alexisgirlie's advice column

Hi!

So there once was this guy from church that I was seeing for like a whole year.As many relationships start off , it was nice and wonderful at the beginning . In a span of 2-3 months he said that he loved me, we had done "some things " together and he had also told me that he wanted to take me to his grad next year and that by then, he would like to make things official with us. As the school year came and went by , we would always have our ups and downs. we would always bicker about what our relationship was and how he wanted our relationship to be hushed. Because we were never official, things got complicated as we continued to act like a couple even though when really we never were one.
He would always make excuses about how half of the time he felt like he would date me and how half of the time he wouldn't because he didn't want anything to be serious at the moment. Although i knew i shouldve took it as a red flag, I would always ignore it because I didn't want to lose him .
So ,when the following year finally came he told his parents that he was going to take me as his grad date. But instead of being ok with it, they were shocked and disapproved of it . They gave him a whole lecture about how it would be best if he dated someone outside of church . And their reasoning behind this was because they didn't want any rumors and awkwardness happening around in the church.
To sum things up, in the end he took a different girl to his grad , I got jealous and he broke up our so called bond. Although he said that we could maybe get back in the future and that things would never change between us, the whole friendship became really hard on me because things were changing and he wasn't texting me as much as he used to.
And now that I think about it, I feel like he never tried hard enough to make it work.
I feel hurt and used, that now whenever he does text me, it feels that it is only just for the sake of it.
And as for that , I haven't answered his text yet. I don't know what to do !! Is it best if I continue to ignore him , or should I continue to talk to him and be a friend?!?!!
Please help !
Thanks

Ps sorry for the long message haha

Hey there! I can relate to your situation so much. I was with a guy that just used me and made me believe our relationship was going somewhere, and then he broke up with me right after we were making out. His excuses were similar to that guy from church. I know how horrible it feels to be used, and I'm sorry you were a victim of it.

I understand that you might still have feelings for him, and it's hard to let go. There's not a day I don't think about this guy. The reality for both of us is that we weren't viewed as a priority. Both this guy from church and the guy I knew, thought they could toy around with us, because they knew how strongly we felt about them and we would overlook whatever they did wrong.

You deserve a boy that will treat you as a first priority, like a princess, and be there for you. Not someone who toys around with your feelings, and you feel like you have to sacrifice so much just to get his attention and affection.

It's up to you whether you want to continue ignoring him or be his friend. In my case, we've cut off all contact. It's hard to move on and heal if your ex is still in your life a lot. There are so many people that have broken up, and they continuously check their ex's Facebook, and if they see that their relationship status changed they're heartbroken, etc. I've heard from many relationship experts that continuing being your ex's friend isn't very good in the beginning. After a while, when you've moved on maybe you can resume as friends.

If you want help with getting over this guy, you can visit healmybrokenheart.com or howtogetoverarelationship.com. They've both helped me a lot, so you can give it a try.

Good luck and take care :)

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(Rating: 5) Thanks so much !!

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