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We have been together 3 yrs now and living together one year. He has a 10 yr old daughter. I have raised my daughters already they are grown and married. I also helped raise my grandson who is now the same age as my boyfriend's child. Here's the deal...I encourage his daughter to be more responsible such as getting her homework done...cleaning room etc. He's not very good at staying on top of her to do these things. She was pouring milk for cereal the other day and I said "be careful...don't pour too much"...and he said I was riding her too much. I feel like a third wheel. My boyfriends sister warned me that he spoils his daughter too much. Anyways...any suggestions? (link)
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How he raises his child is up to him. It's understandable, very understandable, that you want to make sure his daughter is raised right. Unfortunately, for all potential step parents, there's not much to be done and feeling like a third wheel is almost inevitable. That doesn't mean your input isn't valued. It should be and if it isn't, that could be a problem for the entire relationship.
I agree with Zane. The best and possibly only thing do to is open a conversation with him. It's easy for such a discussion to become heated, especially since he is defensive about the issue. I would make sure to bring up that all of this is coming from love and you're both just looking for what's best for his daughter. After this, if he's still set on raising his child in a way with which you don't agree, you might have to just accept that the child will be spoiled.
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