I love helping people. I've always been a good listener and people often come to me for advice.
I am a married mother of 5 children 11 yrs-27 yrs.
2 are step-children in case you checked my age, I didn't start when I was 12 :)
Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Occupation: Realtor
Age: 39
Member Since: March 31, 2014
Answers: 29
Last Update: June 26, 2014
Visitors: 3414
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Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed) (link)
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In purely technical terms yes. If you still have your hymen in tact then you are still a virgin.
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Jist of what happened in the past
- I liked his best friend, same college
- We met and even though things got messed up ended up liking each other
- Started dating when he passed out (im still doing my undergrad)
- we have been dating a year. I'm 19 he's 22
- our parents know about us and we have met both sides
- we met in college and then he passed out and started giving exams
- he couldn't clear the exams he gave so his parents got paranoid about him going on the wrong path or getting distracted because of me
- he promised his mom hed clear the last exam for us to prove to her he can do something
- he started working with this ngo in town so we would see each very often
- our friends knew and he even told his best buds that he'd marry me if we continue dating for a while
- we never had any problems even though he is a bit flirtatious with other women he was loyal to me
- Had a few fights because of the guys friends I had but it was all sorted out
A week back since I'm on vacation across the country he texted me saying that his result came out and he didn't clear it so he had to break up to concentrate on his career
He said he still loved me but he had to let this go since we were mad about each other. He said he hoped we got back together but couldn't promise anything for the future and didn't want to give me false hopes.
He said I was the best thing that happened to him. He also said his parents raised him and he needs to make them proud by achieving something in life and hence he needs to give up all the distractions in his life.
Its been a week and he wouldn't answer any of my calls or messages and has completely cut off. He told his friends he called it off and didn't give a reason and he wouldn't reply back to my friends at all.
I don't know what to do. I want him back because I love him even if it involves waiting but I don't know what is going on in his mind. I am also scared out of stupidity hed go any do something really reckless to get over me.
I don't know what to say to him when we meet when I get back but I am willing to do anything to rectify this. Do you have any advice as to why this happened and it could truly get him back? Or am I living in a dream world where fairytales exist and he is truly over me? (link)
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It sounds like he just wants a break to focus on his studies and make his parents proud. If they feel you are a distraction to him then they are probably pushing him to focus his life.
It sounds like you both love each other.
Write him a letter maybe? Tell him how you feel and that you understand his decision and you'll wait for him. Enjoy your time away and try to get together and talk with him when you get back.
If you both really love each other, you will find a way to make it work.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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i am 13 and my boyfriend is 19. he wants to have sex with me ? what should i do ? (link)
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I\'m very concerned about the age difference between you two. I\'m sorry to say this but there is something not right about a 19 year old man wanting to have sex with a 13 year old girl. At 13, your not emotionally ready for that kind of relationship. Not to mention that it is illegal in most places and considered statutory rape for a 19 year old to have sex with a 13 year old.
It may seem really cool to have an older boyfriend but trust me, this is not the right relationship for you. Let me tell you a story...
When I was 16, I dated a man who was 24. I ended up marrying him at 17 and having a baby at 18. The marriage lasted 3 years. As I grew older, I realized that it\'s just not normal for a grown man to want a girl who is still basically a child. At the end of marriage, I found out that he had been having sex with many other women and also a man while we were married. He was not mature enough to handle a committed relationship. I worry that you will find the same thing. I don\'t want to see you hurt and you really don\'t need to end up having a baby to look after at 14 or 15 years old.
Stay in school, have fun, be a kid for as long as you can. Growing up is great but you can never get your childhood back.
Tell this guy you\'re not ready for sex and if he keeps pushing you then just break up with him.
That\'s my advice. Hope it helps. Good luck.
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Aright, so a few weeks ago I snapped and told my best friend that I really really bloody liked her. Her response was that she knew that I liked her and had done for a while but still wanted the friendship. This hit me hard and so i asked for some space for a few days and she agreed. Its a few weeks from that and things are back to normal really, we talk like we did ect but im not sure if im over her if not what do i do? I dont want to end the friendship as you dont come across good friends often.... (link)
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You are obviously not over her and it will probably take quite some time. It sounds like you guys have a great friendship and you've decided to put that friendship first which is very difficult to do.
Your feelings for her won't go away just because she doesn't feel the same though. You'll have to live with those feelings while you remain friends and maybe there will be a time down the road when the feelings will be mutual. If not, the heartache will subside over time and when you meet another girl you're attracted to who feels the same way, the heartache will be replaced with feelings of infatuation and happiness.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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my girlfriend of 3 years is constantly looking for fights. she says she gets mad when i don't give her attention and that's why she's always wanting to fight about nothing. when we start fighting she gives me the lowest blows though. she's always reminding me that she can get any guy she wants. which i already know but i don't need to be reminded. she calls me selfish and the worst boyfriend she's ever had. she's constantly telling me that if she wanted a crappy relationship she'd have stayed with her ex. not only that but she's very controlling, anytime i go out i have to pretty much ask permission. i don't like her talking to guys but all of her friends are guys and she knows how much i hate it but does it anyway. what do i do? i've tried so many times to let her go but i can't, i really love her. i just don't know how to get her to stop without starting another fight. (link)
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I'm sorry to tell you but from the sounds of it, I don't think you'll be able to make this one work no matter how much you love her. If she's telling you that you're a crappy boyfriend and she could get someone else that's kind of a sign that the feelings you have for her aren't mutual. If it was once or twice over the 3 years that this happened then you can just take it as anger speaking during an argument but it sounds like this is routine. You don't deserve that.
If she knows you don't like her talking to other guys but she does anyway and expects you to ask permission before you do anything, it doesn't sound like she has a lot of respect for you.
You say that you love her and can't let her go but do you love yourself? You deserve to have a happy relationship with someone who returns your love and appreciates you. I know the thought of breaking up is painful but you might want to think long and hard about it.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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My boyfriend have been together for around 2 and a half years and we moved in together 8/9 months ago. Over the past few months things between us have started to go downhill pretty badly. We argue several times a week (mostly about things like house work and money) and our sex life is terrible! We treat each other horribly and don't show each other any respect.
I love our life together and when we are getting along things are great. Up until this point we were planning our long term future together but now I don't know if we have one at all. It all came to a head last night and we now haven't spoken for around 24 hours, something we have never done before even after arguing. We're at a total stalemate and I don't think either of us knows what to say anymore. Should I just give up on the relationship? (link)
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All relationships are hard work. If you and he got along really well before you moved in together then I wouldn't just throw it away. Do you two talk to each other about the issues. If not, this might be a good time to start. Just make sure that you stay calm and choose your words wisely. For example, instead of "You know you don't do your fair share of the housework, why can't you just get off your ass and help sometimes!" you could say "I've noticed that we're having a hard time keeping up with the chores around here. Do you think maybe we could make up a chore list or something that we can both agree on?"
If you have a hard time discussing problems then it may be a good idea to see a counselor to help you guys through it.
It's really tough to live with someone. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Put down the toilet seat if he leaves it up, pick up his towel if he leaves it on the ground. If you can't get past the little things he does that bug you then things probably won't work out.
I've been with my husband 10 years now and believe me, he drives me crazy sometimes! The best advice I can give you is to focus on making your partner happy and you'll get the same treatment in return. Sometimes it takes awhile for them to clue in but I haven't seen it fail yet :)
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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Im 22, boyfriend is soon to be 26. Been together for 6 months. He by far treats me better than anyone and Im starting to really care for and love him. He's had a very bad past, and used to abuse pills and drugs and a lot of stuff. At the beginning I caught him abusing pills about 3-4 times. I could tell by the way he acted and a couple times he ended up telling me he did take one. He knew I wouldn't wanna be with him if he's doing that. Well, now i am certain he's gotta be doing something. He tells me he smokes weed sometimes, yet for months and months he's said how proud he is that he hasn't smoked at all. I confronted him the other day if he took pills and I told him I notice how sick he looks and gets out of no where and how he can't keep it up during sex. He'll look pale, complain about his heart beating weird, start sweating, sometimes feels cold to touch, and complains about not feeling right. That's when he said no I smoke sometimes though. Anyone know sure tell signs of someone taking pills? The ones he would be taking is like xanax or serious pain killers. He acts sketchy but I have no sure way to find out. What are signs? I don't think smoking the weed he smokes, which is wax (thc wax like marijuana) would do those symptoms? Plus, he's had those symptoms when he's been with me all day and I know he didn't have time to go smoke (I would have smelled it) (link)
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Xanax for sure would contribute to the issues in the bedroom. The symptoms you mentioned though, looking pale, erratic heart beat, sweating and complaints of not feeling right would have me worried. Either he would be doing a mixture of pills or some harder drugs.
He may treat you really well and you may be falling for him but I warn you that if you choose to stay with him you are setting yourself up for a world of heart ache and worry. He needs to be able to admit what he's doing and want to change. He should definitely see a doctor as the symptoms you describe can be very serious, even life threatening.
You've invested 6 months in this relationship. You're young. Now, I'm not saying people can't change. He may be able to overcome this but only if he gets some professional help. You have a very important decision to make about though. Consider the long term.... You guys move in together and you're saving to buy a home or a car or something and all of a sudden there's a large drop in your savings and he doesn't come home for a few days, has a hard time keeping a job, is habitually late or forgets important dates, you have children together and you're dealing with morning sickness and other issues alone cause he's too stoned to think about your needs,etc... It's a long hard lonely road :(
Talk to him in detail and find out if he's willing to go to rehab or get counselling. If he is then there may be a change of things working. If not I'd suggest you consider moving on.
Sorry, this is probably more than you wanted but I hope it helps. Good luck with your situation.
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So I started hanging out with a guy last October. We talked all the time (actual talk not text) and spent a lot of time together. He bought me an expensive watch and everything for Christmas. He is a pretty tough guy so he isn't always expressive about his feelings. But I digress. He was always comfortable when I was around and I pride myself on being attentive and loving. I even mentioned that I liked that he was so relaxed with me. It was almost as if it scared him to care so much because he just stopped calling and answering my calls. When I tried to find out what was wrong he said nothing was wrong and that there was nothing wrong with me. He pops up at my house to surprise me and if I say I'm done trying to figure him out he gets mad. I feel like a fool because I care so much about him and he acts like he cares about me but he is so hot and cold. Should I just give up on a real relationship with him? And if not how do I fix things? (link)
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Have you ever read the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? It's great.
One thing I've learned over the years is that people do not communicate their feelings in the same way. The fact that he feels comfortable with you, spent lots of time talking and being with you and bought you a nice gift tells me that this guy really likes you. It sounds like he is afraid of feeling too much. It's possible he's been hurt in the past by someone he cared about either a girlfriend or family member and doesn't want to go through that again.
My advice would be to actually take your own advice and stop trying to figure him out :)
Try not to tell him with words how you feel about him. He seemed comfortable with you showing him through your attentiveness and loving actions toward him. Keep that up. When he shows up unexpectedly just show him that you're happy to see him. Enjoy the time you have with him and eventually he will be comfortable enough that he'll start opening up about his feelings.
If you know that he prefers to communicate without words then you will learn to interpret the things he does for you or the way he acts with you as his way of saying he cares.
Hope this helps. Good luck :)
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I'm wondering if I'm behind the bandwagon with dating. I'm fourteen and female and my friends have already begun dating which worries me about missing out in crucial moments or experiences which I could use in my adult life. Would it be okay to put off dating until collage or even a little afterward? I want to know before entering high school. Thanks for reading :)
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You're not missing out on anything. When you meet the right person then you'll be more interested in dating. There is absolutely nothing wrong with focusing on your school work during your teen years and waiting to date.
You should be proud of yourself, you're on the right track to a successful future :)
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Boyfriend 20m
Me 18f
Little siblings are 8 and 9
I'm gonna say that I need advice on understanding if I'm in love because there's a side of me that always says yes and other says no. My boyfriend loves me completely he is willing to do anything to make me happy, but I have doubts that go through my head because whenever I see his flaws I end up getting really annoyed by him and when we hang out all he wants is to kiss me I like it but there's times where I don't, it just gets old and so do his jokes:/ I know that only I can fix my emotions and figure them out but I have this feeling of braking up with him whenever I don't like something maybe I'm selfish or something I don't really mean to though. in the beginning I really loved him and we even agreed to just be friends for 2 weeks but I end up giving in with his nice honest words he says that he thinks I'm gorgeous and he can't keep it in and wants to be more so bad. I love it when he's like that but when I go back with him I'm scared of having these doubts about it again. Maybe I might need space from him but when I do get it I really miss him because he's like my best friend pretty much no one would ever hang with me so many times like he did. But when we are friends it gets really hard to fake it. I don't know what to feel.. Does it have to do with the my mind says no and my heart says yes or the other way around... I've been with him for almost 2 years. I do have much going on at home my mother is a single mother with a boyfriend that's nice but she struggles a lot with my little siblings. But that's not part of it I'm just saying I got stuff going on and i don't know if it has to do with my emotions with my boyfriend... Me and my boyfriend meet in high school and we talked on the phone for a long time before hanging out we would talk about how bad his depression was and I would always be there to help because I knew how it felt too. He was my first kiss and I was his by then we always hanged out we did kind of went fast in the relationship because I was never honest with me or with him because I didn't know if I wanted to be with him I mean I had a huge crush on him but I wasn't sure of dating him but when he told me he liked me and wanted to date I said yes even though I wasn't sure. In the beginning it was perfect but then I hated how he would be forgetful yes I know guys are like that but it wasn't that hard to forget something about us hanging out you know but whatever I will never forget how bad I held in when he didn't arrive for our 1 year anniversary because some girl was asking to meet up because she had problems and stuff well that's it guys I just need advice thanks... (link)
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It sounds to me like you are very comfortable around your boyfriend and don't want to lose that connection you have. You will never have a perfect relationship as all people have flaws, both men and women. No one can say whether you love him but you.
After reading your story, it sounds like he pays a lot of attention to you, compliments you and says he loves you all the time. You mentioned depression. Does he try to keep you in the relationship by saying he'll hurt himself if you break up or anything like that?
You mentioned that he didn't arrive for your anniversary because a friend was having problems and he chose to help her instead. Although that must have hurt you, it is nice that you have a man in your life who cares about his friends and is there for them in their time of need.
I'm thinking that maybe you want to keep the friendship but not the love relationship. I would suggest that you sit down and discuss your feelings with him. I know it's hard to do but really, you both deserve to be happy. If you're not happy and you're staying with him "just because" then you're keeping him and yourself from finding someone who is right for each of you. If however, you do love him and are just going through a rough spot right now, it would be terrible if you broke up with him and then realized this when it is too late.
Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Be honest with him. Tell him how you're feeling and maybe you guys can sort things out.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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I made out with this guy at a party and he has a girlfriend. I do feel terrible about it but it happened and I can't take it back. However, the next day, my roommate was talking to his roommate and he told her that the guy I made out with always tell his girlfriend when he cheats but he didn't tell his girlfriend about me. He told his roommate that he doesn't want his girlfriend to know. That would make me believe that he regret it happening and that's why he didn't tell her but his roommate said every morning after, he always says he regrets what happened and he wishes he could take it back but the morning after we were together, he didn't say that and we continued on being normal friends and we went to the diner together to get food after we woke up and it was all good.
I'm just confused and wondering if somebody could give me insight as to why he always tells his girlfriend when he cheats but why he didn't tell her about me.
19/f
Thanks (link)
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Firstly, do you have romantic feelings for this guy? It sounds like you were friends at the time this happened and perhaps continuing your friendship is more important to him than telling his girlfriend what happened.
To me, it sounds like when he regrets what he's done is when he does tell his girlfriend. If you and he intend to remain just friends then I wouldn't be concerned about the issue as it is now. If you and he do have feelings for each other and suspect this may happen again then I would suggest that you consider what you know about his current relationship pattern because if he cheats on his current girlfriend then more than likely he will cheat on you as well. Also consider how important your friendship is because sex can ruin a friendship very quickly.
Hope this helps. Good luck with your situation.
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