Hello to all: I have been writing since the second grade and journaling since the fourth. My passion is helping others and those who know me come seeking advice. I have spent most of my life in school studying everything from metaphyscial studies to abnormal psychology to animal behavior. I have also survived things that most people don't go through in a lifetime, so the combonation of knowlede and experience has made me who I am today.
You can ask me anthing. There is never a question too big or too small. If I cannot answer the question for you...I will certainly point you in the right direction. I don't believe in stupid questions - there is no such thing. So, please if you are having trouble with something - anything...please ask.
Gender: Female
Location: Denver
Occupation: self-employed
Age: 29
Member Since: February 8, 2008
Answers: 42
Last Update: March 5, 2008
Visitors: 3590
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ok well its sort of a long story...
first of all ive been with my boyfriend for about 7 months. we get along extremely well and ive never felt so comftrable around a guy like him. i truly love him and i'd give anything for him & he would too....he used 2 be a player but im pretty much his 1st girlfriend and i doubt that he would be playing with me if he introduced me 2 his whole family...right? the thing is lately we have been having problems..first on saturday i saw he had called his ex fu*k around his baby b0o & it got me sooo mmaadd...then on sunday i found out he gave his number to some other girl...he didint know i knew her but now he does and he said he didint wanna talk 2 her but she asked for his number....anyways 2day some profile [wich i believe is fake] on myspace sent me a message talking about watch out cuz he talking to steph [his x fu*k around] & he telling her he knows he fucked up but hes sorry and all this sh*t...i told him about everything and he says that he never said that but the typing seemed so much like he usually types;/ its driving me crazy not knowing if i should hold on 2 him because they may be haters or if i should let go and try and look 4 someone whos not full of drama but i cant i cant see myself with anybody else...i mean guys will be guys but what if theres more to that? what should i do????? (link)
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I can tell you right now that the guy is playing you. I was married to the king of players for nearly eight years and they all do and say the samething. It is hard to accept that someone you really do care about would do this, but it happens. His excuses are weak. They are good at trying to convince you that they are doing nothing wrong, and that it's the other women...don't buy into this. Listen to your instinct. What does your instinct tell you? If you feel is doing something dirty, then he IS doing something dirty. Don't fall victim to these types of men, because once you get burned, it is so hard to trust anyone else. And, believe me you don't want to sell yourself short of any happiness. You sound like an intelligent person, and you deserves someone who is going to treat you right. If he is not going to do it, then F*CK him, sweetie. Find someone who will. You will be much happier with a person that you don't have to worry about playing you for a fool, rather than sit around and wonder when or if he is going to cheat on you. Remind yourself that he is in YOUR world, and if he doesn't want to play by YOUR monongomous (and societies monogomous)rules, then tell him play on player...play on. You deserve better and you are worth more than how he is treating you. Put yourself first in this situation. Good luck. Let me know if you need any other helpful tell-tell signs that he is cheating. I will be glad to share them with you.
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Hello I have a seriously confused question.
Alright my school is kinda cliqued. Everyone has their own groups they hang out in. I'm not really in one. I' m a short skinny girl, 14 years old, grade 9 4'9" and 80 pounds. Everyone sees me as the smart shy girl in my class, except the people that know me of course:) Anyways theres a guy in my class who has been nice and polite to me since the beginning of the year. The only thing is he is my complete opposite. Filed grade nine once, goof off in class, that kind of thing. But something made me send him a message on facebook a few months ago. Then we started talking on msn then we started going for walks together like every other day. He has never said it but he acts like he likes me saying things like "you bring out the best in me "your fun enough to hang out with". I kind of like him to. He's really nice as I said but I just don't know what to do, even if he asked me out i wouldn't know what to say. He acts completely different at school he told me because the people he hangs out with wouldn't like the nice version of him. Please help he try to understand what to do!! (link)
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It is very possible to get along with someone who is your opposite. This is because you are attracted to the things that you wouldn't do, (such as goofing off in class), but you like that he can do it and not care. As far as his friends go...well, sweetie he is a teenage boy. And, trying to analyze teenage boys behavior, well, it still remains a mystery. Believe me when I tell you that he and his friends will spend the next several years trying to figure out girls. It's all part of growing up. Boys his age have an over abundace of testosterone running through them. So, it is important for them to feel macho and tough and it is completely against the "guy code" to act sensitive in any way. Now, I say as long as he doesn't say bad things to you or about you when he is around his friends, then do what feels right to you. It sounds as if he really does like you, and so he is going to show you his "real" side, because he wants you to like him back, and he is going to show his friends his "guy" side because he wants them to accept him. Why they do this, I have no idea. What I do know is that if he is sweet with you, then chances are here in a couple of years it will be more important to him to be sweet to you and less important to be macho towards his friends. Isn't growing up fun? LOL. Just remind him that you like him better they way he is with you. Sometimes that sticks in their head. Have fun...enjoy being a kid...and good luck with your guy. I hope this helped.
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I have a really good guy friend... I'm female and he's 2 years older. We are both in high school. Anyway, I like him a lot... a lot. Actually I love him. 100% sure I love him, even if it is just as friends. Well, the problem is, I really want to go out with him, but he has a girlfriend. He was single when I met him though. He knew I liked him before he started dating her, but we didn't know each other very well then. His girlfriend is kinda mean to him, and I don't think she cares about him as much as she should. Maybe he doesn't tell her as much as he tells me, because if he did, she would have to love him more. So, at first I was happy for him, but then his girlfriend got bitchy towards me and his other friends. I don't think she's good enough for him. Now I'm going crazy seeing him with her and other girls. I want him to like me. I think I could have a chance, but I'm really shy and need to open up more. His girlfriend's good friend told me that she thinks they won't last much longer, and his girlfriend told me she thinks he likes me as more than a friend, but I don't think so. I really like him though and I want a chance with him. What I really need advice with is making him like me more. Ways to get close to him. Any advice you have would be good with this situation. I love him and everything he says he wants in a relationship I want to. Now don't forget I'm already really good friends with him. We hang out, and he comes to my house a lot. But I really want to get closer to him and let him know that I feel as strongly as I do. Another thing is, I always want to say "I love you" when he's about to leave or something, but I'm afraid he'll think it's weird or take it the wrong way, I mean, me and my friends do say that to each other, but would it be weird with him? Any advice on that would be helpful too. And, I always want to hug him, and sometimes he really needs a hug, but I think that might be weird for him too. Anyways to approach that? Thanks for any advice you give. Sorry it's long. (link)
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Communication is the number one key in ANY relationship with ANYONE. If you guys are really good friends, then tell him that the way his gf is treating him, bothers you. Ask him if it bothers him? It is important to find out how he feels. Also, be HONEST! It is scary to tell someone how you feel, especially if you are unsure how he feels. It sounds as if he may feel the same way you do. But, if you don't say anything...then how will you ever know? Wouldn't it be better knowing if you guys could be more than friends, rather than it eating at you and you not knowing? If he feels the same way, then AWESOME. If not, well...it will probably suck for a little while, but at least you won't have to wonder every day. Good luck.
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okay this guy that i really like, told me a while back that he had a gf but i thought he was sending me mixed signals...well today in class he was saying what he liked in a girl and i was sitting right next to him...(it was the assignment to talk about relationships) and everytime i was supposed to talk, the first time he swung his leg to hit mine...then the other times he moved his torso toward me and smiled and said its your turn...and the fourth time he did it i moved towards him...also i was trying to tell this girl a joke but he kept moving back and forth to where i couldnt see her...and he like would look at me when i was talking and smile...and when he looked at me he looked at my eyes...his pupils looked dialated...and i dont know if he looked at my mouth or not but he was focused on my eyes everytime i spoke...and he had his arm in front of me, and he was touching me the whole time and he kept on calling me blonde and loud..but he would laugh (basically saying it was funny)...
at first i was like oh my what just happened....but then as time drove on i was thinking what could he want me for he has a girlfriend i am probably just turning nothing into something....but he said if i needed anything to talk to him....
any ideas on all of this?? (link)
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This guy is good. There are many guys out there that want to have their cake and eat it too. If he has a girlfriend then he should be focusing his flirtatiousness on her, not you. It sounds as if he is testing the waters. He is trying to see if you will give in to his charm. These guys come across as nice and sweet and charming...but, believe me, they have alterior motives. He is seeing if he can get what he wants out of you. This type of men are called "cheaters", "players", and what not. Don't be fooled by their devilish ways. If he wants to go out with you, then he will ask you. But, I would make darn sure that the relationship between him and his gf is over before going anywhere or doing anthing with this guy. Keep your eyes and ears wide open. If you have any questions regaurding his behavior don't hesitate to ask. I was married to the master or manipulation for nearly eight years...so I can spot them a mile away. Good luck.
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Im not sure if you will be able to help me or not but this is going to sound so dumb probably.
But like i feel like i just will never find a guy thats right for me. I mean yeah, i am only 16 but all my friends have found someone that they can talk to and "love" And of course they all tell me about their boyfriends and i act all happy and stuff for them. But sometimes, i just feel like hopeless. I mean, ive had guys that i have dated i guess you can say, but i never really felt that connection with them. And to top it all off, my best friend, she has like so many guys interested in her. I think i am pretty, but not as pretty as nearly half of the girls that go to my school. I don't know how to make that empty feeling go away. I mean will i ever find someone that i can be completley comfortable with?
I just need someone to boost my confidence or some advice or something, anything. please help. (: thanks so much in advance. (link)
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Thank you for your question. I assure you that your question is by far dumb. I do not believe there is such a thing as a dumb question. It sounds like you are feeling a little down, but rest assured that your feelings are normal, and you are not the only 16 year old young woman going through this. It is unusual for any teenager to make "the connection" at such a young age. I got married to man when I was nineteen. Now, this was ten years ago, and I am now married to a man whom I really do love, and my ex is serving a ten year prison sentence. But, that is a story for another time...maybe I will blog it someday. Emotions can sometimes be hard to understand, especially at your age when you are just beginning to experience life. You are at an age where you are becoming more of a woman. You are starting to make more decisions on your own and growing more independant. You sound as if you have a good head on your shoulders, and that is terrific. I wish I would of had as much sense as you do when I was your age. There are a couple of reasons why you have not found that connectionn with anyone yet. One, is due to the fact that you are still young. Two, is because you have standards for yourself and you know what you want for yourself - whether you realize this or not. By no means is there anything wrong with this. You should NEVER settle for something or someone. I too had that empty feeling growing up, and I am going to take a guess here and say that you probably have a sensitive intuition. I too, am one of these people. This is a gift. It is hard to understand it right now, but the empty feeling is because you know in your heart that there is someone out there just for you. Our souls are unbelievably amazing, and if we listen to our instincts, then things are much easier. By dating and discovering that you don't have a connection with these other guys, only means that your subconscience is telling you loud and clear that he is not the one. I made the mistake of settling because I was in such a hurry to fill that void inside of me. I can't say that it was a mistake because I got two beautiful kids out of it, however, if I had to do it all over again...I may of done things differently. I know that it seems that your friends are having all the fun because they have boyfriends right now, but believe me when I tell you, that the grass is always greener on the other side. When you see a girl who always has a boyfriend, that usually means that she is afraid to be by herself. I was one of these girls. I always had a boyfriend because I didn't want to be alone. I admired those who could be. It wasn't until I was older when I became comfortable with being by myself, and that is when I met the man I am married to now. I am very proud of you for being such a strong woman at your age. And I say woman, because only a woman can have as much sense as you do. I know that you may not see it now, but you are ahead of most girls your age. Also, keep in mind, that guys your age are very immature and ALL of them have only one thing on their mind. I know this sounds redundant...my mother used to tell me this, but of course I was the smartest teenager ever - and it wasn't until I got a little older that I realized she was right. Boys and puberty equal raging hormones that they don't even understand - so they are less emotionally attached than girls. This is why you see so many teenage girls pregnant and the guy runs away or doesn't want to be with the girl anymore - because they are teenagers. Please note that no one can fall in love with somebody without experiencing love itself. You WILL find a person that you can have a compatable connection with. You just have standards for yourself, and like I said before - this is terrific. When you are feeling a little lonely, try pampering yourself. Take a hot bath, maybe get a manicure or a pedicure - or both. You will meet Mr. Right when you least expect it. Have faith in yourself and remind yourself that you are a STRONG woman who doesn't need a man to make her happy - but, chooses to have a man in her life, and that man will feel very lucky to have you. Don't be in a hurry to grow up. You are only a kid for a minute - and you have the rest of you life to be an adult. You mentioned that you think you are pretty - don't think - know. You are beautiful...and if some guys don't see that...it's only because they know they can't manipulate you into doing what they want (and they can pick out those girls from a mile away)...it is only later when those same guys are done using women and then want someone as special as you. Don't give in to it. Keep doing what you are doing, and most importantly keep being your wonderful self. I promise that when it is time for you - it WILL happen.
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i've been shaving *down there* for a while now, but a day afterwards i always get red bumps and occasionally i accidentally cut myself there and i always have to wait like three weeks before i can shave again because it isn't long enough.
...does anyone know how to wax?
does it hurt?
how often should you do it? (link)
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Waxing does hurt, especially the first three or four times that you do it. I would stick with shaving, but be careful. You can get what is called an absess. These look like big in-grown hairs that can be very painful. These have to usually be incised and drained. Try shaving with shaving cream that contains extra moisturizers, especially in the winter when your skin craves moisture the most. If you are still experiencing red bumps or discomfort, then you can go to an adult store and purchase a product specifically designed for shaving the genital area. I have used such product, and I never had any problems with razor burn (red bumps) or and discomfort. Plus, it usually keeps the hair from growing back so fast. Good luck.
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Why is it that life always takes a dump on the nice guys and gives all the great shit to the assholes who dont deserve it? Im fed up with it, Im nothing but nice to people and i love being the nice, sweet guy, but why is it so hard to be happy? All these jerks get everything, why? Do i have to be an asshole to get what i want? Nice guys never get the girl... (link)
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I am sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time being the nice guy. Don't be so hard on yourself. I used to date back in high school - ten years ago - the guys who were more of the "bad boy" type. When I was nineteen, I married the ultimate bad boy. We had two beautiful kids...well, eight years later we were divorced and he is now serving a ten year prison sentence. I am now remarried - to a nice guy - and believe me when I say...where was he ten years ago? Keep being yourself, try and watch for others who would likely take advantage of your kindness. You have a right to put your foot down when this happens. As far as for the girls, well, eventually they will learn. I promise you that there is a girl out there who was made just for you, and when you find each other, the sun will seem brighter, the sky will look bluer, and you will end up with the girl. Don't direct yourself towards the wrong girl. Girls can be the most manipulative creatures - not all of us are like this - but, they are out there. Don't sell yourself short...if they don't like you for who you are...then screw them. You deserve to be happy just like everybody else...
My advice would be to be careful of those who you give your kindness to. Choose wisely and listen to your heart. You know yourself better than anyone else. Good luck Mr. Nice Guy.
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2 years ago i went out with this guy for 5months and after 5months i lost the "beginning relationship spark" but i thought i didn't like him anymore but i knew i still loved him. anyway i didn't know what i was feeling and i broke up with him. he was my first love and i was his. not too long after we broke up he got a new girlfriend and has been with her ever since but now two years later i miss him ALOT. last night i was crying hysterically. like screaming crying because i missed him so much and i want him back. i havent cried over a guy...ever! just when we broke up. we started going out on the day before valentines day (today) so im not sure if valentines day is bringing these emotions but last valentines day i was fine without him. we've been texting for about 2 months now but not talking about me liking him. just boring conversations but now his phone broke so we havent talked in a week and i can't call his house, that would be wayyyy too akward. i did request him on myspace though last night so im hoping to talk to him on there. BUT, these feelings for him aren't going away and i havent felt like this or missed him in 2 years but now all of the sudden i can't remember why we broke up. i really really really want to tell him that i'm still in love with him but he's been going out with this other girl for almost 2years. i need to get this off my chest but even though i would rather him be with me than her, i don't think im quite mean enough to tell my ex i like him right before he celebrates valentines day with his girlfriend.
what the heck do i do about this??? (link)
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It sounds like you really love this guy. Don't live with regret. If you don't tell him how you feel, then you will live with the "what ifs" for the rest of your life. What ever is meant to be, will be. How do you know that he doesn't feel the same way? If he tells you that he can't be with you, then at least you know so that YOU can move on with your life. Tell him how you feel. I don't think that the timing is all that bad. If he were just about to get married, then I would say, yeah, maybe the timing sucks. But, you will never know unless you find out. Good luck.
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There's this girl at my school named Eve. She hangs out at my group and I can't get my mind off of her. I asked her if she'd go out with me but she's straight and I really like her. I always imagine kissing her. We're super good friends. How do I get my mind off her? I can't turn her into what I want her to be! 18/F. Please DO NOT critizize me about my sexuality(spelling?); i've heard it all! Thanks. Sorry if its long! (link)
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It sounds like you are in a conflicted situation. You are absolutely right when you stated that you can't turn her into what you want. Believe me when I tell you that straight people can have the same problem. I knew a guy in high school that was gay, but how I wished he wasn't. What I learned is this...if all she can be is your friend, then be her friend back. Ask yourself if it would be better if you were not friends. If the answer is no, then feel lucky that you have her as a friend...she obviously has qualities that you like in a partner - it's a good thing that she can show you this. I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason. Maybe she is in your life to show you what kind of a woman you should be looking for...also, if she is straight, then she is not the one...that only means that the person who you are destined to be with is still out there looking for you. Keep your chin up...and to get your mind off of her, well, that is usually easier said then done. Try occupying your time with something else, until you can accept that she is not on the same page you are. Everyone, straight and gay, has gone through this. We can't make other people love us or like us, but we can learn from others who we are and what we want, by observing them. I learned a lot from my ex-husband, who I was married to for eight years...man, he taught me a lot about what I don't want in a partner. Now, I am re-married and my husband is everything that I have always wanted. It will happen for you too...when you're ready.
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i really really like my ex still but he has a new girlfriend. all my friends say i should tell him that i like him. i broke up with him so im wondering if i should tell him or not. (link)
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Love is a wonderful and complicated thing. Sometimes, you only get one chance to tell someone how you really feel. But be careful, because love can also be illusional. Ask yourself if you still like him because he has another girlfriend? You may have to think about it long and hard. If you still want to be with him, then tell him...if not, then let him go.
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ok well my boyfriend broke up with me today but said that he didnt want to but had to because we needed a break so the drama thats been going on will calm down adn he says that we'll still hang out and do all the normal things boyfriend and girlfriends do OUTSIDE OF SKOOL cept we just wont have the tytle girlfriend or boyfriend. I eally love him and I think he loves me because he was real broke up about breakin up with me and he says he aint gonn ago out with anyone else because he only want to be with me. should I wait for him or move on? (link)
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Every relationship contains some sort of drama. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't. The only thing that I would be concerned about is the fact that he still wants to hang out and do all of the boyfriend/girlfriend things outside of school. It sounds like he may want to see other people, or he is conflicted about seeing other people. If he really wants a break then take a break. Limit communication and see if that makes the two of you stronger or farther apart. There is an old saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I was with the same guy all through high school, and when I felt as if we were growing apart, and I was conflicted about what I wanted to do, I suggested a break. Maybe the two of you should lay down some ground rules as to what a "break" really means. Communication is the key. And remember, if it is meant to be, then the two of you will work it out.
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f/15
okay. i have no idea like how to flirt. i'm terrible at it, i never really tried because i don't know what to say. how can i like learn how to flirt? i use to be kind of a tomboy before and i hang out with guys sometimes, but i am girlyish too. it just always feels weird if i would try to flirt. any suggestions? (link)
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Just be yourself. If he says something that is funny, then laugh...if it is not so funny...well, don't pretend to be someone that you're not. Flirting will come natural if you don't force it. It is something that occurs between two people who have chemistry. If you force the flirting too much, you might send off the wrong signal and then he will see you as nothing more but a piece of meat. Show him who you are by being yourself. Then if the chemistry is there, and he likes you too, then the flirting will automatically happen.
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Okay, so me and my boyfriend are going out for 7 months it will be our 8 month anniversary on February 27th. He is absolutely amazing and i am really in love with him. He literally is like the perfect boyfriend. but for a little while we had a period where we would like get "testy" with each other over everything, even jokes. but now we are okay is that normal in a long relationship like this?
(I'm 15 (almost 16 in september) and hes 17 (almost 18 in july) and we had sex for the first time at the end of our 6th month. it was Both of our first times if that helps at all.) (i was ready to do it, so please dont say i wasnt even if thats what you really think) (link)
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Relationships are just like roller coasters. They go up and down and up and down. When the two of you are feeling good and things seem to be going well, this is called the "hearts and flowers" phase. Every couple goes through this no matter how old you are. It's been a while since I have been in high school, however, I dated a guy for nearly four years in high school. Now, I am married with kids, (not to the same guy), and we go through our ups and downs. You are still very young - I know that no teenager likes to hear that - I sure didn't, but nonetheless it is true. It is very normal to go through times in a relationship where you will tend to get on each others nerves. Just remember that sex does complicate things, especially when you are only 16. There are many emotions attached, especially for a woman, when it comes to being intimate with someone. It is important to have open communication and to vent your frustrations with one another. It is actually very heathly to argue - as long as you do it the right way. Good luck - and congratulations on being in-love.
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