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humorist-workshop
is he over me ? :(
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months but we've been friends for 2 years. we live in 2 different cities and i only get to see him once a week. Were both highschool students, and we depend on your parents for rides. when we do hangout we go to the movies or i go to his house. I'm scared that he's going to get tired of us not being together and he'll leave me for someone that he'll be able to see everyday and i feel like he see's me as a friend or something, because sometimes he'll cancel or reschedule to hangout with his bestfriend. He's also made it clear to me that he isn't very affectionate and he doesn't like being loveydovey but it makes me really insecure. i'm not asking him to tell me he loves me.. but to show that he's still interested everyonce in a while. When i do bring that issue up he'll change for that moment and be sweet but then it'll go back to normal back to a simple conversation, ughh he's a simple texter which i hate! he mostly only uses one words.. like "cool" "nice" or "yup", im always the one trying to keep the conversation interesting. i feel like he doesn't care what im talking about. he doesn't even call ..we only text. im always the one asking him to come over and hangout or if im by his house to meet up but sometimes he'll make up an excuse that he can't go out or he doesn't have a ride, it gets me fustrated because i try so hard, i always go over there but he acts like its whatevers.. i even get i arguement with my parents because they tell me to stop looking for him and begging him and that if he really cared he would come over instead of me going over there.. i always ask him if he likes me or if hes bored of our relationship but he says everything is fine, sometimes he'll even get upset when i ask! i want to be honest with him and tell him but i don't want him to think im being dramatic or controlling..
dont get me wrong when we do hangout its an amazing time and i have alot of fun but idk what's going on.. it's more interesting in person than in text. i know he's not cheating, there is some-what trust but i just don't know..
is he tired of not being able to see me? is he tired of this long distance? should i move on?
his last girlfriend cheated on him.. or is he scared of commiting?
i've read all these articales about how to keep him interested and they say to ignore him and make him chase after me but this situation i think if i gave him the cold shoulder he would leave me,
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Hey! Thanks for the question :)
First off, I'd like to say I can totally relate. I've been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and we were good friends 2 years prior to getting together. He is in the military so there are a lot of times where we are doing things long distance. He's also a very shy person, isn't always very affectionate unless I start it. There are times where I too feel like I put in more effort for conversation or to the relationship. I've too had those insecurities you've described.
Thing is, with long distance relationships it's hard to know what the other person is thinking or feeling and because you can't see them, it's hard to gauge their reactions. It really is all about trust. Guys have simple minds, if they say things are fine, things are usually fine.
I've had those conversations too where I end up making him mad with talking about it, but I've found it's how you word the conversation that makes a difference. And if its really upsetting you, then he has to know and do something about it. I would say something along the lines of "I know you're not an affectionate person, and I know in a relationship you need [whatever it is] to be happy and secure. But I need affectionate conversation too. I want to feel like you still want me, for ex: every time we have this convo it'll be great for the day but then it'll go back to the same old and It hurts me." Helps to give specific examples so he will KNOW exactly what not to if he chooses to change.
But there's part of you that'll have to decide how much of this is worth it. Long distance relationships can definetly work, but there comes a time where there has to be a plan of how and when to put long distance to an end and be together. For me, going to university in the same city that the military base was in was how we ended up getting together.
It's hard to do long distance with no end in sight. So maybe even having a conversation with him about that may help! But it's really up to you. If you have no idea when you'll be able to be together more frequently and he's causing this much grief, you deserve better and you deserve not to miss out on great opportunities because of him.
Anyways, try that way of wording the conversation and hopefully it helps!!! Feel free to email me any time if you'd like to keep chatting!
Take care! xo
carayotie@gmail.com
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