ClurBur's advice column | ClurBur's Advice About Friendship

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October 23, 2006

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Ok well about this time last year my grandfather died. We were really close, i lived with him and my nana for 4 years when my family was looking for a house. He used to pick me up at school (when i was in preschool) and we would go out to lunch together. I loved to spend time with him and he meant so much to me!I always used to go into his den with him and we would watch The Price Is Right together. I always felt like i could relate to hi b/c he had breathing problems, and i have asthma, so he would always give me cough drops. Well, back in 6th grade I had a bad cold so my doctor put me on this medicine. The medicine messed up the lining in my stomach and i couldn't stop throwing up. It was really scary b/c every time i threw up i got a bloody nose too. I threw up for about 3 days really bad and i hadn't eaten anything for a week, so my mom took me to the hospital b/c i was getting worse. I stayed int he hospital for about 3 days. When i finally started to get better I didn't want to take the bus b/c i get bus sick sometimes and i still had head aches form being sick. So one day i asked my grandpa to pick me up from school. When he was driving me home i noticed he was swerving a little on the road, and that was really unusual for him b/c he was a police officer for 30 years and was really good at driving. When we got home ( he used to watch my sister and i after school until my dad got home) i noticed he was a little shaky,i thought it was normal b/c when i lived with him he was always getting rushed to the hospital b/c he couldnt breathe and he was always sick alot, but my dad asked me about it when i got home and i told him that he seemed different that day. Well, he was rushed to the hospital that night and i found out he had a stroke while he was driving me home. I was only 11 back then so i didnt really know what to think. I just remember being dissapointed b/c i was supposed to go on a cruise with my nana and grandpa in a few weeks, but he didnt get out of the hospital until the day before so he didnt go (and now i wish more than ever he did b/c it wouldve been my last vacation with him) Well off and on for the next year he was very sick. I was used to him being sick and he always pulled through so i thought he would make it. It turns out that he didnt and he passed away on Februrary 13th. It was on friday the 13th and it was such a hard time for me. The last thing i did before he died was kiss his hand and he died early the next morning. I was into making clay sculptures and my grandpa loved them! I made him one that night but he was too sick to notice it. I didnt mind, b/c i knew he wouldve loved it even if he had seen it. Its been a year now since he died and my life has just been going down hill. My cousin was born a few weeks after my grandfathers death with down syndrome. We love him no matter what and hes so adorable, but its still hard b/c ppl with down syndrome only live to be about 45-50. My uncle just recently passed away too and many of my family friends have been getting sick and dying too. I just feel like everything is going wrong and i've just been upset lately. I feel alone b/c no one understands. My freinds tell me i'm so emotional but they really don't understand what i've been going through. I try to explain but they tell me i have a good life b/ i wear abercrobie clothes and have money to buy things and live in a nice house. They tell me my life is so good, but i'd give up everything i have to see my grandpa again, becuase money doesn't matter to me at all. They always tell me that there are ppl that have it worse than me out there, and i realize that, and i have sympathy for them, but i'm going through a rough time too, but my friends just don't undertsand that. I just feel like everything is so wrong, and i also feel like i'm the reason why my grandpa is dead. I always think that if i had just sucked it up that day and took the bus then he wouldn't of had a stroke while he awas driving me home. I just don't know what to do and i don't know how to make my firends understand.
Any advice would be great..and ps. sorry its so long! i can never sum stuff up!! ps. i'll rate high

Im sorry to hear about that! Dont worry im not in this for the high ratings, it wouldnt bother me if you didnt rate me at all! First off, please dont blame yourself for your grandads death, really there is nothing you could of done to stop it, and im sure if he was here now he'd probably think you were silly for blaming yourself and the last thing he would want is to see you upset! Rather than think of him dying think about the good times you had, and it does seem like you enjoyed your times together, and you know.. thats the things you should be thinking about! Everyone at some point feels their life is going down hill but just think your not alone and your not in this alone! Your friends obviously dont understand how things are for you and it probably isnt easy for you to tell them, but aslong as you know deep down that you loved your grandad and your grandad loved you, no one can take that away from you! You have all the happy memories that alot of kids probably dont have these days, so they are the memories to cherish the most. I hope this has been of some help, and please feel free to email me on IxMzFaBuLuSxI@aol.com, it doesnt matter what it is you want to talk about, i'll be here for you! :o)