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Last week I broke up with my boyfriend of about 4 months and he seemed really calm about it. I broke up with him because I thought, wow, what are the odds this'll even last? He said ok, and then his ex-gf who still loves him 'as a friend' and my ex-best friend said that he said he doesnt want anything to do with me. this worries me because I hate making enimies but they think i still love him but I don't! what should I say to get him to answer my emails and we can straight this out? (link)
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Hi there,
Well, you did prove one thing out of all this: He really loved you.
When you break up with someone just because you feel like it, and don't discuss it with them, or make any effort to work out whatever problem exists ONLY in your head... the other person is going to be hurt VERY badly.
To you, maybe this was no big deal... but to him, he was probably looking for a bridge to jump off.
With a couple of words, you completely destroy the future he thought he had with you, and now you are surprised that he wants nothing to do with you? Seriously?
Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I will explain: Every time he sees you, it is going to hurt like a red hot knife jabbing him in the heart... so why would he want to see you ever again?
What you did, completely destroys any chance of you guys being "friends" because what you did, was very unfriendly.
If a guy that you loved with all your heart, and planned to spend your whole life with just said to you one day: "Bye, I don't see how this is going to last, so I am dumping you." How would YOU feel? Well, that is how he feels.
Basically it comes down to this:
YOU ended this... and now it is over. You can't fix it, and you can't take it back. It is done.
There is nothing to straighten out. You don't love him, but he loved you a LOT. You broke his heart, he didn't break your heart.
There is nothing to work out. It is over. Let him start healing, so that maybe someday his heart will be well enough to try trusting someone else. Hopefully, next time he will find someone who is mature enough to sit down and talk with him when she has a concern about the relationship, rather than just cold-heartedly dumping him like you did.
People like you are the reason that people are afraid to get involved with others. The kind of poison you spread ruins peoples lives. For you, this is a casual thing. Something you did with no more thought than changing socks, most likely, but for him... well, as long as he lives, he will never be able to fully trust that the next person he is with won't do what you just did.
You broke a part of him that will never heal, no matter what he does.
Next time you get into a relationship, please think twice before destroying someone else's heart.
If you had just sat down and talked this out with him, it would have worked out fine for both of you. Sure, he would have still been hurt, but it wouldn't have been a total blindside attack like you pulled here.
Just leave him alone. You have hurt him enough. If you want to apologize, write it out and get someone to give it to him. If he contacts you and wants to talk, that is fine. Otherwise, just leave him alone and let him heal so that he will be ready when someone who knows how to treat their partner comes along and tries to fix the damage you did.
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Rating: 4
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ok. yeah. wow. well, im not sure if i mentioned, but im only 11. witch is why i broke up with him. hes 12. thats why i thought we wouzdnt last.
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