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I have a really good friend Sarah. Not too long ago, she continuously asked me who my "#1" best friend was. She said that I was hers and finally got it out of me that she was mine. She kind of had this look on her face that said "Finally! I thought she'd never say it!" but at the same time, "O yea! Now time to crush some girls lives..." I immediatly regretted saying that, becuase I don't like to look at my friends like a list of who I like best and worst.
Not too long after, she started getting along even better with her friend Britany then she had before. Now, she said Britany was 49% #1 and I was 51% #1. So pretty much, I was still "#1". Although it bothered me to think of things this way, it was conforting just to know that she liked me at all. So I wasnt about to go tell her off or something.
Eventually, I think she got mad at me. She said Britany was her #1 and my friend Desiree could be mine. (Id known Desiree since kindergarten but still didn't consider her my BEST friend over everyone else in the world.) This just about killed me, and my self esteem got really low. Especially since I had been trying so hard to become friends with Britany so this would feel like less of a battle over Sarah.
Just today, I tried confronting Sarah about this. This is how our convo went:
me:do you rate friends?
sarah: no... why?
me:do you remember in the first trimester when you were always asking me like, "whos your #1 though? whos ur very best friend?" and i finally told you that it was you? and then you said that i was like 51% and britany was like 49% #1? then, you told me that britany was your #1 and dessiree could be mine?
that killed me more than anything... and that was the last thing you told me. and now, here you are telling me "i dont rate friends? i rly rly need like a true, from the heart, deep down, answer. no more lies. do you think you could do that?
3:53 PM do you think you could tell me 4 real that you dont have a #1 but maybe two or three %0 or #30 %s?
sarah: i have 2
sarah: hello
me: yea
sarah: so...
me: you have 2 what?
did you read all i typed ther?
sarah: best friends in the whole wide world
sarah: ya...i did
me: do you mean me and britany or are you going back 2 just me...
im so confused.
because you said you were w/ me 50/50
i dont want you 2 say just me
sarah: lets just stop talking about this
me: that would suk if you went back 2 that
me: ok
sarah: thank you
me: im sry
sarah: you should be, jk
sarah: jkjkjkjk
me: ...
sarah: r you mad
me: no...
me: just confused like i said
sarah: yep
sarah: g2g
me: ok
I could tell she was avioding that and I didn't know why. I'm soo confused... please help me get her to stop doing this...and even if she does, can you tell me how to deal with it?
Thank you so so so so much! (link)
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heyy.. sorry i couldn't get back to you sooner, i've been very busy studying for midterms and such =\.
ok so i don't know how old you are, but you and your friend sound a lot like me and my best friend when we were in 6th and 7th grade. She always wanted to be my number one friend, and in the beginning i didn't really care about the "rankings" of my friends, but her influence was so strong, that i started to care about it. Soon enough, i really wanted to be her number one friend, and did not want anyone else to take my spot as her best friend. It was all just immature and stupid, and we now relize that.
You said that you think she got mad at you, and then started to say that britany was her #1 friend. -- this may just be her way of trying to show she is mad at you, or trying to get you upset since she was upset. we all do/say things when we are mad that we regret later on.
Also, she probably really likes you, and that is why she wanted to be your #1 friend. It is very hurtful when someone values a friendship more than the other person does, so she probably just wanted to make sure you valued your friendship with her as much as she did, but instead of going about it in a mature way she decided to make it a popularity contest when in the beginning you never thought that it was.
I understand how you feel when you say your self esteem got really low. Don't let it get any lower than it already is. You have to boost your confidence now before it is too late. Be outgoing to everyone, and even be nice to people who you don't particularly care for. If your nice, funny, and outgoing, everyone will like you, and if they don't, well that's there loss.
It's good that you confronted sarah about this, but you may have went about it in the wrong way. Instead of talking about you sharing your #1 spot with britany, you should have tried to mend your friendship with her. SHe got you caught up in this popularity contest, and you have to get out of it. Tell her that you think she's a great person, and don't want to loose a friendship over this whole thing.
You have to move on from this whole thing, just say your sorrys, and then be a great friend to her. Try and start over, and also keep Desiree close, because it is perfectly alright for both you and sarah to have 2 best friends.
If this situation continues, you just have to let time pass, there's really not much you can do to change sarah, she will eventually realize that she is being immature, but until then you just have to stick through it. My friend and I stuck through it and she is no longer jealous, and i do indeed have 2 best friends, her and another girl. =] If you don't think you can take it anymore, than become closer with a whole different group of people. Leave the past behind, and meet completely new people, because there will be no rankings there.
good luck =]
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all my life I have been judged by so many people. Im a nice person. I dont like being mean to people unless their mean to ME... I alway thought I looked pretty when I looked in a mirror, but sadly, nobody agrees with me. Everyone thinks im ugly! This ass named CJ is spending the night at our house and its only because he's on vacation from California and we have known him since kindergarden.... I was a stupid retarded little girl in Elementry school... I didnt know any better. I was always chasing guys for fun.... and now that we are in High School, I thought I had changed so much from then, but CJ said I havnt changed at all, and just now, I was upstairs watching tv, and Colton started a fight with me about how a chopper was a motercycle and not a helecopter (it can be both) but they his little friend joined in the fight and THEN the little bitch told me to shut up because I was annoying! it all started when the little booger wanted to play my brother's PS2, and I was watching tv, and these little twerps wouldnt stop making fun of me, and THEN my brother's little friend told said "Brittany told me your a dork" (he said it to me before, but when I asked Brittany, she said it wasnt true because she dosnt tell her brother ANYTHING) and im starting to think that everything everyone is saying is true.... I dont know why everyone is so mean..... I have dreams, but there crushed under the feet of my stupid brother, and CJ, and my sister Hollan, and EVERYONE! Hollan wont stop taking my stuff that little brat! Im a triplet, and my sisters have always been telling me "Thats why WE have boyfriends" and I havent gone out much, but my first bf was a fony... He asked his friend to ask my SISTER, Cher out..... but he accidently asked ME out instead, and I said YES! WHat was I thinking???? Well im really in a bad mood right now because today was also the day my dad made me do the dishes and he's not even getting the two little boys into trouble! its just me! Just because Im the older kid, dosnt mean that he shouldnt care about ME.
My family is soooooooo horibble... Me and my brother and sisters fight all the time, sometimes my mom even crys about it. But my sisters are bad people... They sneak out and stuff like that, and it makes me mad because they think their nold enough to have sex and all that (but I dont know if they have done it yet) but their the kind of people that think they get every boy they want... and the truth is.... they do... they get all the boys, and Im stuck inside.... Just today, I came outside and Hollan's all like "Go the fuck away! No one wants you here" and I just came out there to hang out with her friend Ali....
Everyone treats me like SHIT! I even bought my sister HOllan a $40 jacket at American Eagle Outfitters.... AND SHE'S STILL AN ASS!!!!!
(im not trying to brag) but Im a nice person! I dont like to be mean! I dont like to make people cry! But no matter how nice I am to people, they are always mean to me! THey call me names like dork, nerd, geek, and my sister even calles me a prude! It really makes me mad...
I remember I got in a huge fist fight with my sister Hollan on the front Lawn, and Monae and Ali and ANika were all watching and they didnt bother to do anything! I have been picked on my whole life and im too nice to do anything about it! I mean I usually dont fight back because I know I'll lose.... I always lose.....
I dont know what to think of myself now..... (link)
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ok well, look on the bright side, CJ is only staying there for a little while, so he is only temporary =] once he leaves then you have one less person to worry about right?
now i know that some people will say to be a bitch right back, but it doesn't sound like that is something you would do. also, think about it, if you be a bitch back, what will it solve? -- not much because then fight will just continue to get bigger and nastier.
so i have two options for you that may or may not work:
1) next time your sisters or anyone puts you down, just look at them. just stand there, and look at them, but show anger. you can sorta show that it hurt you, but then just walk away. -- so your probably wondering why i told you to do that. well basically, if you shout and get angry you have just shown them that they have won the battle. but if you just stand there quietly and walk away, it confuses them because they are expecting a reaction out of you. your reactions make there cruel behavior fun for them, it almost satisfies them to see you hurt which is pathetic.
2) just calmly say something like "do you really need to put me down all the time?" and see how they answer. but the key is to say it calmly, that way they know your serious. once again, don't throw a fit.
you guys are triplets, so you probably all look alike, the only difference between you and them is that they have put you down so much just to build their own confidence and then you are left with very little confidence. boys like confidence. just do your hair, put on some makeup and make you feel good about yourself because if you look good, you feel good =] then stand in the mirror and tell yourself you look pretty. i'm sure you are gorgeuos, you just lack the confidence, and plus you have a bonus feature, you are a nice person =] use your personality, not only your looks and even more people will like you.
if none of this helps, then just try going out with more people so you won't be home as much. if your relationship with your sisters doesn't change, maybe talk to your guidance counselor at school if you have one. my guidance counselor makes me feel so much better =].
good luck =D
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alright-
so this guy hes really sweet and everything i just dont like him in the way he likes me i didnt mean say sure when he asked me out he just looked really sad, i wasnt expecting it so i kinda freaked out and felt bad saying no. like this other guy so what do i say to him i dont want to hurt his feeling but i really dont like him whats the best way to fix this
help, i rate good answers!! (link)
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Well you've just gotta be honest with this guy, you can't lead him on... just tell him that he's a great guy, but you think its just best if you guys are friends right now... or something like that
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My mom and I had an argument over braces the last week and she got really mad. I'm going to get them anyway and she won't talk to me. It's been almost a week and she always ignores me..and doesn't tell me wen it's time to eat or anything.. PLEASE don't tell me to sit her down and have a talk..we don't have that kind of relationship..and I can't wait it out! Please don't critisize..I rate! (link)
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i dunno if this will help... but maybe you should just casually start talking to her again... like be like "hi mom, how are you?" or something like that... and if your dads around... maybe you can ask him to talk to her for you... you should try building a relationship with her because she's your mom and inside she really loves you... you can also talk to a counselor at school if you need to just get all your problems out,... make some time for yourself at night where you just relax and listen to music. hope i helped
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I recently went to an orthodontist and he said i needed to have braces on my top six teeth for six months to straighten it. Now my aunt takes her kids (my cousins) to this other ortho who does all the private school kids and she thinks that he is the best...she wants me to go to him and have a second opinion on my teeth..my mom disagrees..my mom doesn't think there's enough time to have a second opinion..now i'm stuck in the middle because my mom doesn't want to me to go but my aunt keeps yelling at me because she thinks the ortho that she goes to is soo much better! My mom was planning on getting me braces on april 15..but now that my aunt has gotten in the way, she wants to have the second opinion consultation on may 19! i don't know what to do because i am stuck in the middle!!! (link)
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i think you should think about what YOU want... then sit both of them down and say "ive done some thinking... and i know which doctor I want... my desicion isn't based on what you guys thought... its based on what i thought... and its not to hurt anyones feelings... but i want 'so and so' to be my orthodontist".. don't let them make the desicion for you... its your teeth and you need to pick who you think is best. (if i were you... i'd just want to get braces over with... i hate my braces!)
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ok this is going to be long but i neeed help! well im 15/f and i go to a big public school. lately ive been skipping classes though. and its not too big of a deal and i mean i know its really wrong but i make everything up and make sure i get all my work and have good grades. but i think my mom found out about it. and shes getting really upset. she hasnt told me anything but shes really sad acting and i hear her sometimes talking to my teacher and saying she wants to keep me in my school but she dosnt know if she can. and then today i looked up my computer history and i saw websites for all GIRL boarding schools in like north carolina and stuff and i live in texas! what is a boarding school? im not even sure! and i mean im a good kid but i use to skip a lot and i started again. so i geuss shes getting upset about it. i dont know what to do. i have a great life here. i have a great best friend, great boyfriend, great everything! if i had known about this whole boarding school thing i wouldnt have evvver skipped again! is there any way do yall think that i can talk to her about this? i already told her i wouldnt anymore. but i messed up! everyone does! ive just been messing up a lot more latley! and i really dont want to leave my boyfriend! im going crazy! what should i do?!?!?! pleaaaaase help!!! (link)
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im not sure what a boarding school is but i can try and help you convince your mom you don't need a boarding school... first figure out why you have been cutting class... don't make excuses to your mom... than just stop... go to all your classes and pay extra close attention this way your teachers might have the urge to call your mom and tell her you've been really good lately... show your mom you deserve to stay in your school and not have to move... try and get even better grades and make your mom proud... maybe you should try after school activities to impress your mom... you could say to yourself "ok... i can't cute class for 2 weeks" than at the end of two weeks reward yourself... and than try for 3 weeks and so on and so forth... your right... everyone messes up... mistakes happen... but you can always try and fix them
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ok sorry if this is kinda long....this is really hard for me to talk about ive never talked about this with anyone other than my aunt...
ok so my 28 year old aunt came and visited me and we are really close...and i was telling her that i think my parents are growing apart...and she said "no offense sweetie, but ive kinda always had a theory that your dad is gay, i mean me and your mom talk and the last time they had sex was when your brother was concieved...10 years ago" and naturally, i did take offense but i didn't tell her...the truth is is that ive always kinda thought the same thing but i haven't told anyone. ive been thinking about it recently because i caught my dad flirting with his boss (who is gay and tells everyone that he is) and my parents haven't spent there last two anniversaries together! my mom was out of state so my dad decided to spend them with his boss!! my dad also uses phrases like "oh my gosh" and "whatever" in a velley girl way...and he is very into fashion...and he is very feminine in everything he does....i mean hes not tall and buff actually quite the opposite...hes about 5'3 and 160 lbs.! I don't know what to do...some of my friends have asked me if hes gay and it really hurts me...but now...im starting to believe them...please help me! What should i do?? should i talk to my mom about this???
- hurt deep down -
Ill rate for anyone who actually takes my feelings into consideration... (link)
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well... talk to your mom definetly... but not only her... maybe you should talk to your dad too... tell your aunt you were offended... maybe you can go to a guidence couselor if your really having trouble... sry i can't be much help
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okay my best guy friend and my best girl friend are going out...i really wish them luck..but i cant help but feel jealous...i keep telling myself that i dont like the guy.but every time i see him i melt..the girl invites me to the movies with them but i dont think i could take it..watching them hold hands..is there anything i can do about it..or should i just sit back and watch them go out to the movies and crap right in front of me...i promise ill rate high and i really need help...(13 female) (link)
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you definetly like this guy... but you shouldn't try and steal your best friends man... its cruel... maybe you should go to the movies with them because its not like you guys aren't friends... plus it will give you time to be with your crush, but don't hang out with them all the time because they definetly want some alone time too.
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My fourteen year old daughter has been going out with this nineteen year old boy since the beginning of January, first of all she lied to me saying that he was sixteen. I am quite worried about this. Can somebody help me and tell me what I should be doing. She is my only daughter, in fact my only child. I am worried. Help. (link)
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I think that you should talk to her about how you feel... but don't tell her not to go out with this guy because if you raised her right, she'll be able to see what guys are the bad ones to go out with and which are the good... i would make a dinner date with them and get to know her boyfriend. You should trust your daughter and let her like who she wants to because you can't make her like sumone she doesn't want to
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ok yea hi there ok well im worried about my older sister shes 14! and shes in highschool and shes ALWAYS hanging out with seniors and she ALWAYS has guys over at the house and she has a bf and hes like one of my best friends ever! and they have been dating for a couple months now and im just worried about her cuz when she goes out she goes with seniors and they go get drunk and im afraid that sumtime she mite have sex with one of them! and if they do her bf will be really uppset and i don't know who to side with my sister or my best friend! HELP (link)
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Don't side with either of them, talk to your sister about how you feel, or tell a gurdian or parent. Tell your sister your just trying to make sure she's gonna be ok and u don't want her to get into trouble... maybe you and your sister can go to the movies together so that way she won't be hanging out with these seniors. As for her bf, he should definetly talk to her and even though this may be hard for him, he should dump her because from what you're saying, things just don't seem right between the two of them, it sounds like your sis hangs out with her friends more than her bf.
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