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October 9, 2010Answers:
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I mostly prefer to answer questions about relationships whether they are the romantic sort or about friendships, however I also know a lot about books, music and sports. Do not ask me questions about cars or computers as I will most likely refer you to someone else's column. Other than that I love to answer questions and help people. Please rate fairly and honestly. :] Good luck to all you puzzled people out there.
advice
is it possible to be in love with some one after only knowing them for a couple of weeks?
I don't think so. Being in love with them is a bit too much, especially after a few weeks. It's not that I'm cynical but I just think that you can't possibly KNOW them after a couple weeks so how can you be in love with them you know? You might have really strong feelings and want to stay with them to get to know them more but what you love is only what you've been exposed to and so I don't believe you can really say you love them. It's just my opinion though. Go with what you feel and take a risk. Good luck! Hope I helped x.
18 female, hes 19 male.
ok so me and this guy (lets call me jack) got really really close to dating in year 10, i confessed that i liked him, he told me he didn't feel the same so i got over him. So i decided to pursue another guy and move on. One night, Jack wanted to video chat, but i was already video chatting with the guy i was pursuing. so i told him that i was already on with this other guy. anyway years passed and i found out that jack did like me too, but was to scared to confess he liked me back. I also found out that when i told him i was video chatting with someone else that was the moment that he got over me and stopped liking me.
this isnt an exaggeration but every single girl he has dated or liked has an uncanny resemblance to me. They have all had the exact same hair as i do.
anyway so i was over his house last night just hanging out with him and another one of my friends, and he told us that he broke up with his most recent girlfriend. He kept looking at me the entire night. Then towards the end of the night he goes
"I think i need to stop dating girls that..." and just stared at me. The rest of us were waiting for him to finish off the sentence. And he goes "i cant say the rest" and he couldnt because i was there.
I know this is a really simple short answer but it isn't really necessary to drag this on. The signs are all there! If you still like him GO FOR IT. Guys don't just get over girls so suddenly and especially when he missed his chance before. Its obvious that if you've noticed the girls he's dating look like you and yesterday he just kept staring at you and talking about previous girlfriends that looked like you, he's hinting. If you don't like him it really shouldn't matter that he's dating your clones, ignore it and move on. I hope everything works out between you too. Good luck! Hope I helped :/ x
Ok so im 22 and i have been engaged for about 10 months now, and we are always fighting and basically there seems to be no love, for example we dont have sex,( hes muslim) im british so it crosses my mine hes waiting until we are married,but there are no cuddles or kisses i have to ask for them and his tone these days seems to be abit rude, we have a property together and we are not living in it he is still living with my parents with me. I dont know what to do. Also i feel bad because a year before we was engaged he broke up with me we was dating before and in that year i went away to university and met someone else and had passion all the time, and sex and i feel bad and wish that, that never happened, i never told him about the other guy i feel theres no need ater all he broke up with me, Also i cant remember if when we was dating before i was childish and he never showed me affection 2 years ago and im sure that i just met someone else and cheated on him when i was 17. Ive never told him of course but it was probably because he never showed me affection or i never saw him much.
ANYWAY IVE NEVER LOOKED AT ANOTHER MAN SINCE MY ENGAGEMENT BUT THings dont seem to be going well, i mean im feeling lonely he sleeps in a single bed next to me and he never feels he wants to hugg me or anything i mean i dont get the feeling he loves me. What can i do? i feel a slave cooking everyday, cleaning and i have university and i just dont think there is any affection there. Please help
To be honest if I were in your position I would confront him about your feelings and worries and if you still don't get an enthusiastic response I would end the engagement. I know thats so daunting! But lets think about this. You're going to have to spend the rest of your life with this person. Every day wake up to him, every day go to sleep with him. You're not even married yet and you're having problems plus the fact that you felt so neglected you cheated on him. I mean I'm not trying to push the Disney can't live without each other ideal of love onto you, but all I'm saying is that if you're going to marry someone shouldn't you be at least sure that they love you? I use to live in Egypt and I've seen engaged couples and I'll tell you know I've never seen the woman have to ask for affection. If this is a healthy relationship you shouldn't feel like a slave, you should want to do these things for him. Calling off an entire marriage and starting new with someone else might seem so much harder than just seeing how everything turns out after you're married, but once you're married, you're married. What is the point of just trying out a marriage only to have it end badly with financial problems and custody hearings. You're only twenty two and I'm sure there are plenty of men out there with more similarities in all the categories such as religion and PDA and all that stuff. Please don't take this the wrong way and think I'm telling you to end your relationship just because you're having a rough time. All I'm saying is that if you don't feel there is love, then you won't make it through marriage. Some couple who do have love don't even make it so I'm just saying better your chances against the odds. If you don't even feel comfortable approaching him about the problem then you know somethings wrong because you shouldn't feel uncomfortable communicating with someone who you will be doing just that with for the next sixty or more years of your life... Good luck!!! Hope I helped :/ x
19/f there's a guy that sits behind me in english calls. well lol i have dreams about him, and i do talk to him and we're friends. but i mean why am i having these dreams about him? i think i might like him i mean i flirt with him. for example at the end of english class i turned around and i said to him those sunglasses look like something my mother would wear and he started laughing. and when i was leaving he was smiling. and yesterday he saw me and was like hey and he smiled at me. and on monday after i insulted his sunglasses i walked in class and he said your late and i was like umm thanks mom i think i realize that. it's funny. i mean im not sure if he likes me? does he? we do talk outside of class when he sees me, and am i making it obvious that i like him? because im afraid i might be. haha thanks. any answers are appreciated.
To be honest, I think you're thinking about it a little too much. There is a big difference between when a guy just thinks your funny and when he is actually into you. I would stop analyzing every encounter you have with him. If he likes you, he'll make the move. For now just continue flirting with him and having fun! There are tons of guys out there. I find that sometimes I don't like a guy until I start thinking about the way he looked at me third period or how many times he smiles when he sees me, and then I start thinking maybe he likes me so I start liking him. Just take it easy and see how the weeks go. There's no need to rush into a relationship with him. If the chemistry is there, it will do its thing for you. Good luck! Hope everything works out and I helped! x :)
i'll try to keep this as short as possible. so there is this girl. we met in high school but it wasnt love at first site. in fact, we had hardly spoken to each other throughout high school until my senior year(her junior year) i hit her up on myspace(she didnt go to the same school anymore). we started going out, not as boyfriend and girlfriend but as just friends. slowly but surely we started to grow feelings for each other. after about the fourth outing, she confesses that she was going to be moving from california to georgia for her senior year and college. i know i probably should have broken it off then but i wouldn't let her go.
time passes and she moves to georgia in the summer of 08. we talk everyday. the next year passes(we've both been in and out of a relationship)and she comes back to cali to visit. we go out a couple times and we have a few conflicts and before she leaves, we stop talking. about a month later she texts me and says she doesn't want us to end that way... we start talking again but its not the same, i felt she was different but didnt really say much about it.
another year passes and she visits again. we plan a kinda 'double date' at the beach. the closer the day got til we went, the more she started acting like a butt hole. the day before the trip, i canceled. i didnt want to drive 100 and something miles to get her and another 50 or so miles to the beach then all the way back if she was going to hold an additude the whole time. this lead to a giant arguement which lead up to my saying somthing like "...oh thats nice, i still dont give a ...." which ended the relationship.
i still care about her, i just know that if i hit her up now after the show i gave, im basicly handing over my manhood and i know she's not going to call me. i had decided to just let it go...
seemingly unrelated, a few months later, i quit my job and a joined the army. it so turns out(i swear that this is a coincidence) that my basic training camp is just over a 100 miles from from her school =/
what now??? should i call or leave it alone. and if i do call, what do i say. i've had a feeling on how i would handle this but im curious as to how it may look from the outside.
can you help me???
To be honest, I think you should just leave it alone. From the outside it looks like you two have always had conflicts from the beginning and although it keeps things interesting, it is not a healthy relationship. Even if you get together again it is not like somehow everything will be perfect and you won't break up. It seems that there may be a conflict in communication or just plain difference in personalities. Plus you've joined the army which complicates it even more because you won't stay near her campus forever. If you really want to call her just to clear everything up and get closure, that is fine but I wouldn't look into continuing any flings you had. Also it is extremely important that you said you felt she changed. You could be (and this is a total assumption) holding on to the memories and experiences of her before she changed and when you were closer before she moved. Its hard to let go of someone when you think of how good things use to be because the hope that it will go back to before is so alive. I mean this is form my experience so I'm really not sure if that is a factor at all. Just look at what you miss and why you like her and see if she still possesses those qualities. Also look at when she has been a "butt hole" and basically think whether or not you could ever really have something with her! Good luck! Sorry this is long :/ Hope I helped! x
I am trying to figure out objectively what I should expect from a man I am in a relationship with, and what are things I might not be able to expect because some men just aren't that way. I am not materialistic or selfish, I am in fact the opposite. So certain things in my relationship I would like to see more of and I want to know if what I want is the same as what other women expect too. What are some things your man or a past boyfriend has done that you loved? And what are some things you wish your boyfriend or previous boyfriend would have done? Did the things you wish he would do effect your relationship negatively?
In a relationship I always expect the typical three things, obviously trust, honesty and respect. When one of these things are missing in my relationship I find that it definitely has a negative effect on my relationship. I had an ex who would always call me or somehow "happen to meet" me and my girlfriends on our girls nights out and I hated that he always had me on lock down. I also expect that although there is honesty I don't have to tell him everything that is upsetting me because there are some things I just don't want to talk about. My ex use to just hold me when I cried and he'd ask me once if I wanted to talk about it, if I didn't we just sit there and I'd be able to feel the security of him being there without being uncomfortable and having to spill all.
The most important thing I think is that when you do meet a boy, you can't expect him to do the things you want him to do all the time or do all the things. For example, there was a question on here from a girl artist about how to get a boyfriend to paint with her like her ex did. It's unreasonable to expect your boyfriend to share the interests as your ex boyfriend did but not unreasonable to find someone willing to experiment. Just don't expect everything to be the same.
Also I don't believe that affection just depends on the man. In the real relationships that I've been in all the guys have had no problem showing me their affection, none of them forgot anniversaries or couldn't be bothered on my birthday. If a guy really likes you, he'll show you. Hope I helped! Sorry this is long. :/ Good luck! xxx
Hi. Im seventeen and i finally found a good guy. He and I have been seeing each other for about six weeks now and were doing great. He always as his friends tell me that I am the first girl he actually likes and cares about. I have met his parents (a first for him) and his friends adore me. We hang out usually four times a week and we have a great connection. I am just worried why he has not asked me to be his girlfriend. We are currently exclusive which I know, but we are not in a relationship. I am his "girl" but not his "girl friend" how do I know if he wants to ask me out? Any signs? Or what if he just wants a "thing?" I am trying to be happy with what I have now, because he is amazing, but I think i am going to say something by the three month mark. Any one care to help?
Define seeing each other? Just going on dates and stuff? Maybe he doesn't know that you need him to ask and he thinks you guys are already dating/ going out. I mean his friends adore you, his family approves and you hang out four times a week plus he tells everyone about you? If he was just testing you out or having a "thing" with you, why would he bring you back to meet his family and tell all his friends about you? If a guy just wants to have a thing he wouldn't introduce you to all these people, he'd keep you around to have fun. I think that if he doesn't ask you by the three month mark you should definitely ask if you're going out or what is exactly going on between you too. I mean it's already been a month and a half of this seeing each other four times a week and meeting family members and such and if he hasn't gone out with any other girls I think its safe to say that you guys are basically dating. I would even ask him when you get to two months or two months and a half because if he really likes you as much as you say, he's not going to stop seeing you because you want him to define what your relationship is. Good luck! Hope I helped! x
im 16/f. my boyfriend is 15, and he had his first heartbreak almost a year ago. he cant let it go and told me that it always hurts when he sees them together and cant forget no matter how hard he tries they were together for 6 months. we've been going out for almost a month and he told me that he finally found someone better to love(that would be me).. i know it takes time and stuff, and i know that he really likes me...but i really cant handle this feeling. i feel kind of sad because of it. i mean its been a year already? dont you think hed let it go by now? i feel so hurt... what should i do. i cant talk to him about it because ive done that before and dont like bringing it back up.. please give me some advice :(
I think you should just let this go. Even though he still hasn't completely gotten over his ex it sounds like he is starting to really develop some feelings for you. I think that instead of constantly worrying and suspecting that he wants to go back to his ex, you should just be there for him and show him the difference between his ex and you. He was really hurt by her and the scar is obviously still there so that gives you an up side against her because you haven't broken his heart and you make him forget about her and feel happy. I think it takes time to get over your first but if you start getting angry when he talks about her or brings her up he's going to start keeping his feelings and thoughts to himself and when he can't come to you for advice or to be cheered up your relationship will fall apart. I use to tell my ex boyfriend that I didn't mind if he wanted to talk about his first and how hurt he was and because he was happy he could be open with me we talked about everything and we had a really strong relationship. It ended because of long distance issues other wise I think we would still be going strong today. If you are the supportive caring current girlfriend then she becomes the evil ex girlfriend and eventually his fledging feelings towards you will become stronger and stronger and he will associate his mended broken heart with you. Everyone thinks back to their first love occasionally but the important thing is that he's with YOU now not still on the fence about whether he should get with a new girl or not cuz of his ex. Good luck! Hope I helped :/ x
i hooked up with this guy 2 weeks ago and we had sex. it was fun and after he asked for my number. i gave him my cell but he hasnt called me yet. he said hed make sure to call me soon. how can i tell if i was just a hook up or if hes really interested in me? he seemed like he was really wanting to be with me more than just hooking up and sex. he even kissed me before i left. but he hasnt called and that makes me think he just used me. my bff said to give him time. how much time?
Well to be honest, it sounds like you were just another hook up.. Its already been two weeks. If he really wanted to see you and be more he would have contacted you by now.. He can't possibly be that busy. I mean not even a text message. Unfortunately I feel that he's a jerk and he used you but if you really believe there was something I'd wait another week and then move on. I wasn't there that night so I don't know how he acted but from what you've told me it sounds like he's blowing you off. Sorry. Good luck! Hope I helped.. x
my boyfriend and I are at the point where we just fight all the time. I dont know why. I say he pushes me into theses fights, he says im too confrontational etc. etc. blah blah. Its just stupid and we keep creating more problems. It isnt fun anymore. I dont know what to do. Does it sound like maybe we should just move on? Any advice please.
I think that before you move on you should tell him what you just wrote on here and discuss if he feels the same way. Talk about the fights you are having and see what the root cause is. If you can't find one or if he completely refuses to talk about it and the feeling of having enough is mutual suggest, breaking up because then it might just be that there is a conflict of personalities or the relationship has gone just stale. Good luck! :/ Hope I helped x
me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple months now. and all of a sudden hes asked for a naked pic ( i wont and havent given him one) i told him i deserved more respect than that, and he didnt seem to care that he hurt my feelings.
so school starts tommorrow and i will see him again. io want to break up with him and have waited till now to do it face to face.
how do i break up with him.
he wont care when i do, i doubt he even had feelings for me.
so suggestions?
Don't make it a huge deal and explain that he really hurt your feelings etc. This will just make you seem like you cared so much when apparently he doesn't give a shit. I would just find a chance to talk to him alone and say something like "I don't have any feelings for you anymore, I'd like to break up." Obviously if he doesn't respect you or care that he hurt your feelings he won't care about the long speech I know you'd like to give him about how disrespectful he is and how he hurt your feelings. I'd go for the quick, painless method. Worked for me and one of my ex's. Good luck and good job for having enough self-respect to dump his ass! Hope I helped x.
I'm going to confess my crush in the coming week or so! I have strong reasons to believe that the crush is mutual. I have confirmed and reconfirmed the signs just to be sure, and now I feel that I am. AND even if for some reason my intuition is wrong, I'd really like to know how he feels. Keeping this a secret is just annoying, lol.
So, it's his birthday on Wednesday and I feel like that would be a nice time to tell him. I don't want to sound all self-important, but if he likes me, wouldn't telling him on his own birthday be super good news? The alternative is to wait until after the birthday party next weekend, just to see if anything happens then. But honestly, he's so shy that it's unlikely that he'll ever admit it/act on it. I personally think it would be better to tell him sooner rather than later because there's so much of that awkward/tense flirtatious behavior going on at the moment. Won't telling him make us more normal around eachother?
I want second opinions. When would be best, and why? :)
I think it is best to tell him after his birthday because even though you feel that he likes you back, you still have your doubts and at a birthday party all the attention will be focused on him so there will not be a lot of opportunities to have a one on one talk with him. Also if that small chance that he doesn't like you happens to win, it means you are now stuck at his birthday party with him able to talk to basically anyone there and you potentially in the corner upset. Plus at birthdays usually things do happen due to stupid birthday games such as spin the bottle, etc. If you've waited this long and you really think he likes you, he won't change his mind in one day. However if you really can't wait and you are 100% sure maybe you can try showing up slightly early and telling him then or leaving later then everyone else so that it is just you and him. Good luck! I hope this helped. x