I just ended a 6 and a half month relationship with my girlfriend. I am 18 years old and a freshman is college, she is 21 years old who is not currently in school and has faternal twins the age of two. Obviously there is a good reason why i broke up with her. It has only been a week since we broke up and it is so hard. I love her and she loves me. What do i do? do i listen to society, my family and friends, the brothers of my fraternity? or my heart. do i look at my future or what. My heart is torn between choosing to date a girl i really love or what society tells me to do. She is a package deal which im not too excited for because no 18 year old freshman in college wants 2 kids. Also, she is still married to the other man but very close to getting a divorce. I really need some advice. Do i listen to my heart or society?
Sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with. If you love her and want to be with her, then it's possible. But if the fact that she has two kids really bothers you and you don't HONESTLY think you can get past it, in love with her or not, you need to let her go. You don't want to start a life with someone and end up resenting the kids down the line. That will only hurt the kids and cause MAJOR problems between the two of you. Your hearts may ache for each other for a while, but you will both move on eventually. Otherwise, the heartache caused by not accepting her children could last for years, if not a life time.
I'm sure you have heard this from a thousand people, but, you are 18. You are so young. She's only 3 years older than you but she has experienced about 10 extra years of life. I had two babies when I was 21 and I know that matured me beyond 21. I think you are a mature 18 year old. I say that because you are asking for help and advice. Most 18 year guys think they have it all figured out when they really don't. So I just want you to think about this long and hard. This is your life. Your LIFE. You need to ask yourself what you really want out of your life before you make your decision.
I don't know if you have a faith or religion, but I highly recommend prayer. If you choose to, be specific and ask for help in making the right decision. I'll say a prayer for you too.
I hope all goes well.
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me and my bf just went on a break. he said he just needed some time away from the whole relationship love thing. i didnt really understand but i said ok. not like i could really make him change his mind. at 1st he said he still wanted to talk. just not hang out. so i was like ok then. then wen i told him how upset i was about the break he sed he couldnt deal with all the compliments and i love yous and i care u dont? so i guess maybe i was being too clingy? i dont know becuase he said all that stuff to me too and he seemed fine with it all until one day out of the blue he said he needed a break. but now we are not even talking at all because we were texting and he said well ill talk to you later. so i said ok? and he said yep bye. so i dont know but he seems mad and doesnt want to talk to me now. i am really upset becuase i love him alot and dont know where all this came from. could there be another girl? or is he afraid of commitment? should i talk to him or give him space? should i make him jealous? what should I do? i have so many unanswered questions and i just want to do the right thing because i really want him back because i love him so much and he told me he loved me too
I'm sorry to be so brutally honest with you but, he's not coming back. The only reason guys want a "break" is so they can see other girls but still have you to come back to later just in case they want to.
He may have had those feelings for you but then the commitment may have scared him off.
I suggest you don't call or text him, but if you know you may run into him one day or even just pass him on the street, make sure you look AWESOME. Hair, make up, dressed fine and keep your head held high and make him believe you do not miss him. And he will notice you. If he tries to talk to you, you talk to him like he's just some guy you know, no one special. This will get to him! Then walk away and DO NOT look back.
After that if he tries to call or text, do not answer or respond for at least 3 days. Then, when you do answer (no texting), only talk for a couple minutes and then tell him you have plans and have to go. Guys want what they can't have.
If you decide to take him back, you will have the upper hand, so don't take any crap. If he starts acting at all like he may want out, YOU break up with him. If out of the blue, with no warning, he wants another "break," then you tell him, "I was thinking the same thing. See ya."
If you are hurt or need to cry, do that with your friends. DO NOT let him see it.
Hang in there.
Hope this helps.
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Okay so im 17/f and my boyfriend is 18, we got into like a big fight almost two weeks ago and things have been kind of strained since then. We've been going out for almost 6 months and I really like him, only when he fels like it does he talk now and thats only been once or twice. I don't know what to do or what to talk about, i know that he likes bmx racing and video games but there's only so much i can say about that stuff until he gets annoyed. What should we talk about?
Comunication is so important in a relationship. In any relationship. I would suggest you ask him if there's something he can't get over, or if he just needs time to get over your fight. If he's willing to talk, then talk it out. If he refuses to talk, I would suggest you give him some space. Try not to worry, spend time with your friends, do whatever to keep your mind off it. Then let him come to you when he's over.
Hopefully he's not the type to hold a grudge. If so, that's shows immaturity and you may want to consider if you want to be with someone that will do that everytime you fight.
Some guys just don't want to talk when they are upset about something and they need time. (That is SO my husband.)
I know it's hard if you have to wait, but if he's worth it, then do your best.
Hope this helps.
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Okay so basically two weeks ago, I met these two Russian guys in the computer lab in the basement of my dorm at college. We just started talking and stuff for an hour or so and eventually they asked me if I wanted to go clubbing with them downtown and I was like "okay" and one of them gave me his name (A) and then told me to add him on Facebook. So I added him on Facebook. I ran into the other guy (V) and he was like we'll keep in touch about activities. Then on Friday A leaves me a message on Facebook and asks me if I am ready to join them tonight and I say that I can't because I was going to see a movie with my friends that day so that was that. Then, I messaged A again and he said he would let me know about his activities. We eventually chatted on Facebook on Friday and agreed to meet at this restaurant/bar near my college. He was bringing his friends, and I said I'd bring my friends. So my friends and I went to the restuarant/bar and apparently they were doing full ID checks so you had to be over 21 that night to get in. I told him that, and he was like, "how could you guys not know that you need IDS to get into the bar?" and that was not the case at all! I know that you need ID to get into a bar, I'm not stupid, but since I had been there before I didn't think it would be a problem--plus, it's a restaurant too! He told me that maybe he could get me in but not my friends so I was like "okay" but then I was upset because I didn't want to ditch my friends. So we were all like whatever and went to a party at the student center that was fun. You'd think I'd be okay by now but I feel so awful. Should I have called him and let him know that I wasn't coming? Did I mess up/overreact? I left him a message on his Facebook apologizing for not showing up and he hasn't responded yet---then again, I sent it yesterday so I guess it's not a big deal that he hasn't responded yet. But is it crazy that I still want to hang with him? I can't tell if he was wrong or if I was wrong and it's driving me crazy! And do you think he likes me or just wanted to hang with me? I really don't know! :(
Well, communication is always the answer. It would have been the right thing to do to let him know that you weren't going to be able to go. And it does sound like he was a bit rude or gruff, but you might want to take his culture into consideration. Not to stereotype but some cultures are just more blunt than others. He probably wasn't trying to be rude.
But if he will forgive you for not showing up, it sounds like he likes you. And it sounds like you like him too.
If he doesn't, well, that's life. You can't make him talk to you. Try not to beat yourself up over it.
Hope it works out.
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alrighty so i like this guuy and hes soo cute (:
he came new a few weeks ago and ever since he noticed me i think... i mean everytime he walks by me he looks at me. thing is im really shy :S
so like today we actually smiled at eachother (:
like we looked at eachother for a long time and then he smiled. did he smile because it would be 'mean' just to look away or becaue he likes me?
I'm really really pessimistic.
so me and my class have dancelessons together and hes there too. i always say hi when we dance together ( we cant choose who to dance with, the girls always move one up and the guys stay where they are)
and he smiles but he ALWAYS smiles so .. :S
i really dont know lOl. i wanna talk to him more but im really shy. and like as i said im soo pessimistic so no matter what ill always think theres an excuse for him looking at me??!!
heelp :(
The next time you dance with him, why not ask him a simple question? Like, do you like it here? Or, Are you adjusting? Do you need any help unpacking? (That's the one I really recommend ;-) When he answers you, just keep the conversation going.
I know it's hard, but just try. It sounds like he does like you. Maybe he's shy too.
Hope it goes well.
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ive been hung up on the same guy for about 10-11 months. we dated twice, broke up, and now we're together again. i love him so much.
but lately, we've been spending almost every day together. and sometimes he gets hyper and obnoxious. and during those times, i cant wait to get away from him. but then i feel bad and get depressed. but THEN when im away from him too long, i get even more depressed because i miss him so much. and then i get happy when i see him, and then he gets hyper again,...and its just a big cycle of love bipolar.
what should i do?? i dont want to talk to him about it because i dont want to hurt his feelings, and i think the only problem here is that im either too picky or serious, and i want to just have a normal relationship with him. what can i do to fix myself?
I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you have to communicate. A relationship cannot survive if you don't. And everyone's feelings get hurt in relationship at one point or another. That's just the way it is.
Just sit him down and nicely tell him that maybe you should skip a day or two between seeing each other. And if you get sad or depressed in between times you see him, you can write him a love letter to give to him when you do see him. Or, shop for a present for him. Just one small thing a day to help you not to concentrate on the fact he's not with you. And tell him to do the same if you think he gets sad as well.
You don't have to "fix" yourself. You are too hard on yourself. Just work on a couple things you want to change at a time. We all, everybody, has to do this. You will be fine.
Hope this helps.
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15/F
This guy really likes me and has for a few years, but we're just now starting to click. But he's kind of a player and is friends on MySpace with websites of girls in thongs and bikinis and stuff :/
He wants to be my first kiss and all that.
He isn't too attractive; he's sort of starting to grow a beard, he's breaking out, but he's considered cool. He hangs out with that crowd.
I can't tell if I'm attracted to him. I told him that I'm not ready for a kiss or anything but we hold hands and cuddle and stuff. Haaha he's so weird.
But I don't know if he actually wants to GO OUT with me. He hasn't asked or anything yet, but I've sorta been dropping hints about it.
Any advice?
Do you really even like this guy? You sort of don't sound sure if you do or not. Just because you're "clicking" doesn't mean you really like him. And the fact that he has all that stuff on Myspace shows he either has no respect for women, or he's out to have a lot of sex. No matter what he may say, that's not the way a guy acts when he really likes a girl. Why would he have a need for it if he really cared about the girl he's with.
If you want to give it a shot with him, communicate. Let him know that you don't like his Myspace stuff and would like for him to remove it all and anything else he's up to.
It's good you have not given in to letting him be your first kiss. You will remember you first kiss for the rest of your life. Do you want to remember it being with this guy that had this perv Myspace? Just think about it.
Hope it goes well.
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Basically, cutting a long story extremely short and leaving out a lot of details, a guy over last September-November pretended to like me so we could sleep together. It didn't start like that exactly, it started as something completely casual and no-strings, but eventually I started wanted more and he pretended he did too, and then he panicked and backed out.
I live with him (at university) and we are in the same friendship group. I have to see him every single day, I look out of the window and see his window, I cannot escape thinking about him, and next year we will be living together with just me him and 3 other people. I can't get out of this without losing my friends. I still like him a little bit but the main thing is I AM SO ANGRY AT HIM, and my friends say I have to be nice to him for the sake of the group. I am finding this so hard and I just want to feel nothing for him anymore. I've already kissed a few other people and I slept with someone else (another ex who kind of treated me badly a bit, but I think he's changed) and my ex kind of wants to casually keep seeing me, which is sort of helping, but how else can I deal with this?? Thanks. x
With guys like that, if you show on the outside that you still like him or are sad over what happened, it only feeds their ego. So you need to make sure you look HOT every single day. I don't care if it's a midnight study session. Let him see what's missing!!
And make sure you keep your head held up. Be confident. Look at him in the face when he talks and talk to him as if you are complete strangers. As if he means absolutely nothing to you. And when he's done talking, just look away and quickly begin talking to someone else or doing something (even if you have to pretend). This will make him believe you have no time for him, not even time to think about him.
And PLEASE do not go off sleeping with other guys because you are hurting. This will only leave you feeling empty. Just give it time. You will heal from this. Then you find someone that you can have a meaningful relationship with.
I hope it goes well. Hope this helps.
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Sorry, this may be a bit long but I would REALLY appreciate someone's help. Preferrably a girl who has/had the same problem and found an effective way to deal with it, or a guy who is like my boyfriend.
Alright, so my boyfriend, let's call him Larry.
Well, me and larry have been together for about 8 months and he is seriously my first love. I haven't had very many boyfriends and if I have, they never lasted long at ALL. The most was like, 2 and a half months.
Me and Larry started out as best friends and it kinda naturally escalated into something more. So I figured it was fate? But now, I don't know. I love him with ALL of my heart. He's the only boy I ever want to be with, honestly. I'm 17, he's 18.
I lost my virginity to him about 6 months ago and ever since then, it seems like he changed. I don't think it's necessarily that "that's all he wanted from me" because I know most guys are like that, but honestly, I don't think that's it. I think it's more of a comfort issue. He stopped doing all the things he used to do to make me happy and now, it seems like I'm ALWAYS mad at him and arguing with him or I'm crying. And sometimes, it's over things that aren't even a big deal. I just don't know. I have so much anger because I want him to change back to the way he was when he was trying to impress me and I rlly liked him then. I still like him. I feel stronger about him than ever. I just want things to go back to how they used to be. Like, I know he won't be hesitant to kiss me like he used to be cause we're naturally past that in our relationship but even little stuff like writing me random text messages letting me know how important I am to him or kissing me like he used to. Everytime we kiss, he kisses me like one kisses their GRANDMA. It's quick and short. But 8 months ago, I got butterflies in my stomach and I felt like I was in a movie! It was great.
I just need to know what to do. I feel like he knows I won't ever break up with him. Like he HAS me and I'll never leave because everytime I say I'm gonna break up with him, I chicken out. I rlly don't want to. I just wanna teach him a lesson and make him want to change back. He says he's trying but I don't know if he rlly is. Oh, and I have a jealousy problem. Considering he was MY first but I was his 15th. It hurts me when he talks to those girls, and for the most part he doesn't but when he does, I get really upset and start bawling my eyes out. Even if nothing is going on. UGH. Please help me somebody. Thank you so much if you actually read through this whole thing. I appreciate your time and if you make an effort to answer all my questions, I'd be greatly appreciative.
Thanks.
I have been there. I have friends that have been there. I have known guys like your boyfriend.
It could be a couple of things.
It IS possible that since he's had so many girls that he really did only one thing from you. But somewhere along the way he developed some REAL feelings for you, and now he has no idea what to do. He sounds like he may be confused about what he wants and how he's feeling.
Or, you know, sometimes people change after they've slept with someone. I'm not sure what it is. It may be the intimacy, or maybe fear of what he's suppose to do now in the relationship.
My adivice to you:
1) Stop threatening to break up with him. That's only going to make the situation worse. Unless you mean it. If you really want to break up, then say it.
2)You need to communicate. You can't read his mind. Give him something to hold in his hands that he can look at and mess with. Guys communciate better if they have something to do while talking. Then, calmly and plainly (no tears) ask him if things changed in your relationship for him after you had sex. Ask him if he still wants to be with you. Ask him what you want to know. Just do it calmly and try not to cry unless he says he wants to break up and you can't help but cry. Then, calmly, tell him how he has been acting has made you feel over the last few months. Tell him that you both need to work together if you want your relationship to last.
3) Try your best to get over the jealousy thing. I know it's hard, especially since he's the first guy you've slept with. But guys, especially that young, don't like to feel pressured. And a jealous girl will do that. Also, do it for yourself. You will only be miserable if you are jealous of every girl he talks to. Just stand next to him and be confident. Join in the conversation (nicely) if that's possible. But at the same time, don't be blind. If he's flirting or you think he may be cheating, then you have a right to be upset and say something.
4) You are both VERY young. I'm sure you've heard that before, but it's true. And developing such serious relationships at such a young age is going to make things more stressful. If you can both wait and put off the serious stuff (sex) and just enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other, you will make your relationship stronger.
5) Pray about it. I don't know if you have a religion, but pray is very powerful. Pray for joy and a calm heart. Pray for your boyfriend and your relationship. Anything.
I hope this helps.
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recently my boyfriend has been lying alot he has cheated on my once by kissing another girl but he was drunk.
he lied to me and went into a girls house with two other girls. and he is making a movie for school with 3 girls but he only told me one.
i figured this out and he says he will never lie to me again. we have been together for two years. were both 16.
do you think i should break up with him or stay with him. i love him and i feel like i cant live without him yet i cant trust him and i know that you cant have a relationship without trust. but i am trying. i broke up with him when he cheated on me but i was misrable.
should i give him one more chance? what would you do.
I know that you care for this boy very much. But you deserve to be told the truth in a relationship. If you stay with him you are just going to be miserable wondering where he is and what he's up to ALL the time. If you break up with him you will be miserabe because you'll miss him and your heart is broken, but that kind of misery goes away. And by that time, a new guy will come along. And I hope it will be one that will love and respect you by being honest and faithful. If not, love yourself enough to cut him off.
Hope it goes well.
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My ex-boyfriend broke up with me in August- it was the second time we had been dating, we first dated in February last year but broke up and then got back together over the summer. Well, I've missed him a lot because he was my best guy friend. Well, we've been getting better, and talking more and he and I talk about relationship problems like we used to before anything happened between us. And last night, he told me about how he's losing his trust in girls after how some of them have treated him. And he was really down about it, so I told him it would be ok, that there were plenty of great girls out there and he would find his, and he responded saying that he hopes he finds her, and that he hasn't already passed her up... and I think he was referring to me because I'm the only girl he has had an enjoyable relationship with. And now I don't know what to do because I'm dating someone else now. I don't love him though, he is nice and a sweet guy and treats me right, but there just isn't that spark. I feel bad leaving my current guy for my ex, but I miss the way it was when I was with my ex. There is nothing better than dating your best friend. But then again there is the chance that he may leave me again. I'm not sure if I should trust him again. What do you guys think?
First, if you don't feel that spark or love with your current boyfriend, try to think about his feelings. If you stay with him and let him believe you do feel those things you could end up breaking his heart. And this applies whether you go back to your ex or not.
It sounds like your ex doesn't know what he really wants and has a lot of growing up to do. If he has true, honest, sincere feelings for you, he'll show it in time. But I suggest you wait it out. He may just be a jerk that only cares for himself. But, he could just be a good guy that's lost and needs time to figure out which way is up.
If you want to set on the side lines for a while, as a friend, if he his feelings for you are sincere, he will show it. Love is an action. It's not just a word to be said to someone. So if he loves you, he will show it.
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Theres this guy who im really in love with and hes in love with me too. we have been dating for 6 months but have been best friends for a year. we hang out everyday and i love him with all my heart. However, he has trouble believing this. He says he knows he loves me but doesnt know how i could love him. He thinx it must be infatuation or something but i know for sure that its not. He was previously a player but has changed. but he has a low view of himself. Its really sad to me that he hates himself so much that he doesnt think anyine else could love him. How can I make him believe that its the real thing not just infatuation or lust. i want him to know that i really do love him more than anything
It will take time and effort for him to realize that he is worth being loved by you and anyone else.
In the meantime, both of you must realize that love is an action. It's not just a word to express how you feel. So for you, you need to not push him too much, and do things on a regular basis that shows him that you love him. If he feels that you massaging his feet once in a while, or suprising him with candy (or whatever he likes) once in a while, and being there for him when he has a problem, holding him when he feels alone or scared (even if he can't admit those feelings, if he feels loved when you do those things, then try doing them. And they should be things you do for each other.
He was a player, and now he has found true love, and it's scaring him. So what do people do when they are scared? Run away, doubt, argue, or whatever.
Just give him time and continue to SHOW him that you love him.
You guys will be fine.
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