alexisgirlie's advice column

Hi,

I have been reflecting on a few times in my past of which I don't really understand my behavior.

I went through major depression when I was a teenager - maybe that has something to do with how crazy I got?

Anyway, I recall times where I went to parties and I acted really crazy. I remember getting really excited whenever I arrived to a party and I remember always having the idea that I'm going to have a lot of fun tonight. Most of the time I related fun to acting absolutely crazy. I feel embarrassed by how off the wall I would get. I don't think many people would invite me a second time to their party no matter how close we were. I don't understand why I would act the way I did. I just know I had adrenaline inside of me bursting at the seams. I feel that same sort of speed whenever I get really upset. Even now, I struggle controlling myself. Sometimes I get so heated, I do something really stupid and at times, I throw tantrums. I have gotten better at restraining myself - I can stay absolutely calm whenever another person is trash-talking me. Although calm, I still feel the pressure building up inside of me. I know at moments I can appear insanely crazy to people. Other than those once out of a blue moon times, I am a very relaxed normal person. I wanted to know if there's a diagnosis for my behavior or is it just bad nerves?

I'm bipolar, and I get a lot of highs, so I can relate to what you're describing. I don't believe those feelings will go away on its own. You need to get professional help. You do not deserve to live like this, so do yourself the biggest favor you can, and discuss this with your doctor. It is possible for you to have a successful life, but you need to get help first. Good luck :)

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