Gender:
MaleLocation:
DenmarkOccupation:
TranslatorAge:
43Member Since:
November 28, 2004Answers:
1296Last Update:
April 28, 2014Visitors:
136478Favorite Columnists
lalalaflower
karenR
jenny914
DangerNerd
isis
theymos
Cux
Erinn_the_bamf
Lola
LM
LagunaBabe
more...
Main Categories:
Fitness
Nutrition
Friendship
View All
about
Forum!
advice
So I have posted on here so many questions about my so called "best friend" of 6 years. Well I haven't hung out with her since last week. And I really am getting tired of her. For those of you who i don't know, it's because she's rude, puts me down a lot, and tries to control everything I say and do. And when I try to stand up for myself she gets mad. And honestly I am sick of it, so I've decided to just stop talking to her, because anytime I try to tell her she does something that hurts me she doesn't seem to care, and gets defensive, and try to blame it on me, which is really immature. She'll always blow my phone with calls/text. And she still does, now that I am ignoring her. She'll keep texting me saying things like i miss you which i know isn't true because she only misses being able to control me. And today she texted me and was like I don't understand why you're ignoring me. I didn't say anything because like I said before she gets defensive, and never takes for responsibility for what she does. And whenever we get into a fight she'll act nice for a little while and then go back to her old ways. She has no respect for me and just shows up at my door whenever she comes home on the weekends without calling, even though I have to do homework. I let her in just to be nice. But my parents get mad at me because I get distracted. And i try telling her that I need to do my homework, and can't focus, but of course miss selfish says oh well i also have homework, we can just do it later. She doesn't seem to care much about school. My parents think she's soo great, other than the fact that she comes over uninvited, but they always defend her and tell me oh she's your only friend which is true. I guess that's why I still hung out with her even though she's a bitch. Well anyways I am getting annoyed with her constantly calling/texting me every few days. I can't block her number (well i could but it costs money and my mom pays the phone bill) And knowing her she'll come to my house if she decides to come home today and bug me, and start asking me why I've been ignoring her, and want to hangout. What should I do? Please help!!
In cases like this I would always go for the full-on confrontational approach. In the end, it is the only way to get your message across without any ambiguity.
So, when she asks you why you are ignoring her, pull her aside and explain it. Do it calmly and rationally, and under no circumstances get agitated or lose your temper - even if she does. Be polite but firm in your position.
Also, don't let her pull you into an argument; let her know this is you providing information not inviting a debate. Every time she gets defensive, just tell her she is entitled to disagree but this is how you see things and there is nothing she can say to change your mind. If she persists tell her that she is the one who asked why you are ignoring her, and now you are providing the answer. If she doesn't want to hear it, she can go away.
The bottom line should be that you have no interest in pursuing a friendship from now on - not that you want to be on bad terms or that you are scolding her. Simply put, you are done. Then ask her to please stop calling and texting you.
Make sure you are well organised mentally and that you have all your facts and examples ready. Prepare by writing them down if you have to (not to read out to her, but just so your thoughts and reasons will be readily available and well organised). It may sound a bit nuts, but what works for me is to actually role play the situation in my mind many times before I engage. If you know her well, you can probably predict most of her reactions.
Anyway, I think this is the way to go. In general, the confrontational approach tends to be far better in the long run because it sends a clear and honest message, and neither side is confused about what is going on. This applies to almost any situation in life not just this.
Good luck.
(Rating: 5) Thanks i finally told her after ignoring her. She asked why and i told her that i was busy but then later on she asked if i wanted to hangout and i told her i didn't and i explained why and she said okay. And then she sent me another text saying she wasn't going to waste her time coming home and blowing off school for my birthday and send me packages. And she said she was done. And i said okay, but just because you came and saw me, and sent me stuff that doesn't mean it's okay for you to boss me around. And she got mad and replied saying k bye. So yeah, I expected that type of response from her because she's very immature. But anyways thanks for your advice!