"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
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I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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I know I will probably get a lot of rude replies, but.. I feel it is the best for my child. I am currently going through a divorce, and of course there is a child involved. The thing is, I never wanted to have her, but because of my religion I was unable to get an abortion. During the time I've raised her, I could never love her. I did try with all my being, but I just could not love her. I am also concerned for her because of her father. I feel the reason I can't care about her is because I hate her father. I felt it may be best if I gave up on her and allowed her to live with him and his family. Is me being unable to love her a valid reason to be able to terminate my parental rights? (link)
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{Edited in to add: My mother appears to have never been happier since making this choice. It was right for her and it may very well be right for you, too.}
In my experience, yes.
Your child deserves to be with someone who does love her.
Having a baby is entirely different than raising a child. A child develops a personality. You spend time communicating and exchanging information with a child, even as small as a few years old. When that child grows and you have not developed appropriate attachment as mother-child then you're likely to not do what's in your child's best interest, as a parent.
No parent should ever dislike their child because their past mistakes. No matter what you choose to do here, you should realize that your child is a separate person from her father. I understand that maybe you can't help those feelings though.
"I felt it may be best if I gave up on her and allowed her to live with him and his family."
If you feel that it's best, and in this case it sounds absolutely correct, then you should certainly do what is best.
I know a woman who got pregnant at a party. She felt obligated to stay with the man who impregnated her. She got married, had that baby, and spent 18 years being miserable and not loving the family she had created. Because of this, she outwardly told the children that they had not really been desired and that they were the only reason she felt obligated to the marriage. When she chose to waiver her parental rights and leave, it was ultimately the best decision. While the father of those children isn't the best parent in the world, it is important to be raised by someone who loves you.
If you don't love your child, and you know that her father will love her more and will raise her decently, then there isn't any reason to keep her. Trapping her into a parent-child relationship where her own mother doesn't love her is tragic. Imagine how it would be if your single-parent mother raised you and never truly loved you.
And, of course, we know that not loving someone doesn't mean hurting them or neglecting them; however, it does mean that a person doesn't always strive to do what is the wise decision for the child in question. Not loving your child doesn't make you an awful person. It just means you need to make the appropriate changes so that your child will be in a situation where she IS loved.
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Rating: 5
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The same thing happened to me that happened to the woman you know. Thank you for your advice and thank you for being kind.
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