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One of those questions - Crush on best friend
Haha, alright. I never thought I'd be asking this question here, but recently it has come to my attention that I have a crush on one of my best friends. I've known him for a very long time but I've never really considered pursuing him until just a few days ago. But I guess I've always had feelings for him to an extent, because I love him as a person and he is attractive.
Just to give some background, he is 19 and I am 18. We live down the road from each other and spend literally almost every day together, along with a few other mutual friends. I was in a relationship for just over four years, and when we broke up (around two months ago) it was my friend, who I'll call J, that I went to. He has always been really good to me. We have a lot of the same interests and the same religious views.
Anyways, I have been planning for most of the year to attend prom with my now-ex-boyfriend. When we broke up, J agreed to go with me instead. I honestly wasn't even thinking of it from the perspective of being a date, as we went as a foursome with two other friends.
Anyways, with most of my male friends I have pretty physical relationships, but that isn't true with J. I've never really touched him outside of like, accidental contact. I don't mean physical relationships in a sexual way, but just lots of hugging and cuddling and stuff. It's how I show affection. But J and I, although comfortable with eachother, have never had the kind of relationship where we touch a lot. So anyways, since he was my prom date, a lot of pictures were taken of the two of us, and to pose for the photographs he would put his arms around my waist and things like that. It took me by suprise because I kind of assumed we'd both just stand together. But anyways, having never really touched him before, I was even more taken by suprise by the fact that I liked it. It made my stomach flip, heart race- the whole thing. I found myself leaning in to him a lot and finding excuses to take more pictures than necessary, haha.
But anyways, since then I've been mulling it over. I haven't felt a strong physical attraction to ANYONE in a really long time, so I feel like it was significant even though it's such a small thing. And I've concluded that we would be very compatible if he were interested as well.
But obviously, there's no way to know if he's interested other than asking. I honestly have no idea if he likes me, but it almost seems like he must. Not that he has done anything to really clearly show that, but.. It just seems that with all the time we've spent together, I dunno. We have a really intimate emotional and intellectual relationship- there are things that I discuss with him that I would never talk to anyone else about. I have a lot of close friends, but sometimes I feel like we don't understand eachother or that I can't articulate my thoughts to them. However, J and I understand eachother exceptionally well, and whenever we have a discussion we seem to be coming from the same place. My time spent with him is often the best part of my day. I care about him and his wellbeing a great deal and I know he feels similarly.
But I'm pretty hesitant to pursue him in any way. It's not as though I would no longer want to be friends with him if he rejected me, because I feel pretty confident in saying that I will always want him as a friend. But I can imagine how awkward our friendship would be if he said no or it didn't work out. And it would make me sad if he wasn't interested.
Another reservation I have is that although my feelings aren't new, my desire to act on them is. I guess I'm just afraid that this might be something transient.
But above all of that, I'm more afraid of sacrificing what is basically a perfect friendship for a relationship that might not be perfect. Obviously it would complicate things and I'm afraid that if we change our relationship we will actually LOSE some of the closeness we have. I've never been so shy around him then I was that night taking pictures, and I don't want to feel like I suddenly have to be gaurded around him.
Anyways, the question is obvious. Do you think I should wait a while and see if my feelings wear off? Should I talk to him about it? Should I just take a leap of faith and tell him that I want to change our relationship? Or should I do nothing? Sometimes it feels like the potential consequences of acting on my feelings outweigh the potential benefits, but at the same time, by not expressing my thoughts to him I have already changed our relationship. I've never had thoughts that I couldn't express to him before :P
Anyways, I'd appreciate any opinions, especially from people who might have had similar experiences. Thanks in advance
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I actually had a very similar experience. I was best friends with a girl since I was 3, and actually about your age, I was 18 and started having more romantic feelings for her than I ever had before. Basically, we started talking a lot more than normal for a good 4 months before it ever came out. She told me that she had feelings for me first, which was awesome. It was long distance at the time and she ended up finding another guy, so it broke my heart. But we started talking and hanging out again, and to be honest, I still love her more than I ever did before we professed our feelings, even though she hurt me. I had the same reservations that you did, I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid our friendship would get really awkward. So, if you are too afraid to just come out and say it, you can still test the waters a bit, by flirting by touching him and stuff like you were doing. Or say some sweeter things that you may not have normally said. That might give him the idea, but if I were you, I'd just tell him because I would imagine he's probably feeling some of the same things. Good luck!
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Hey there,
I think you have potientially described my exact relationship with my best friend honestly I can relate to Almost everything you said about the friendship and closeness between you too.
expect it was my guy friend who had the feelings and not me.
Im not here to put you off it or give you negative thoughts about the situation its the complete opposite,i think you have a very very strong relationship from what you have described like mine and my friends,therefore in my opinion if you act on your feelings and tell him and give it a go (which I do think you should because feelings never just go away do they?and like you said you dont want to be gaurded)
but he doesnt feel the same,I dont think it will have a big impact on your friendship.
thats speaking from personal expierience though after my friend confessed his feelings i explained how i loved him to death but not in that way and her friendship survived it and is still the same as it ever was,i know this isnt always the case but with really strong close friendships i believe it is.
because the fear of even loosing the friendship is too much to want to let go.
so I guess what im saying is I Think you should take the risk and act on it people who have known each other so long and understand each other are bound to be great as a couple. you just have to hope the other feels the same and put yourself out there dont hold back because of fear you wont get anywhere in life then.
sure if things dont work out how you want them too and he says hes more interested in being friends youl be sad and it will take some time to bounce back and get over those feelings but it is do-able.
anyways I hope I made some sense and helped in anyway, good luck =)
let me know what you decide!
Much <3
Jess [15/f]
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