BY no means am I always right or know what to do. However, I will tell you what I would do in your situation and what I know to be the most honest and helpful advice that I can give.
Thanks for asking,
Honestymatters
Gender: Female
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Occupation: Office Administration/Single MOM
Age: 31
Member Since: October 29, 2005
Answers: 72
Last Update: November 16, 2005
Visitors: 7110
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Okay...I've realized a couple days ago that I really, really like this boy I know (I'll call him Bill)...and the same day I came to that conclusion, I was told by a very good friend of mine that Bill has something for her...and that she likes Bill too. (She didn't know that I liked him, of course)...Today, I found that they have officially paired up...and I didn't really do a good job of hiding my disapointment, because "Bill" asked me if somebody made me upset...I said "Not intentionally"...he then asked if it was him that had done anything to make me upset...(Did he suspect or know that I like him??)...Now, I'm not sure if I should tell him that I really like him or not, because I do NOT want to cause any discomfort between me and the two of them, because I care deeply for both of them...but I don't want him to feel like he's doing anything wrong, either. I think if I told them (Or just him) "Hey, I'm disapointed, but I still support you guys", that it would (maybe) make things better...
I really need answers fast on this one, guys...
S. (link)
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Dear S.,
The truth will set you freeeeeeeeeeee!
Tell your friend that you like "Bill" too but never said anything because you love her and do not want to do anything to get between them. Tell her that you still want to hang out with them, but feel a tag a long friend will be annoying for them. Let her know that because she is with him, he is OFF LIMITS!! But add in a joking manner that if she breaks up with him and he shows interest in you, that you would consider dating him. Wish her the best with him. Give her your support.
Tell "Bill" that you are not mad at him at all. Tell him that you were just taken back suddenly by hearing that your good friend began dating the guy you liked. Tell him that you are happy for them and wish them the best. Then ask him if he has any friends that may want to double date sometime, because you feel awkward being the third wheel.
The fact is that if they stay together and become close, eventually they will end up doing things without you. If you want to do things with them and not feel awkward, you will need a "Bill" of your own. You just discovered a couple of days ago that you liked him. This means that you have not liked him in "that way" for very long. It is possible to find someone else to like just as much. As I read another Advicenator say "God" has plan for you. Maybe his plan was for you to meet one of "Bill's" friends.
The point is that you must be honest with everyone at all times. Never keep your feelings bottles up either. Never ever do anything to hurt your friends (like stealing her boyfriend). That is immoral and wrong. Just be their friends and find your own man. IF "Bill" happens to fall for you in the process it is not your fault, but he must be the one to leave your good friend on his own, without your influence. Do not betray your friend. As long as they are going out, he is OFF LIMITS!!
I hope that you find what you are looking for.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I have a friend who asked me out last night. I like him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship so I told him. I thought about it for a while... and concluded that I'd like to go out with. Only, I'm not sure if the offer still stands.
I'm kind of shy, and I'd like to approach him. He's not shy, but I think he was shy about asking me out. We were on the phone and he asked me out over the internet. I overheard him telling his friend "So I asked Karen (me) out, and guess what she said. She said she doesn't know if she wants a relationship." and when he said that it made me realize that I'd like to give him a relationship a chance because I really like him.
How should I go about bringing up the subject of going together back up? I'd really like for him to ask me again, is there anyway I can like hint around? (link)
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Dear I need help,
Silly girl,(you have already talked to him so you are past being shy with him), say to him "I have thought about what you asked the other day and I want to know if that offer is still open. I have thought about it and have decided that I would like to try having a relationship with you."
OR you could walk up to him, grab him and plant a big kiss on his lips and say, "I change my mind. Ask me again if I will go out with you."
Hinting does no good. It wastes time and usually never gets the results you want. It is like asking someone to guess what you want. It is also a childish way to approach things. Just reach out and grab him, don't waste any more time. Get up, get out and go get him.
I hope I helped.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I seriously have no idea what to get my boyfriend for Christmas. I want it to be something really personal. Please, any ideas would be appreciated. Here are some of his favorite things:
Movie-Donnie Darko
the Boston Red Sox
poker
Author-Kurt Vonnegut..and reading in general. He reads a ton.
Music- Iron and Wine, Max Richter, The Smiths, Bright Eyes, ect. . . soft, pretty, folksy-type music (link)
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Dear Christmas,
Your boyfriend will thank you, if, you buy him books written by Robert Anton Wilson. In particular try The Illuminatus Trilogy, (Cosmic Triggers 1, 2, and 3), Schrödinger's Cat Trilogy, and Prometheus Rising.
Another good author is Timothy Leary. Anything by him is just as good as Wilson's. They have even written books together. Some of Leary's are The Psychedelic Experience (he co-wrote with Ralph Metzner), Flashbacks, and The politics of Ecstasy. He has more, just cannot name them all right now.
A little about how Timothy Leary has influenced people:
Leary once recruited John Lennon to write a theme song for his California gubernatorial campaign (which was interrupted by his first arrest), inspiring Lennon to come up with the hit "Come Together," which Lennon later reclaimed for himself. Leary was the explicit subject of the Moody Blues song "Legend of a Mind", which memorialized him with the words, "Timothy Leary's dead. No, no, no, no he's outside looking in," a refrain he once detested but later found the sense of humor to adopt as his PR theme song when he hit the university lecture circuit promoting NASA scientist Gerard O'Neill's innovative plans to build giant Eden-like orbiting mini-earth's using existing technology and raw materials from the moon. He is also mentioned in the song "The Seeker" by The Who: "I asked Timothy Leary/ But he couldn't tell me either".
A number of other musical groups have admired and been influenced by Leary, including the progressive-rock band Tool, the metal band Nevermore, Marcy Playground, and Dog Fashion Disco. Nevermore mentions Leary in their lyrics, and titled one of their albums "The Politics of Ecstasy" (after Leary's book by the same name). The techno band Infected Mushroom uses a soundclip of Leary saying "Tune in, turn on, and drop out" in a song. Leary made a cameo appearance in "STUFF," a short film directed by Johnny Depp and Gibson Haynes about the Red Hot Chili Peppers guitar player John Frusciante. He also appears on 'Gila Copter' off the 'Linger Fickin Good' album by the Revolting Cocks and also appears in the video for 'Cracking Up'. Leary also appears as the father in the Suicidal Tendancies video "Possessed to Skate".
Anything by these authors will blow his mind, if he loves to read, he will LOVE any of them.
Hope I helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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these are the answers to the questions you asked me, maybe you can help me a little further now. please get back to me if you can. thanx
What makes you think he is mad at you? A: he was ignoring me almost the whole time i was there and usually he'd be all over me.
Did you sleep over at his friends house before his birthday party? no, after
When you say "hooked up" do mean you had sex with him? no, made out with
When you say you slept over at his best friends house are you saying you slept, or had sex? slept.
(link)
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Dear Really Angry,
Thanks for answering my questions.
First it sounds to me like he's looking for someone who will do more than make out. It also sounds like he will stick his tongue down anyone's throat. He is a walking mono hazard and I would stay away from him if I were you. You do know what what mono is, right?
He may not be mad at you. He could have lost interest. I mean you made out three times but didn't have sex. This guy sounds like he has just given up on getting you to have sex with him.
If he is mad at you then maybe you are better off. Do you know what mono can do to you? He also doesn't sound that responsible either. A guy like that will get someone pregnant for sure, and then dump them. Do you want to have sex with him and risk getting pregnant? If he'll stick his tongue down anyone's throat, then he will definitely stick his penis in anyone's vagina. This will make him a high risk for a sexually transmitted disease. I shutter at the thought.
Just be careful around this guy and that so called friend of yours. They seem like they are both lying, back stabbing whores. But that's just my opinion.
Hope everything works out for you. Take care :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Can someone explain my boyfriends behavior?I had been out of work for a really long time and i finally got a job as a sales rep in a large superstore. At first he was excited for me and said "well I hope everything works out for you".
Now heres where it gets strange. I had my first shift 3 nights ago and I told him how nice everyone was and I much fun I was having. He didnt sound happy at all and just said in an unfriendly tone "oh I guess things are working out for you". I don't understand , wouldnt he be happy for me? The only thing I can think of is he might be worried I'll meet a guy at work.
Does anyone have any ideas as to what is going on with him? (link)
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Dear My boyfriend is acting strange,
No, only your b/f can explain his behavior. I can speculate but the other Advicenators pretty much did that.
I can give you some advice on how to approach this with your b/f.
Start with telling him that you love him and ask him what's wrong. Ask him why at first he was happy for you and now he doesn't seem that thrilled. If he tells you nothing is wrong, then leave it at that. Maybe he was just having a bad day and didn't want to hear about you having a good day.
In a situation like this communication and honesty are very important. You should definitely talk to your boyfriend though.
Good Luck, I hope this helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I like this guy but the thing is, he doesn't like me. and whenever he gets jealous he likes me. and when i dropped this guy that he was jeaslous of he didn't like me anymore. so...the same situation is with this guy that likes me. should i go out with the guy who likes me to get him jealous??
thanks in advance!!! (link)
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Dear I'm confused,
So let me get this straight! This guy you really like doesn't like you unless you are with another guy.
How childish and unfair is he acting?
"I like this guy but the thing is, he doesn't like me." You should listen to yourself more often. You know he doesn't like you, yet you dump other guys for him. Silly girl!! Don't play his game!! Stop letting him manipulate you.
You should go out with the other guy who likes you. But when this guy gets jealous, tell him to bud out and go fly a kite. Don't break up with anyone for him. He is playing some stupid childish game with you. Anyone who acts like that will only end up hurting you sooner or later.
Hope I helped you out :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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last night i went over my friends house for his birthday. the situation is hard to explain but, i really like him. i went out with him before but he broke up with me after 4 days. which i guess hardly counts. but we've been flirting ever since we broke up. i always flirt with him and i've hooked up with him a few times in the last few weeks. i know im not gonna be able to go out with him because of the way he is and cant stick to a commitment. so last night my best friend was cuddling with him on the couch. it was really ticking me off. she knows i like him and always yells at me for flirting with him so much because "im gonna get myself hurt" but last night she was all over him. i think he's mad at me. im not sure though... i wasnt supposed to be out last night. i said i was at a friends house because i wasnt supposed to be over this guys house. i also slept over his best friends house and he was there until 2:30 am before he went home. im sick of being hurt because i like him. and i try to stop liking him but i just cant. can anyone help? (link)
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Dear Really Angry,
The info you have given is really vague and I need to know more about what's up to give any REAL advice. But from what you have said here, it sounds like you know he is unreachable. You obviously like him, but he seems to be a player of some sort.
Your so called friend was just saying those things about you getting hurt. She wanted him for herself and telling you to stop flirting with him gave her the room she needed to move in. Stay away from her, she is a backstabbing liar. DO NOT TRUST HER.
OK, I have questions and then I can get to the real advice OK.
What makes you think he is mad at you?
Did you sleep over at his friends house before his birthday party?
When you say "hooked up" do mean you had sex with him?
When you say you slept over at his best friends house are you saying you slept, or had sex?
Don't worry, I do not condemn people for having multiple partners. The more the merrier I say.
Please get back to me. I would love to help you out.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Dear Honestymatters,
Thank you sooo much! You helped me bunches! And yes I have his number and I hang with most of his friends so this might be the up side of all this. I will take your advice and tell you the outcome of it.
Thanks again,
Help me please.
Or
TakeT_H_Achance (which is my real deal) (link)
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Dear Take T_H_Achance,
You are welcome and feel free to write me anytime :) I am here to help.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Sorry If Its Long!!! .. Well here it goes
Ok well theres this guy .. well call him cody.
well me and cody have know each other for like almost 2 years. and over the summer we talked about how we liked each other .. and he kind of i guess strung me along for like 2 months .. sayin he liked me but wouldn't do anything about it, but when i asked if i should juss forget it he told me not to b/c he liked me ..
he said he'd call nd he said we'd hang out but he kept blowin me off and not callin but he "liked me" so i guess he thought it was ok. so i left him a message on aim sayin to call me so we coudl talk about it .. yahh well he got the message but didnt call. so we stopped talkin for like 3 weeks .. like i was pissed. and he knew it but didnt try to make it better.
soo halloween night me him and my friend kev chels and jenn all hung out. i didnt know he was gonna be there or else i wouldn't have gone. but we ended up having so much fun and i laughed the whole time .. all the feelings i thought i was over .. came rushing back soo fast!!!
so we talked about it and we talked online the next day and he told me he liked me and everything. so 2 nights ago we hung out and went to funspot and all of us were in a guy named brody's truck. i was like practically sittin on top of him the whole like 1 and a half ride, and he had his arm around me and stuff.
- - but when we were driving home kevie (the other guy who was there) was like "so cod are you 2 like goin out now. and codys like no. and kev was like wait what. how come? and codys like you heard me .. i didnt stutter ..
i juss dont get him .. so we talked nd hes like i REALLY like you, i honestly do i juss dont want a girlfriend .. but he told kevin that he didnt even like me at all .. hes pissing me off b/c hes not even tellin me the truth .. and i just wanted an honest answer (link)
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Dear Whats he really mean?
I agree with Bianca, he is just playing games with you. Telling you he likes you but then saying he doesn't want a girlfriend. Sounds to me like he already has a girlfriend that no one knows about.
Just the fact that he doesn't admit he likes you in front of other people is reason enough to forget about having emotional feelings for him.
Yes he may make you laugh, but he treats you like garbage. That is unforgivable. Talk to your friends and ask them to warn you the next time he is going to attend a get together. That way you can be prepared to shield yourself. Don't sit on his lap, don't talk to him as much and definitely do not let him see your attraction to him. Just be casual friends and nothing more. What about this Kevie guy? OR even Brody? Do they have girlfriends? Get to know one of them a little better and move on from Cody.
Friendship is good, but he has made it very clear that he doesn't want anything more from you. It's a hard thing to choke down, but do not let him bring you down because he cannot make up his mind. Even if he comes to you in a few months and says,"ok, I am ready for a girlfriend" you should tell him he treated you horribly and lost your attentions. You should call Kevie or Brody, if they are single.
Sorry this guy has kept you on the run around, but you should learn from this and keep your distance from him.
Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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i was talkin to my gy friend that i like online and he said that i was jealous of all these girls that like him now and i would never get aniguys to like me...and the only guy who ever liked me was him...although he was jokin i told him that i turned this guy down over the summer(which is true) and that he told me more in the 2 weeks that i knew him than you(my guyfriend) did in the 2 yrs that he supposidly liked me...i still like him and we havent talked in a few days...do u think that hes mad or what should i do...i realllly like him. ps i rate high (link)
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Dear Guy Friends,
Sounds to me like you both were being a bit mean to each other. Be the bigger person and apologize to him for being rude. Tell him that you turned this other guy down because you like him, not anyone else. Also ask him if he likes you so much why are you not his girlfriend yet? Whatever you do, don't let any more time go by. Talk to him ASAP. If anything, you can save a friendship.
Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Dear Honestymatters,
I REALLY REALLY like this guy. I have heard he likes me too but I have also heard he liked another girl who is older than I. I never see him talking to her though. I will go up and talk to him and he will hug me and is soo sweet to me. but he never drops any signs that he likes me except when he hugs me he will like hug me for a long time. I think that is sooo sweet. but I don't know if I think this because I want him to like me or if he really does like me. I REALLY REALLY NEED help. I am scared to talk to him about it cuz I am really shy. That is weird that I am shy though because I am a HS cheerleader and is out in front of everyone on friday nights. but its when it is just me and the person talking about a certain issue is when I get REALLY shy, I think it is because I am afraid of looking like an idiot. HELP ME PLEASE! (link)
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Dear Help Me Please,
Believe only part of what you hear, part of what you read and half of what you see.
Hearing that he likes you, is simply hearsay and is usually never admitted into any court of law. By being too shy, you may blow your chances with him. You say you talk to him, so this shows that you are not completely shy. But if you keep beating around the bush, you may miss the opportunity to get to know him better. It is possible that he just more shy than you are and is afraid that you do not feel the same.
The next time he hugs you for a long time (say this while he is hugging you) You know we can continue this hug after school, if you want. Or compliment him on how he smells, or tell him how warm and comfortable it feels to be in his arms. Tell him it feels like home, you know cozy and safe.
If you don't have his phone number, then get it.
Call him in the evenings, and talk to him. This will give you a stronger presence in his life and he will think about you more. Don't try childish things to get this attention. This can be huge turn off. Just be yourself.
I prefer the more direct approach, myself.
Another thing you could do say this to him: Can I talk to you alone about something?
Then when you get him alone say: I feel really stupid about this because I am shy, but it has been on my mind. I am afraid of sounding like a blithering idiot, so bear with me if I stutter or choke on my words. I heard through the grapevine that you might like me more than a friend. Is this true?
OK, by admitting that you feel stupid, or are afraid of sounding like an idiot lets him know that you are human. By throwing jokes in there, you will make him laugh and this will make it more comfortable for you to say what you need to say. By asking him straight up if he likes you, will get to the bottom of your dilemma. By not indulging that you like him first, there is no chance that either of you will feel awkward about the relationship you have. You have not told him you like him and you don't feel publicly rejected if he says it is not true.
If he says yes, it is true, then you have your answer. At this point you tell him that you feel the same and then make a date with him.
What ever you do there is always the fear of rejection, it comes with life. Do you know how I feel every time I go for a job interview? I am so afraid that they will pick someone else. Most companies want bilingual employees and I only speak English. If someone that speaks Spanish and English walks in and applies for the same job, they will almost definitely get hired over me. This is a crippling thought. It makes me not want to even look for a job.
Yet, I still did and guess what, I was hired by a really good company that is paying pretty decently. I did not give up, even though I was afraid to be rejected. Don't let your fears control your life. You only live once, and everything that happens in your life makes you the person you are.
Stop running on cruise control. Take your life by the steering wheel and go any direction you want.
I do hope I helped you, and write me anytime OK :)
Good Luck
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Okay I really like this guy. Well I have heard he liked me too but I don't know I am a freshman and he is a Jr. (same age as my older brother and they have conflicts) Well I want to see if he likes me but I am scared too. His cousin says he always talks about me and he is really sweet to me. He will come up and hug me and tell me that I am looking good and stuff like that. I want to ask him out but I am scared to. I guess I am afraid of rejection. Then one of my friends likes him too. and if she found out how I feel about him she would hate me... but he like hates her cuz she acts like a big ole' whore and stuff like that. So I am stuck... I also told his sister (which is my age) and when she found out that girl liked him too she was MAD cuz she HATES her. but she made me feel better when she told me he would never go after her. but I still don't know..
What should I do?
)(confuse)( (link)
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Dear Confused,
You are in a hard spot. A friend likes the same guy. You want him, he wants you and not her. But you don't want to hurt her. Wow this is though, and I agree with some of the other Advicenators. You should talk to your friend first.
See, this is what will happen when you begin dating him: You will stop talking to your friend as much. After all, he doesn't like her and his sister hates her. You will eventually stop talking to your friend and spend all your time with him and his sister. Like a trade off. Besides, why would you want to hang out with someone who acts like a whore? You like him, he likes you. This is the set up for a very good relationship.
In the end, it is you that will have to make up your mind on what you are going to do. Situations like this are always hard and someone will end up getting hurt here. Either you because you are not going to betray your friend and stay away from a guy you have feelings for. OR your friend will get hurt when you start hanging out with your new boyfriend more than her.
Have you ever heard a saying "You are judged by the company you keep"? If you are hanging out with people who act like whores, then others will view you as a whore as well. It's not fair but it's a fact of life. This guy you like would probably hang out with you more if you did not have friends that act like whores. Ever think of that? Life is too short to not stop and smell the roses. Rejection is a part of life, it is not something to be afraid of. Do not send other people to talk to him for you. This just shows that you have no spine to do things on your own. Just do it!! The worst he can do is say no.
Hope I gave some things to think about. I also hope that I helped you make a choice. Good Luck and I am here anytime you need :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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ok so there's this girl at my school who i REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE ok and she's goin out with this other guy. so here's my question what are real good ways to win her over her bf. from a desprit person in love give good results. (link)
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Dear How to impress girls,
Well, I have read what the other Advicenators answered and I agree. You should not do anything to get in the way of her current relationship. You should talk to her, become friends with her boyfriend as well. This will give you an excuse to hang out with her more. Don't become to close to him, this may cause problems if she leaves him fro you in the future.
Notice things that he doesn't do for her, and do them yourself. EXAMPLE: Holding doors open for her or telling her how nice she looks. Compliment her a lot on the colors she wears and how they make her eyes dance. You can come up with unique compliments. Remember, your actions speak louder that words. Above all be yourself, but don't push her to like you. That will turn her off.
There are other things you can do as well. Like send her flowers with an anonymous letter telling her you think about her day and night. If flowers are too much, then maybe just a witty card complimenting her, signed anonymous.
Hope I helped you with some ideas :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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There are these two kids that both like me. One of them split up with the girl they were seeing for me and the other one just started liking me again. The thing is, I can't pick who I like right now..its so frustrating!! They'll always be like "your on the phone with (guys name)? F*** him!" and one of them I've liked for about a year now. The other one I told him I liked him before and he's like "No I want you to see how it feels to feel sh**ty so I don't wanna go out with you again". Now he wants to go back out with me and gets mad at me when I talk to the other guy on the phone! I mean REALLY mad. Can someone help me before this gets outta hand????? THANKS! (link)
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Dear Big Problem,
Falcon has a point. If that is something you want to do, I recommend taking a break.
But, the guy that you have liked for a year is saying things about the other guys because he sees him as competition. It's a natural reaction, although he doesn't have to talk like that.
The other boy at some point wanted to hurt you, to get back at you. Be aware of this behavior, he's vindictive and may cause problems for you if you date him and it doesn't work out again.
I would give the guy that you have liked for a year a chance. After all he split up with someone for you. That is flattering, and deserves attention. The other guy, just started liking you again, but also wanted you to feel emotional stress when you told him you liked him, just to get back at you. That is a horrible thing to do and deserves no attention.
Who do like more? Who do you think will hurt you less?
If you still cannot decide, sit down and make a list. List both boy's good and bad traits. Pick the one with the most admirable/likable traits.
Hope I have helped you a little :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Hi Guys my girlfriend is a couple of years younger than me (23) but she acts like a little kid! When we're out with her friends that are her same age group she's acts completely normal and I am so attracted to her as a person when she's like this. BUT whenever she's out with my friends (their my age) she acts like a little brat, i'm a pretty patient person so have put up with it for a while now, but its starting to be a problem as i feel a little nervous whenever I take her out.
she's acts like this constantly when we're with her family too (she's the youngest child), and i guess her family has treated her like she's the youngest child like forever...
What should I do? I really love this girl, but its just in circumstances where its starting to stress me out. If its a psychological thing i wanna help her through this, just wondering what you guys thought. (link)
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Dear Girlfriend acts like a kid,
That is so funny. Anyway, I read the other Avicenators answers and I agree. You should tell her that you love her and you mean no disrespect but you like her more when she acts like a mature adult.
Be honest with her and open up to her as soon as possible or it will continue to stress you out.
Remember, she is younger, and a woman. She may take it wrong if you do not word it wisely. Just explain to her that you like her when she is with her friends, but when she gets around your friends she acts like a completely different person.
If this doesn't work, maybe you should try acting like a childish brat in front of her friends. See if she likes it. That would be a last resort naturally, but it is a thought. OR just stop taking her out around your friends. When she asks why you don't want her along, tell her.
"If its a psychological thing i wanna help her through this"
This pattern makes me wonder why she acts like this only with her family and your friends, but not around her friends. There has to be something that influences her actions when in these enviroments. With her family she probably feels comfortable and is used to acting that way.(little firls often act like this around their daddies) What could it be with your friends? Is it that she's more comfortable around them than her friends? Being a woman myself, I often find that women will act wierd around guys they really like, trying to get their attention by being cute.
Just a thought. Remember, keep smiling, hold your head up and stay honest.
Hope I helped :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Ok, so I kinda like this guy, and he's one of my friends. We aren't that close, but I talk to him when he's around (I couldn't just walk up and start talking to him, but that might be because I'm a bit anti-social). He asked me for my phone number once, but I didn't give it to him becuase I had absolutely no idea why he wanted it; I was in denial that he might have liked me. When he asked that, I did like him then, but I was a little paraniod, and somehow we dropped the subject. I probably gave him the wrong impression. I feel really stupid, and now we don't talk as much as we used to. Is there any way to fix this? Or should I just move on? (Please don't tell me that I'm stupid for doing this, I already am well aware of that)(He's also been dating a few people, which doesn't make me jealous, but I thought I should include that.) (link)
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This is what I would do in your situation.
Write your telephone number down on a piece of paper with a note saying:
Hey, call me. Don't be a stranger! :)
Then sign it.
Then leave it at that. This gives him the chance to call you like he wanted to. You can drop the letter in his coat pocket, back pocket of his jeans or if you go to school together, in his locker.
Dropping it in his jeans requires you getting close enough to grab his belt loop and put it in his pocket. This is a bold move and may to bold for you being anti-social and everything. BUT it will get his attention.
The bottom line is that he get your phone number. Put it in his hand if you have to. This does not require any conversation either. Just pass by him and slip it in his hand and keep walking. Let him make the next move.
Sorry it isn't more, but I hope it helps.
Stay Honest. GOOD LUCK
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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Hi
You just answered one of my questions, you know the one where I'm asking if the guy that I went out to lunch with liked me as more then a friend. Well you and I both agree that it's obvious that he does like me, but you said that he is in love with me!. How do you know this just from what I said he did in the restaurant?
I'm really curious and would love to hear back from you. (link)
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Hi again,
Well, the romantic gaze for one, the way the looks at you, from what you describe is more than infatuation. Especially when he starts asking about 5 years from now. He is saying things to you like “prince charming.” He wants to live happily ever after. Sounds to me like he has been thinking long term. Only guys who truly believe they are in love will think long term.
How long have you known him? Better question, how long have you been close friends? Also, a lot of guys can be courteous and hold the door for you. But how many guys will sacrifice their comfort for yours. Only men with some strong feelings for a woman will do this. How often is he considerate of your comfort. Does he always try to make you comfortable when you are together? DOES HE NOTICE OTHER WOMEN WHEN YOU ARE WITH HIM? Men who are in love will not notice other women. They only notice the object of their affection. Unless he feels that you do not feel the same way. Then he may try to hide his feelings by looking in the general direction of another woman.
If he is shy, then he is not just going to come out say I LOVE YOU. You should stop beating around the bush and wasting time. Life is to short to be coy.
The most important thing is to be honest. Just sit him down over a meal and drinks. If you drink that is, alcohol always brings out the true feelings. Have a nice relaxing dinner, (the evening is always more romantic) and then sip on some wine or kick back a few beers while watching a movie. Act casual, but friendly, then approach the subject. Tell him you have been giving a lot of thought to the conversation you had the other day and want to know exactly what he meant. Find out by simply asking him if he has stronger feelings for you than he is letting on. Pick your questions and choose your words wisely. If you have stronger feelings for him than simple friendship, then you owe it to yourself to take the relationship to the next level. You never know the explosion of passion that can happen when a man-in love- is not shy with you anymore.
Love is a grand thing. The unconditional kind. Above all your lover should always be your best friend in the world. You should talk to him about his feelings for you. Before you get him to tell you how he feels, you should disclose how you feel the relationship is going. A friendship is a relationship too ya know!!
If he denies any romantic feelings for you, then ask him why he is so concerned with you being alone in 5 years. If he says that he just cares for you and doesn't want you to be alone, then let it go. Thank him for his concern and tell him that he is a good friend.
Hope I helped a bit. Take care, I am here anytime you need. :)
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I appreciate all you have said-really. He did say maybe he was overwhelmed and scared. I did make it appoint to let him know like 2 weeks later i see now what he meant when he said i need to start going out-i didnt see it before and i made a joke and said so if thats what you were trying to prove you did it you can come home now-he was feeling unhappy and i dont know why neither does he. He said he is confused about what he wants...what does that say for him? As for the desperate and clingy i agree and i said to myself that i have to stop he knows how i feel and what i want leave it at that. I realize but i cant seem to do it. why? If you have anything to add please do if not thank you for your time (link)
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You are welcome. As for being confused about what he really wants, well it still comes to his choices. There has to be something he is trying to choose between. Maybe his 10 year marriage left a bad taste in his mouth and he is trying to decide if he wants to be tied down again just yet. A sort of cold feet.
As for you not wanting to let go I can understand. I did not want to let go of my husband after 7 years either. Why? It's fear of change, or loneliness. Humans have a disease that is not genetic, but psychological. It is often referred to as co-dependency. I know I had it bad when my husband and I split up.
The best thing that you can do is to pretend you are moving on. Get up every day and go on with your life. Don't spend so much time on trying to get him to come back. Try to talk to him less and less every week. After you have gone day after day, going through the motions of moving on, you'll wake up one day and it will hurt less than it did the day before. Then a little while later you will notice that it doesn't hurt that much at all anymore. By pretending to move on, before you know it you will have moved on.
It is going to be one of the hardest things you have ever had to do. Losing someone you love is a hard thing to swallow. Here's something I hope you will find funny, but it might work. Take down all the photos you have of him. Gather all his things and anything that reminds you of him. Get dressed up in your best black dress, sit down and go through all of the things you have. Cry your guts out, tell the things that you will miss him. Then take everything and put it in the garage, or dig a hole in the back yard and bury them in box. Have a fake funeral for the love you have for him.
I know it sounds stupid, but it would be a start to accepting his absence.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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I know what i have to do-im afraid to do it b/c he was my life and maybe that was why he partially left--i did everything for him and not enough for me-and now he is not here and i am still doing it-to an extent-do you think i gave him too much and he couldnt handle that? he knows what he has and what he could of had but he chose to walk away. Why would someone do that? He knows i was good for him but yet he walked away. Why would someone do that? (link)
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Admitting you know what has to be done is the first step.
Maybe he felt overwhelmed or smothered.
Maybe he saw that you needed to focus more on yourself, and leaving was the only way he knew how to get you to realize it.
Most of the time people walk away because there is something making them unhappy.
Confusion usually comes from having to choose between two things but not being able to make a choice. What is it he is confused about? That is the question. He has had plenty of breaks over the last few years. If he doesn't know what he wants by now, then he needs help, not you.
Begging him to come home will only make you seem desperate and clingy. This is a huge turn off.
I would be wary of the emotional roller coaster he has you on, though. It is not healthy and will only lead to self destruction. I have given you all the best advice I can. I do hope that things get easier for you as time heals your wounds.
Take care and good luck.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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hi, well.. i have been talking to this kid for about 2 months now, and we never hung out.. once, and hes always telling me that we are goin to, but we never do.. and hes ALWAYS talking about other girls so me, like i care or something, or he'll be like talkin to his brother or his friend and saying like " you know how many times i was gonna fuck that girl" and shit like that.. and idk if he wants me for ass, or if he likes me.. my friends think he does, and at times he doesnt, but idont know what to do.. should i stop talking to him.. or what? please help!! (link)
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STOP!! This boy wants one thing and it sounds like he will try and get it form any girl he can. From what you have said it seems to me that he has no respect for you or any other girl for that matter. Anyone who talks about girls that way is just out to put a few notches on his bed post. He will only hurt you, c'mon he talks about other girls in front you. He sees you more as an object, or a buddy than someone he can care for.
Beware of this boy, TRUST ME, he will only make you cry!!! Try focusing on a shy boy. They are mostly very passionate and are afraid of being hurt themselves.
Thanks for asking me and I hope I helped. Feel free to contact me if you need help again.
Sincerely,
Honestymatters
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