about

hey advicenators, my name is caitlin. i love giving people advice. i`ve had a previous advice column, but decided to quit giving advice. i regretted that and got a new column! this pretty much became my obession very fast. im on basically everyday, at least once. i never reject any questions that i get in my inbox, because i think that no question is stupid. when i do get questions in my in my inbox, it makes my day :]! remember that i cant see who you are. so you shouldnt feel embarassed to ask me anything! also just because i have my three favorite categories doesn`t mean that im not open to answer any other types of questions. i love getting feedback. it lets me know that im doing my job well! every question that i do ask on this site always gets rated. i mean you have to know if your giving good advice or not, right? if you do like my advice, feel free to add me as one of your favorite columnists!

advice

I have a boyfriend that i "like." i've been going out with him for a month. And even though he understands my beliefs and opinions, I'm starting to feel that we are more likefriends. But the problem is, i've recently met a guy who i could see actually being with. But he thinks my religion his as he puts it "Bulls__t". Should I dump my understanding boyfriend for my new possible lover?

hey, well if your new possible lover thinks that your religon is stupid then thats a problem. i would keep your understanding boyfriend. understanding means everything. let him know that he comes off to you as more of a friend. maybe he could change that.
-missadvicebitch1

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well me and my bf were doing great then came along some rumors and he dumped me and i can't get over him everytime i see him i cry and i just want to fall in his arms and tell him i love him now i did that he got me a bear 4 christmas and now 4 some reason i want sex why is that does anyone no?

hey, well your love for him is going to remain the same or even become stronger because the fact that you miss him so much. so wanting sex is normal. you guys breaking up for the rumor isnt normal at all. did you tell him it wasnt true? if you did and he didnt believe you then he wasnt a good boyfriend for you at all. if he did beleive you and then just broke up with you he probably used that as an excuse to get out of the relationship.
-missadvicebitch1

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In English yesterday, everyone was walking around talking because it was the last day of school before break. I jokingly told one of my friends I'd like to go give him a hug, and, long story short, before too long all the girls in the class were in on this. Everyone told me 'do it, do it' so I finally walked up and asked 'hey, could I get a hug?' He said yes, to my surprise, and gave me a really nice hug. =)
My question is, what can I do from here? I'm sure he probably picked up somewhere that I like him, but I'm not positive. Should I ask him to hang out over break? He lives right by me, and I see him around sometimes. So what can I do?

hey, well you need to get to know him more before you make your move. for me, getting to know someone better on AIM before in person or on the phone is better for me. that way if there are any akward silences or pauses that you can just say be right back and then think about what to say then say im back. flirt with him a little and see if he flirts back. after a few days of that, ask him to hangout. but not alone just the two of you. because then i think he will get the wrong idea and start to think that your moving to fast. include some of your friends and also his friends in hanging out. but if he takes the first move and asks you to hangout just to two of you go for it. then you know hes ready to open up to you and maybe start a relationship.
-missadvicebitch1

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i broke up with my boyfriend but i think he wants us to be bf and gf again and my friends think i still like him and the days go by and i get stupid and go back together with him i dont know what to do can someone help me please

hey, i just got over a similar problem. i realized that if me and him were meant to be then we wouldnt have broken up. give it some time and just chill and fly single for a while. leave your options open but stay good friends with this guy. if a while passes by and you stil feel strongly for him and your not seeming to get into a relationship with anyone else then hes your guy.

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okay i broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago and to be honest, i didn't even miss him..he had hurt me really bad and i was just glad to be free. well, yesterday i went to his house to talk in person and i felt so happy..i felt like i loved him i had the most amazing time and i also felt guilty because i had been so mean to him after we broke up..but NOW i regret going over there because hes treating me like we're back together and i only feel like i love him when i'm with him and i like being single it bothers me to have him talking to me all the time! should i tell him to back off a bit? or would that hurt him too much? he loves me alot by the way.

hey, okay well dont leave him hanging like that. hes going to end up getting hurt if you continue to make him believe that you love/like him. if you want to maybe get into a relationship with him in the future tell him that your not ready to get back into a relationship with him, but you think that you would be interested in doing that in the future. if you dont want to do that, tell him that you just dont feel the same way about him anymore that you just want to eb friends. let him know the deal.
-missadvicebitch1

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OK- I've went out with this guy a thousand times, and he is a great guy, but lately he has been acting really jealous. Yesterday, he got really jealous about me giving one of my bestfriends Frank (who just so happens to be my cousins boyfriend) hugs. I mean I understand getting jealous because believe me, I am defenetly the jealous type and I know that, but he has never been the jealous type, or at least he has never showed it. Anyway, this is getting kind of long, so just please help me out here.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
LeeAnna

hey, well every guy that your ever going to go out with is going to get jealous at some point in the relationship. try not hugging any of your guy friends in front of him as much. let him know that hes the only guy that you have feelings for. give him a lot of love and attention.
-missadvicebitch1

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months, and i am 16 and he's 19. But it's alot different because we've known eachother for like all of our lives we have grown up in church together and he's a really good clean christian guy. And i am a really good clean christian girl and he's everything ive been looking for. And i know he's the one for me and i know without a doubt that i love him with all of my heart. But he used to smoke ciggarettes and he quit like 2 years before we started dating but he still does it like once every two weeks and i didnt know that...so he's basically been lying to me for like 4 months??? And i had to find out he was doing this from his brother...he had no intention in telling me! But i know or at least i feel 100% sure he hasnt lied to me about anything else but i just cant believe he would do that. And we got into a HUGE argument yesterday but we kinda made up, but things arent the way that they used to be you know? I just dont know what to do? I never thought he would keep something from me?? What do i do?

hey, well you should ask him if he has lied to you about anything else. jsut tell him that you dont want any lies whatsoever in your realtionship and that he can tell you anything. ask him why he was keeping this a secret from you. you just need to find it in your heart to forgive him if you really truly love him and want to stay wiht him.
-missadvicebitch1

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My boyfriend (30yrs) and I (28yrs) met in Australia and I moved to Ireland to be with him, we have only been together (officially) for a year. I found out we were pregnant the other day and whilst I am scared and nervous about it I want to have the baby as I feel we are strong enough to get make it happen and abortion is not an option in my mind. My boyfriend said he will support me what ever I decide but I know he is freaked out by it. I have tried talking to him and I understand his fears. He is worried about finances and that our 1/2 renovated house is not child suitable but I think his biggest worry is that is life of going to clubs and festivals during the summer will be over for ever and he will be chained to the couch for ever. I have tried to tell him life will change but its not the end of his life and things will be different. I asked him if the option was there of an abortion would he want that and he said yes he would. This really hurts me as I dont believe in abortion and I am ready for a baby in some way I am actually excited and would have liked it to have been a planned pregnancy and a mutually wanted baby. Later he came back and said he doesn't want me to have an abortion but he is not sure about me having it. What am I meant to do have half a baby and half of an abortion?? What do I do? Do i give him time to get used to the idea? I dont want him to feel forced into this and him become resentful? Do I just go home to Australia and leave him to his party life? (which really aint that party hard anyway). We are a strong strong very happy and in love couple but I dont want to force this on him but then it was the two of us that got pregnant, why am I meant to feel like I am forcing this on him?? oh its all so confusing? can he go to any decent websites for advice on this stuff? I have checked ou a few sights about girlfirends getting pregnant but they are all for younger guys?

hey, i wouldnt leave him with this party life. if you feel that you guys are strong and are ready for the baby, give him the time to get used to the idea. since you guys werent playing this, it was probably very shocking to him. tell him that you dont believe in abortion and that is basically just not an option for you. there is always having the baby, then putting it up for adoption. that way a family can have it and love it, instead of killing the baby. have a long serious talk with him about the whole situation.
-missadvicebitch1

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Alright i'm just going to go straight to it.So theres this guy that i'm dating, lets same his name is [bob].K well [bob] is the real shy type but hes starting to open up more. Well weve been going out for almost a month now. We went out before but for only like 5 days. Hes a real sweetheart & i'm in love with him. Well maybe just a deeo like but i'm not sure if its LOVE. Okay well now heres this guy.. lets say his name is [nick] . Alright well me & [nick] have been best friends for a little bit over a year. I can tell him anything , hes always here for me , & i can ALWAYS be myself when i'm around him. Hes the sweetest guy i have ever met. Yes he is & they do exsist. Well hes been in love with me for about a year. I've liked him for the longest time & hes asked me out a lott but i've always said no cause i was just scared about our friendship. Well At one point i have said yes but we broke up like 5 hours later cause that night i was going to the movies & didn't wanna have to worry about boyfriends i just wanted to have fun. Well i promised him it was just a break and we would go back out afterwards. Well when we went to the movies he was all over my best friend. I cried my eyes out when i got home & hated him. Well that was over the summer. Now we have gotten SOOO much closer since then. My best friend went out with him & she has a new boyfriend & claims shes so over him. I beleive her but i don't know what to do.Now i can be myself around this guy [ nick ]. But i can't even be myself around my own boyfriend.Theres something about my boyfriend though that keeps me hanging on to him.Then again my best friend just asked me out last night & is looking forward to an answer. But i'm still going out with [bob] & i don't wana hurt him. What should i do? Who should i go out with? What should i say? i need help big time. Please HELP!

hey, well if you cant be yourself around your own boyfriend, then you should have gotten to be closer and be more of friends before you aggreed to go out wiht him. think about who you truley like/love. who could you see yourself with? if its bob, then just explain to nick that you really love bob and that maybe if you and bob ever break up that you might give it a chance with him. if its nick, then explain to bob that you like/love someone else. dont go out with nick right away tho. give it some time before you do. because if you go out with nick the same day bob will feel like it hass been a lie the whole time and that you`ve always liked nick. to me it seems like you like both of them. its not heathly for either of them or you. make a descison.
-missadvicebitch1

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Hey, ive been going out with this guy for a lil over 2 months, and he is awesome..i love him soo much. He's 15 but with christmas coming up i have no idea what to get him!! Please HelP!

hey, give him something that you know he will like. if you know the type of cologne that he uses, buy him a refill. you should have his bestfriend go shopping with you to help pick out a present for him tho, jsut to be on the safe side.
-missadvicebitch1

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hey! i have a really big problem. so i dated this guy jake over a year ago now for almost 2 months. he dated thisgirl i knew and then they broke up after 2 years and me n him dated. which was quite crazy. anyways, we ended up breaking up bcz he cheated on me with her and they got back 2gether n have been on n off for almost a year. well, now he is dating sum other girl that idont know n the other day i messaged him on myspace, i havent talked 2 him since last year n i asked him for directions 2 get this oneplace we went 2 last year when we dated. he messaged back sayin he has nothing againts me n he knows he did some bogus shit n to give him a call ormessage when we wanna hangout for old times sake... so idont know if im taking this too overboard but he was my first realll bf that i reallylikedn my friend's birthday is coming up this weekend, and he knew her, thats how we met n began dating bcz his x was friends with my best friend n because of allthis she hated us... well i really do have feelings 4 him n want to ask him 2 come by but is it 2 weird?? but thing is... he never said sorry... what should i write back? thank you somuch

hey, sometimes its hard for guys to say the word sorry. he admitted to you that he did some things wrong, so at least he knows that he wasnt treating you right. i would write back something along the lines of "yeah, that would be cool. i have my friends party coming up, and i was wondering if you would like to go with me?". then see what he says. let me know what happens.
-missadvicebitch1

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How can you tell if your boyfriend is cheating on you? Are these signs for sure to prove he's cheating? Thanks in advance.

hey, signs that lead to cheating are vye notiveable. they are if he doesnt call so much anymore, if he doesnt say i love you that much anymore, and if he cant hangout with you because he has something one repeatedly. the famous line is "i have work".
-missadvicebitch1

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there is this guy in my gym class that i really like. he is deff. popular and all the girls like r all over him i dont really have a shot but what ever. anyway we havent really talked much, my friend that i hang out with in gym is friends with him so i have some sort of connection. um any ideas how to talk to him and stuff, the only time i really see him is in gym, and he gets really into the games so i cant have like an hour long convo. with him. thanks so much!

dont rely on gym to be the only time that you can talk to this guy. if your shy have your friend find out what he thinks of you. also tell him that you think hes pretty cute. if your feeling bold that day, then find out what his screen name or myspace or email or number is, and then start talking to him. let him know that you think hes cute and ask him what he thinks of you. maybe a relationship will sprout? who knows?
-missadvicebitch1

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This one kid, well back in may we dated.. and like he's one of a kind and theres no one else aroundhere like him. We got reallly close, but some stupid things happened and we broke up. I was so confused and mad i never called him backto work it out. I would do anything now to be able to go back and change things, im so love with the kid and i still like him even more than i used to when we were going out and i just cant see myself with no one else. Over the summer though i had a few hookups with other guys, and he went back out with his ex.. iwas so upset, but then when they brokeup we kinda started talkin again, but i didnt know he wanted a relationship againn, so whenwe hung out i didnt want to come off to strong, but ishould have because he told me later on that he thought we were gettin back together.. so anyways school starts, soon after he gets together with anothre girl, it doesnt last. Well now we have a class together, and yesterday we hung out like all day.. we had a funnn time, but then we went out somewhere and his ex was there. I was super jealous i kept thinkin he was lookin over there. But anyways, i love this kid.. so much, but right now i think he only sees me as a friend.I need to be with this kid, he like controls me, when we talk on good terms i couldnt be any happier, but when something happens or i come to realize he just wants to be friends, im a wreck. I dont erally want to talk to him about it, cause ive gave little clues that I still like him, and i dont want to go back to him and me feelin awkward in school and screw up our good friendship we have now. When we went out i could just tell he liked me more than anyone else, and he told me that, so theres gotta be something still there, maybe he thinks if we go out the same thing will happen again, and that was just jealousy and our friends and he didnt think i cared for him...ughh idk

idk his birthday is monday too.. i want to do something special.
soo please if you have any advice for that^ or just me and him in general it would be greatly appreciated

well the only way to find out if he likes you as a friend or more is to ask him. just tell him that you like him A LOT and you were just wondering if he sees you as anything more then a friend. after he answers you, end it at there, unless he wants to continue to talk about it.
-missadvicebitch1

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Well ive really grown to like this guy. Weve hung out a lot and theres something different about him. Im very anti-highschool kind of relationships even though I'm in hghschool . Im very mature and I hate how stupid and immature highschool guys are and how they use girls just to talk to their friends about it and just want a fling. Im into the kind of relationship where it takes at least 3 months to say I love you and where im actually the guys best friend and girlfriend at the same time. I want a guy where his future plans are the same as mine and we hvae the same friends. Well...it just happens to be that his best friend is having the same thing with my best friend as i am with him. The four of us are identical and were all best friends at the same time. Well every time we all hang out I grow to like this guy more and more and we both know we like eachother. Well the last few times we hung out...when we said goodbye we gave a hug and a kiss on the lips...not exactly a peck but not anything more than just a nice kiss on the lips. Well just last night we hung out and everythig was great then when i was leaving, we kissed but it was more of making out. Ive tried getting into a relationship with a lot of guys before but backed out before it all could start and kissing because alot of guys have screwed around with my head and heart so Ie never made out with anyone before. Im not picky, its just that i want to be serious when i find someone...but not in a prude or old ladyish way. So...he kissed me then it just sorta continued and kept going and like i felt his tongue in my mouth so i ssorta went in too and just did what i thought was right. I cant even explain it really. Now since I never did it before , I dont know if i did it right or not. It just sorta happened so fast and I just went with it as best as i could even though i could barely concentrate on what i was doing because i was like thinking all different things in my head besides what the hell i was doing. I dont know if i was doing it right and i just wanna know if there is a right or wrong was of how to make out or theres somethig you gotta think about or do when making out that i didnt do.

I just sorta did what I would do if i was kissing and just opened my mouth and kissed again and then added tongue and stuff. Im embarressed cause I know hes done it before and i hope i didnt do it wrong and did really bad.

it seems to me like you did everything just fine! there is no wrong way to makeout. you just go with the flow, like you did. :]
-missadvicebitch1

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My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little more than a week. He has all his trust in me, (about flirting,etc.)but the thing is, I don't have many guy friends. And I'm guessing that's why he's not worried about me. Now on the other hand, he has a bunch of female friends, and he went out with like, more than half of them, and because we don't go to the same school, it kind of makes me a little paranoid. We got into an argument yesterday about the whole trust issue, and he keeps telling me I'm paranoid. I do trust him, I really do, but I'm normally paranoid about these kinds of things anyway. Is there any way that anyone could help me out on this whole thing? Thanks in advance.

i had the same issue with my boyfrined. actually i had the exact same thing up to every single detail. its kinda weird i feel like i asked this question lol. anways what happened with us is that i thought to myself if i cant trust him then we shouldnt be togehter. you have to trust your boyfriend. its the key to a relationship. if you cant do it then you should break up. if he does cheat on you youll start to catch on. there are veyr easy ways to tell if he is or not. such as not calling as much and saying i lvoe you not as much.
-missadvicebitch1

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16/f

so this guy, let's call him Max, has been one of my best guy friends for a while. We text all the time and we both work together every weekend. I've always had a thing for him, and we kind of flirt back and forth a little, but he has a g/f that he's been with for almost a year. A week ago he told me that he really likes his g/f (let's call her Sam), but he also has "feelings" for me. We kissed once, but we both felt bad about him cheating on Sam so we decided to just be friends. But now he's starting to flirt with me again. We're gonna be hanging out with Sam and some other friends next week, and I'm kind of afraid of seeing them together, when he and I are kinda going behind her back. And I feel so so so so bad about it, so please don't say I'm being a slut. But I really like him. He's so awesome.

So what should I do? Wait for them to break up? Make a move? If I talk to him, what should I say/ how should I bring it up?

I'm so lost and caught up in him, and it really sucks. Please help.

-Confused

well cheating on the girl isnt the way to go. its going to hurt her if she finds out. you should have a talk wiht him and say i really like you but i dont feel right having this kind of relationship with you when your seeing osmeone else. explain to him that he has to chose between you and his girlfrined. if he picks his girlfriend then youll just have to wait until they break up.
-missadvicebitch1

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Ok well, we are about 17 and me and my girlfriend Britney have been going out for about three years now and i really love her. but i have no clue what to get her for christmas? usually i am pretty good at this stuff but this year i am clueless??? i have about like $250 to $300 to spend. Can someone please help me come up with some ideas for her? Thanks in advance !

get her something from tiffany&co. i love it there :].
-missadviebitch1

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nomatter how many miles between us he always try to come to me when he had a long dayoffs{ and sometimes he come to me everyfridays he said he just want to see me}{when we loved each other}i still love him i can't call him because i really know his mind if he decided he never come back....i sure he will never but he didn't tell me anything why he mad at me i think we almost done..if he ask me to stay ..i wll do, nomatter what my parents want..but he didn't so i think i have to go.why he didn't want to listen what i want to asy?he told his friend.he don't want a story like .miss somebody all the times he always told me he never make me feel sad [sometimes he really bossy}but now i really miss him.he always try to come nomatter what happen..i can't let him go because i know he care about me seriously.and i do too .i don't know why he mad at me like this..i have no hope?

well liek i said before the only thing you can do is ask him. asking me isnt going to help you. ive gave you all teh advice that i can give you for this problem. if you do assk him and he gives you an anser then i can give you further advice. sorry =[.
-missadvicebitch1

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417 miles between us so should i stop to explain him and try to forget him? actually a problem between us is nothing serious and he said he don't want me to go to london i tell him if he want i try not to go to london,my parents want me to go for studying.he really childish but the true is we loved each other why he treat me like this?i can't understand that

he is probably just still in shock taht the love of his life is moving to london. if you guys have a talk and fix your problems, im sure that you can have a long distance relationship. just email and chat on the phone every night. if you are not willing to try that then just try to explain to your parents with him that you guys are in love, and that you NEED to be together. ask if you can do your studies somewhere closer.
-missadvicebitch1

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