Hi,

Thank you for your question to my inbox, it is my pleasure to help you with this.

Go to your friends wedding! You have made a firm promise to a friend that you will do something that is very important to her. You should keep your promises to your good friends, always. To just decide you are changing your mind now and not going really would be treating your friend badly.

Your husband is actually being quite unreasonable here - he is not being very understanding at all. I think selfish is the word actually if I am totally honest with you. I know you say anniversaries are important to him but you know really its just another day of the year! And you don't need a set specific date to celebrate your relationship and love, you can do that any day any time. Even if it is hard for him to not spend the day with you on the actual day of the anniversary, as your husband who loves you he should really recognise that it is important for you to be at your friends wedding. He might not like it, but he is not a child and he should be able to recognise that he is going to have to have some flexibility.

This is something your husband is just going to have to deal with. I understand you feel bad and guilty but he really is not behaving very well here. He might not like it but if he loves and respects you he will get over it.

I hope it all works out and I hope you have a great day at the wedding and a great anniversary celebration (just on a different day!)

Take care and good luck

Ashok

"I tried to make her convert".. you attempted to coerce someone you supposedly love into a belief system that she rejects because it would suite you and your controlling family. That is disgusting and disgraceful, pure and simple. Before you argue your family are not controlling by the way - if they won't accept you being with and marrying someone you love with out this person conforming to their religion then they are controlling. Very much so.

"Islam is not strict or anything".. no not at all, you just have to stick like glue to its every rule and regulation and anyone in your life (partner, children etc.) must be indoctrinated and certainly never allowed to think for themselves.

If you love her you will stop this nonsense of trying to pressure her into following yours and your families religion. How on earth do you think an Atheist could just suddenly start believing in this utter nonsense anyway??!

My advice is get a grip and grow a pair of balls. Choose the woman you love and get over this religious nonsense.

Ashok

I completely agree with you that he is treating you like you are his toy - there to play with when he wants. Saying he doesn't want to go back out now but 'you might go back out next year' suggests this us his attitude very strongly. You should have far more self respect than to hang around for him to decided it's back on again. Take the power back for yourself and make the decision to move on.

In any event - I rarely advise going back to a relationship that didn't work the first time around. In my experience didn't work once normally means won't work twice.

Take care

Ashok

It's perfectly natural to be nervous or apprehensive about doing something sexual for the first time, and to feel worried about not knowing what to do. All these things are just learned and perfected with experience - that's how we all did it normally beginning in our early teens. So just try to relax and enjoy it - there's no need to be worried - and just act and do what comes naturally.

As for the smell thing - just following a normal washing and personal hygiene routine is perfectly sufficient.

Have fun!

Ashok

Hi,

This is a difficult one for a number of reasons. I wonder - have you got firm plans to some day be together properly because if not what he is basically saying is all he wants is this 'Skype relationship' to continue as it is indefinitely. If you do have these plans to untimely be / live together then that throws up another issue - planning a life with someone you have never met in real life is risky. Talking on line isn't the same as real life and online only relationships are not the same as real life relationships. I would say that you need to spend real time together to really know if it would work between you in the real world.

Either way - I completely understand your frustration that he won't agree to you going over to visit.

If he seems reluctant to have anything more that talking online then you have to ask yourself why. You have to ask yourself if you really accept his reasons. I'm afraid I don't fully buy the reason he gave, it seems odd to me. If he felt about you as he says and everything he's told you about himself is true and honest etc. Then I can't see why he wouldn't be desperate for you to go. Anyone who was in love would be desperate to see the person and the difficulty of them leaving would not deter them from wanting to meet in my honest opinion. My concern would be that there's more to this.

I think you need to think very carefully indeed. This isn't a long distance relationship where you met in real life where together a while then one moved a way, it's not a long distance relationship where you go see each other whenever you can. You have never met in real life, never touched each other, never spent even a second of time in the real physical world with one another. And now he says he doesn't want you to visit. Even if there is no dishonesty on his part then you still have to ask is this enough for you and is this something that is ultimately going to make you happy.

Maybe have a very serious chat with him and explain how you feel and that you are not sure you can go on with this as it is. Sometimes giving an ultimatum is necessary.

Good luck,

Ashok

For me loyalty is one of the most important things in life. Loyalty to my friends and family is one of the most important values I live by. I would never think about trying to pursue any kind of relationship with someone who was actively in a relationship with a friend. To do so shows a complete lack of loyalty to your friend.

It may well be hard if you like this boy but while he is in a relationship with your friend then he is off limits to you in my view.

Ashok

You haven't actually asked any questions about this - just said your friend was in a relationship but they split up because he wouldn't do anything with her and just played video games all the time.

If you are asking if they should of split up then, yes I do. If he wasn't interested in her or doing anything with her and just spent all his time playing video games then that's not much of a relationship. Spending lots and lots of time sat playing video games is no way to live. If you are asking if they should get back together then generally I always advise against going back to a relationship that didn't work the first time around.

It's difficult to say much more about this as you didn't ask any questions and it's not you who was in the relationship. Perhaps post more info so myself and others van give further and better advice?

Ashok

Hi,
You haven't actually asked a question, just made a statement. If you are asking how to tell her then you just have to make sure you are alone somewhere private and tell her in the clearest most honest way you can.

If you give more information about this myself and other columnists can give further and better advice.

I am Gay so if you want to ask anything at all from that point of view I'll happily answer any questions you have.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you imagined

Ashok

We (human beings) are sexual. It is perfectly normal what you describe and nothing for you to worry about. You should never feel pressured or forced into doing anything however providing that you wanted to happed what was happening at the time please do not worry about this at all.
Do not EVER call yourself awful names like that - you deserve far more respect and are worth far more. Take care and have fun with guys doing anything provided you feel comfortable doing it.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok

You could drive yourself crazy with this - thinking about it over and over and getting madder and madder - indeed you have started on this path already. Alternative is cut him adrift, shake yourself off, accept the past as is and leave it behind. Concentrate on your future. This is not a guy you want to be with or should be wasting your time on. You can think endlessly about him and the injustice of it all and feel sorry for yourself or move on with your life and get over this. The choice really is yours, you have the power.
Leave this guy and period of your life behind and concentrate on your future.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok

Well felling sick and as if you have a 'bouncing stomach' today is not an indication of pregnancy - you have no symptoms of pregnancy the day after conception. However if you had unprotected sex you may be pregnant - simple as that! Forget this 'cherry not popped' nonsense. Had sex + no contraception = possible pregnancy. If you don't want a baby always make sure you practice safe sex. You are still within the time for the emergency contraceptive pill so you should seek immediate assistance to get this. In any even seek medical advice and help with this and also future contraception. Take care and happy baby free sex.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok

I can not tell you if one action or another will keep this guy interested or put him off - nor can anyone on this site. How could we - we don't know you or him at all. Nor can I tell you - based on what you describe - if you actually are acting in a way that will put this guy off or if you are just being paranoid. What I do know is this: You are panicking about loosing this guy and acting in a way that will make that outcome more likely. You have also decided for yourself that you are acting unreasonably hence describing yourself as 'extremely needy' and 'way too serious' - so whether that is true or not it's how you feel you are contributing to the relationship. You clearly have a lot of anxiety about this and I suspect that you feel it would be the worst thing in the world if the relationship ended.
My advice is this:
CALM DOWN! The relationship may well end and if it does you will be fine and you will move on with your life (no matter how you feel - I truly assure you that you will!!) - if the relationship breaks down that's a part of life and you will learn from it and move on. It will be hard and painful for a while but you WILL get over it. On the other hand if all goes perfectly with this relationship then great, no problem, all is well.
This is a case of worrying far too much about what might happen and assuming you wont be able to cope if you get an outcome you don't want. Stop - calm down - enjoy life - take things as they come - don't worry about what might happen - concentrate on your inner self and internal love and happiness - live in the moment.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you imagined,
Ashok

As a teenager I was an avid advicenators user - hence my motivation to return as an older and hopefully wiser guy, who now has professional training in Hypnotherapy, CBT, NLP and Life Coaching.

My advice will always be honest and to the point. I won't chase high ratings by telling people what they want to hear if that's not what I believe they need to hear! Though your ratings and feedback are appreciated of course.

My mantra in my coaching work is to enable my clients to go confidently in the direction of their dreams and live the life they imagined. That's how I believe we should all live.

Ashok

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