|
am i more of a friend than a girlfriend?
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months but we've been friends for 2 years. we live in 2 different cities and i only get to seem him once a week. Were both highschool students, and we depend on your parents for rides. when we do hangout we go to the movies or i go to his house. I'm scared that he's going to get tired of us not being together and he'll leave me for someone that he'll be able to see everyday and i feel like he see's me as a friend or something, because sometimes he'll cancel or reschedule to hangout with his bestfriend. He's also made it clear to me that he isn't very affectionate and he doesn't like being loveydovey but it makes me really insecure. i'm not asking him to tell me he loves me.. but to show that he's still interested everyonce in a while. When i do bring that issue up he'll change for that moment and be sweet but then it'll go back to normal back to a simple conversation, ughh he's a simple texter which i hate! he mostly only uses one words.. like "cool" "nice" or "yup", im always the one trying to keep the conversation interesting. i feel like he doesn't care what im talking about. he doesn't even call ..we only text. im always the one asking him to come over and hangout or if im by his house to meet up but sometimes he'll make up an excuse that he can't go out or he doesn't have a ride, it gets me fustrated because i try so hard, i always go over there but he acts like its whatevers.. i even get i arguement with my parents because they tell me to stop looking for him and begging him and that if he really cared he would come over instead of me going over there.. i always ask him if he likes me or if hes bored of our relationship but he says everything is fine, sometimes he'll even get upset when i ask! i want to be honest with him and tell him but i don't want him to think im being dramatic or controlling..
dont get me wrong when we do hangout its an amazing time and i have alot of fun but idk what's going on.. it's more interesting in person than in text. i know he's not cheating, there is some-what trust but i just don't know..
is he tired of not being able to see me? is he tired of this long distance? should i move on?
his last girlfriend cheated on him.. or is he scared of commiting?
i've read all these articales about how to keep him interested and they say to ignore him and make him chase after me but this situation i think if i gave him the cold shoulder he would leave me,
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Although you may see things you like in him...you did list many things you did not like. That came through quite clearly. If you think by pressuring him, begging him, nagging him or other tactics that you can get him to change to become the perfect guy for you, let me tell you it doesn't work for anyone. We can do nothing to force a person to change who they are or stop bad habits that are life threatening. Only they can change when deep inside they have a desire to do so.
So, the question really is, why would you spend time with a guy who is not right for you when you can go looking for the guy who IS right for you? Usually people try to stick with a not perfect relationship because dating is scary and they don't want to have to go through the awkwardness of first talking to someone you like again. Or the person feels that no one else is going to be interested in them so they will end up alone. Or they believe that they will not be able to find anyone better. Those are fears that keep us from moving forward. You already have distance keeping you apart. Seems the odds are stacked against you dear. Strike this up as a learning experience. Make a list of qualities you did like about him and a list of qualities you did not like. Tell him the distance thing is a problem and that there are some things you are discovering that you want in a guy and thats just not his personality so you are going to stop dating him. Never promise to change yourself for a guy and never expect a guy to change who he is to be right for you. It backfires. You lose respect for each other in time and you feel lost because you don't know who you are anymore having changed yourself for so many people that you are no longer You at core. This can bring up mental distresses in people and so on. Hope this helps you dear.
]
This is a somewhat complicated situation. Honestly, I think he's not the type of guy you need. I'm sure he's a great and fun guy but he can't give you what you want even when you've tried to talk about it.
So these are the options that I can see..
You could try talking to him again. Don't start accusing him of doing anything wrong but just state how you're feeling. Just tell him that it would make you so much happier if he could call you every once in awhile or hang out at your house.
If he blows it off again, then you should probably reconsider the relationship.
You could try not talking to him for awhile and see if he tries talking to you.
But consequences of that is that he might just not give a crap and he won't be interested.
As for your questions..
Is he tired of not being able to see you? I'm not sure. If he was, it would make sense of him to try a little harder. You'd be the one being tired of not being able to see him.
Same for the long distance.
Should you move on? I'd say if he doesn't do anything differently, yes.
Is he scared of committing? Maybe, maybe not. It really depends on him. But it's affecting your relationship and that's not right of him to bring the past into his current relationship.
In my opinion, I'd try talking to him again. Sit him down and tell him that this is important to you. Even write him a note if that makes any difference.
He might just not be the guy for you.
]
I know ExactlY what you are going through hun! I know because I am going through the same thing right now with my guy... cancelling to hang out with his friends shouldn't always be a sign he doesn't want to hang with you, it could just be that he wants some time by himself/with friends for one day. My guy does this on occasion and as his gf, I have to respect that he needs 'guy days' just as you need 'girl days'. My guy isnt that lovey either and it makes me insecure too.. so ehat you have to do is: let him know. He probably just isnt the 'lovey' type and therefore you have to consider that he may not be the right guy for you :/ We only text too. I think you should not message him for a few days, an if he messages you - congrats you've gained his attention again. Otherwise the obvious solution is to talk to him. Let him know you'd like him to put in a better effort. If he says everything is fine when you confront him, perhaps you have to ask him more serious questions such as: 'do you see us being together long term'? 'What do you enjoy about me'? And 'how do you think we could improve our relationship'? Questions like these will help you solve some of your issues. The keys to successful relationships are: honesty, trust, and communication. If one is lacking, you have to help eachother pick it up. The questions you ask at the end can only be answered by the person in the relationship - you. Give it a few days, if he doesn't message you, message him nicely asking whats been keeping him busy. Then figure out what area your relationship is lacking in and talk to eachother about how you are both going to make it work. How do you know he would leave you? Maybe he just doesn't want to be the one to bring up something that could destroy the relationship. The thing is, talking about your relationship is the only way problems will be resolved. So be brave, hold his hand and let him know how you feel. You will feel better and you both will be on your way to a more positive point in your lives. Stay strong.
]
More Questions: |