alexisgirlie's advice column

Lately I've been feeling really gloomy. I've asked lots of people online for advice, and they suggest I might be depressed. I'm kinda swapping back and forth with the idea, and I've taken test online and they say Im depressed. The thing is, even when I feel well, I just about always prefer depressing stories, movies, songs, anything depressing. I' even seem to enjoy it after I experience pain. My mom was even speaking to me a few months ago how that wasn't normal. I know I've had depression in the past for personal reasons, and I know it was severe then, and I know what I'm feeling now isn't nothing like what is was then. I haven't experienced any kind of tragic event, and this has been going on all week. Is there some way I could find out for sure if I have depression without some multiple test or going off to see a professional? I try too keep this kind of thing from my parents too. Anything I can do besides that?

Hey there!

Do you have depression? Only a doctor can diagnose you with that. Are you depressed? Sounds like it. I am impressed that you are recognizing that you don't feel like yourself these days, and you want to get better. Reading depressing stories, watching depressing movies, and listening to depressing songs can actually be really really good for you when you are in a dark mood. It's good to tap into what you are feeling. I really know my music, since I have been depressed for most of my life. I have songs that I can cry along with, and we know that sometimes all we need is a good cry. I can let it out that way. Sometimes a happy song will help immensely.

Taking a test online can be fairly accurate but also inaccurate as hell sometimes. I honestly think you should go see someone, especially if you don't want to talk to your parents about it. You need to talk to someone. Hear me when I say it. I will say it again, you need to talk to someone.

Keep a journal. For the sad, gloomy times, and also the happy times. You can also focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. Maybe take a break from things that you think potentially stress you out. I shut off my internet sometimes, and I just lay in bed and take deep breaths, and listen to the sound of my breathing, and notice my surroundings. For instance, I listen to the sound of the ceiling fan, and watch it, and listen to the sound of my cat purring. Be in the moment. Tomorrow is another day. Sometimes you have to take it one day at a time, sometimes when it gets bad, and it's happened to you, you literally have to take it one hour at a time.

I listen to classical music, soothing songs, or a lot of times sad songs that make me understand what I am feeling. I find that just listening to sounds of nature, like the sound of waves crashing on a stormy beach (there are nature sound albums and online radios have them too), and closing my eyes, and imagining that I am at the beach, and taking deep breaths, helps like you wouldn't believe.

Basically, what I accomplish with the above-mentioned soothing methods is taking some time off for myself whenever possible, not letting my depression get the best of me, and when it does, tap into it, and go to that dark place, and listen to those songs, and cry if it gets bad, and let myself feel, but I always emerge from that place. And I am in the moment! In that very moment I am listening to my breathing, listening to the sound of your own breathing has been known to soothe people, I am listening to great music with relatable lyrics, listening to my cat showing me how much she enjoys being by my side. Or in that moment, I am at the beach, anyone can be there with me in my mind if I want. I think about people that make me happy.

Try to find a hobby, something you are passionate about. Do stuff that makes you happy. Laugh! If you can't laugh, what I do, I make other people laugh, and I laugh with them.

You seem like the type of person that wants to be helped, and therapists will help immensely, but in addition to that, learn ways of coping with gloomy feelings when they are not available to talk. If you don't know how to soothe yourself, tell them! Ask them! They are trained in this stuff! Just make sure you find a good therapist. There are awesome ones, and also very bad ones. You have to be a good match.

Everyone experiences depression at one point in their life. Some people battle it all the time. It is always helpful if you learn what to do when you feel down at any point in your life and know what makes you feel better. It takes time, and you need people to help you. Especially if you have felt severely depressed in the past, it could very possibly get very bad again.

Good luck! You can message me with any additional questions if you want.

I hope you feel awesome soon!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie

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(Rating: 4) Thank you! And yes, I have been pretty severe in the past. I don't want my parents knowing I'm depressed which is why I won't go see a therapist. I will speak with one online though. Thanks!

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