about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Basically she has asked me to help her by going through her clothing and removing anything that is not Modest. But I do not really know what I should be looking for in this regard but I do seriously want to help her.
I have broken down into categories but would like to know what I should be looking at or removing with modesty in mind

Dresses
Tops and Blouses
Skirts
Shorts
Jeans and Trousers
Lingerie/Underwear
Swimwear

I would really appreciate any thoughts, Ideas
or advice on this

The best way to deal with this would be to figure out why she wants to do this. It is strange that she's having you help her. Does she want you to pick out the outfits that you believe she looks attractive in or that make you think about her body? Is she becoming afraid that you might pressure her into intimacy and thinks that if you remove clothing from her wardrobe that you believe isn't modest that you won't look at her like that? Knowing the purpose of your involvement is very important. This probably isn't just a style change. If she also wants to be treated differently or if she wants to send out a certain message, you're going to want to know what that message is. I feel like it would be easy for her to go through the clothes herself. Don't just involve yourself in this. If you want to be a good boyfriend, try to figure out her thinking so that you respond in the right way to all of this.

A lot of the time, determining if something is modest or not requires her to put it on. Find out if this is going to be part of it.

Dresses
- When she raises her arms up, the length of the dress should be at or below her knees.
- Sleeves should cover her shoulders.
- Necklines should not drop down in front or back and should be relatively close to the neck. No cleavage should be visible when she leans forward.
-Not super tight.
-No cut-out holes/openings on the sides/back
-All of these problems can be solved by wearing a nice shirt and/or leggings underneath the dress. She shouldn't just get rid of a cute dress. Help her decide which dresses need something worn underneath.

Tops and Blouses
-Should cover her midsection when she lifts her arms up.
-Shouldn't be very tight-fitting.
-Sleeves should cover her shoulders.
-No openings in sides or back
-Necklines should not drop down and should be relatively close to the neck. No cleavage should be visible when she leans forward.
-Layering is fashionable/popular now. She shouldn't just get rid of "inappropriate" tops. She could wear a shirt underneath it, or a jacket over it.

Skirts
-above the knee when arms are raised
-not super tight
-You shouldn't be able to see her legs through the material. If you can, she should wear a slip underneath it.

Shorts
-I have a problem with the "fingertip" test commonly used by schools to determine whether shorts are too short. I personally feel comfortable in shorts with a 4 inch inseam. I think that's a better way to do it. Measure from the crotch to the end of the leg of the shorts. This should be at least 4 inches.
-No holes
-No "skinny jeans". Jean shorts can be sort of tight, but cloth shorts should not be.

Jeans and Trousers
-No holes
-No "skinny jeans". Nothing super tight.
-When she sits down and leans forward, you shouldn't be able to see down the back of the pants. If you can, a belt can fix this.

Lingerie/Underwear
-There really isn't such a thing as modest underwear. There is no reason to try for modesty here. If it's something that SHE wants you to look at, take out anything that is bright colored, is see-through, or that consists of very little material. Sports bras and boyshorts would be most appropriate to keep.
-Try not to involve yourself in this one. It is not modest for her to show you her underwear. Try to get her to do this herself if she wants to, but again, it doesn't make sense. She can wear (or not wear) whatever she wants under her clothes and since no one sees it, it's always modest.

Swimwear
-Modest swimwear is a one-piece with no open holes in the lower back, sides, or front. The neckline should be high. Some one-piece bathing suits rise very high on the side of the leg, up to the hip. If she's really trying to be modest, she should wear a shirt and shorts over her swimwear.
-Swimwear with built-in shorts does exist and it can be cute. http://www.milanoo.com/product/cute-stripe-pattern-polyester-push-up-women-apos;s-one-piece-swimwear-p164212.html?Promotion=ggPLAWomensClothing&gclid=CIy6kI_5pr8CFVFp7AodSBoAzQ

Shoes
Heels aren't very modest. :)


The only things she should stop wearing are clothes that are very tight. Most everything else can be worn without a problem through the magic of layering. Try to help her feel confident in her own abilities to judge modesty and help her understand that she doesn't have to make huge changes in order to be more modest. She's probably short of modest anyway. Rather than getting rid of anything, figure out what can be added to immodest outfits to make them modest and go on a shopping spree for undershirts, overshirts, leggings, and a new swimsuit! This should be exciting and a time of gain rather than loss.

Good luck and don't forget to try to figure out why she wants to do this! A good partner doesn't just go along with whatever the other person wants. A good partner wants to understand so that they can provide even better support.

[view]

(Rating: 5) Thank you for all the advice and the information it will be very helpful
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker