I am a 20 year old guy in college. I have fun helping people with any of their problems. I fell in love with this site when everybody was so nice to me and helped me fix a problem with a girl awhile back, so I'm back to repay the favor. Many times when we have problems we dont think of the most sensible answer. So if you are looking for a little insight and some help, I'm your guy!
Gender: Male
Location: MN
Occupation: Student
Age: 20
Member Since: November 21, 2004
Answers: 135
Last Update: November 9, 2011
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Missa8305
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Have recently been dumped by my 50 year old girl friend and she will not tell me the truth why. Naturally I am devastated.
She had accepted my ring, money to save her home etc etc. We never ever met but I was completely honest as she was ? And had been for over 8 months. She still writes, says she wants and needs me in her life but it is very difficult. She is married but very unhappy. I am deeply in love with her and was prepared to buy us outright a home put it in her name and care for her all my life. I am 8 years older than her, retired and well off never having to worry over money. Have I over dine it? Sent too much Money $ 25000 or what. She was my last chance of true happiness. Please no talk of loads more out there. It took me 25 years to find her. (link)
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I know this sucks to hear more than something you did wrong, but I think in this case it isn't you, and not something you can control. From just the little bit I know, I feel like actually ending her marriage (even if she is unhappy) is really hard for her. It's something that's been constant in her life, and she'd be hurting her current husband. I was in a situation where I had to leave my girlfriend for a chance to date my best friend who I had loved 5 years earlier. Even though me and my current girlfriend were very unhappy, it was very difficult for me to leave her for a chance with my new girl. Think of the old saying, it's better to have one in the hand than two in the bush. She has a marriage right now, something she possible thinks she can stick out. Rather than just a chance with you (even though by the way it sounds, you are ready to be everything to her). I hate to say it, but I don't think it's you. That's almost worse than knowing you did something wrong.
However, I know you never met, there's a big difference than online dating and an actual physical relationship. How do you know that conversation would flow naturally, that you'd be compatible physically? You don't if you've never met her before.
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ohkay so do u think that someone your age who has most likely had sex will mostly base the relationship on sex with that younger girl. thats the only thing that id be hesistant on if i were to be with someone older. (link)
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Well sex is an important part of any relationship, but neither one of you should rush into it. If you aren't comfortable with it, let him know. If he's not willing to look past that at the person you are, then he's not worth it. I wouldn't be hesitant on entering into it just based on your assumptions that he's had sex, but talk it out with him for sure.
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heyy.. ok so im a 16f and im more interested in older guys like 18-21 and I was wondering, since your somewhere in between that age and cuz i need a male perspective.. if you would date someone who is 16 and a junior in high school ? (link)
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Possibly, it depends. Really, all I'm looking for in a girl is somebody who I can have a good time with, or have things in common with. Age isn't TOO much of an issue for me. If you're getting along with somebody who's older, let him know by flirting with him or straight up telling him that you're interested in him.
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Haha, alright. I never thought I'd be asking this question here, but recently it has come to my attention that I have a crush on one of my best friends. I've known him for a very long time but I've never really considered pursuing him until just a few days ago. But I guess I've always had feelings for him to an extent, because I love him as a person and he is attractive.
Just to give some background, he is 19 and I am 18. We live down the road from each other and spend literally almost every day together, along with a few other mutual friends. I was in a relationship for just over four years, and when we broke up (around two months ago) it was my friend, who I'll call J, that I went to. He has always been really good to me. We have a lot of the same interests and the same religious views.
Anyways, I have been planning for most of the year to attend prom with my now-ex-boyfriend. When we broke up, J agreed to go with me instead. I honestly wasn't even thinking of it from the perspective of being a date, as we went as a foursome with two other friends.
Anyways, with most of my male friends I have pretty physical relationships, but that isn't true with J. I've never really touched him outside of like, accidental contact. I don't mean physical relationships in a sexual way, but just lots of hugging and cuddling and stuff. It's how I show affection. But J and I, although comfortable with eachother, have never had the kind of relationship where we touch a lot. So anyways, since he was my prom date, a lot of pictures were taken of the two of us, and to pose for the photographs he would put his arms around my waist and things like that. It took me by suprise because I kind of assumed we'd both just stand together. But anyways, having never really touched him before, I was even more taken by suprise by the fact that I liked it. It made my stomach flip, heart race- the whole thing. I found myself leaning in to him a lot and finding excuses to take more pictures than necessary, haha.
But anyways, since then I've been mulling it over. I haven't felt a strong physical attraction to ANYONE in a really long time, so I feel like it was significant even though it's such a small thing. And I've concluded that we would be very compatible if he were interested as well.
But obviously, there's no way to know if he's interested other than asking. I honestly have no idea if he likes me, but it almost seems like he must. Not that he has done anything to really clearly show that, but.. It just seems that with all the time we've spent together, I dunno. We have a really intimate emotional and intellectual relationship- there are things that I discuss with him that I would never talk to anyone else about. I have a lot of close friends, but sometimes I feel like we don't understand eachother or that I can't articulate my thoughts to them. However, J and I understand eachother exceptionally well, and whenever we have a discussion we seem to be coming from the same place. My time spent with him is often the best part of my day. I care about him and his wellbeing a great deal and I know he feels similarly.
But I'm pretty hesitant to pursue him in any way. It's not as though I would no longer want to be friends with him if he rejected me, because I feel pretty confident in saying that I will always want him as a friend. But I can imagine how awkward our friendship would be if he said no or it didn't work out. And it would make me sad if he wasn't interested.
Another reservation I have is that although my feelings aren't new, my desire to act on them is. I guess I'm just afraid that this might be something transient.
But above all of that, I'm more afraid of sacrificing what is basically a perfect friendship for a relationship that might not be perfect. Obviously it would complicate things and I'm afraid that if we change our relationship we will actually LOSE some of the closeness we have. I've never been so shy around him then I was that night taking pictures, and I don't want to feel like I suddenly have to be gaurded around him.
Anyways, the question is obvious. Do you think I should wait a while and see if my feelings wear off? Should I talk to him about it? Should I just take a leap of faith and tell him that I want to change our relationship? Or should I do nothing? Sometimes it feels like the potential consequences of acting on my feelings outweigh the potential benefits, but at the same time, by not expressing my thoughts to him I have already changed our relationship. I've never had thoughts that I couldn't express to him before :P
Anyways, I'd appreciate any opinions, especially from people who might have had similar experiences. Thanks in advance (link)
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I actually had a very similar experience. I was best friends with a girl since I was 3, and actually about your age, I was 18 and started having more romantic feelings for her than I ever had before. Basically, we started talking a lot more than normal for a good 4 months before it ever came out. She told me that she had feelings for me first, which was awesome. It was long distance at the time and she ended up finding another guy, so it broke my heart. But we started talking and hanging out again, and to be honest, I still love her more than I ever did before we professed our feelings, even though she hurt me. I had the same reservations that you did, I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid our friendship would get really awkward. So, if you are too afraid to just come out and say it, you can still test the waters a bit, by flirting by touching him and stuff like you were doing. Or say some sweeter things that you may not have normally said. That might give him the idea, but if I were you, I'd just tell him because I would imagine he's probably feeling some of the same things. Good luck!
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I am a 20 year old female!Ok me and my boyfriend have been dating off and on for 5 years. Anyway i just found out my boyfriend has recently spent a weekend alone with his ex,and he says they are just friends but my mind tells me that its way more. How do i know if he and this girl are being intimate? Or that i can really trust him after this situation? (link)
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Wow, that's hard to tell. You definitely have a right to be jealous and suspicious. Before you go too crazy though, keep in the back of your mind that he might be telling the truth. In fact, I've been on the opposite end of this situation. I once went and visited a girl that I was really good friends with for a weekend alone while her boyfriend was out of town, and nothing happened between us. I would ask how you found out about it. If your boyfriend told you about it, then perhaps he is being truthful. If he tried to hide it, then the odds that something happened might be greater. But yeah, you're in a rough situation because its tough to actually know if anything happened. I might be careful here in placing all your trust in him, but don't throw him under the bus completely yet. Good luck
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hi.
i realllyy like this guy and were both 17. we hangout alot but i think he just wants to hook up. we hooked up twice but we didnt have sex. im still a virgin. we madeout and he felt me up and fingered me. but now when we hangout he will comeover but we wont hook up or anything we just hangout and talk and have fun. i really like this guy and i want him to like me. he told me he liked me but then about a week later he told me he didnt and that he didnt want a girlfriend becuae he got out of a bad year and a half relationship with my bestfriend (at the time, i hate her now) but that was about six months ago. so i think he would be moving on now but anyway, i told him like a week and a half ago i was done and he could come find me when he accually wanted to be wth me cause i couldnt have him keep playing with my feelings, anyway last night he IMed me and asked if i wanted to hangout, i said idk then he said sorry for the way he acted and of course i hungout with him and we had soo much fun. i really like him, should i just continue to hangotu with him like i am and do you think he will like me if i do?? oh yeah about a month ago he said he didnt wanna go out with me becuawse he might miss out on something (so he bassicly told me i wasnt good enough) but i really like him HELP PLEASEEEEEE !!!!
Thank you and im sorrryyy its loong (link)
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Well, if you like him I would hang out with him. It sounds like he likes you now. Maybe he truly didn't want a girlfriend at that time. I'd just be careful if all he's after is sex, but if you two genuinely get along when you just hangout, then its worth going after.
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Iv been dating this guy for almost a year now&&i dont know what to get him for his 17th bday. i want something nice,the price doesnt matter. i was going to take him to a concert but there isnt any around that time. Can anyone help me think of something?? (link)
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Video games if he's into them. Or, you can find when his favorite band is playing near you, and give him the tickets for his birthday, even if the concert is months away. DVDs are always cool too. Or offer to cook him dinner and have a night to yourselves.
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what are some good ways to get a shy guy to come out of his shell? (link)
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Just start asking him a bunch of questions if you know him. Like obscure stuff that will make him think. Like "what's your favorite color? why?" Force him to give more than yes or no answers. Just be nice to him. If he's a shy guy, he's also a nice guy and prolly wants the same in return. Just spending time with him and talking to him will get him out of his shell. I'm a pretty shy guy, and if a girl did all of this for me I think eventually I would come out of my shell.
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My boyfriend doesn't know how to kiss!! It's slobery, he actually licked my face!!! It's so weird!! I don't want to kiss him! I don't want to kiss my own boyfriend! I've tried giving him hints on that he uses too much tounge (i couldn't breathe once!!) But I have never told him directly. I don't want to hurt his feelings, he loves kissing, he even said so the otherday. And I hate it, it's so wet and slobery! How do tell him without hurting his feelings?
(link)
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I think you should just confront him about it. Just say "you use too much tongue when we kiss." But then say "i wanna show you how I want to be kissed." and then tell him you wanna practice a lot right now. Initially, he might feel bad or embarassed, but once you tell him you want to practice, it'll turn into a good time. Plus, he's never gonna change if you dont tell him
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Hey, it's me again! I really want to go up to him and talk to him but I'm a really shy girl. I hardly talk at school except to people i know. And everytime I see him I get this really wied feeling! I haven't ever had a boyfriend before so I'm really scared to talk to him! I might think that he likes me because i'll catch him peeking a look at me but when i turn my head he turns his head around like he didn't look at me! Do you have any more advice for me?? By the way, did you ever talk to the girl you liked? And if you did, how did you do it? (link)
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Don't worry about being so shy. I was extremely shy, and it took me forever to get the courage to go talk to her. I finally just realized that I would never know if I didn't talk to her, so I just decided to do it (it took me like 3 months though). It sounds like he likes you if he keeps looking at you then looking away. That's basically exactly what I did as a guy, but was afraid to make eye contact for some reason. Basically what I did was I waited until the day we got a test back from our teacher. She happened to say something pretty funny in class that day too, so I just went up to her and asked her what she thought about the test. Then I told her that I thought what she said was funny. She smiled and that totally loosened up the situation, so everything worked out good. I was in the exact situation you are in, but then I just started thinking "How would I act if she started talking to me." Then I realized that I would be nice, and at least listen to her. That is what helped me the best. He's not going to be mean to you or anything. You just gotta get up the courage to go talk to him. If he doesn't dig you, its his loss. Let me know what happens or if I can help you at all again.
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Hey, why can't I stop thinking about this one REALLY cute boy that I've liked for a really long time? We've never talked and im too scared to go up to him and talk to him! He's at my bus stop so I practically see him every day. What should I do and how canI tell if he likes me??? (link)
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I had the same problem with a girl I liked. Just flash him a smile or something subtle. Or just go up and start talking. No big deal, just try to become friends with him. That could lead to a relationship in the future. If you're patient about it though and just do little stuff, he will get the idea that you like him, then he can ask you out. One thing to keep in mind though is if you never talk to him, you will totally regret it forever. It's better to be rejected than to wonder "what if."
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Ok! Recently I started dating this one guy, the problem is whenever i'm around him I get really nervous and awkward and tend to push him away. It wasn't like this when we were friends. I really like him! But I don't know why I get so nervous around him now that we are dating? What is wrong with me? I'm messing this relationship up and I really dont want too. Please help. (link)
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I had the same problem when I tried to make my best friend my girlfriend. I could talk to her no problem before, but then I just got all nervous around her. Actually what I did was I just told her that. I said that I was really nervous for some reason. She told me not to be nervous and we could take it slow if I wanted to. I think you should do the same thing. Just tell him that you are nervous but you really like him. Remember, he is your FRIEND. He wont say anything dumb, and you dont have to worry about what he thinks of you. By talking to him, it will truly help your relationship. Hope I helped
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15/m last year one of my friends told me that she loved me. i told her we'd be better off as friends and i pretended not to like her...cause i really do i dont know why i did it i guess i was just scared of her leaving me cause all the friends i've had broke up with me and i didnt want to go through it again but i really regret not letting her know how i really feel cause i really do love her and she's a really good friend to me and a fun person to hang out with we talk and everything but i dont know what to do? help please (link)
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If you think she still feels the same way and you want to make a relationship out of your friendship, I would go ahead and tell her. In fact, I would tell her exactly what you told us. That your friendship is extremely valuable to you and you dont want to lose that. And that's why you said "no" before. If you don't want to be so direct about it, I would just start hanging out with her a lot more than usual and start flirting a bit. She'll get the idea pretty quickly. Good luck
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Has anyone played the ice cube game? like where you have an ice cube or 2 in your mouth and you like pass it on to the other person by like making out? haha sorry this is tottally random but i wanted to know if i was the only one! (link)
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You're not the only one. In fact, watch the James Bond movie "The World is Not Enough" and there's a scene in there with an ice cube (that involves a little more than making out if you know what i mean lol). But yeah...it's a good game.
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Okay so I was talking to this guy from school last night and he just so happens to be the hottest guy in the grade. We've talked a few times in school but we aren't tight or anything.
So this is how the conversation went:
(after like an hour of talking)
Me: Im so bored. My life needs some excitement. ANYTHING.
Him: You need a boyfriend.
Me: Yeah but they're no decent guys around.
Him: Yes there is *lists a few including his name*
...and the conversation went on.
So I was just curious to see how this looks. Would you say he was interested in me? Or was it just a random topic he brought up?
Please be honest. (link)
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Yeah, I think there might be something there. Even if he was just your friend, he wouldn't have put his name in the list. Or if he wasn't interested in you, or liked somebody else instead, there's no way he would have put his name in the list. Also the fact that his first suggestion was that you get a boyfriend. He's probably too shy to just come out and say it, or maybe he's not sure if you're interested in him either. You could be suave the next time you talk to him and say "I was thinking about your list of guys that you gave me, and I think I chose one." That would drive him wild. Good luck.
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this boy, he lives so far away, i only see him 3 times a year. winter break, a week in the summer, and spring break. well, this sunday im gnna see him for spring break. his family and my family are both going, and, were gonna be swimmin all day, and then its like fancy dinners at nights. and, i like him so much. how do i make him see this? without saying anything that has the word "like" or love in it. like i cant say "i like sombody" because i dont want to be that direct, i just want to hint it to him because he might have a girlfriend, and i dont want to look like an idiot. also, how can i flirt without being to direct? usually, i just smile a lot, and the boy will get it, but this boy isnt so much of a flirt. also, hes 14, almost 15, and im 13, almost 14, and so hes older, and thinks of me like younger. how can i show him that im a big girl? it helps that im taller then him, but just by a little. and he said "woah, are you wearing makeup?!" when i was. is this good that he noticed? because im such a girly girl, i wear makeup everywhere and im not going to stop for him, i just want to know if its a good thing or not. okay, thank you to anybody who took the time to read this, i know its obnoxiously long.
xoxo,
MMEE!!! (link)
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Well you guys obviously have a lot of time. Maybe just be a little more touchy than normal and he will get the point. Compliment him on his clothes or something. As for how to flirt, just start making fun of him about something stupid and keep at it (like if you see him trip, or something about his body, make sure he's laughing though too). I would do some of this stuff now, but then I'd start talking to him on the phone or on messenger. If you guys already do that, DO IT MORE! My best relationship happened almost completely on MSN messenger. We talked 3 hours a day because she lived 300 miles away. Then when it came time for her to move to the same town as me, we were already pretty far into the relationship. I would try the same thing with this guy, so everytime you see each other again, you are already that far!
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ok well i have been talking to this guy for about a month, we have hung out about 4-5 times (my work schedule is crazy) and i stayed with him the other night, he has been sick and we usually text each other a lot but lately he hasnt texted me, is it because he is sick? he said he would date someone like me but he doesnt wanna jump into anything too soon, so i dont really know what to think. i mean hes sooo sweet....when his pit bull bit me he kissed my finger,,,,he tells me he loves kissing my sweet soft lips...and stuff like that...so what is going through his mind? (link)
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He's probably shy or actually nervous to get into a relationship with you. It sounds like he likes you. I would just keep being friends with him, and try to hang out with him more often. Eventually he will ask you out. Or else just tell him that you've missed talking to him the last few days. He'll get the picture. I'm a guy and a lot of times I'm just scared to move too fast. I dont know why, I think I'm just afraid i'm gonna freak the girl out so I wanna do stuff more at her pace (which ironically in your situation isn't fast enough). You should just tell him that you would like to go out with him. Guys like a girl who is in control too. Hope I've given you a few ideas.
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I simply do not like my life.
I am only 15 years old and i am aready going through the stupid shit. Smoking weed, drinking, Getting terrible grades [STRAIGHT F's] i cant talk to my family neither can i talk to my friends they give me the same shit. EVER since i liked this boy name Jordan my whole life came crashing down. Not afraid to hurt my body, doing drugs, not caring about my education. Just because hes a pot smoking hottie. I am stressed and also i have depression because of all this, i just need advice, someone to talk to and no one will!!! i thought of going on many different websites but no one helps me. I really do hope you help me, trust me i need it.
thankyou.
Always Kenzi. (link)
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You are already on track because you have identified that you have a problem. 15 is pretty young to begin all of that stuff, such as drugs and alcohol. Even though you really like this Jordan guy, and even though some of your friends are doing the same thing, you really need to ditch them if you want something productive in your life. If you can at all, just stop drinking and doing drugs. If you can't do it cold turkey, try to cycle off of it so you aren't doing it all the time. I can just about guarantee that once you quit and get new friend, your depression will almost disappear. It will also shoot your grades up. I think you already can tell the path of distruction that this lifestyle is sending you on. That's all I have for now, but feel free to put stuff in my inbox if you ever just want to talk. I can just listen, give you advice, or whatever. I wish you well.
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is it bad if im 14 that is 5ft 10???? tell hte truth (link)
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I'm assuming you are a girl. Either way it is not bad at all. In fact, you are very lucky. Girls like guys that are TALL, dark and handsome. Look at the Victoria secret models. I'd be willing to bet that none of them are under 5ft 10. There's something about a tall girl that guys really like. It might be the long legs, I dont know. But either way you are in great shape!
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There is this guy, he's older than me by maybe 10 years or more, And I really like him. We get along great and he's kind of flirty with me... Sometimes I catch him looking at me and when I look at him he smiles at me and then winks, When he talks to me he always puts his arm around me.. Or when i'm alone, he comes to me and starts up conversations. When he wants me to do something simple, he grabs my hands and talks smoothly.. I really have fallen for him and with him acting this way, I've gotten comfortable enough to act the same way around him and it's great... He's great... But the other day I overheard a conversation he was having with someone and found out that he's married... SO why is he treating me like this?? Does he like me? Or is it all in my head? I've talked to him a lot and i've gotten to know him a lot and he's never mentioned that he was married....
Oh and i'm 19, he's about 29 or 30... I've always gotten along with older people better... so it's nothing sick or weird! Don't judge me! haha jk (link)
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There are a lot of people that are just plain friendly, touchy, and nice. I'm a guy, and I have a neighbor who does the same thing (he is married also). But he's just doing it in a really friendly way, not a gay way or whatever. I guess he doesn't flash me smiles, but he's always putting his arm around me, I just see him as a friend. If he only really acts like this around you, it could mean he likes you, but it could be kind of embarrassing if you confront him about it. But he could like you and want to have an affair or something too. That would be a moral decision for you to make. Maybe try dropping hints sometime, like asking him if he would like to go out to eat sometime with his wife and you. Or see if he's wearing a ring. Try and find him in a place that he wouldn't normally see you and see if he's wearing his wedding ring. If he takes it off to see you, that probably means he wants something more.
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