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Hey there! I'm Carey. I'd love to hear from you so don't hesitate to ask me anything! I'll reply to you the best way I can. Feel free to even send me an email!xo
advice
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months but we've been friends for 2 years. we live in 2 different cities and i only get to see him once a week. Were both highschool students, and we depend on your parents for rides. when we do hangout we go to the movies or i go to his house. I'm scared that he's going to get tired of us not being together and he'll leave me for someone that he'll be able to see everyday and i feel like he see's me as a friend or something, because sometimes he'll cancel or reschedule to hangout with his bestfriend. He's also made it clear to me that he isn't very affectionate and he doesn't like being loveydovey but it makes me really insecure. i'm not asking him to tell me he loves me.. but to show that he's still interested everyonce in a while. When i do bring that issue up he'll change for that moment and be sweet but then it'll go back to normal back to a simple conversation, ughh he's a simple texter which i hate! he mostly only uses one words.. like "cool" "nice" or "yup", im always the one trying to keep the conversation interesting. i feel like he doesn't care what im talking about. he doesn't even call ..we only text. im always the one asking him to come over and hangout or if im by his house to meet up but sometimes he'll make up an excuse that he can't go out or he doesn't have a ride, it gets me fustrated because i try so hard, i always go over there but he acts like its whatevers.. i even get i arguement with my parents because they tell me to stop looking for him and begging him and that if he really cared he would come over instead of me going over there.. i always ask him if he likes me or if hes bored of our relationship but he says everything is fine, sometimes he'll even get upset when i ask! i want to be honest with him and tell him but i don't want him to think im being dramatic or controlling..
dont get me wrong when we do hangout its an amazing time and i have alot of fun but idk what's going on.. it's more interesting in person than in text. i know he's not cheating, there is some-what trust but i just don't know..
is he tired of not being able to see me? is he tired of this long distance? should i move on?
his last girlfriend cheated on him.. or is he scared of commiting?
i've read all these articales about how to keep him interested and they say to ignore him and make him chase after me but this situation i think if i gave him the cold shoulder he would leave me,
Hey! Thanks for the question :)
First off, I'd like to say I can totally relate. I've been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and we were good friends 2 years prior to getting together. He is in the military so there are a lot of times where we are doing things long distance. He's also a very shy person, isn't always very affectionate unless I start it. There are times where I too feel like I put in more effort for conversation or to the relationship. I've too had those insecurities you've described.
Thing is, with long distance relationships it's hard to know what the other person is thinking or feeling and because you can't see them, it's hard to gauge their reactions. It really is all about trust. Guys have simple minds, if they say things are fine, things are usually fine.
I've had those conversations too where I end up making him mad with talking about it, but I've found it's how you word the conversation that makes a difference. And if its really upsetting you, then he has to know and do something about it. I would say something along the lines of "I know you're not an affectionate person, and I know in a relationship you need [whatever it is] to be happy and secure. But I need affectionate conversation too. I want to feel like you still want me, for ex: every time we have this convo it'll be great for the day but then it'll go back to the same old and It hurts me." Helps to give specific examples so he will KNOW exactly what not to if he chooses to change.
But there's part of you that'll have to decide how much of this is worth it. Long distance relationships can definetly work, but there comes a time where there has to be a plan of how and when to put long distance to an end and be together. For me, going to university in the same city that the military base was in was how we ended up getting together.
It's hard to do long distance with no end in sight. So maybe even having a conversation with him about that may help! But it's really up to you. If you have no idea when you'll be able to be together more frequently and he's causing this much grief, you deserve better and you deserve not to miss out on great opportunities because of him.
Anyways, try that way of wording the conversation and hopefully it helps!!! Feel free to email me any time if you'd like to keep chatting!
Take care! xo
carayotie@gmail.com
Hi, I'm a 13 year old girl. So there's this guy who is thinking about asking me to be his girlfriend and when I hang out with just him and nobody else I can be my complete self around him but on the other hand, when I'm with him and his friends I get shy and nervous ,I want to be considered 'one of the guys.' How can I be myself/comfortable around him and his friends?
Well for starters, I wouldn't aim to be "one of the guys". A guy doesn't want to date a girl who is like one of his buddies. Would you want your boyfriend to be "one of the girls"? Probably not. Just be yourself. It's okay to be shy at first as you are getting to know them. But, just like with anyone else you start hanging around with, in time you will build friendships as you start to know them. Don't push it. Just be yourself, be respectful, and relax.
Also, it's okay to not be good friends with his friends. As long as you and them can be pleasant towards each other, then there shouldn't be a problem.
xo
K so a few months ago, there was this thing between me and this guy at school. He lead me on and and I initiated some as well. So when he made further plans if we could go on a date and stuff, i of course said yes. But then
when it came closer to the date, a few days before it he cancelled and bailed on me and said that he just couldn't go through with it at the moment cause he still had feelings for this girl that he never went out with. So of course I felt hurt and disappointed , but eventually I moved on and didnt give a crap about him. But then today, he came up to me after weeks of not talking to each other and asked if we could talk. He said that he did a lot of thinking and that he wanted to give us a try again and said that he was really sorry of what happened.
So then he asked if we could go on a date, and of course me not wanting to say no and disappoint him I said yes... It was a spur of the moment kind of thing . So now here after a few hours of thinking I just don't have a good feeling about it.. Like now I just keep doubting that I may not have that same strong feelings for him as before ... Help !
P.s that girl never liked him back in the first place and he supposedly told me that that girl now has a boyfriend and that he and her are now on good terms and are friends
Too be honest, it sounds like you are this guys "safety net". Go with your gut. If your gut is giving you warning signals then don't ignore it! It's his loss! He can't have his cake and eat it too. Especially if you've moved on from the previous situation, then there's no point in bringing it back up. If he has really thought hard about it and really wants to be with you, he'll put in the effort to prove it.
With that being said, one date won't hurt. If you find yourself conflicted, then give him one date. If it doesn't go well, or you still feel odd about it, then you'll know you gave it a shot.
Always put yourself first.
xoxo
Hi, I am a teenage girl. My boyfriend and I have been dating 10 months or so. He's been distant lately, he never calls, hardly talks to me, and has never ever invited me over to his house once. It makes me upset because I give, give, and keep giving and its like I never recieve! I'm not trying to be conceited or anything but somethings gotta give, right? He tells me he loves me but actions speak louder than words. My really good guy-friend told me he loves me and he actually treats me like a princess! Should I move on or give my boyfriend a second chance?
You're right, actions speak louder than words.
How was he with you when you guys first starting dating?
As a relationship progresses, it's normal for it to fall into ruts or become to routine and boring. Could very well be what's happening. It's not that he doesn't want to be with you, he's just become too comfortable.
Second scenario could be that maybe he doesn't want the relationship anymore.
Best bet would to be honest with him and ask.
"I feel like there's something wrong between us. I want us to work but the things we use to do together like
______ we don't do anymore. why is that?"
Try talking to him without putting any blame or pressure on his actions at first, just see where the convo goes. You'll be able to tell where his head is at based on the way the conversation goes.
xo if you have any questions feel free to send me an email ;)
carayotie@gmail.com
Thank you hun for replying on my previous post the first time http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=610254
just to clear things up i revisited the texts haha, I said "I like you. I do. Let's just not rush"
maybe that wasn't the smartest answer but i was taken aback by the "sudden" feelings confrontation and it wasn't even a date it was something totally spontaneous.
He texted like yesterday and today and I haven't been replying much cause I don't know his intentions yet. He was like I miss you and stuff and it stopped there. I just don't feel he's doing much or actually genuine?
Am I making sense?
Ohhh okay, gotcha!
Best thing would be to just be honest with yourself and with him. If he's distant but claims he misses you, then he's contradicting himself! Call him out on it. if he has genuine feelings for you and you've told him where your head is at then he shouldn't have a problem trying harder. Just be upfront with him because you don't have much to lose by being honest at this point ;)
Odds are if you're feeling hesitant, reserved or just feeling strange by it, then go with your gut. There's a reason why you feel like that and you shouldn't ignore it.
Xo
i've been friends with this guy for almost a year but we never dated or anything, he's in my circle of friends. just last week we were planning to hang out with a group of friends as we always do then it didn't work so me and him decided to grab a bite anyway. I picked the place, he decided to treat me and you could tell there was a spark plus it was all romantic. He walked me to my car and decided to tell me that "I think I'm gonna fall for you" I smiled, hugged him and we took off. He asked me later on texting that night if i felt anything i said "i guess i like you, so let's not rush anything" he said ok and everything was fine. Texting then started to fade out, it's been a week since that happened and haven't heard from him anything yet. It's all awkward when i see him when we go out with our friends. I am confused and don't know why he's doing this. What should I do?
He was probably taken back by your answer of "I GUESS I like you".
Put yourself in his shoes, if he said he "guessed" that he liked you, you probably wouldn't feel the greatest especially if it took a lot out of you to telling him how you felt in the first place. He's probably thinking that you don't like him, or that hes just a bother to you.
Try re-communicating to him what you meant by that statement. If you really like him too, then re-phrase that sentence. Guys are just a fragile as girls. Tell him you are really into him and you want to see where it goes, but you don't want to rush it and risk losing him.
xox take care
I'm a 13 yr. old girl. My bf and I have been dating for 9 or 10 months. He said that he has never had a girlfried like me(isn't tht what they all say) but he barely talks to me, doesnt call, never invites me to his house, never sits with me, and when he does sit with me he gets onto me for not talking to him. Why should I tlk to him when he doesnt even bother to give me a call? He's been going through a really tough time with his dad and I've been putting notes of inspiration in his locker like every other month. If he wanted to stay in my life he would make an obvious effort to do so, right? Idk what to do. I'm really confused..
Just let him know that you are there for him with the situation with his dad. Let him know if he ever wants to talk, that you'll be there to listen.
Other than that, if he is being distant with you then you shouldn't expect much. If a guy wants to be with you, he'll put in the effort. A relationship can't be one sided with one person doing everything and the other just choosing when they feel like it.
Its hard to pull away from someone you've grown really attached to, but you'll miss out on opportunities in meeting other guys who will treating you how you deserve to be treated if you keep holding on to a relationship that you get nothing out of.
You're young, you have plenty of time to find the right guy.
Try talking to him and telling him how you feel. In a non-threatening way.
"Hey babe, I know you're going through a lot right now, and I don't want to add anything to your stress, but it really hurts me when you ______."
Best relationships are built on good communication. So give that a shot ;)
xo take care
So I met this guy in the Canadian Forces. We met randomely, but our personalities clicked instantly. The first night he initiated sex. Then, we spent every night together that week getting to know eachother. He would kiss me, we'd hold hands, he would flirt (still flirts) with me and we'd cuddle - he is so sweet. This is now a week since he's been gone to his next destination and knowing he was in the forces for 3 years straight, there were some personal questions I had wanted to ask, such as: if he had ever been in a serious relationship over that 3 year time period and if so, how did it turn out :s it never seemed like the right time to bring the topic up...
I know this is his full time job, so it'd be a full time dedication if we were to date, let alone get serious. About myself: I am the kind of person who wouldnt't leave him cuz he has a job to attend to; but the kind of person who would support him in any decision he makes. I myself have dated lots of wrong guys who've treated me like crap.. so Lets just say, if I found an amazing guy, let it be a military one, I'd work to make it work out - even if it means moving around to random places, having small contact with him, and seeing him only once every few months. I also know its kind of early in the relationship to maybe even bring up what his dating life has been like.. but since he's been gone, all I can do is think about him. We have texted eachother everyday spite my busy work schedule (I'm in the culinary field) and his busy career; He seems to have an interest in me and I know I'm interested in him.. so I guess my questions are: How could I bring up the dating topic? And how could I ask him out - not necessarily now, but in the future. Curiosity about what he'd even think/say to that last question is killing me at the moment I guess, lol. I already know he's a hard working, dedicated, rough but sweet guy. He kissed me passionately then blew me a kiss off his fingers the last time I saw him (awh). I think if there's an amazing guy just out of my grasp, I should at least try to reach him... he's 23, I'm 20.
Welcome to the "falling for Canadian soldiers" club! Haha. I'm dating one myself. I'd hold off on the serious questions for now just because everything is still new. But I'd be willing to bet that he either hasn't been in a serious relationship during that time (between starting basic 3 yrs ago to finally being posted somewhere to settle, it's difficult to find the time) or he entered the military with a girlfriend and it didn't work because of it. That's generally the way it goes. Spend your time getting to know him and what you guys like from each other. If he likes you he'll def make the first move to initiate a relationship.
I always liked to play "you ask me something and I'll ask you.." game. Especially when they're gone and your limited to texting, sometimes the conversations can get a little dry. So you can try it that way to bring up your questions without seeming to "in his face".
xoxo
Feel free to email me (address on my page) if you wanna chat!
I am a divorced 42 year old man. I have been dating this woman for a little over three weeks. I know it's silly but this girl has really got a hold on me. I can never remember feeling like this in my life. I am in love with this girl but I don't want to scare her away or have her think that I am not sincere. I can't stand the thought of loosing her before I even have her. I want to tell her how I feel but I don't know if it is wise. I don't expect her to feel the same. Are there any women out there that can tell me if it's a good idea to tell her yet?
It kind of depends on the type of person she is. Is she someone looking to be invested in someone? You can always drop subtle hints that show how much she means to you and judge her reactions, that way you can decide based on her reactions if she would appreciate what you have to say. flowers are always a good start, cards too :) I'm sure regardless she'll love to hear what she means to you.
Good luck!
xo
So I recently started dating this guy. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met and is a true gentlemen. And I know that in a relationship he would be everything a good boyfriend should be. The only problem is i don't find him very attractive. Don't get me wrong when i first met him at a party i was defiantly interested in him. He is just a bit heavy set and not my type at all. I don't want to be shallow and i feel like i should give him a chance. But would it be wrong for me to lead him on if I'm not even sexually attracted to him at all?
thanks to anyone who takes a minute to read this and give me some advice :)
I was reading an article in the July issue of cosmopolitan magazine, saying that it's okay to have a guy like you a little more than you like him. you're less likely to get hurt by him. It's an interesting read! You should check it out if you can :)
But if your second guessing being with him, then maybe he's not the one. You don't want to be stuck in a relationship and get nothing out of it. Be honest with yourself :)
Xoxo
My boyfriend just left to basic camp training and he has been away for about 4 weeks now. The problem is that he broke up with me before he left because he thought that it would be better for our relationship. I really do not agree. He wants to keep our communication going even though we are not really "together" and it is making me emotionally unstable. How can I deal with this situation when I love this person so much that I don't want to lose him? He will be gone for a 1 year and about 7 months after Basic Camp Training but he still wants me to visit him and still talk as if nothing has happened. What should I do? I need help!
He can't have his cake and eat it too. But at the same time he probably doesn't want to tie you down incase you find someone else who can be there for you everyday physically. If you want to be with him, tell him that and tell him you are willing to wait. If you don't want to wait then tell him that to and let him know that pretending like nothing happened bothers you. Military relationships are tough but they are doable. It just takes a lot of patience and commitment. Their lives with undoubtedly change, so maybe he doesn't want to drag you through the ringer but still wants your support. An open honest conversation will probably clear up a lot for the both of you. I'm in a military relationship so I know the feeling.
xoxo take care
Two days ago, I lost my virginity. I'm 16 years old, and I had only been on one pack of birth control. However, it's the kind with only three weeks worth, the last week open for when you have your period. I had finished the pack about 5 days before I had sex and my period lasted about 3 or 4 days, very light. Obviously the day after it ended was when I lost it. He had only entered me twice because of the pain, and even then only about 3 inches. We were not using protection. I've had stomach aches for the past couple days and as stupid as it sounds, it's freaking me out. What are the chances of me being pregnant?
Odds are you probably aren't pregnant. I'm sure you've gotten the "use protection" lecture but from what you've said you shouldn't worry. Your period is the uterus shedding the lining that is needed to reproduce. Since you just finished your period, your lining hasn't had time to develop through the cycle yet, and typically after your period it takes a week or so for an "egg" to be there to fertilize. Especially if he didn't finish inside of you, then you shouldn't worry.
Use protection next time to avoid the stress ;)
xoxo
20/f - I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about a year and a half ago, and since then, things between us have been really convoluted and messy. For the first few months, he wanted to get back together with me, but when I finally decided to consider it, he said he'd changed his mind. We decided to be friends, but since we go to schools in different states, we never talked much anyway. I had finally moved on and stopped thinking about all of this when he contacted me again, making things really confusing. Since we'd agreed to be friends, he never told me directly that he still had feelings for me, but the things that he said implied it because they weren't things that a person would normally say to a friend. He kept asking to see me and hang out with me when I returned from school, but since I've been back, he hasn't talked to me at all. I know that many people say that exes can't be friends, but I thought that I'd give it a shot anyway because we had been really good friends before we got together. The truth is that I don't know if I still have feelings for him, and I was going to determine it by seeing him again, but since he seems so indecisive about how he feels about me, I don't know what to do. I guess that I seem really indecisive as well, but it just feels like every time I make some progress in leaving this behind, he comes back into my life and I become unsure of things again.
Hey there!
It really sucks when you break up with someone after being with them for such a long time, so obviously it'll take time to move on. Sounds to me like he doesn't know how to move on, and being indecisive just shows that he's probably just lonely. Just like girls, it's easy to fall back to the ex when your feeling lonely right? Dont let his back and forth pull you in. I'm sure there was a reason for the break up and if it would be this confusing to get back together then that would probably just lead into continuing a confusing relationship. If he really wants to be with you, he'll make the effort to see you and communicate :) I know it's hard since he was part of your life for a long time, but everything happens for a reason. If its meant to be you two will end up back together and things won't be confusing or complicated, it'll just feel right.
xoxo
Take care!
Hi Caray,
I really admire your advice that you give to everyone else, so I really just need an opinion/advice on my life right now if you have the time. Thank you so much!
20/f. I have been with my bf for 18 months now, and sometimes I contemplate whether or not we will be together forever or if I am wasting my time. We have so much fun together and definitely lots in common, but we also have very big differences as well, such as some of my friends obviously don't like him, and my family is not a fan of him either. As for his friends and family, they love me. There isn't a really solitified reason why some of my friends and family don't like him, it just kind of came to be that way. I'm also very outgoing and social, with lots of friends; he has one good friend, and two other casual friends. It may not seem like a big difference, but it is when it comes down to making plans and lifestyles, etc. As my last point, sometimes I think he can be a bit immature for our age, but only with his not having a job reasoning, and how he never pays EVER when we go out. Actually, I pay almost all of the time, unless he brings money, then we pay separately. I have listed a lot of negatives, but there are lots of positives as well. I just don't know what to do or what to think. Any opinion would be very appreciated, thank you! Sorry this was long.
Hey hun! Thanks for the question.
That's really tough, but I definitely think it's normal to question being with someone sometimes, especially since you've been together for quite sometime. I'm glad you made a pro and con list, it helps sort through some of the emotion. But the fact of the matter is, is that if you love someone, even knowing the flaws won't change that. You have to let things play out, and take it one day at a time. If you're thinking big picture with him as a lifetime commitment, then think of some of his flaws as a temporary thing. Ex: he won't be jobless forever, right? Everyone has their flaws and especially with being so young, we will all grow. It just depends if it's worth waiting for to grow with him. Im personally struggling with similar things as well, but I know I love him. Things happen for a reason, and whatever happens happens. If it's meant to be, it'll work. If not then you'll get sick of those things and you'll move on on your own :)
Try to enjoy each day as much as you can. There's no need to do anything drastic. It's your relationship and your feelings. Don't let anyone else determine whether you should be with him or not because it's about YOUR happiness!
Xoxo take care
Feel free to email me if you wanna chat!
carayotie@gmail.com
This guy Ive known for a few years, hes amazing. We have gone on a few dates, but when it comes to asking him if I'm his girlfriend, he says no.
We have kissed, he calls me babe, and sends me
You should ask him what he wants because it sounds like he is giving you mixed signals. Typically actions speak louder than words, so if he's doing all of these things for you then there's no doubt that he likes you :) but you should def try and get him to clarify things to avoid any miscommunications and broken hearts.
xoxo
i cant spell very good
12/f
ok i had this dream last night that was awekward and weird.
i wasss "taken advantage" of in my dream by my bf in a later period.
im not sure if it means he will or it is just my sudconsiosness messing with me.
should i be concerned about it or not?
any advise will be very thankful!!
You shouldn't be concerned. But dreams usually have a way of telling us things from our subconscious. Are you having doubts about him? Are you nervous about being with him? It just sounds like a reflection of your feelings towards him.
xo
i want to ask my girlfriend for sex but i dont know if the times right what do i do to know if shes ready for it? ):
For starters, don't be pushy. Just have a conversation with her. "Babe, I love you and I'd really like to take things to the next step, but if you aren't ready then I understand." The best way to get into a girls head is to communicate with her and talk about things :)
xo
I'm not sure if this is peer pressure but anyway.my boyfriend wants me to have sex with random guys infront of him but I don't want to. He says he will brake up with me if I don't and my friends say they won't be my friends anymore. I turned 12 a few days ago and he is 16. I don't want to be a little slut but what am I going to do without my friends? And I really love my boyfriend. My boyfriend always wanted to have sex with me and to finger me but I always said no and he didn't mind but now he does mind and I don't know what to do!
Don't give in to what they are telling you to do. To be honest, they sound like assholes who are trying to get you to do something and then use it against you later. No boyfriend or friends for that matter should ever be pressuring you to do anything that you aren't comfortable with. You deserve better than that, and if they ditch you because you refuse to do what they say, then why would you want friends like that anyways? As for the boyfriend, tell him to eff off. That's a very inappropriate request of him. If he loves you, he'll respect you and your body.
Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. There's so much better out there
19/F - good girl, Christ follower, never dated anyone.
This guy I've known for 3 years is 22. He loves Jesus - which is SUPER attractive, wants to be a pastor etc. I really like him, but the question is, does he like me? Tell me what you think.
Background info: he's super popular, has a lot of friends, is very honoring to his mom and other girls.
I saw him last week (i go to school a few hours away) and took pictures for an event he put on. we talk a lot, he tickles me (never seen him do that to others), he jokes about hooking me up with one of his good friends because we both want to move to Chicago, texts me when I leave and tells me he is thankful for coming and i should transfer to his school, or hang with them more.
I see him the next day at something him and friends are preaching at. I head out early and I make eye contact with him. He walks me out and to my car. Hugs me 3 times in a span of 5 minutes. Asks me if we are going to dance at a wedding coming up, asks me what color i'm wearing to it, we talk about other stuff, he texts me that night and says, "im so grateful you came, can't tell you enough".
Also, we interact on Facebook, twitter, or instagram at least 4 or 5 times a week - (he will like a status, comment or something)
Am i reading too much into this? or does this kid like me?! or interested? how can i tell!?! whatcha think?
Sounds to me like he is interested. If he wasn't he wouldn't take the time out of his days to always be in contact with you. Bonus that he treats the women in his life with respect too! Drop a few hints that you're interested too ;)
13/f today the guy I like asked a girl who I thought they were just friends out. Now previously, he was going to ask me to dance at the march break. He also used to make me laugh alot, look at me in class and brush against me. I honestly thought he liked and I really liked him back but now I'm really upset. I feel so played. What should I do: forget about him, move on or chase after him? I'm so confused!
Ps. This same boy has also liked a lot of girls over the year and even still likes my good friend even though he asked out another girl who he is now "dating"
I'd say move on. If he still likes a lot of girls, even when he's already asked one out, then imagine how you would feel if he had asked YOU out and you knew he was still interested in other girls?
Sounds like he's just playing the field, and thats an easy way to get your heart broken. Just stay pleasant with him, even flirt if you want. But I wouldn't expect much from a guy like him. I'm sure theres guys that would be interested in you without looking at other girls at the same time.
Don't settle for second best. xoxo