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Boyfriend Trouble
Sorry, this may be a bit long but I would REALLY appreciate someone's help. Preferrably a girl who has/had the same problem and found an effective way to deal with it, or a guy who is like my boyfriend.
Alright, so my boyfriend, let's call him Larry.
Well, me and larry have been together for about 8 months and he is seriously my first love. I haven't had very many boyfriends and if I have, they never lasted long at ALL. The most was like, 2 and a half months.
Me and Larry started out as best friends and it kinda naturally escalated into something more. So I figured it was fate? But now, I don't know. I love him with ALL of my heart. He's the only boy I ever want to be with, honestly. I'm 17, he's 18.
I lost my virginity to him about 6 months ago and ever since then, it seems like he changed. I don't think it's necessarily that "that's all he wanted from me" because I know most guys are like that, but honestly, I don't think that's it. I think it's more of a comfort issue. He stopped doing all the things he used to do to make me happy and now, it seems like I'm ALWAYS mad at him and arguing with him or I'm crying. And sometimes, it's over things that aren't even a big deal. I just don't know. I have so much anger because I want him to change back to the way he was when he was trying to impress me and I rlly liked him then. I still like him. I feel stronger about him than ever. I just want things to go back to how they used to be. Like, I know he won't be hesitant to kiss me like he used to be cause we're naturally past that in our relationship but even little stuff like writing me random text messages letting me know how important I am to him or kissing me like he used to. Everytime we kiss, he kisses me like one kisses their GRANDMA. It's quick and short. But 8 months ago, I got butterflies in my stomach and I felt like I was in a movie! It was great.
I just need to know what to do. I feel like he knows I won't ever break up with him. Like he HAS me and I'll never leave because everytime I say I'm gonna break up with him, I chicken out. I rlly don't want to. I just wanna teach him a lesson and make him want to change back. He says he's trying but I don't know if he rlly is. Oh, and I have a jealousy problem. Considering he was MY first but I was his 15th. It hurts me when he talks to those girls, and for the most part he doesn't but when he does, I get really upset and start bawling my eyes out. Even if nothing is going on. UGH. Please help me somebody. Thank you so much if you actually read through this whole thing. I appreciate your time and if you make an effort to answer all my questions, I'd be greatly appreciative.
Thanks.
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well, im only 13, but ya that is really sad, for you being his 15th gf!!!! i mean, for me im dating my 5th ex bf right now and im in a bit of a crisis too...
i think i know how you feel, but i never had sex yet...
i don't get it. y do plp hav sex at such a young age???
anyways, my bf won't kiss me but im his, well, 2nd gf kuz b4 i broke up with him i wuz his first so...
ya, hope this helps...
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I have been there. I have friends that have been there. I have known guys like your boyfriend.
It could be a couple of things.
It IS possible that since he's had so many girls that he really did only one thing from you. But somewhere along the way he developed some REAL feelings for you, and now he has no idea what to do. He sounds like he may be confused about what he wants and how he's feeling.
Or, you know, sometimes people change after they've slept with someone. I'm not sure what it is. It may be the intimacy, or maybe fear of what he's suppose to do now in the relationship.
My adivice to you:
1) Stop threatening to break up with him. That's only going to make the situation worse. Unless you mean it. If you really want to break up, then say it.
2)You need to communicate. You can't read his mind. Give him something to hold in his hands that he can look at and mess with. Guys communciate better if they have something to do while talking. Then, calmly and plainly (no tears) ask him if things changed in your relationship for him after you had sex. Ask him if he still wants to be with you. Ask him what you want to know. Just do it calmly and try not to cry unless he says he wants to break up and you can't help but cry. Then, calmly, tell him how he has been acting has made you feel over the last few months. Tell him that you both need to work together if you want your relationship to last.
3) Try your best to get over the jealousy thing. I know it's hard, especially since he's the first guy you've slept with. But guys, especially that young, don't like to feel pressured. And a jealous girl will do that. Also, do it for yourself. You will only be miserable if you are jealous of every girl he talks to. Just stand next to him and be confident. Join in the conversation (nicely) if that's possible. But at the same time, don't be blind. If he's flirting or you think he may be cheating, then you have a right to be upset and say something.
4) You are both VERY young. I'm sure you've heard that before, but it's true. And developing such serious relationships at such a young age is going to make things more stressful. If you can both wait and put off the serious stuff (sex) and just enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other, you will make your relationship stronger.
5) Pray about it. I don't know if you have a religion, but pray is very powerful. Pray for joy and a calm heart. Pray for your boyfriend and your relationship. Anything.
I hope this helps.
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I think alot of people experience this problem. It always seems like in the beginning of relationships everything is perfect and like a fairy tale. But one both people get comfortable things usually change. Chances are, things wont go back to the way they used to be. Its just the affect time has on a relationship.
I have been in my current relationship for 2 years now. And to this day, I still long for the way things were in the beginning. I want those butterflies and the feeling that you are the most important thing to that person and all of the excitement. My significant other and I have talked about it many times. And as hard as we try to make it go back to that, we just cant. You just get used to one another and actually start to take one another for granted.
The best advice I can give you is try your best to express your feelings to your boyfriend. If you dont feel like you could get it all out face to face, then write him a letter. But tell him exactly how your feeling and how you want things to be. Let him know that you understand that things cant be exactly the way they were in the beginning but you would like you would like to feel a little more love and chemistry. Also make sure you let him know how you feel about him and let him know that you are going to try as well. If I were you I would also tell him about your jealousy, because maybe he doesnt realize how it makes you feel. But whether your talking face to face or writing to him, do it with love. You cant make him feel like your coming at him or complaining.
If that doesnt work, then you have a decision to make. You can either settle for what you have with him, or if you are unhappy, break it off. Its not an easy decision to make but you just have to think about yourself and your own happiness and decide whats best for you.
I hope I helped and I wish you the best of luck.
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