|
| |
okay so my boyfriend is great his an amazing boyfriend his sweet kind and respectful the only thing is that his clingy today was our first day of school and he was always next to me every chance he got and even sat with me a my lunch table that is full of girls and was always holding my hand and touching me. and im one of those people that doesnt like when people are on me all the time. but besides that his great the problem is me i find myself not missing him when he was on vacation and i find my self trying to avoid him in the halls and i get really shaky when im around him like i litterly shake. and i think the problem is that im not physicly attracted not him. and i know that looks aren't every thing and thats why i went out with him cuz i liked his personality and i thought looks wouldnt matter but thats what breaking up our relationship. im just not feeling it and i dont want to keep pertending that i do so my question is how can i break up with him not to harshly because i really dont want to hurt his feelings to much since his liked me for a whole year before we started dating.
if it helps im 15 f and his 15m. plz answer soon i'm planning on doing it tommorow. (link)
|
(Note: This ended up longer than I meant it to be, but I promise if you read it all the way through, it will help you a great deal.)
I suppose the first thing to do would be to be honest with yourself.
I know you feel bad about it, which is why you used the first part as an excuse of why you want to break up, but at least you were honest enough to come out later and say that you want to break up with him because of his looks.
That said, I wouldn't tell him that. The goal here is to do as little harm as possible.
It really is ok, to sit down with him, in person, in private, and tell him that it isn't something he has done, or anything (true, since you indicated the real reason you are breaking up was he doesn't make you horny) but you just don't feel anything growing between you as far as chemistry goes.
Perhaps tell him that you are two different people, and just not compatible.
He will ask what you mean, and you will tell him that his wanting to spend time with you is making you unhappy. Weird when you hear it said like that, isn't it?
He will then tell you that he can change and be less clingy, so you have to be prepared to answer that one.
You should be firm, but not cruel with this. Tell him that you have thought about it a lot, and you know that he is "the boyfriend who wants to spend time with the girl he loves" and if he were to pretend to be less interested in you or whatever it is that would make your ideal boyfriend, then he wouldn't be being himself anymore... and that isn't fair to him.
If this really is just a straight, shallow case of you dumping him because you don't care for his looks, then you have to remember one thing:
Don't put this off because... You are doing him a favor!
I know this is odd to hear, but the fact of the matter is that he can do better than you for himself.
I don't mean that in a bad way towards you, I just mean that we both know there is no future with you, and he deserves someone who actually loves HIM, not just his looks or lack thereof.
If you are thinking of putting this off for the sake of pity, then don't. Every day you string him along like he had a chance with you, is going to make it harder for him in the long run.
I would like to thank you for trying to do your best to help him take this as gently as possible.
One last thing: Please... no e-mails, no IMs and no text messages. You have to do this in person.
One last thing part two: Everyone knows that when you say: "It isn't you, it is me..." you are lying, so please don't go there. It is kind of like every time a girl on this site says: "My friend has a problem... she might be pregnant."
... We all know she is lying, so there is no real point.
Good luck, and if he needs help to cope with you dumping him, please put him in touch with me.
Thanks,
DN.
P.S. He must NEVER know that you dumped him because you don't like the way he looks. That is a problem with YOU, not a problem with him, so there is no reason to dump your problems on him any more than you have to, if you see what I mean.
There is someone out there that really digs his look, but he might never get the chance to meet them if you damage his self esteem to greatly now. If you are about to say: "You don't know what he looks like!" in an effort to make it sound like he is a troll and nobody would be able to get around his looks... Remember, ALWAYS, that this man:
http://st-listas.20minutos.es/images/2009-01/71784/859637_640px.jpg?1230840447
... was married to Julia Roberts. ;-) Trivia: Lyle Lovett traded Julia Roberts in on another pretty woman (pun intended) but I will leave you to look up the pictures of Lyle and his new mate, April Kimble.
So why did I tell you all of that? Simple: You don't need to feel sorry for him forever. Just make the breakup as kind as possible.
Know in your heart that you are doing a good thing, because what ALWAYS happens when a girl dumps a guy because he isn't hot enough?
... he ends up marrying someone far hotter than the girl who dumped him. Never fails. :-)
So, just know that someday you are going to be insanely jealous of his "pretty woman" and let that be the motivation you need to let him be free to find the woman that will actually love him for who he is.
Good luck.
|
|
Rating: 5
| |
thank you ! so much 1 you really did help me and i really do hope he finds someone that really apreciates all of him :)
|
|
