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Why doesnt it ever work out?
Why is it that life always takes a dump on the nice guys and gives all the great shit to the assholes who dont deserve it? Im fed up with it, Im nothing but nice to people and i love being the nice, sweet guy, but why is it so hard to be happy? All these jerks get everything, why? Do i have to be an asshole to get what i want? Nice guys never get the girl...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your idea of nice and a girl's idea of nice are not the same. Maybe you are coming off as too gullible and clingy or that you expect "something" in return. You don't have to be an a--hole. Just don't be inappropriately and unexpectedly nice. Giving expensive gifts are considered odd, being a doormat is not respected by guys or girls either. Let them make the first move and if you have a weight problem, hit the gym. Most men are not sweet and nice so it makes you look odd just like most girls are not forgetful. Who ever heard of a girl that forgets anniversaries? I used to be nice, giving and considerate to my peers, who secretly talked behind my back about what a sap i was and they thought i had secret motives.
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I'm going to answer assuming that you are talking pretty much exclusively about the fact that you cant get a date and guys who you think are assholes can.
Why?
Because girls are immature. In a different way then most guys are.
In this day and age, girls don't have to look for guys with needed qualities. This isnt a day where girls in high school have to look for guys who would make good husbands, or anything like that.
So, in the absence of necessary standards, high school society created unnecessary ones. You have to look or act a certain way, be exciting to them in some way.
You, by comparison, are not as exciting. I'm not saying it to be offensive, and overall its not even a bad thing. The last thing you want to do is turn yourself into what high school thinks you should be, because once high school is over the entire social hierarchy disintegrates into nothing. You'll hit college and watch all the assholes and the girls who like them join frats and sororities and you'll laugh as you find a decent girl and date her while the other idiots pass herpes back and forth like a beach ball at graduation. If you happen to be IN college already, then just find some new girls to spend time around, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
So, having that in mind, a few tips.
If you find yourself becoming a best friend to a girl who you are interested in, stop. Girls by nature will become "just friends" with you if they can get the emotional support and care they want from you without dating you. This is known as the "friend trap" and has sucked in many a guy before you. I've been there myself. Theres nothing like hugging a girl whos crying because some asshole treated her badly and you're the one she unloads it on, and you're sitting there the whole time seething thinking "Jesus you're stupid, I'd never treat you like that"
Don't wait for girls to realize that you're interested. You're waiting too long. If you like a girl, approach her from the angle of "I'd like to date you"
Another thing, is probably confidence. Assholes are assholes because they are sure that they can get what they want without putting in much effort, and because they don't want to put in any effort at all.
While girls will lament the fact that they date guys who don't try, they still date them. Why? Because the guy is so sure that he has something to offer that the girl assumes he's right, and sticks around to try to figure it out.
You, on the other hand, probably don't have alot of that kind of confidence. While some people just have large and unjustified amounts of it, it is something that can be developed.
Someone once told me this, and Ive found it to be true. Its better to be rejected up front than to build a relationship with a girl who you'd like to date and be disappointed.
Oh, and another point. Later in life, being a nice guy becomes much more playable. In high school you have this society built on nothing except how stupid kids who don't know what they want or need. High school is NOT the real world. Dating doesnt work that way past senior year.
Later on, you will meet girls who never really wanted the bad boy in the first place. Girls who will appreciate you for who you are and be attracted to you because you arent some brain-dead imbecile who thinks only of sex and never of the girl he is with.
The other thing is, that the "hook up" scene that gets perpetuated in college by those who couldnt let go of high school will amuse you to no end. The bad boys keep thinking they're studs because they hook up with a new girl every month. They get laid on the weekends with some girl who was too drunk to remember it all and celebrate your conquests.
You, by comparison, will meet some nice girl with a voracious appetite for sex and date her long term, getting laid daily by a girl who loves finding new ways to make you squirm.
Who do you think wins in the end, my friend?
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usually in high school girls go for the "bad boy" but when it really comes down to it nice guys are always better. So stay a nice guy because when you get older that is much more attractive to girls. just always be there when the assholes arent. if you get what im saying. Every girl needs that one guy they can run to when there isnt anyone else that will listen. i hope you get what im saying.
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I am sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time being the nice guy. Don't be so hard on yourself. I used to date back in high school - ten years ago - the guys who were more of the "bad boy" type. When I was nineteen, I married the ultimate bad boy. We had two beautiful kids...well, eight years later we were divorced and he is now serving a ten year prison sentence. I am now remarried - to a nice guy - and believe me when I say...where was he ten years ago? Keep being yourself, try and watch for others who would likely take advantage of your kindness. You have a right to put your foot down when this happens. As far as for the girls, well, eventually they will learn. I promise you that there is a girl out there who was made just for you, and when you find each other, the sun will seem brighter, the sky will look bluer, and you will end up with the girl. Don't direct yourself towards the wrong girl. Girls can be the most manipulative creatures - not all of us are like this - but, they are out there. Don't sell yourself short...if they don't like you for who you are...then screw them. You deserve to be happy just like everybody else...
My advice would be to be careful of those who you give your kindness to. Choose wisely and listen to your heart. You know yourself better than anyone else. Good luck Mr. Nice Guy.
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