Erinn_the_bamf's advice column

Hello All.

Me and 4 friends used to do this thing for each of out 18th birthdays. We would each put in £40-50 and get the a large gift for whoever birthday it was. got a silver bracelet, a friend got a pure gold + diamond earring, another friend got an iPod touch, and the other got a silver and diamond chain.

When it came time to the 5th friends 18th birthday, I asked, "what do you want? Because we're unsure of what to get you. It has to come up to £200". They then said to me "I don't want anything big. I'd prefer a lot of smaller things, rather than one big thing that i'll probably never use'.

So we settled on it. Everyone was left to their own devices. I got a box, and filled it with personal junk, i.e. a birthday essay, a CD with our favorite songs, a photo album, etc etc.

We all decided that we would only do this for 18th and 21st birthday presents. We didn't want to create a prescient for every year, as it would become expensive, and really lose it's significance.

Yesterday, I was asked by another friend if I want to put in for an iPod touch, for the friend who told me that they didn't want anything big. 2 years after their 18th birthday! They will be 20 this year. The problem is, I don't really speak to her anymore. Our friendship got rocky in the past few months, and we just couldn't stand each other. So we haven't spoken in a while. And I got her a gift!

So should I put in? I have the money, but it's really about the principle. Not only do I not talk to her, but I got her a gift when she was 18. My friend who asked if I wanted to put in's argument was "She put in for ours, so we should get something for her". But like I said, I got her a gift. If they feel that they *should* put in, they should. But I don't particularly want to even speak to her, let alone put in.

So should I, from a moral perspective? I sort of feel like a bad person if I don't. And if I should not, how do I tell them I will not be putting in. I was just going to say no, but what I have in my head sounds rather "bitchy", for lack of a better word.

Apologies for the question for being so long: I'm terrible at explaining things! -_*

Thank you for reading. I'll be even more thankful if you would answer! :)

I wouldn't put in money. If you agreed to only do this for 18th and 21st birthdays, and she passed up the offer for her 18th, this isn't really your responsibility. Furthermore, you shouldn't spend your money on someone you had a falling out with. I'm sure she would understand, as she probably wouldn't want to spend money on you either.

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(Rating: 5) Thank you. I just wanted someone to confirm that I wasn't being a jerk! I got her a gift, after she refused a large one. So if the rest feel obligation to get her something big, so be it. But I shall not be putting in for it. Thanks again!:)

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