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Why does there have to be a #1?
I have a really good friend Sarah. Not too long ago, she continuously asked me who my "#1" best friend was. She said that I was hers and finally got it out of me that she was mine. She kind of had this look on her face that said "Finally! I thought she'd never say it!" but at the same time, "O yea! Now time to crush some girls lives..." I immediatly regretted saying that, becuase I don't like to look at my friends like a list of who I like best and worst.
Not too long after, she started getting along even better with her friend Britany then she had before. Now, she said Britany was 49% #1 and I was 51% #1. So pretty much, I was still "#1". Although it bothered me to think of things this way, it was conforting just to know that she liked me at all. So I wasnt about to go tell her off or something.
Eventually, I think she got mad at me. She said Britany was her #1 and my friend Desiree could be mine. (Id known Desiree since kindergarten but still didn't consider her my BEST friend over everyone else in the world.) This just about killed me, and my self esteem got really low. Especially since I had been trying so hard to become friends with Britany so this would feel like less of a battle over Sarah.
Just today, I tried confronting Sarah about this. This is how our convo went:
me:do you rate friends?
sarah: no... why?
me:do you remember in the first trimester when you were always asking me like, "whos your #1 though? whos ur very best friend?" and i finally told you that it was you? and then you said that i was like 51% and britany was like 49% #1? then, you told me that britany was your #1 and dessiree could be mine?
that killed me more than anything... and that was the last thing you told me. and now, here you are telling me "i dont rate friends? i rly rly need like a true, from the heart, deep down, answer. no more lies. do you think you could do that?
3:53 PM do you think you could tell me 4 real that you dont have a #1 but maybe two or three %0 or #30 %s?
sarah: i have 2
sarah: hello
me: yea
sarah: so...
me: you have 2 what?
did you read all i typed ther?
sarah: best friends in the whole wide world
sarah: ya...i did
me: do you mean me and britany or are you going back 2 just me...
im so confused.
because you said you were w/ me 50/50
i dont want you 2 say just me
sarah: lets just stop talking about this
me: that would suk if you went back 2 that
me: ok
sarah: thank you
me: im sry
sarah: you should be, jk
sarah: jkjkjkjk
me: ...
sarah: r you mad
me: no...
me: just confused like i said
sarah: yep
sarah: g2g
me: ok
I could tell she was avioding that and I didn't know why. I'm soo confused... please help me get her to stop doing this...and even if she does, can you tell me how to deal with it?
Thank you so so so so much!
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heyy.. sorry i couldn't get back to you sooner, i've been very busy studying for midterms and such =.
ok so i don't know how old you are, but you and your friend sound a lot like me and my best friend when we were in 6th and 7th grade. She always wanted to be my number one friend, and in the beginning i didn't really care about the "rankings" of my friends, but her influence was so strong, that i started to care about it. Soon enough, i really wanted to be her number one friend, and did not want anyone else to take my spot as her best friend. It was all just immature and stupid, and we now relize that.
You said that you think she got mad at you, and then started to say that britany was her #1 friend. -- this may just be her way of trying to show she is mad at you, or trying to get you upset since she was upset. we all do/say things when we are mad that we regret later on.
Also, she probably really likes you, and that is why she wanted to be your #1 friend. It is very hurtful when someone values a friendship more than the other person does, so she probably just wanted to make sure you valued your friendship with her as much as she did, but instead of going about it in a mature way she decided to make it a popularity contest when in the beginning you never thought that it was.
I understand how you feel when you say your self esteem got really low. Don't let it get any lower than it already is. You have to boost your confidence now before it is too late. Be outgoing to everyone, and even be nice to people who you don't particularly care for. If your nice, funny, and outgoing, everyone will like you, and if they don't, well that's there loss.
It's good that you confronted sarah about this, but you may have went about it in the wrong way. Instead of talking about you sharing your #1 spot with britany, you should have tried to mend your friendship with her. SHe got you caught up in this popularity contest, and you have to get out of it. Tell her that you think she's a great person, and don't want to loose a friendship over this whole thing.
You have to move on from this whole thing, just say your sorrys, and then be a great friend to her. Try and start over, and also keep Desiree close, because it is perfectly alright for both you and sarah to have 2 best friends.
If this situation continues, you just have to let time pass, there's really not much you can do to change sarah, she will eventually realize that she is being immature, but until then you just have to stick through it. My friend and I stuck through it and she is no longer jealous, and i do indeed have 2 best friends, her and another girl. =] If you don't think you can take it anymore, than become closer with a whole different group of people. Leave the past behind, and meet completely new people, because there will be no rankings there.
good luck =]
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