trust me *remembers her middle school years well* they'll wake up soon...hopefully...
But if they end up just being evil, just remember all the good times you guys had, and keep what they did in the back of your mind when you get new friends. You know how you felt when they did all that, so you would know how to treat a friend.
Which makes you a better person, and they (the old friends) would made you a better friend and they would've made you who you are today...^^ remember that
I hoped I helped, and I wish you the best of luck! All and all, it's the girls loss if they don't want a good friend like you as a friend ^^
~Vera
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wow this was really long but i think i have an answer you are still young (like me) enjoy the years dont worry about "am i losing all my friends" because my best friend in the whole world i met at summer camp and she cant go to camp next year and she lives in GA and i live in LA so im never going to see her again but it dosnt mean we dont love eachother
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