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My name is Angel, and I'm from northern California. I come from a large family where I'm the oldest, and I've lived a long, strange life. I have just about seen it all. In the last couple years, I have kicked a bad drug/alcohol addiction, and I can proudly say that I'm a sober teenage girl. I have a job, I'm a nanny/family assistant, whatever you want to call it. I'm a senior in high school, and I'm genuinely happy. I have a boyfriend, and we've been together for almost a year now. I have a lot of good advice, because I have a lot of life experience. I come from a broken family, I have step-relatives, and half-relatives. I just reunited with my mother after 10 years. My sister is a drug addict of the worst possible kind. I've been in all types of relationships. I guess it's safe to say that I know a little bit about a lot of things, and there's a lot that I know a lot about. Then there's things that I know nothing about, and that's when I ask questions. Thanks for reading my little rant, ask me anything. I check my email everyday, so if you can't reach me on my column, email me. ~Angel xoxo
advice
Ever since my mom's divorce with her ex-husband, she has been really angry. She gets so sensitive and mad about little things that happen. I miss the mom I had when I was little who was fun and loving. Now she has a new feonce and is about to have a baby. I can barely stand her and try to lean on my friends a lot through this, but I don't want my little sibling to go through everything I did with my mom's emotional status. I know that since my mom is pregnant, she can be a little hormonal, but she did it before she was pregnant. It's just worse now. My soon-to-be stepdad and I have to sneak downstairs to watch basketball or football now. And she always feels so alone. I do my best to stay with her, and be the peacemaker through family fights, but it's never good enough. Yes, I'll admit it, I'm a screw-up teen, but I don't want to be treated like one daily. I want my old mom back, but I know I won't see her. I know my mom won't allow me to go to my dad's because of his financial stage and he lives in a city that I never want to go to school again there. If you could help at all with how I deal with things or anything that could help. I already know that I'm the one who has to change to save our relationship because she's too "proud" of a person to do so. Thank you so much.
~kelsi~
Hey girl,
Believe it or not, you're doing the right thing. Just keep doing the next right thing for your family, and keep being patient. You said you're a "screw-up" teen, I was once one of those, and my step-mom is real moody, and I had to deal with her through two pregnancies, so I know how you feel. If you absolutely can't take it any longer, spend more time with your friends, as long as you have genuine decent friends that care about you, and you have love in your life, everything will be alright. I know it hurts and you long for a better relationship with your mother, but from what I read of your side of the story, I think you're doing the right thing. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and make sure you keep doing the right thing. It's hard dealing with mothers, but imagine what they have to put up with, kids like us. If you feel so inclined, have a real heart-to-heart with mom, sit her down when she's in a halfway decent mood, and just tell her how you feel. Her maternal instincts will kick in and realize that you're unhappy, and if nothing else, she will feel bad. If she can recognize where she is wrong at, then there's even more room for change. Don't lose hope hun, you can always leave one in my inbox or email if you need anything. If you want more of my contact information, let me know. Keep in touch and stay strong. ~Love Angel
thanks for the advice but my mom has been to those type of supprt groups and well you see what happened i know i should be tolerant but i can't be her only friend you know. i need a life to. i'm stuck and i don't know howto handle it. i'm tired of having to deal wtih all her crap even when she isn't drinking she is way to overbearing and i don't know how much longer i can take it i love her to death but she trys to keep me all to her self and it can't be that anymore i guess what i was trying to ask is ow can i get her to meet people and befirend thelm instead of pushing them away like she usually does because i want to live a normal teenage life not one stuck in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment until god knows when.
Well, for your own sake, I would still suggest al-anon, or ala-teen. It would be good for you, and it would help you love and tolerate your mom, as well as be patient with her. Try not to make her feel bad about not letting you out, but just tell her that she's raised you into a wonderful person and that you want to be able to share your endearing qualities with people outside of home. Tell her that you have friends, and they wish you could hang out. Don't guilt trip her into it, because alcoholics can be very different people when they're drunk, or sober even. Try to approach her at her best, preferably when she's sober. I know my mother is better once she's had a drink, easier to talk to. But if you approach your mom when she's sober maybe she'll understand that you mean business. If you want her to get out more, take her places. It sounds weird, but take her to a movie, go grocery shopping together, treat her like a friend, give her suggestions, if you guys are so close, she should listen to you. You're not out of options, you just have to be compassionate, and be patient before you see any sort of gratuity from your mother. I wish you the best hun, do stay in touch. ~Love Angel
okay this problem has been hearsince i was born. my mom divorced my dad and left my 4 siblings with him. i wasw about 6 months old when we left for nc to live with my grandma because she couldn't afford living on her own. while we lived there she neverm ade any friends or had anything to do with our family there besides my grandma. Since she had nobody all she had was me and she was stuck up my butt and would get mad if i wanted to go to a friends house or anything without her.so i didn't go places very often. she is also an alcoholic.She get really violent and she has also done a whole bunch of drugs. she would diappear for a wee or 2 at a time. she got caught and when she recovered she was stuck up my butt even worse. i had to start just leaving because other wise i would not have been able to do anything at all. well my mom's job trasfered her to a new town and her i am. we are close to my dad and them but she still is so far up my but and she is always right there when i wanna go somewhere. put it this way. i only have been to my friends house once and i had to fight to go. the only other place i have been is my sisters. she has started to drink again and she is getting to be unberable i can't do anything without her right there i'm 15 and i can't even go to my friends house. i don't want to live with her anymore but i can't live with my dad. he can't afford it. my sister is a sinlge mom with 2 kids so she can't afford me either. i don't know what to do i am terriable unhappy and i want to go back to nc. there are people there who could take me in but i can't leave because i need permission for my mom.and someone would have to buy me a ticket home. what do i do? i can't hardly take her anymore. i feel like i am in a prison. i have told her a million time but it never helps. What should i do?
Right off the bat, I would suggest going to Al-Anon. Look it up online and find meetings in your area. It's for family and friends of alcoholics, it will help you love and tolerate your mother, while you're still in her care. You're 15, so you can't really go anywhere without her permission. You could suggest that she go to Alcoholics Anonymous, and start a sober lifestyle, she could make friends there, and become a better person all-around. If you tell her she needs help, she may considerate because from what it sounds like, you're her only friend. You need to have patience with her. If she really has alcoholism, then treat her like she is sick, because alcoholism is a disease. You have to be loving and tolerant even if it hurts. Check out Al-Anon, or find some sort of support group. You'll find that it helps a whole lot to know that other people are going through what you're going through. Good luck hun, if you need any more advice leave one in my inbox, or send me an email. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I can give you more of my contact information. ~Love Angel
im onbly 10.... and i have been threwe so much! my dad used to beat the hell outta ma mom and now..... sice that. my mom gave him a nother chancee bac in 03 and he came to live wit us in our 2 bed room appartment... my dads had drug issuees and he left about a year ;later to move to WV .... we later moved bac in wit him in wv and he still continued to beat my mom..... she called my unclke and he came to get us... we stayed in a motel (a roach motel) and ow we live in the fuuckin ghetto its so hard for me to adjuss to this stuff. and i havent even talked to my dad for about 6mounts now....my brother is depressed.. im confussed and my mom. juss doesnt give a fuck and putss all her stress out on me and my brother..... what can i do to stop all of this maddness? what cn i do to get errything to normal, to get my mom to treat me andm ym brother then same.... times hqave been heard... but ino that wit hope./ erything cn go abc to normal
Like you said, with hope everything can go back to normal. Make the most of your situation, appreciate the close friends you have, don't try to play the hero, because you're only ten years old and you have so much more life ahead of you to play an adult. All you can do is be there for your mom and brother, maybe try to arrange an appointment with a counselor, for counseling or family counseling, anything. Don't blame any of this on your mom, because she does love you and it's hard to be a mom under those conditions, so respect her and love her for who she is, not the decisions she's made. As far as your dad goes, he doesn't seem like a great guy, so maybe you wouldn't want to live with him, but fathers are important, so try to maintain a relationship with him if at all possible. As far as your situation goes, keep your head up, stay out of trouble, and make the most of the good in your life. Take my advice, and good luck. -Angel
a few years ago, my mom got really sick, she was in the hospital for about 6 months, But the problem is, now that my mom is okay most of the time, she wants to get out and do things. However, she cant drive (and Neither can I, I'm fifteen) so we always have to take the bus. But recently my mom found out that her legs are too weak to walk or get up stairs, and has to take a special car service. There is the option of her bringing me along on the ride for free, but the car has advertising on the side, and people can tell that my mom is on disability and stuff. And it embarrasses me. A lot of my friends parents have big houses and lots of money, and I feel embarrassed about a lot of things about my life like my apartment, and the fact that we dont have a car and I always have to ask my friends parents for rides home. they are all really nice people and know about the situation, but it has been really hard for me to open up to my friends about it. Only my very best friend knows the whole story. And that makes everything so much harder, because I dont have any one to talk to about it. and when I tell my mom that I'm embarrassed by things like the car service, she just gets upset. she has learned to deal with the fact that she needs help, but I havent, and I dont know how to become less embarrassed, and learn to deal with it myself. All I've ever wanted is a life that seems normal, and knowing that may never be possible, is very hard for me to come to terms with. I realize that hollywood etc, portrays a false idea of normal, and that everyone's idea of normal is differnet. I'm very confused. I wish that I could get over the embarrasment and go on with life, but I dont know if I ever will be able to. What would you do if you were in my situation? Thanks in advance for your help.
Instead of dwelling on what you don't have compared to your friends, why don't you start appreciating more the things that you do have. Your mom was hospitalized for 6 months and lived through whatever she was fighting, that's AMAZING. There's people out there much like myself, who don't even have a mom. And you have one really good friend who you can confide in and talk to about your problems. One person that will listen to you and console you is all you need and that's great that you have a best friend. You also have to think that your friends can't all have perfect lives, because there is no such thing as a perfect home, family or person or anything. Everything and everyone in society is all very different and although maybe your friends live in a big house, maybe their parents are workaholics or alcohol abusers, maybe you would begin to know these things if you could open up to your other friends and let them know more about you and your life. Good luck. -Angel