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You just answered my other question, which brings me to another.
You mentioned whether or not I have been completely honest with my boyfriend about my sexual past. I have been but it hurts him that he wasn't my first and I was his so, bringing it up is completely taboo.
Could that be why I get that guilty feeling? (link)
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Well, you may have hit the nail on the head.
I have some experience with this subject, and I can tell you from a male perspective that it isn't likely you every truly get over that kind of hurt.
The only saving grace is if you told him all of this BEFORE the first time you had sex, and before he truly fell in love with you. Otherwise, the guy is likely to feel trapped in a way. It is one of the few issues with which men are truly complicated, and not just misunderstood.
He may or may not have said something to you about this which is making you feel guilty about your past... but it is more likely that you found a guy you really love and feel bad for throwing away your greatest gift on someone else.
The level of guilt you are feeling, and also the level of issue this has caused in your relationship can be greatly reduced or even removed if you can reason things out.
Example: You had sex with ONE other person. You did this because you were in love, and the person PROMISED you that you would be married.
Guilt level here shouldn't be too bad. You have a reason for everything you did.
If, on the other hand, (and I am NOT saying this is you, just as an example) you were with dozens of guys, actually had one-night-stand style hook-ups, or otherwise felt like an outright slut before you entered this relationship due to the slutty things you had done... then it is would be a lot harder to overcome this. Why?
Because the odds are, you aren't going to be able to come up with a justifiable reason for each man you had sex with.
Men aren't stupid, contrary to popular belief, we are well aware that a woman who has sex with men for no reason other than a tickle down there, is NOT to be trusted... ever. How do we know this? Simple enough: Would you trust a man with your heart if they have a track record of one-night-stands and generally sexing people at random? Of course not... you aren't stupid either.
The worst of these are the ones you see here who are busy having anal and oral with random people... and still say they are virgins. How sad is that?
You get with someone like this, and suddenly, even if they said they weren't a virgin, and gave you a number of people they shared themselves with... say 3, for example, you later find out that the real number is actually large enough that they can't remember. Had this experience.
Fortunately it all came out before it got intimate.
Anywho, the point of all that was that if you have sound logical reason for EVERY sexual contact you have had in the past, then you can overcome this, and with a little help, he should be able to as well.
If you have an uglier history than that, then it will be harder to overcome.
While we are here, and I mentioned virginity along with the outright lies people tell about it... This kind of makes the point that virginity is not about a flap of skin... It is about freedom from emotional baggage and disease probabilities.
Why can't more people see that?
If you could, wouldn't you wish to be free from the guilt you have been experiencing?
Have you ever wished you had saved your innocence for him, like he did for you?
I think that says it all in one line, sorry it took me this long to get around to that. :-) If you ever had the thought that you wished you waited to be with him, like he waited his whole life just to be special for you, then THAT could very well be where the guilt is coming from.
I have been up too long, did any of that ring a bell with you? Please let me know in feedback.
Again, my apologies for rambling. Just be glad I didn't tell you the whole story of my various experiences with this subject. One of them could fill a novel. Maybe even a three book deal. :(
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