I'm a honest and considerate person. I've been told I have good values and common sense. I like to help people and will do my best to give you advice without being rude or insulting. If I think you need professional help, I will say so. I think I would be best with the following categories:1.) Marriage and Relationships 2.)Parenting 3.) General advice about life
Gender: Female
Location: Gardena, California
Occupation: Homemaker (at the moment) mother
Age: 36
AIM: To help anyone with a problem
Member Since: February 21, 2004
Answers: 44
Last Update: January 26, 2006
Visitors: 4246
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Parenting
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Theres this guy. and hes my close friend and he tells me he likes me and thinks about me alot and loves my eyes.Then he goes out with my friend. But he apologized to me 7347 times and said hes goin out with her for the wrong reasons and that when we were with her the one time that all he could think was me and how he hurt me. And he still tells me he wants to be with me and that he likes me a lot and even told some of his friends he might break up with my "friend" n get with me. But then today on my advice page he asked me a question about her n how he still likes her n how he heard shes gonna break up with him n he doesnt want to ruin the relationship by doin it first if its not true. It hurt to read that and i dont want to ber mad at him because its not in my nature.idk if i should wait for him or should i jus move on?? please help when i ask him about it he says " ur paranoid i like u" (link)
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This guy sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and doesn't know what he wants. You shouldn't waste your time with him. Did he know that was your advice column? How do you know for sure it was him? What advice did you give him? I would say stop messing with girls heads and figure out what you want, or don't date anyone until you grow up a little. That's my advice for him if you haven't already responded to him. You can quote me. I don't mind. If he wants to know if she wants to break up with him, he should ask her himself. If she's smart, she will. And you should stick to being friends or move on, if he keeps pushing for more. You can do better with someone who's honest, and knows what he wants.
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I'm a 17 y/o male currently a junior in highschool. There's this girl I've known in 7th grade and she moved somewhere after that and now she attends my highschool. We talk now and she's real nice and it's all good except now I've noticed how real attractive she is. What are some things that I can do to make her attracted to me the same way I am to her or anything to get us to the point beyond friends? (link)
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Well, you can't make someone have those feelings for you. It's all chemistry. But you can do your best to show her the great person you are. Find out what your common interests are. For example, if you like the same kind of movies, invite her to one that you would both like, but make it casual. Maybe invite another couple along to break the ice. Then go out for pizza or whatever after the movie and talk about it. Generally speaking, girls like guys who are sincere, considerate, and don't try to show off or act macho. Also, take a sincere interest in her feelings and ideas, and don't try to be something you're not. In other words, be yourself. Tell her when you think she looks nice, but don't overdo it. For example "That sweater is a great color on you." And "Your hair looks really pretty today." Stuff like that. No ogleing or comments about her body. Maybe you could study together if there is a subject you, she, or both of you are struggling with. Good luck!
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17/f
Hey!
oookkk i need major advice lol cause my friends def. dont give me any. i really like this guy, but he does a lot of stuff i dont like. he smokes a lot, drinks to much (i like to drink but he drinks all the time) and hes just kinda known as a "bad boy". a lot of people tell me i could do a lot better. he gets into trouble a lot and starts fights with people, but im really comfortable with him and i like the way he makes me feel. i dont know what balances out more or if its worth going through stuff he does... and if i should keep being with him cause i really like him but i really dont wanna get stuck in his drama and the stuff he does. i dont want to lead him on either... so if i should get away from him i need to. hes a really nice guy and he has a lot of friends and i know he would never hurt me... but the things he does really bothers me... and i dont like to see him get hurt or get in fights. I NEED MAJOR ADVICE!!!
-kelly (link)
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Well, first of all you should tell him how much you care about him and that you worry about his well-being. His behaivior is very self-destructive and can put you in danger. Stay away from this guy until he gets help from these problems. Don't go anywhere with him, especially in a car. Tell him that you really care about him but can't be around him when he does these things. If he really cares about you, he will get help. I recently lost an uncle to alcholism, so I know this is no joke. It's a serious addiction, and if he doesn't get help, he's putting you both at risk. Good luck and take care.
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I am 14 and a freshman in high school. A friend so many months ago got me involved in quizbowl. Later we dated. He is a senior. Now we never talk because of a quizbowl-related incident (I am a dork, I know). But another guy has shown up on the scene and I really like him. We went to a play together a week ago and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I don't know what to say. He's a sophomore, only 15. He's also involved in quizbowl.
How do you make enchilladas? (link)
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To that last person, no you are not the only one who doesn't know what quizbowl is? Huh? I'm I totally out of it or what? Is this some kind of kinky sex game? I ask because you said you didn't want to be a quizbowl whore. I can't even answer your question unless you explain to me what that is. You shouldn't assume everybody knows what that is. It may be something teenagers in your area know about. Ha ha I get the enchillada joke. When you read the instructions for asking questions on this site, it tells you not to ask two questions at once. That was the example they used. Cute. :-) If you want a good answer, ask me directly and tell me what you are talking about. I promise I will give you good advice.
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can you choose not to luv sum1 like i fell in luv with a guy n he doesnt luv me can i choose not to luv him anymore (link)
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I'm sorry that you are in this situation, as I know it can be quite painful, whether it's love, inatuation, or obsession is not so much the issue. The question you must ask yourself is "Is he worth it?" Is he worth all the pain and the frustration of trying to win him over, and is there any real possiblility of this happening? If the only way to win him over is by being someone you're not, then it's not worth it, because you'll never be happy. On the other hand, you'll never be happy if he doesn't return your feelings and you are being yourself. My suggestion is to give yourself time to get over this guy and find out what qualities you want in a guy. One of them should be that he accepts and respects you for who you are. And don't listen to that person who said love is a fabrication. That answer is a fabrication(in other words, b.s.) But I'm sure you already know that. You cannot chose who you love, but you can choose who is good for you, and who isn't. Love is not the only factor in a relationship. Compatibility is important too. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to want whats best for you.
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Im on this site as in advice giver but obviously i cant take my own advice, im just not good at it.. i just need to know how to deal with my sexual life. Im a bisexual, and it is out to most people (i only tell people i trust) i feel that i cant tell anyone else because some people already hate me and think that just because im a girl i have to like guys, but thats not what i choose, i like both sexes. And i dont want anyone else to hate me forever because of what i choose to do with my life. Most of my real friends except that im bi and dont mind bein around me, but others who dont except it, make sure other dont either, or they make dirty looks, or say and do terrible things to me. I try to say that im not bi anymore so that i dont have to be humilliated by my peers. I just dont know what to do anymore, but i dont want people to hate me for my sexual life, it doesnt seem right, is there anyone who can help me? (link)
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First of all, don't listen to that person who said God wouldn't approve. How would she know? Isn't God the one who made you the way you are? You didn't choose to be the bi anymore than I chose to be straight. You are what you are. God gave us free will, and he doesn't make mistakes.Be yourself, and find people that can respect you for who you are. Maybe there are others like you. Anyways, it's your life, and nobody can life it for you.
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im at my wits end with my relationship with my 50 yr old boyfriend i dont know what to do anymore.
im 38 well almost and i have a high sex drive and he has a low one we lye in bed at nite and that is it he is hardly affectionate to me more so to his computer we dont have sex he says he is too small we are both large people but this large lady has to have it not use to being without it lol but seriously i have tried everything lingere u name it i have tried it at least once i have even tried telling him about it. nothing works I want to have sex all the time i want to find a sex partner so if anyone is in pennsylvania let me know or close to me i know everyone says i should not cheat on him but sex once in 3 yrs is a bit rude well let me hear what people think be nice i am a person 2 (link)
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First of all, Logic-man, that was harsh. I totally agree with you, and I'm a person with morals, but "You catch more flies with honey" if you get my drift. Girl, get some self-respect. If you have to beg for it, you being the woman, there is something wrong. Sex isn't all there is in a relationship, married or not. But it is a part of it. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on him, so he is withdrawing. What is doing on his computer? Maybe he's into cyber-sex or something. I think you both need to go to a sex-therapist, and figure out what's going on. If he refuses, then there's your answer. If he cares, he'll want help. It sounds like he is insecure about his manhood. Try building up his confidence, by telling him what you find attractive about him. Good Luck!
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i have ben single for about a year and a half i have been seeing diffrent lads but none o then what a relationship i want to find the right person how long do you think that will be (link)
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Well, PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO TRAILER DAN, and go dressing like some hoochy-mama, and acting like some dominatrix because you're only going to get the ones who want"one thing" which I think you know what that is. Take your time. Date different guys, but don't get too "involved" with any of them. Just try to get an idea of your type. And definately don't get "intimate" with any of them (beyond kissing) until you are commited to "one" and know he is the "right" one. It's best to build your relationships on friendship, if you want them to be meaningful. 'Nuff said.
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Ever since I was little I couldn't talk to people I didn't know. When I became older, I started having the same problem with girls. I had a few girlfriends early in high school, but they asked me. They weren't really my type either. They always wanted to party and do drugs. I didn't. I guess that I am the last of a dying breed. My freshman dance was 2 years ago and I didn't even think about going because I was to shy to ask anyone. I always use the excuse that I have a rejection phobia. I am the person that you see at a party that is hanging out with with his friends because no one likes talks either. I can't just go up to a girl and say, hey do you want to go and see a movie this weekend or something. I used to be fat through elementary school and 7 and 8 grade. Then I went to the gym and I went from 250lbs to 180lbs. I am 6'1 so this weight is better. Even though I look better I still don't have the courage to talk to girls. I always think that if I ask them, after they turn me down that they will go off and blab to their friends and make fun of me. I have asked a couple of girls out and they say that they like me as a friend or that they don't have time for a boyfriend and then a couple days later someone else asks them out and they say yes. This year the prom is fast approaching and I didn't ask anyone. Someone tell me how to get over this. I am 17. I don't play sports, maybe thats why. Girls want sports guys. And I don't hang out with the popular crowd because they are too fake. Help.
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I was shy and unpopular all through school too, so I can definately relate. Being a girl, the only time I got to ask a guy out was the Sadie Hawkins dance. I asked this nice guy in my english class, and it went alright, but after that, I noticed he didn't really talk to me anymore because of peer pressure from the other kids that I was "uncool" or something. I never understood why. I thought he liked me. I was, and still am a nice person. I just didn't have confidence, and it showed. My advice is, just be yourself. Think of the things that interest you, and do them. If you're not into sports, so what?Stop thinking that you are "not good enough" for the girl. Maybe she is not good enough for you. Look for girls who are nice, and not stuck-up, and have good values, like you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Don't change that for anyone. Is there a club you can join where you can meet people who share your interests? For me, I enjoyed singing, and if it wasn't for my chorus group, I don't think I would've survived high school. Of course, there were snobs among them, too, but I had a few friends, and I made the best of it. I even went on a cruise with then to the Carribean Islands! We raised the money ourselves.Does your school have any clubs that interest you? If so, go for it. Perhaps a speech or drama class will help you get over some of your shyness. Is there a sport you want to play? If so, go for it! You'll never know until you try.I tried out for the drill team because I wanted to be like my sister, but I didn't make it. At least I tried. And nobody made fun of me. I think they respected that I tried my best. Have you seen the movie "A Walk to Remember?" It's about a popular guy in high school who gets to know a girl that everyone makes fun of because she is religous and doesn't wear fashionable clothes, but by being in a school play with her, he gets to know her and finds out she is really a great person. It's very touching. Maybe someone just needs to get the chance to get to know you. Give them that chance. Put yourself "out there". You'll learn something about yourself as well. I hope I've helped. Good luck! :-) P.S. Where were the guys like you when I was in high school?
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i find myself always in the wrong, adn my finace never hears me out and makes me feel so horrible, i dontfeel like mysefl and if i cry its wrong
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WARNING: This guy is a control freak! Nobody should tell you how you're allowed to feel, and nobody can ALWAYS be wrong. That kind of thinking is WRONG and is just his way of manipulating you. If he doesn't appreciate you, get away from him, and give yourself time to think.(And him too)If he doesn't come around and see the light to what a special person you are, then that's his loss. You can do better on your own. And when you're ready, the right person for you will come along. Now that you know the signs of a control freak, you'll make better choices next time. Perhaps, if he's willing, counseling may save this relationship. If not, MOVE ON!
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At school no guy likes me!!every time i ask one out they say no .what do i do??
please help
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I agree with the general consensus. Maybe you're trying too hard, and desperation shows, and it's not very appealing to guys. I was a lot like you in school. I didn't date much, but don't worry about it, your time will come. Have fun, be yourself, and the guys will come to you when they see how confident and happy you are. Hang out with friends, go to the mall (A good place to meet guys, just don't leave with anyone you don't know) and you can meet guys who go to a different school who might be better than any of the dorks at yours.;-)
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ive just started dating this guy. he says he loves me and i feel i love him. im not one to throw the word love around. ive only used it twise in my life.lately we've been thinking about sex. how long is appropriate to wait? (link)
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First of all, how old are you? If you are in high school or younger, I would seriously advise you to wait. Really get to know this person, and see if he respects you enough to stick it out. Any guy worth having respects that. Spend time doing non-sexual things that you both enjoy, and go in public places where you won't be tempted. Some ideas: Movies, bowling, miniture golf, amusement parks, whatever. Tell him you want to have a relationship based on mutual respect and friendship. That is very important. Sex before you really know each other will not be as special as it can be with someone you feel really "connected " to in other ways. Make sure he really cares about your thoughts and feelings. There is no set time 5-6 months or longer, but whenever you do, make sure you are comfortable and don't feel pressured by him, friends, or anyone else. And BE SAFE. USE PROTECTION EVERY TIME! I can't stress this enough. If he respects you, this shouldn't be a problem, either. Take Care.
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PLEASE HELP ME I LOVE THIS GUY SO MUCH AND HE IS THE AIR I BREETH HE IS MY ONE SOMEONE BUT HE LEFT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN I GET MY LOVE BACK? HE IS SO NICE AND I HAD MY FIRST KISS WITH HIM AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I ALMOST KILLED MY SELF WITH A KITCHAN KNIFE!!!!!! I WANT HIM BACK BUT HE MOVED AND I DONT THINK HE HAS A PHONE.and he does not go to my school any more SO HOW CAN I WIN HIS LOVE AGEN?
E-MAIL ME!!! fatcat10002000@yahoo.com
o god please help me!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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First of all, I see that you are suffering, and having some serious pain. But NOBODY and I mean NOBODY is worth killing yourself over. You are young, and as much as it hurts right now you WILL GET OVER IT! You need to find somebody you can trust to talk to about how you are feeling. If you can't talk to your parents, TRY. They CARE and if not SOMEBODY CARES and you need to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Go to a trusted family member, teacher, school counselor, minister, anybody you feel comfortable with and TALK OUT YOUR FEELINGS. You don't belong in such a serious relationship right now. You are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Take care of yourself, and have confidence in yourself for who YOU are not who you are as part of a couple. Relationships can be wonderful, but you can't depend totally on someone else for all your happiness. You have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else. Surround yourself with your friends and family and let them help you get through this. You WILL get through it.But most of all BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. GOD BLESS YOU. I PRAY FOR YOUR BROKEN HEART TO HEAL AND FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE SPECIAL, AND SOMEBODY OUT THERE WILL REALISE IT, PEOPLE ALREADY DO, AND YOU NEED TO REALISE IT. Take care,and write to me and let me know how you are doing.
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