|
My boyfriend and me
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months, and i am 16 and he's 19. But it's alot different because we've known eachother for like all of our lives we have grown up in church together and he's a really good clean christian guy. And i am a really good clean christian girl and he's everything ive been looking for. And i know he's the one for me and i know without a doubt that i love him with all of my heart. But he used to smoke ciggarettes and he quit like 2 years before we started dating but he still does it like once every two weeks and i didnt know that...so he's basically been lying to me for like 4 months??? And i had to find out he was doing this from his brother...he had no intention in telling me! But i know or at least i feel 100% sure he hasnt lied to me about anything else but i just cant believe he would do that. And we got into a HUGE argument yesterday but we kinda made up, but things arent the way that they used to be you know? I just dont know what to do? I never thought he would keep something from me?? What do i do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
One of the most important things in a relationship is not to accuse the other person of anything. That's what causes most arguements and depletion of trust. You need to have a lot of respect for the other person and always give them the benefit of the doubt in every situation. It's all about how you go about approaching a situation. Instead of attacking him by telling him that you found out and you don't trust him anymore, make it a very calm conversation. Make him tell you himself. Ask him directly in a nice way. If he asks you why you want to know, say you're curious. If he lies, then you tell him what you found out, but you don't accuse him of lying. If he asks you if you trust him tell him that you do, you just want to get everything cleared up. Make him come clean himself. Give him as many chances as he needs. You need to realize that there's always a good reason why a person does anything. Think back on your own life. Lets say you didn't do your homework once. There was a good reason why you didn't. It might not be a good enough reason for the teacher, but it was a good enough reason for you or you would have done it. Since you knew that your reason wasn't good enough for the teacher, but didn't feel like you should be punished for it since it was a good reason, you might make up a story or add something else to the real story so you could get away with it. That's what your boyfriend did. He was afraid of what you might think and that you might not accept it. Right now he needs you to be supportive of him. Talk about his problem. Smoking isn't okay. Don't let him use the excuse that he needs to relax. There are tons of much healthier ways to relieve stress. Since he was a smoker in the past, tell him your concerns about him becoming one again. If he wasn't ashamed in some way of his actions, he wouldn't have hidden them from you. That shame usually means that he would want to stop. You can help him stop. Be as kind, caring, and as understanding as you can. I know that what he did hurt you. He knows it too. Next time instead of arguing with him, tell him how his actions make you feel in a kind, calm way. If you are calm about it, he'll get upset that he hurt you instead of angry because you are yelling. People make mistakes, but they always learn from them. He will think twice, maybe even three or four times now before hiding something from you. This will make him even more trustworthy than he has been. So, in a nutshell, have a calm conversation with him about his problem and try to come up with a solution. Your relationship is on the rocks only if you put it there. Be positive and confident, and you can easily get through this. Good luck. :)
]
hey, well you should ask him if he has lied to you about anything else. jsut tell him that you dont want any lies whatsoever in your realtionship and that he can tell you anything. ask him why he was keeping this a secret from you. you just need to find it in your heart to forgive him if you really truly love him and want to stay wiht him.
-missadvicebitch1
]
The way I see it, he smoked and quit 2 years ago. He probably doesn't feel that smoking is that big of deal. He's only doing it every once in a while.
I'm putting myself in his position. I'm a Christian girl also and I smoke every once in a while. It takes the stress off. I never told any of my boyfriends about it because smoking is something completely different from things such as getting high. Keep in mind that we all have our vices and a cigarette every once in a while is ok. But if you're having a really hard time trusting him - you need to talk to him about it.
Remember: some things we may not consider as big of a deal as others do. We all look at things differently.
]
Well then you really need to talk about your trust.
If you can't trust him and you think you can't then that's not good.
Try and compromise something.
I'm sure if he's your bf and he's christian he's telling you the truth.
But you have to confront him about it and say, 'Hey, I wanna know the truth, is their anything you haven't told me?'
But be calm about it.
I'm sure everything will be fine.
I hope I helped and good luck.
=]
]
More Questions: |