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Complicated relationship
Hi!
So there once was this guy from church that I was seeing for like a whole year.As many relationships start off , it was nice and wonderful at the beginning . In a span of 2-3 months he said that he loved me, we had done "some things " together and he had also told me that he wanted to take me to his grad next year and that by then, he would like to make things official with us. As the school year came and went by , we would always have our ups and downs. we would always bicker about what our relationship was and how he wanted our relationship to be hushed. Because we were never official, things got complicated as we continued to act like a couple even though when really we never were one.
He would always make excuses about how half of the time he felt like he would date me and how half of the time he wouldn't because he didn't want anything to be serious at the moment. Although i knew i shouldve took it as a red flag, I would always ignore it because I didn't want to lose him .
So ,when the following year finally came he told his parents that he was going to take me as his grad date. But instead of being ok with it, they were shocked and disapproved of it . They gave him a whole lecture about how it would be best if he dated someone outside of church . And their reasoning behind this was because they didn't want any rumors and awkwardness happening around in the church.
To sum things up, in the end he took a different girl to his grad , I got jealous and he broke up our so called bond. Although he said that we could maybe get back in the future and that things would never change between us, the whole friendship became really hard on me because things were changing and he wasn't texting me as much as he used to.
And now that I think about it, I feel like he never tried hard enough to make it work.
I feel hurt and used, that now whenever he does text me, it feels that it is only just for the sake of it.
And as for that , I haven't answered his text yet. I don't know what to do !! Is it best if I continue to ignore him , or should I continue to talk to him and be a friend?!?!!
Please help !
Thanks
Ps sorry for the long message haha
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Hey! Sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you. As I read your question, some of the things you said took me back to a past experience I had with my boyfriend. I would try so hard to be with him & he never really tried at all. He would say things like, "I don't know if I'm ready for a serious relationship right now, I just got out of college." Some excuse. But I was so tied up in him that I let it slip. Finally he quit texting me all together. What I done is showed him that I could be okay without him. I quit txtin him & calling him. I also found someone new. After a year, he finally came back.
It's hard being friends with someone, when what you really want is so much more. Then there's the feeling that if you aren't friends then you're not gonna be anything at all. But if he doesn't come back to you, then I promise he isn't worth it. & his parents should have never said that. You think they would be supportive and be happy that he is with someone that goes to church and has the same beliefs as him. But I would just tell him that if he doesn't want to be serious you don't want to keep dragging your feelings on and leave it at that.
I hope things work out for the best and that he realizes that it's not about what his parents or anyone else thinks. It's about how him & you feel! I hope I've helped & goodluck!
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You should always follow your instinct in these types of situations. When you talk to him, does it hurt more than make you happy? If so, perhaps it is time to just move on. No one is worth another's happiness. In time, you will feel better, and you will find someone who will fight for you. Until then, find time to heal yourself. No point in waiting for someone who may never really come back around.
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My advice to you is to talk to your minister about this. My guess is that he/she would probably support your relationship and I'll bet that he/she wouldn't be very happy that your guy's parents didn't want him to be with you just because you go to the same church! That's just crazy and wrong. Your minister is a good person to go to when you need advice and especially with something like this. It's like having a free therapist. Even if you don't have that close of a relationship with him/her it could help you feel better to have the conversation. Try not to go into it expressing anger, just frustration and sadness. A lot of people really care about what their parents and friends think when it comes to relationships and his parents are definitely very wrong. It's possible that he knew that his parents wouldn't want him to be with you so he kept some distance from you just in case something like this happened. It's possible that he likes you still, but doesn't know how to fight for you and doesn't want to disappoint his parents. It is certainly possible too, that he was never really that interested in you to begin with, but not necessarily. It's important for you to find out. Try to get him to talk to you. What do your parents think? You should tell them the story and maybe they can help. If his parents really said that and really broke the two of you up because they were worried about gossip, they should be called out on that. I really do hope that you talk to your minister about this too, he/she may really be able to help. His parents should not be able to get away with something that's so ridiculous. Yes, they're adults and they should be shown some respect, but that doesn't mean that they didn't do something completely wrong and terrible for really selfish reasons. Good luck!
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If you get burned once do you put your hand on the same oven ring? Put simply he screwed around with your emotions and led you on for ages. You may have feelings for him but boy are you better off not being with him.
The person you need in your life is someone who values you for who you are. This person would NEVER hide you and likewise would never want you to hide them. Something is really fishy there. Maybe he had more than just you as a girlfriend or whatever he refused to define you as. Guys are proud of their women. They don't act like this schmuck.
I can understand parental pressure with dating but his whole change of girl for that graduation and excuse that parents don't like you and don't want church rumors doesn't wash. I mean what in the hell would you have had to have done for that to be even legitimate a viewpoint? I wouldn't be friends with a guy like him. Ignore all texts, e-mails etc. as he never treated you right or stood up for you. You'll be miserable if you do anything else but that. Someone deserves you but it ain't him. Let him kick himself in the head later when he sees what was worth having and officially recognizing. What a piece of work and his parents too by the sound of it.
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The decision is yours to make. If I were in your place, I would continue to ignore him because he didn't want anyone to know about your relationship and he broke a promise that he had made to you. You don't need a guy or a friend who is going to break promises and be ashamed to be with you. There are plenty of good men still out in the world so don't get caught up on this guy.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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Hey there! I can relate to your situation so much. I was with a guy that just used me and made me believe our relationship was going somewhere, and then he broke up with me right after we were making out. His excuses were similar to that guy from church. I know how horrible it feels to be used, and I'm sorry you were a victim of it.
I understand that you might still have feelings for him, and it's hard to let go. There's not a day I don't think about this guy. The reality for both of us is that we weren't viewed as a priority. Both this guy from church and the guy I knew, thought they could toy around with us, because they knew how strongly we felt about them and we would overlook whatever they did wrong.
You deserve a boy that will treat you as a first priority, like a princess, and be there for you. Not someone who toys around with your feelings, and you feel like you have to sacrifice so much just to get his attention and affection.
It's up to you whether you want to continue ignoring him or be his friend. In my case, we've cut off all contact. It's hard to move on and heal if your ex is still in your life a lot. There are so many people that have broken up, and they continuously check their ex's Facebook, and if they see that their relationship status changed they're heartbroken, etc. I've heard from many relationship experts that continuing being your ex's friend isn't very good in the beginning. After a while, when you've moved on maybe you can resume as friends.
If you want help with getting over this guy, you can visit healmybrokenheart.com or howtogetoverarelationship.com. They've both helped me a lot, so you can give it a try.
Good luck and take care :)
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